here
in the battered chambers
of this once vital heart
the uneven echoes
send signals of it's impending failure
the body relaxed in the haze of morphine
the mind alone in the dreamscape before death
a magnified tapestry of color
Sun and golden fields from a VanGogh painting
move within my thoughts
swaying and quelling the offbeat of distant drums

a lone leafless tree
a branch holding lines of crow
awaiting the rain
turn to see me
'follow them'
a voice whispers from beyond the wheatfield
they take flight
as do I
towards the darkest of the ominous clouds
'this is so worth it' I thought
just before the lightning snaked it's way across the blistering blue sky
releasing me from my mortal coil

I had to smile as I hovered there
watching them zap me again and again
bless them for their perseverance

she looked upon the tree
as i looked upon her
charcoal shades
distant Sun
she filled the space
with her imagination
her emptiness as real as my own
how i wished to fill that space
quell her sadness with my own
but i had promises to keep
false dreams to carry out
i approached to ask she wait for me
so that i might clear my scripted day
and invite her in
but i turned away
and became a shadow neath her distant Sun

Solemn faces hold their wrath
forewarned the day would come
silent fell their thoughts of fear
no match for hearts turned numb
they walk together this final day
as one a stoic mass
no smiles, no hope, no words to say
tears lip blades of grass
in the hills they settle
the hour draws near
time to tell children they are loved
a faint breeze is blowing
the Sun shining clear
birds swoop and chatter above
there are moments of reflection
before it is done
eyes towards the heavens do peer
a thud in the distance
a cloud chokes the Sun
it is only the silence they hear
hands are joined and heads are hung
to pray for their rebirth
spirits seek the light of God
in their final day on earth

I don't know why I doubted you
that Washington set in motion Pearl Harbor
before it blew
or that LBJ had Kennedy killed
and that nothing  happened at the Gulf of Tonkin
you were there too
on a boat on the Hudson
with a bird's eye view
when the Twin Towers fell
in on itself
not one, not two
but the first 3 to ever do so
ain't that a clue
Eisenhower warned us
Kennedy too
before they took off his head
for us all to see
that peace on Earth
was not meant to be
that war is the game that must endure
yet we are the cream
we are the pure
tell me tell me
tell me more
what does the future have in store
is there a man who can rid us of rampant sin
from the bowels of our nation
destroy evil from within?
there is such a man
there are many in fact
but the journey is treacherous
the obstacles great
and no man has managed to make it his fate
for evil has hold of all that we see
all that we touch is poisoned by thee
the churches, the judges, the men in black suits
have given their souls
abandoned their roots
what we saw on the horizon just moments away
died a nation's hope that November day
so why do you question me year after year?
because the weapon of evil
is to doubt what we fear

the poet sleeps
and they appear
images so wondrous
as to bring a tear
they take his soul
and slow his heart
they fill his nights
with beauty apart
from all he knows
in his awakened state
and then they vanish
into the great
mystic

he awakens to his prosaic day
bits remain of what he cannot say
my most beautiful words
are dreamed away

we are but dreamers
you and I
we search for love
yet turn an eye
away from lovers
kind of heart
it is our fear
to play the part
our souls burn bright
yet we are cold
the more we love
the less our hold
on those equipped
to share our tears
yet bring to life
our deepest fears

find me while you sleep tonight
imagine one who sees your light
believe it true
you'll know I'm there
bring me to the dream we share

I had a dream
and in the dream I was suddenly
given the first line of a song
and from that I quickly had a 2nd and 3rd
and beginnings of a 4th line
in the dream I woke up in a 2nd dream
and found a pen and an envelope from an insurance ad
I began writing around the doodlings already on the envelope
I could only remember the first line clearly
within the 2nd dream I was fighting hard to recall the 2nd, 3rd and
4th lines of the song from the 1st dream. I had finally finished the 1st stanza, and was trying to piece together what I had sloppily written around the account numbers, grocery list and additional notes I had written on this envelope when I was fully awake
this is when I woke up from dream 2 and began looking for a pen and paper
to write down exactly what occurred in these dreams
before it was gone...like the song

voice calls gently in the night
dreams awaken lucid flight
gazing from Orion's shore
Angels open Heaven's door
shadows cross the face of Mars
lovers count the falling stars
Sun evokes a gentle breath
to mark another twilight's death
awaken dreamer to morning's light
dreams rest silent til birth of night

