I use my blood for ink
Words transcribed on the page bleeding from my soul
Sacred to the shadows coursing through my veins
Consumed by emotions that feast upon me like carrion
The weight of others minds rendering me motionless
A warrior without his sword
Left  wanting for his shield
Wounded ever deeper, this heart as i fall further
This spiral turned vortex pulling me away from my firm footing
Abysmal  familiarity
Fingertips feeling the ground that i cannot see recognizing this terrain beneath them
Confined inside a mind turned cage
speakers inside bellowing taunts, torture to its occupent
Lips part to release a cry for help from lungs filled with water.
This drowning sensation overcomes the body
As the walls grow cold
Sorrow sweeps across the plains of existence as if a tidal wave striking landfall
Anchors to ankles
The light falls away from view
Searching my mind for the words once written
“ in times of darkness do not look for a light
Instead be bold enough to create your own’
My bravery, absent
There is no escape to be found from my own mind
An unforgiving territory that few have seen
Yet, none had seen there way through to its hidden garden
Planted behind walls scarred with marks from countless siege’s
Wars waged upon my place of tranquility
With no win in sight i had given myself over to the darkness that ravaged the walls
“I will return to this place when the time is right.”

-V.N.M
"an eclipse of daylight"

To be close.
In a darkness illuminated by a soft white light.
My mind wanders as it’s curiosities of what will be run wild and free amongst my thoughts.
I cannot sleep as I tirelessly paint the picture of you in my head.
You’re features are soft
Hair that feels like silk, flowing Like a gentle stream across your shoulders.
A smile in my direction, coy, but striking its mark full force with intent.
You pulled to me like gravity, the fall was effortless but intense.
So your head landed on my chest. My hand softly cradling the back of it keeping you close.
My heartbeat in your ears, I am sure thundered like war drums at first.
But as my breath returned to my lungs
this thunder grew soft until it found rhythm with your own
Your calm overtook me like a wave created by a single drop of water on a perfectly still pond.
The ripple cleared my surface as it reset the tone of my soul
I could feel as these parts of us poured into a single place and swirled together.
These are moments that peace truly washes over me.
I just wish to be close.
-Mr. Morningstar
: sleepless nights

It was a match dropped into an oil field
And so these flames depicted the hellfire that reigned inside of me.
A pure rage
Unbridled and ever growing
What volatile emotions unleashed while their warden was away.
A jailbreak of hatred enticed with frustration and fueled by confusion
A soul that once new peace
A heart that bloomed love
Now fields of brimstone wishing harm to those who destroyed the garden
Oath breakers, eyes void of soul. Liars the lot of them cast together with no sense of right or wrong
Yet wielding a hammer of “justice”
There is no balance to these scales
No punishment befitting this imaginary crime.
I pray you all be destroyed, in worse ways than you destroy those around you.
My hearts misses who I was.
My soul has forgotten peace.
And my mind is ever burning with the devils blue flames.
-Mr. Vaun Niklaus Morningstar.

I was taught many things.
To read, write, to think.
Why, were we never taught to process our hurt.
The smallest pin *****, a devastating blow to an airtight seal.
That holds us all together.
A lesson so important.
Yet often forgotten.
Hold fast, push forward.
Tomorrow is another day.
And with it comes another lesson.
May you soon have knowledge of what you seek.

I once heard a man say “tomorrow is not your friend”
As smoke swirled around the room I pondered what that meant.
You must live every day as if it’s your last
Dwell not on the past
There are days when melancholy strikes like an assigns from the shadows
My heart grows darkness inside golden meadows
A tainted soul locked in an internal war
As dawn breaks my eyes feel heavy.
The bags under them dark like pools of oil.
We have come to another tipping point
Rally I must to turn the tide
For the soldiers in the golden side.
I’ll live to fight tomorrow.

Today I am riddled with question.
My mind races like jets through the sky looking to achieve super sonic speeds
I find myself craving your touch
wanting to revel in your thoughts.
And sit quietly in your company
The small Creases under your eyes
As your lips pull back into a smile
Just moments before a soft laugh breaks free from your lips.
I found you beautiful
And desire to learn all of the beautiful things about you.

Dearest words, my favorite friend
What joy you can bring or pain in the end.
Fashioned true like crossbow bolts.
Reservations for feelings you do not hold
Not like thoughts that ferment and linger
Your precise like the point of the hornets stinger
When I saw you it had not been the first time.
Just the first you’d appear outside my mind
They were not my own
Instead they were heard.
What followed next had to occur
You can hear it like glass under heavy pressure
I guess I continue on my solo adventure
My heart a beast that’s broken, the body lacks its beauty
Perhaps one day someone will see through me.
All that I’ve done returned in kind.
“You have seen inside of my beautiful mind”
I looked in your soul fell in love with what was found
Now a week man. Collapse to the ground
Scream at the sky and curse the moon
My nostrils still smell your gentle perfume
Guys, this feels like dying.
-Mr Niklaus Morningstar.

