Take me up the stairs and then
Lead me to your room
Lay me down and kiss my neck
And let the love ensue.
Push my hair behind my ears
And slowly move your hips
Listen as I say your name
And watch my smiling lips.
Hold me close and hold me tight
Keep it soft and smooth
And hear my whimpers in the night
As our bodies move.
And when the heat begins to grow
Look into my eyes
See the passion lurking there
Laid plain, and free of lies.
As our bodies mold to one
I can’t help but to feel
Without you I’d be half of me
The love we have is real.
So as my body arches up
And pleasure hits its peak
I melt into your arms once more
And sweetly drift to sleep.

That is...I smile when in reality
It's the last thing I want to do..
It means that when I feel like I want to die
When all I want to do is sit down and cry...
I put a sickening, stupid grin on my face
And make sure that it stays in place
For the world to see
That I really am
HAPPY
Even though I'm not...
So what I'm trying to say
Is each and every day
I cut and paste this ******* grin
In the space that lies above my chin
So that all the people that I see
Will shrug and think
She's finally
HAPPY
Even though I'm not...

All I need to do
Is make it through the day
Breathe in all the good
And blow the bad away.
Words form blisters on my tongue
Burning out the taste of you
Sweet and secure with a touch
Of ****** up.
I don't say that to just anyone
You know you were the first
Man I ever loved
But you weren't the last I will ever
Touch.
I left you behind in the rubble
Of what used to be our life
Our lie
Our alibi.
With every day I see clearly
The truth of what I've done
Who knew such consequence
Could be born of love and indecision.
Cloudy head and cloudy mind
Always afraid of things behind
The past never stays where it should
And I'd burn it all down if I could.
The last puff is always the worst
It's hard to swallow when my throat is
Clogged with lies
I forgot to tell you.

i think i started five poems just now
trying to find the right words
some days they flow with ease
some days they sound
strained
the backspace button shows
the most wear on my keyboard;
i wish there was a
backspace
for life...
i stared at the screen too long
and it went black
tired of waiting for me to
think of some clever combination of words;
i never set a screensaver
there's something weird about those.
i read a poem the other day
by a poet telling us
what it takes to be
a poet
but i think anyone can be
whatever they want;
who are we to judge
when we are always writing
about those who
judge us?
our species is endangered
in this age of mindlessness
we are the catalyst
for creativity
the embers of the fire
started by the great minds
of ancient times...
will we let it die completely
or will we succeed
at rekindling its
greatness?

if i had the connections
i'm sorry to say
i'd probably be
addicted to
everything
cuz god knows
i'm hooked on
you.
i just have that type
of personality
that says there is
never too much of a good thing
but can't tell the
difference
between what's good
and what's
bad.
you are my gateway drug
and soon i know
i'll be in
over my
head.

Back at the berry farm...
Boston's Berry Farm;
Where streams slide slick as oil
And beautiful birds choose their perches with caution.
With winding roads of dirt and dust,
Each pebble has its own face,
He throws one when I say no---
It hits my heart and shatters my hopes.
Silenced screams on the forest floor,
I bury myself in my mind
As he buries my head in his lap---
I stifle a cry, I swallow my pride, and I forget.
My best friend, my neighborhood knight
Picks up a baseball bat,
Slams the smile off of his face
Breaks his ribs, but doesn't break the promise.
No one knew, no one knows,
It stays buried under the maple leaves,
Under the twigs and the wildflowers,
Under the shadows of the silkworms' nests.

I've been living in silence for years
Through unspoken words and
Unshed tears I waited for
The words to flow, to go
From head to pen to paper
A trip they've made so many times before
A road they know, or knew
Until I met you.
You stopped the sadness that bred
The madness which inspired me,
Back when my words roamed free
And thoughts came alive in song.
For so long I hid behind a book
Without a second look at passersby
Content to live and die with only
Words besides me.
You came along like a summer storm
Out if nowhere, fierce and wild
Awakening the child that
Forgot how to laugh.
I never liked to force a line
But from time to time I grew tired
Of reason and rhyme and forgot
The simple beauty of a phrase
To help get me through the days.