Through the walls of narrow minds
walk the paths they guide
within these walls
the sparrow finds
a nest to feed it's pride
burdens drag as dusk descends
sleep may hold the key
for in the dark
the bravest bend
the weak a chance to see
follow that which follows you
pull the deepest root
dilemma soon must leave the nest
to bear forbidden fruit

i lost sight of her
somewhere along the way
like sleeping through a storm
her tears falling, unseen
crashed like silent raindrops
and washed away the road
we walked in different directions
intending to meet at the same location
destinations and destinies
intertwined
yet never one
...and the same

Beyond the box his victims applaud
the enemy smiles and takes his bow
behind his smirk there breathes a fraud
the devil dressed in praise of thou
he snares their hearts should they be weak
those seeking to control their fate
a purchased path to lead the meek
to a matrix God through the neon gate
with hands outstretched he pleads and grins
sells salvation like drugs and mocks their sins
will promise eternity in the holy light
call the number on your screen
you are saved tonight

we got drones in Jersey
drones in LA
are they from the future
are they here to stay

are they comin' from the sea
or comin' from the sky
were they made in deep space
or is it just a lie

re-engineering
that is all the rage
shake us up
shake us down
keep us in a cage

they're playin' us like fiddles
where can truth be found?
multi-million dollar jets
but they can't shoot one down!

what a huge calamity
what a sorry joke
this mega scam will soon unfold
like pepsi vs coke

don't buy it!

It is not the secrets that we should fear
but rather, that which is known

The savage cold
the howling wind and blinding snow
the unforgiving heart of Mother Russia's Winter
this is what we endure
lest we shall never be called the best

Today we have drifted slightly off course
and must pitch our tent on this mountain side
so as not to surrender valuable distance
in the tent we warm ourselves
with our bodies and small heater
we tell stories of our childhood, our families
and our sweethearts
these are the moments most cherished
moments that we take home with us
that remain forever

Just as the swirling winds are about to send us to dream,
flashes of light, the scream of some unholy machine
and the shadows of terror thrash about like demons from our worst nightmares
someone grabs the ax and begins to rip the tent
from the inside out and we run for our lives
barefoot and frightened beyond all comprehension,
beyond all logic
we run as fast we can into bitter cold and biting wind

Four were ravaged while the others were separated
and they watched us until we froze,
too panic stricken to move toward the tent where warmth awaited
perhaps the thought of an even more unbearable death
kept us there
where we were found

this is our story
known as Dyatlov Pass,
named after our leader
and harboring nine souls
who never crossed
the mountain of the dead
February 2nd, 1959

It is not the secrets that we should fear
but rather, that which is known

across the timeless
shimmering blindness
oceans of our love
we melt in mindless
liquid and spineless
dying in our love
drifting
floating
waves eroding
Sunlight of our love

in death we are freeing
the core of our being
transcending blood and bone
our bodies now rust
in a cosmic gold dust
as we dance upon sea
air
and stone

here
at the bottom of the Sea
where the Sun doesn't reach
the water is coldest

here
even the spineless creatures stay away
I hold my breath
and swim through the darkness
the ghosts of shipwrecks
the faint cries of whales above
send echoes to the edge of death
and yet
here
is where I feel
alive

there is a darkness that bleeds
into all my life's colors
no matter how bright the day may be

it forever lingers
always quick to bring
it's dull suppressing shadow
over these brief dances in the Sun

there comes a day
in all our lives
when the light is eclipsed by this
unsuspected cloud