My mind is addled
The cage has been rattled
How does one define peace
A stoic journey to mask emotions
With reflections to be meditated in private
Does letting it out seem right and good
Theres more going on than what’s under this hood.
Close your eyes and enter the maze
It’s harder to navigate when your minds a haze
Each corner takes you deeper to the Labyrinth’s end
Deeper you dive but not to fast
How else do you make a tempest pass
Thoughts flow like rivers and break the dam
Hearing from you creates mental and emotional jams
To hear from you is to die all over again.

Her smile hits like rays of sun
Her eyes explosive. Like the bang of a gun.
Her hair was soft like tailored silk.
Her voice was quick with witful skill
Her presence calm, an oceans breeze
Her hand in mine, the gentlest squeeze.
Her body pressed so close to mine
A heat that makes a fresh sun shine.
My sweetest angel still.

I made the mistake of looking back at all the pictures of you I saved.
The room got silent and the air went frigid.
In that moment I could hear my heart break into pieces so small they could be passed through the eye of the tiniest needle.
So there I lay, with this boulder of grief on my chest. My minds war ablaze once again razing itself to nothing. Thoughts racing in my head like jets through the sky
It’s times like these where memories are still bittersweet.
A soothing warmth accompanied by a swift chill that freezes over my chest.
The stop in my heart when I think of what was
How at home I felt simply nestled in your thoughts.
How I was no longer alone my soul embraced by your own.
I wish I could take our first kiss at the airport and freeze time in its tracks
simply live there forever.
That moment when you silenced my warring mind
And calmed the butterfly’s in my stomach.

I was something special before you found me.
I’ve become some better since.
A challenge to be a better me.
Risen to because I loved you.
Better then I was at functioning right
But days lack luster and it bleeds into night.
Nothing’s quite wrong, but it still don’t feel right
Back to myself before you had come.
The adventurous man who knew what was fun
So where there was purples and the most vibrants of red
It’s now turning Grey a product of my head?
I guess I’ll just say I’m still in love with you.

From the top of a railroad tower at 6:30 in the morning I saw the sun break free from the horizon my arms spread like wings as the freight train thundered underneath of me. I’ve not felt such freedom since.

Could you capture patience and haste
Skin softer than silk a body with delicious taste
Inhibitions non existent
Lustful desires persistent
Entangled like vines
Who have weaved through the fence
A sadistic touch to watch you tense.
Submission a form of primal love
Pain and arousal both in the same glove
What we do a release
A moment of peace
Lost inside chaos.

Now I  think in poetry there is a line in my mind like one that I have drawn in the sand
separating my sanity from my insanity but
With my high tides and low tides the line has become so thin it's like a trip wire waiting for an explosion that erases the line.
I've Crossed that line. The grass may not have been greener on the other side but beyond that field is a land I had never seen
I have discovered I am a dreamer of insanity
My mind is consumed by beautiful pastels of stories That i wish were reality
My thoughts they are indeed treacherous
Electrons moving like traffic in the city sending signals and hallucinations so vivid I lose track of what is real and what is not, I am tricked by false memories
That are destroyed by my harsh realities
I am a breather of instability
My lungs, they fill with poison
And never beg for air
They crave their nirvanic Asphyxiation
A mixture that is toxic to my brain
This Further Supplements my insanity
I myself am a consumer of depravity
My body devours the hedonistic side
A craving for flesh in a ****** sense This is done gently at first to watch her tense then loose Its cut in sadistics way
She is a ******* so our days are made
marks we make are beautiful but never meant to stay
I am madness
Crazy in content
Beautiful in art
Unsavory at first
But preferred long term
I think in poetry
This is my blessing and my curse

-Mr. Morningstar

My withdrawal was violent like ******
Your effects lasting like mental trauma
I reveled in you like a pagan on Samhain
You greeted me like a crusader to a Saracen
I bled a river of emotions I didn't know I had.
I was failing to fly
Like a fledgeling taking its firsit leap away from the nest in hopes of soaringly to greater heights.
But what a hunter you were,
The arrow striking me from the sky as if guided by Artemis
It leaves me wanting,
My heart turns cold enough to freeze the blood that runs through my veins
Give me the road
A place where judgments are left in tire tracks
Where worries are removed as the winds rushes around me at 80 miles an hour.
The sun at my back heating my heart
Pumping the blood to my wings
Spread them and fly
Ride the wind, race the rain, and chase the sunset
On these two wheels you leave what aches behind you.
You find freedom on the never ending horizon
You find happiness in your solitude.
-Vaun Niklaus Christiansen.