The sun has risen already, has hidden
Already behind the clouds that
Cover this town and all
Its ***** little secrets.
Bees surround me with sound
To blot out the profound thoughts
Swimming around in my mind
Without a hope to find
An answer to life.
What once was a tree is now
A path for the power lines,
We cut down what lies in the way
Of a "better day" where screens
Dictate what it means to be alive.
How can I see what's next when
There is no magical text to give
Me solace when my heart pounds
And the silence shakes the ground
Beneath my weary feet.
We're drones on our phones put
On a path lain out by the wrath
Of ages, progression or regression
Depends on your perspective.

Im irritable
And volatile
I can't help but notice
Nothing feels right anymore
And when I start to feel
Happy
Something in me says STOP
You aren't allowed to
Feel that way.
I cringe at your touch
But I find myself
Resenting you when you
Turn the other way
To sleep without
Me in your arms
And when you smile and say
I'm beautiful
It makes me want to
Slap the grin off your
Hideous face
The face I love
To hate.
This bitterness has made my mouth
Numb
From swallowing all these
Feelings for so long
And I noticed that you don't
Smile like you
Used to
Because you know what goes on
In the darkest corners
Of my mind
Even when I don't.
You know me better than
I know myself
But you really don't
Know me
At all...

There's a sadness in your voice

A certain melancholic twinge

I've been asleep for many days

My sweet insomniactic binge.

Upon awaking I suppose

I sensed that something was amiss

A kind of jerking in the cogs

Of our love's cataclysmic bliss.

As though a veil had been removed

I saw the truth laid crystal clear

Behind the ambiance of love

There lay a monstrous pit of fear.

I gasp for air

But find none there

And try to find

Some piece of mind

As spiders weave

And sweethearts leave

From all the lies

Behind our eyes.

I scream your name

You stay the same

Silent as the setting sun

Lethal as my loaded gun

As children play

And secrets stay

Locked up tight

And out of sight.

I sing a song

So I feel strong

And watch the tears

Fall through the years

As fathers leave

And mothers grieve

I stay a stone…

I stay alone.

i tend to over think things and
sometimes i'm too
sensitive
taking everything to heart.
there are days when
all i want
is to
cry
and others that are
filled with
laughter.
i'm clumsy and careless and
a little too self conscious
but if you care
enough
to let me in
i'll show you the
secrets
i hide behind this
cracked smile.
when i whisper
it's only because i
don't want to hear
my own voice
and when i sing
it's to tell you
how much
i love
you.
i love the beach right
before summer
really hits
and i love the
autumn leaves
before they
fall.
my favorite flavor is
you
and my sanctuary
is your
embrace
and when you laugh
it's like my own
lullaby.
but even with all
the beauty in
this world
i still
ceased to see
the light
and i gave in to the
darkness.
and ever since i
survived
i take it just
one day
at a
time
but i know
i'll be
alright
cuz i have you
right by
my
side.

This is the place where
                                                     No one sleeps
                    Nightmares walk the halls
                                           You can come in
     But never leave.
                                                       They watch through windows
                     Noting every movement
Whispering so we can't hear--
                    Judging us.
                                                                                  Treatments never end
                                          Sedated to numb the pain
            Of being fried
                                                              From inside out.
                  Barbaric, prehistoric methods
                                                                                To heal the wounded mind
           Of the sad and schizophrenic ,
                                               Silence voices, erase memories.
         Animals become human again
                                                                                     But those who don't take well
                               Turn from person to monster
  Feral, feared, and broken.
                                                                  Pills shoved down my throat
                       Hazy vision,
                                                             Numb and neglected
   Left shaking on my bed.
                                                                                No windows in the rooms
                             A box without light or sound or hope,
     Souls die in this place
                                                                             Hearts rot in this place.
                            Rejects of the world unite
                                                                                                All silent in their sorrow
               Each alone in the crowd
                                                   With a story sadder than the one before
                                    Wasting away by the day
      On the second level
                                                        Of elevator B.

art is the child of pain
the son of rain
the blood within the vein
of a twisted child
young and wild;
an attempt to reconcile
hatred, baseless and faceless
a screenshot of the heart....
that is art.