and we no longer bask in the glow
of youth

i skirt the edge of reality
yet i remain sane
for i know it is there
and should i dare
decide aware
that i should re enter where
dead eyes stare
where mother's bear the weight
of their children's pain
and pray that rain will keep them safe
away from sin
stave the devil let the Lord settle in
which direction do i take
is it life or something like it
where's the line between real and fake
give and take
love and make
love
bless me father for I have sinned
i have walked with the dead and scorned the living
i have sacrificed life for my true soul is giving
to those that reside on the other side
the spirits taken from flesh and blood
from life and love in fire and flood
i speak to them in darkness true
they know me in this in-between
where space from life to death is seen
i hear their voices
i see their light
in the comfort of our trusted night
allow these few moments to remain
for they find comfort in my pain

along these barren shores
of an unnamed land
the sea rages
as far as the mind's eye will go
it is a fruitless war I wage
against unseen enemies
I am old, weak and weary of the fight
to simply stand and face the elements
takes its toll
it seems I have walked this shoreline
for some time now
for some years now
all too familiar
the thunder cracks
lightning dances along the breaking waves
I see forms in the sand just ahead
footsteps walking in the same direction

I will find
in the remnants of a lost love's thought
some semblance of warmth
some piece of a dream past
some hope that it may rise again
from the embers
of a once blazing heart

the words are few and fleeting
they hide outside my door
my poet's mind retreating
a hollow empty roar
i turn to quiet nights
and share old words with the dead
these lost and passing spirits
whisper kindness in my head
the sleep it comes sporatic
the Sun no longer beams
to light my inner sanctum's eye
to capture poetic dreams
i yield to blank submission
the flickering screen and stare
i feel no sense of mission
the poem tree is bare

If you knew the depth of my disbelief
then you would know the reason
I walk in shadows

all the truths that pass as lies
and misconceptions
feeble minds dream you see
in subtle nudgings off the grid

the comfort of the unaware
is a sharp stick in my side
I must tell these truths in bloodied tongue
for even a feigned look
holds some comfort

when the smirks subside
in the holy bliss of truth
I will have long left the great lie
I will have watched from the shadows
with my children and my children's children
as it unfolds like Sunlight upon the shadowed moon

enveloping the enlightened souls
the few that remain

as the last of the thorns are removed from my hand
and the blood congeals like pudding on a stove
and the heart slows to a methodical beat
of one resigned to the approaching day
the sound of still darkness is deafening
stars stare in mock silence
taunting me as they defer to the moon
'her moon' as she called it
how she grieved over the death of its secrets
more so than the coming death of our own
beautiful
secret
which breathed in the magic of the darkness
and found us together
always
in each other's light
as the Sun approached

I drop these roses here
you would always say it was such a waste
'flowers for my love'
but your eyes would not lie

as the Sun set on that day
so many years ago
tears finally ebb from swollen eyes
come much too early
burned like fire against this child's heart
it's aftermath
a lifetime of growing anger
and distrust
unseen scar that overtook a once joyous soul

I know ever more clearly
as each year passes
those that snuffed the light of hope on that day
guided by greed and hate
and threatened by
harbingers of peace
look at them grin in their victory
slithering in their lust for war and power
sacrificing their own humanity
cowards everyone
but I will find you
the minute my heart ceases I will find you all
for your undoing is in your failure to recognize
that your souls
your rotted, putrid souls shall live forever
shall face the penalties of your actions
before God and his true children

I have lived with the knowledge that I will face you in death
as will those whose dreams you turned to nightmares
we know you
we have always seen clearly through the lie
we will forever haunt your ******* souls
there is no escape
from eternity

everything begins to slow
the words
the names
the memories glow
not too long ago it seems
you became the savior
in my dreams
a life less full
than most would hope
a child's new life
a means to cope
I watched you grow
as I grew old
I watched your life
like a dream unfold
from your very first step
to my very last thought
you were everything

and there you are
walking into another lost dream
your whispers and gentle smile
touching the memories  
I hold dear

like the dream
our time was brief
you turn and walk away as you did
40 years ago
you wanted more from me
another day
another week
and perhaps I would have realized
that I truly loved you
but we know how cruel time can be
and I let you go