There's a body in my bed but a whole in my chest, I try to spit it out yet I always digress cause I can't focus on it for 5 seconds without dying, a little inside like a bird who can't fly or the biker who can't ride. My mind is a war zone but I'm a battle hardened vet, hell won't claim me and heaven doesn't want me yet. My  body keeps fighting with a need to survive so out of this dark hole I will try to rise, more pain less pleasure a gruesome endeavor but necessary for my life to get better, a freed mind ravaged and robbed blind stripped of his rights by my emotions all the time, there's a body in my bed and a hole in my chest sorry I just noticed I digressed
-VNC

At first it was the eyes,
You stared too deeply, and saw who I really was.
Next was the conversation,
You let me in, more than you had planned by far, but you were no match for my silver-tongue.
And lastly the kiss,
Our lips touched and it sealed our fate, the energy travelled from our lips, and reverberated throughout our bodies,
I tensed and pulled you closer,
The most terrifying thought on my mind was an end to this moment,
I clung to it in false hope.
Soon I realized it was not I who captured you, but you who captured me. I was a monster in your cage, an animal domesticated for your pleasure.
But as days went by my loyalty and trust for you grew.
Much like the animal who is cared for and loved.
But like puppy who isn't so cute anymore your attentions faded, I was losing you, this reality burned itself into my mind, creating a chaos, worthy of its own war.
And so I fought,
I fought with my anger,
I fought with my self esteem
I fought with my depression, and anxiety, my loneliness, and my sorrow.
I shed tears for your exodus, as I began the familiar routine of picking myself back up, only to put myself back together, yet again.
I lay here at night sometimes, thinking about you, wondering if you think about me.
If sometimes you miss my arms wrapped around you, as much as I do.
If you try to remember the sound of my voice saying I love you as much as I do
Or if you miss the feeling of my lips pressed against yours in a physical declaration that bellows I AM YOURS!!
But then I ask myself, despite the obvious happiness we provided for each other, what good would have come from this.
I guess some things are better left unknown.

-Vaun Niklaus Christiansen.

From our lips springs forth an energy,
We were to be an eternity in an instant
A forever moment in the blink of an eye
We fought it, and the battle was long
But the chaos consumed us
And emotions swept us away like a hurricane
The universe looked at us and understood our need for one another
You were broken, the world had made you feel isolated and cold
I burned with the fire of a thousand suns and so fate brought you to me
I reminded you what it was to love again,
And you showed me why I shouldn't be afraid to love
But the storm has calmed
It left behind broken hearts
And immortal memories
I'll love you forever in a way
Just not the way we thought on those late nights we spent together under the blanket ******, laughing like fools
Staring like star struck teenagers into each other's eyes with a longing tragedies are written about
I'll miss you
I wouldn't take back a single second.
So cheers to the future my darling may we both find happiness in the lessons we taught each other.
-Vaun Niklaus Christiansen

There's an artistic sensuality to what she does luring with the eyes and capturing with the body, each motion a painters stroke on a master piece she is a master of her craft both artist and art. She will burn you to the core and bring forth your rebirth from the ashes, she is a phoenix she is a goddess, she is perfectly imperfect

Do you remember how it felt when she was next to you.
Can you recall the rhythm of her breathing, or the smell of her hair?
Is there memories of the good times? Do you block out the bad.
Her body was your temple.
Yet you raged like an angry bull.
How dare you put fists where rose pedals belonged.
She is not perfect. But she is a beautiful disaster
Like a hurricane in the coast.
Yet you still tried to extinguish the fire that roared inside her.
How dare you.

We are born with whole hearts.
Blank slates, souls ushered into this world to learn laugh cry and love.
As we grow, a desire to entangle ones heart to another rises
To create one heart with another and revel in each other
So of course your heart must break
How are you to create one heart, if yours is already whole?

Dear mind
Please remember you are not meant to be perfect, there are cracks in you like an antique porcelain glass, you are still useful and beautiful but sometimes things leak
Dear mind
You are a soldier
You have dealt with so much in the past it's a wonder you aren't shell shocked. Trauma is the worse, the world around you is so full of pain you can't imagine confiding your hurt with anyone but yourself and for this you suffer
Dear heart
You will survive, you have been shattered like a clay pigeon, blasted away by the shotgun shell of betrayal. You have been broken so many times it seems easier to find a formula for time travel to reverse the damage then to piece you back together, but here you are beating in my chest with so many scars you look like a road map of Manhattan
Dear soul
Speak up there are times when my mind is lost and my hearts playing hooky,
If my mind could hear you it would find true north and my heart would start its engine. Pressing forward to what we all want
Dear voice
Be kind, sometimes in life this is impossible but in those times promise to always be honest,
Dear voice
Hold steady, my mind may be hectic and my heart may be racing but it is you who must stay the course. For all our sakes.
Dear feet
Move forward, what is behind us is to teach us how to navigate what is in front of us. Be firm in your footing and bold in your stride this greatness you seek was never intended for the timid
Dear shadow
I promise if you continue to follow me someday it will be worth it.

-Vaun Niklaus Christiansen.