Sometimes I feel like
I am not the me I'm
Supposed to be.
In the mirror there are eyes
Looking back at
A disguise someone
Else molded.
Even though you
Held me together
My soul was still
Severed and I can't find
All of the pieces
To make me remember
Who I was.
Before the scars on my
Heart made its beating
Erratic and before
Every song that I heard
Went from lyric
To static.
Before the touch of a hand
Made my blood run cold,
Before the sight of you
Started getting old.
While the thought of
Living without you
Makes my smile fade
A smile that I made
To oust the darkness;
Sometimes I wonder
What happened to the
Younger me that
Yearned to be free.

Thunder in my ears
Brings me out from underneath
My memories
And all their insecurities
To the world around me
The world I wish I could forget.
Lightning flashes in my eyes
Behind the lids I see you
And you smile at my faint heart
As wind whistles through its holes
Left by those I wish I could forget.
Rain washes away my regret
But in its wake I feel a new wave of shame
As it crashes over my soul
To make up for the unforgiven
And to prepare for what is yet to come
And to cover up what I wish I could forget.

Here I am
Looking at you watching me
As I see the world
Through your words
And I taste your truth
While we speak of youth,
Sitting on the pavement
Staring at the sun,
As if no one ever said
It wasn't safe.
Pondering the things we've done
Mistakes we've
Sown and grown
Into a lesson,
Talking of gods and queens
Our hopes and dreams.
I spilled my soul
Onto the concrete
As you stared in wonder
While I tapped my feet
To the beat of your heart.

The devil once told me

Not to play with fire.

There is a storm within my soul
It’s dark and it’s foreboding
I find myself caught in its thralls
And its wrath is just unfolding.


Rain and wind and sleet and hail
Plague my troubled skies
And as the raindrops drench my heart
My teardrops synchronize.


I find it hard to find the source
Of my gloomy situation
With panic in my stormy eyes
I scream in desperation.


And as I fight to find some light
The darkness presses on
And before I see it going…
My life, my soul, is gone.

In the night we see shadows
envelop the light
all but the stars turn dark
as we watch our breath bond with the breeze.
As an astral being I walk
While we talk about life and death and love
as the moon above smiles
at this child like giddiness
we have discovered in each other.
He was born while the stars collided
an explosion of colors
and their truth was confided in him alone
while the stardust created his home.
She was spawned from the sea
as wicked and wild as waves
with a temper untamed, swayed by
only the tides as they changed.
Together, sea and sky they flew
high above the rest
bringing out only the best
in the other, two sides to a sword
that could cut through all of
the pain in the world.
He and she both knew of love
but never have two souls
broken the chains of this
mind numbing cage we call
civilization without
the help of another, be it friend
foe or lover,
the will to discover
new worlds.
As the dandelion flies
through the black, silken skies
they make a wish and lock it tight
behind their lips
until the time is right to let it
slip between their tongues.

time no longer flows,
in this piece of peace I've found;
in a place that no one knows
a place where nature has been crowned.
a place without pollution
with a limitless solution
to the **** of body, mind and soul;
the way the world tries to take control.
a place where freedom
is everyone's prize
we're ALL part of the kingdom
ruled by the same skies.
this place exists
in the souls of the masses
a place that permits
those from all creeds, colors, classes.
a place that's not perfect
for we flourish with flaws
but a place that is worth it
for one, and for all.

the more time that passes
the more i realize
how short a
lifetime
really
is.
the more i try to figure out
what i want to be
when i "grow up"
the more i
question
what that
really
means.
i thought that growing up meant
i don't get to joke around
or read for fun or
take a nap
or throw a
fit.
i thought it meant that once i
turned eighteen i couldn't
buy a happy meal or
make mistakes or
build a snowman
or cry for no
reason.
but it seems like the older i
get the more i want
to do childish things
as if clinging to
the age of
innocence
i so desperately
wanted to
leave
behind.
the older i get
the more i
understand
the plight
of peter
pan
and the more i wish
i could have
appreciated
when i
was a
child
and had all the time
in the world.