I awaken to your image
fading quickly
and I decide to find you
maybe to ask forgiveness
maybe to beg

but I am too late
and you have left me
only to be found
in my dreams
in my sorrow

the whispers that bring me out of sleep
leaving only echoes to mull in my awakened state
knowing he is there
lapping my fear
the shadows that follow at the edge of light
the invisible touch that stops my step cold
this cannot be
i plead within my sanity
and yet i know he is there
just outside looking in
his cold breath runs like dancing flies down my neck
he will haunt me
through this life and perhaps another
he talks not in words
but in the wind when the night is still
in the shadows that move and meld and breathe
in the pictures he leaves for me
lest I forget
the evil that awaits the coming night

everything begins to fade
ice melts in the Sun
the delicate heart will seek the shade
when tears of lost love run
they drip into the stream of sorrow
that carry them away
lost at sea come tomorrow
when the moon submits to day

he was sitting back on a shaded picnic table
his wooden cane laying across the bench
peering towards Luray and Shenandoah Park
absorbing it's beauty while he still had the chance
I was on my morning walk
a few miles
my attempt to remain in some semblance of shape
stave off the inevitable for a bit longer
I wasn't far behind this gentleman
perhaps in his late 70's
10 - 15 years passes like an unrecognizable blur
when you reach this stage
what was he thinking about
I wondered
the kids he never sees
the wife that may or may not still share his days
or perhaps...the love that he let slip away
into the fading mist...his past
I thought I'd say hello on the next pass
but he was gone

Ajax
blinking, conspiring
deliberately engaging Faith
gradually, hauntingly immersed
juxtaposed, kaleidoscope
layers moving, navigating
oscillating
pulling
quietly rendered
spellbound
transfixed

utopia

vista wonderer
xenial
yearling zebra

It began its free fall from somewhere above 100
Bobbing and weaving
The white reflecting the sun
As it twisted and turned
On it’s long journey down
Amazing to watch really
Such a delicate sight amidst such chaos
I wondered what was written
Maybe it is just a page of a 200 page report
On the benefits of switching from rubber
To plastic door stops?
Or perhaps a blank sheet of copy paper
Ripped from it’s wrapping
Ripped from it’s family
Whatever it was
It was beautiful to see
I followed it all the way down
91,44,20,11,7.…
Until it came to rest gently in the dust

I must know
It is right there, so close
I must know before I join the others
Or I shall leave this earth with that question
Unanswered
A fate I wish on no-one

In the blinding, falling dust
I made my way to the paper
My eyes never leaving the spot
Past those faces that one can only imagine would look
In the balance of life and death
And I came upon it
I felt great relief in seeing letters
Beneath the fresh dust
I brushed it gently and began to read

Dear Mom & Dad,
We are learning to use e-mails on the computer today. Our first assignment is to write a letter to our Parents. We learned lots of cool stuff in class. We learned about President Kennedy who sounded like a great man. But then we learned that he was assassinated and everybody got real quiet. Why did that bad man **** President Kennedy? Why didn’t they stop him? Mr Turner didn't know why. Then we learned about the Empire State Building and other real tall buildings like the one you work in Daddy and how we can feel safe in them because they are built so strong. Well, it’s time for recess and Mr Turner is going to play touch football with us. See you after school!! I love you guys! Bye, Bobby

My first tear was eclipsed by a great shadow before it hit the ground

I see behind fictitious eyes
tears that freeze upon icy skin
a warmth is buried
trying to rise
through cracks in stone
from deep within

I am allowed during hearts eclipse
to venture through her darkest seas
to taste her unprotected lips
in waves of love
they whisper please

I see behind fictitious eyes
a brief glimpse into my lovers light
that carries me through the veiled disguise
until once again
we share the night

It is the Sun that awakens me these mornings
I no longer reach the beach in time to see it rise
as we did
I must get back to that
hold on to those things we shared
those precious hours
or should I

I walk the beach
talk to you when I sense you near
two gulls glide like silk just off shore
there are bits and pieces I visit with you
embraces
laughter
as we lost ourselves in the waves at dusk
these memories will never leave