I see my breath upon the black canvas of the night

And try to **** it back inside

As I love you's jump from tongue to tongue;

Our hands entwined, our lips locked together

I wish I didn't have to say goodbye,

But it's time for me to go home.


I've come to call your arms my home

When they hold me tightly in the night;

It hurts so much when I have to say goodbye

And through my eyes you see inside

My soul. And we dance together

While you paint pictures with your tongue.


But my road is forked like a snakes tongue

And I cannot remember my way home

Or if we were always and will always be together

Or if it's day or if it's night

Or if my pain is outide or inside

My heart. And I wave goodbye.


Before I leave you plant a kiss goodbye

And I feel the sorrow seed grow on my tongue

Its roots reaching, digging deep inside

And growing into the ground. My home

Is so far away, and I won't get there until the night

Is over but it's ok because we're still together.


You ask me if we'll always be together

But I wonder if it's time to say goodbye

I cry and tears fall from the sky at night

And land on my stolen tongue.

You follow me home

And make sure that it's safe inside.


But I feel a burning deep inside

And I press my lips tight together

Because I'm afraid to scream. I'm home

But you will not say goodbye

And you have a sharpness to your tongue

That cuts right through the night.


And inside my heart I feel it darken like the night

Wishes that we could stay together roll from my tongue

But my home cannot be with you. Goodbye.

that i failed that day
and it wasn't a hearse
that took me away
just an ambulance
with blaring lights
at three in the morning
in the dead of night.
am i happier now
that i didn't succeed
that i didn't succumb
to my illness's greed
when i swallowed the pills
and i kissed you goodbye
waiting for the train
to my home
in the sky.
was i wrong to be scared
when i called 9-1-1
when i told them the truth
of what i had done
or should i have waited
and let the life leave my eyes
and smiled in triumph
as i faced my demise.
those that love me would say
that i did the right thing
that it wasn't my time
to hear the angels
sing
but i never told them that i
heard no angels that day
just the screaming of
demons
when i tried to pray
to the god i wished so much
to take me
from this life that had succeeded
to break me
but just silence from he
who was supposed to be there
as i slipped into death's arms
i was all too aware
of the smell of hell's sulfur
polluting the air.
so i asked for help
though i wanted it not
and every day that i live
the smell of hell's all i've got
to keep me from trying
again and again, so
i'll just have to wait
for a more timely
end.

It tickles when my hair brushes my neck
Sending shivers down my spine
To keep me in line and I forget
What the sound of my voice is when all I can hear
Is the echo of my thoughts
And I forgot to tell you about the day
That I lost my way and how
You helped me find it.
Sometimes I wish I were a bird
With fragile wings and a song to sing
Each morning, to sound the alarms of
Spring and make it known that I am in fact alive.
I have a tongue that cuts through lies
A blade honed by truth
But it's no use when my words fall
On deaf ears and my smile is met by
Only fear of reality.
It is by this name that I walk the earth
Desperately trying and crying out for the souls
Of the forgotten sons and daughters that
Have no names only graves and stones
Washed clean of an identity by the rain and the
Pain of years that have passed.
In a shell of a soldier I pick up the guise
Of a man on crusade for his faith in what once
Was a trance and now I can
Stop pretending that I have the answers
Before I even know the question.

Pack the bowl
Nice and tight
Drive away
In the night
With the pipe
In my hand
Smoke as much
As I can.
Thoughts are gone
From my head
I can't help
But feel dead
Even through
All the laughs
I can't escape
My awful past.
Stars dance
In the sky
I am so
Very high
Cigarette
In my hand
It's so hard
Just to stand.
Float away
To the clouds
Silence broken
By these sounds
I can't see
Through the haze
My whole life
Is ablaze.
No solace
No love
This drug's
Not enough
All I wanted
Was to feel
But I don't
Know what's real.
Broken heart
Broken smile
Broken dreams
Like a child
Time has slowed
To a stop
Jump from the ledge
The tippy top.
In the back
Of my head
I can hear
From the dead
Saying stop
Right away
So alive
You can stay
They are jealous
Most, of me
And the world
I still see.
Now the high is
Wearing thin
Feel the aching
From within
So I pack a
Little more
And get high just
Like before
So the pain
Will go away
If for only
Just a day.

Heights and when
I look at someone's eyes
But only see the
Whites
And the sound of your
Voice telling me
It's time to make
That choice.
The way my breath
Leaves my lungs
As lies bounce off
Our tongues
And spiders that crawl
On my
Bedroom wall
While I sleep....
Time, never ending
Or simply
Suspending
Leaving things
Unfinished, undone
Nothing lost
Nothing won.
A meaningless life
Filled with
Struggle
And strife
Never reaching the end
Always have to pretend
To be fine
And the only
Face that you'll see
Is the one
That's not
Me
While the real me
Inside
Is content
Just to
Hide.

What if you woke to find me gone
My life's final song still left unsung
The noose tied tight around my throat
Teardrops surround, near the letter I wrote.

Would you care, would you dare, to read the words
The ones, before, you never heard
As I screamed them in silence on deaf mens' ears
Ignored by you through all my years.

I think about that place a lot
and the time I spent there
those three, excruciatingly
long days
and the things that lead me
to my stay.
life had finally pushed me
over the brink
and I took a few too many
pills one night,
a whole bottle, or two
trying to flush out
the demons
I always seemed to be
wrestling.
right before the high
set in
I began to panic
thinking of what my sister
would think of
if she saw me lying
dead and cold
on the floor
and I worried who might
find the body
since I was all alone
in that
apartment.
so I did the one thing
I wished no one would
upon swallowing...
I dialed those 3
numbers ingrained in each
American's brain.
I don't remember much
from that point on
except that I
went in an ambulance
at 3 in the morning
and I think I
remember feeling
sorry for the EMT's
because I was such a waste
not worth saving.
I think I remember my
doctor's face
and the soft coo of his
voice as he guided
my hand to
sign on the
dotted line.
I don't know if they
pumped my stomach
and I don't know
how they got me
from the
ER
to the psych ward
but I woke up
in strange clothes
in a strange bed
with a crying
roommate
and a cranky nurse
holding pills
in my face
that I couldn't
swallow
because I feared
I had no more
room in my
belly, not even
for one more.
And I stayed there for
3 days
but the one thing
I never told
a soul
was that those 3 days
were the most
serene days
I ever knew
tucked inside those
walls
with all the crazies
and their dolls
I am afraid to admit
it sort of felt
like home
and for once I
didn't feel so
alone...

my utter inability
    to take responsibility
             is killing me...
                    and the possibility
                            of Heaven's plausibility
                                     is thrilling me...
                                            while my capability
                                                    to harness my hostility
                                                          is willing me...
                                                               And the last of my civility
                                                                    Disappears in mere futility
                                                                          As death's cool kiss is chilling me...

I didn't know his name
Though it still would be the same
Had I known I'd be in pain
I never would have played his game.
I didn't know I'd die
When I looked him in the eye
If I had I might have cried
But of course, like most, he lied.
He told me I'd feel good
That I'd feel the way I should
With what happiness I could
I proudly told him that I would.
So I tried it and I loved it
And I wanted some more of it
Down my throat I tried to shove it
The feeling others seem to covet.
Feet are high above the ground
I'm lost and don't want to be found
There are words, I hear no sound
My heart and soul no longer bound.
Soon the buzz wears weak and thin
And the pain comes from within
Now the withdraw will begin
And we prepare for our next sin.
I'm so glad he introduced us
I don't care that he seduced us
With this new love that I feel
I'll never care for what is real.