I grow tired in the evenings
the price of love is steep
when it is over
the power of memory
a fine line between pleasure and pain

they roll in like storms
upon a quiet shore…
these memories
unforgiving in their clarity
yet i protect them
nurture them
your twisted, unwavering distrust
enveloped me in it's pain
and fed your misguided cruelty
i lived to enable you
for a glimpse of love
would appear from the shadows
in those rare, quiet nights
when you allowed yourself to love me
the few moments i remember
being alive

there is little light as i review
the empty pages i have filled
barren back roads map the years
stepping back
out of the Sun
the voices spoke
it is safe down here
it is quiet
what light remains
flickers weak
like wick submerged in melted wax
shadows dance
the voices speak
it is safe down here
it is quiet

a fly landed on my shoulder and says;
'say Bro! put a spoonful of that mint chocolate-chip ice cream
to the side and I'll just chill and let you enjoy the rest of your bowl.
whattya say, my man?'
I pondered the offer for a minute
but flies ain't my favorite creature
so I smacked his *** and he did a tumble on the coffee table,
brushed off his wings and said;
'big mistake my man
big mistake!
I wanted to be friends but you gotta go bein' an ***-hole!
well, you'll regret the rejection of my offered friendship
and with that he buzzed off
that night at 3am I woke up and the fly was sittin' on my nose
'WAKE UP *****!
guess what! I just spent 20 minutes rollin' around in fresh dog dootie
and now I'm tap dancin' on your nose...ya like that!?
I think I'll spend some time in your fat neighbor's arm pit
before I say hello tomorrow night
okay...now you go back to sleep so I can wake you up'
and he woke me up 4 more times that night
he came the next night and did it all over again
he did this for weeks until I was on the verge of losing my job
and my sanity from lack of sleep
then one night he woke me up and said;
'Well, have you learned your lesson, ****** bag?
when someone offers their friendship for very little in return,
accept it with open arms and not a closed heart'
He was right
I admitted that I was wrong and shouldn't have rejected him
just because he was a fly
'Alright....now, you got any of that mint chocolate-chip ice cream?'
I'm afraid not little dude
'No problem...tell ya what...next time ya drop a deuce,
don't bother to flush'
and we laughed until the Sun came up.

I have found my place
where I wish to return
again
and again
where the wind dances along the swells
then lands upon you with the gentle
yet powerful crash of the wave
again
and again
where the Sun says so much more upon it's departure

God knew that this is where we would come
to see him
to know him
to understand that beauty like this was intended
I am lost in my awakened dream
these outer thoughts
these outer visions
these Outer Banks

Freewill

Rush

There are those who think that life
Has nothing left to chance
A host of holy horrors
To direct our aimless dance

A planet of playthings
We dance on the strings
Of powers we cannot perceive
The stars aren't aligned
Or the gods are malign
Blame is better to give than receive

You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice

You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can ****
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose free will

There are those who think that
They've been dealt a losing hand
The cards were stacked against them
They weren't born in Lotus-Land

All preordained
A prisoner in chains
A victim of venomous fate
Kicked in the face
You can't pray for a place
In heaven's unearthly estate

You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice

You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can ****
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose free will

Each of us
A cell of awareness
Imperfect and incomplete
Genetic blends
With uncertain ends
On a fortune hunt
That's far too fleet

You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice

You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can ****
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose free will

Songwriters: GEDDY LEE, ALEX LIFESON, NEIL PEART

they bring smiles
because there are no words
they fight off tears
because they want to remain strong
they write poems
of what a kind person he was
and they leave photos on a table
of him as a younger man
smiling at his wedding
his beloved holding his hand
as they reflect on their once in a lifetime day

I sat and took all this in
this funeral for a man I barely knew
but in the few moments we spent alone
on the porch at his home
just a few days before my daughter
would be married to his son
I found him to be a man
I would like to know better
a man of few words
his kind heart on display
in his quiet, gentle way
I'm sure I will see him soon enough
and we will continue our conversation
and smile
as we talk of our sons and our daughters

A ghost is at my window
her eyes a demon red
she waits in patient silence
then moves upon my bed
she bends my dreams to please her whim
she steals my lover's sleep
unfolds her lust to pull me in
my soul now hers to reap
until the Sun creeps in to free
my heart in day's return
a ghost waits at my window
her kiss again shall burn