I slept in your arms last night
Familiar yet so strange
You smelled of you and something else
Something that made me sad
Something I didn't know.
I slept in your heart last night
Gone for so long from that place
My sanctuary
Your bitter words can't find me there
Restful sleep found me at last.
I slept in your bed last night
It used to be mine too
Stains only we can see
Reminding us of a time we can't forget
We can't let go, can't move on
If we pretend, maybe it will always be this way.
I slept in your house last night
Rooms and doors I used to know
Filled with things that belong to someone else
Your friend, my replacement
I cry when I see no sign of me there
In what was once mine as well.
I slept in your arms last night....
So warm and welcoming
Desperate for me to fill them
Longing for something we will never have again
Something left broken in our every thought
Wishes that things were how they were
Not how they are
Not how they will be from now on.

This tiny pill is all I have

For keeping me from going mad

But if one day I should run out

I'll go insane, I have no doubt.

The doctor said I need this pill

For in my brain I'm very ill

And though I seem to have it all

My love for life has grown too small.

I hate this life and my condition

I hate the need for this prescription

Although it keeps the monsters out

I wish that I could go without.

But even with this little cell

My mind is still not doing well

The doctors word was just a lie

I find that I still want to die.

Reaching for the tiny case

In my mouth, the pills I place

The pills that were prescribed to save

Have served to put me in my grave.

What is life but a series of events
One then another, then another
Set up on cue like dominos.

What is love but a roll of film
A series of beautiful pictures
Eventually ending abruptly.

What is truth but a piece of a puzzle
Nothing without the other pieces
One from each eye that knows the whole.

What is the future but a glimpse of the past
My favorite song on repeat
Old and true and nothing new.

What is death but a stepping stone
A portal from this world to the next
With a dreary connoisseur, the Reaper.

What is life...but a dream.

and along the way
i seemed to
outgrow
you

E scape from myself, if only for a little while
M ake pretend that everything is ok
P ray to a God I don't believe in
T ell them all that I'm fine, but only
Y ou see through all the lies...

I ll conceived notions of happiness haunt me
N ever give me any peace while
S miles tickle my cheeks, but the warmth never makes it
I nside...and I
D ie a little more
E very day.

These words are my best friends
My saving grace
The only thing that
Saves me from
Myself
And my darkest face...
I trudge through this muddy mess
I call my life
The truth laid plain on my ****** dress
I should know
I wield the knife...
I write when I don't have the courage
To speak
Some call this art
Some call this lame
Some call this weak...
But there is a beauty in the silence
The way your eyes read the words
That your ears can't hear...
But sometimes I wonder why I'm alive when
There are so many others
More deserving of the space I use
More deserving of the life I abuse...
And I turn to my only friends, these words
The only true friends that I deserve.

I've been awake
for so long
now
that I can't
remember what
dreams
feel like
and though I rest
all day
I never feel
rested.
I'm restless and
tormented
by the
decisions I
have made
and I
find no
solace
in your arms
like I
did
before.
So many thoughts
swimming
against the
natural current of
my mind
giving me
daunting
headaches
that keep me
awake
for days.
I feel frantic
like there
is something I
forgot
to do
but I know that's
absurd
because I
haven't planned
on doing
anything
for a very
long
time.
I'm content to
just sit here
and waste
my life
away.

When I look in the mirror there's one thing I see
The ghost of a girl that used to be me
So pale is her face, so tattered her shirt
The tears on her face make streaks in the dirt.

Fingers that clasp her heart in her hand
She watches it beat as she struggles to stand
Her lips form an O as she cries and she screams
She falls to the floor, comes apart at the seems.

This ghost of a girl once had her own name
But now that she's gone every word sounds the same
Inside out on the floor in what once was her room
Surrounded by darkness, gone blind from the gloom.

The girl in the mirror walks away from the glass
From her world to ours she somehow has passed
She approaches the ghost that now lies on the floor
And helps her arise while her insides still pour.

She gathers her up, every last little part
Gets a needle and thread and starts with the heart
Each thing put in its place then she sews it all in
And returns to the mirror she was meant to be in.

The ghost of the girl stares in awe at her face
The girl that once was has come back to this place
She was there all along she just needed some help
What a shock that she found she just needed herself.