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Yvonne Nice May 26
What happened?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you go back to your old ways?
You used to make an attempt
You used to try to relate to me
Not as an mere acquaintance, but as a friend
I wanted to like you
I wanted to be friends with you
I wanted to give you a semblance of my care
I wanted to be proud to call you my brother

But you left
You left without a note
Without a word
Without a single whisper into the wind as to why
You left me alone again to question my worth
You left me as if I was just an old teddy bear
It was like you grew out of me
Like a pair of old hole ridden shoes
You tossed me aside

But then you came back
Not as you were to me
Not as someone I could say was my brother
Not as someone
I could say was my friend
Not even as someone I could look in the eye without feeling let down
Now came back as who you were before
As if the fun times we had didn't matter in the slightest
As if you wiped them from your memory
As if they never happened at all
They might as well never had happened
Because all they did was let me down more

And it hurts
Like a ball of led trapped in your throat
It’s painful
And it weighs you down
And it stays
I wanted it to work so badly
I wanted to love you
But whenever I look at you now,
I only think of the inner anguish you caused me
I know it’s not much to you
It’s probably not anything to you
But it was so much more to me

And what am I then?
Nothing to you, apparently
Now i'm just another impromptu babysitter
Now i’m just a wallflower
Now i’m just someone you thought you could pretend to care about
But I don't think you ever even cared to keep the facade
Not once
I’m sorry I was just another expense to factor in for those few months
I’m sorry I just became another hindrance for you to work around
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough

I can’t look at you without realizing what I truly was to you
I can’t think about you without thinking about that
And it hurts
It hurts so much
And in all that hurt and pain and longing for something I know never will happen
And in that, anger, pure and unadulterated
A flaming ball of anger and fury and hatred that combines into a beast of your creation
And when ever I feel the anguish you caused me,
The beast rears its head and guards it
And it makes sure that I know it’s still there
It makes sure that I feel it and remember it
It wants me to
But it’s not doing it to torture me
It’s doing it to protect me
To protect me from you and your ways
The ways that hurt me so
And it will never be able to be reversed
And the beast is making sure of it
Because even if the beast is made of rage and despair
It’s far more gentle to me than you were with my emotions
The beast is my friend
The beast reminds me to stay strong
It reminds my to push through
It reminds it to survive you
And it reminds me to not let my guard down to you again

Now to me, you are nothing
You’re a roadblock to happiness
You’re a stone wall blocking hopes
You’re just an annoying little gnat that doesn't know any better

So, you have heard me through
And you know my piece
And you know that you will never get the privilege to be called my brother
Whenever you look at me
Whenever you hear my voice
Whenever you think of me
I want you to think of these very words I wrote with tear blurred eyes
The words I wrote powered with emotion
The words I wrote it intent
The words I wrote to make you feel for a faction of a second what I feel
Now i’ll cut the pleasantries and give you my final verdict
*******, Derek Nebergall, *******
I can't stand you or your children, never even bother to make an attempt with me again.
May 20 · 91
Mind Cage
Yvonne Nice May 20
She's trapped there and she'll never be free
but all of a sudden, she clung on to me
She watched me, as if a hawk preparing for its dinner of pike
and then she decided to strike
She attacked me with an onslaught of words
and then she targeted my body, like a hunter with birds

No space is safe, shes always there
and when she attacks, I have to time to prepare
Then she laughs, she giggles, and lingerers around
and I cant call out to anyone, never making a sound
Silenced and alone, my own body rejects me
for I am as useful as a legless pony
She's still here, even when I write this now
for she resides in my mind, for a victim she has found
The only home she's ever known is the one she resents the most.
Yvonne Nice Apr 22
With eyes that can strike both fear and awe
and a heart that was forged of gold
A mind filled with wisdom beyond the Library of Alexandra's
and a touch of a mothers love
A hug of a fresh blanket
and a smile of sun rays
A laugh of life
and a ferocious love that envelopes all that are worthy

It is in them that I find solace
from the world and its many ravines
And when I need it most
I can always find them there
It is in them that I bestow trust
as if a chest of ancient relics
And all they have to do is look at me
and I know they'll be safe

I love you, good friend
More than I even know
Overflowing like a flood
with as much force as an earthquake
I shall always be there, my friend
and i'll do anything for you
For you are the most beautiful dragon
and I could never find another
Because in your soul, is a soul like mine
kindred spirits beyond time
And i'll always love you
Even when the moon falls
I'll be your guiding light when you need me
and we shall haunt the lands together
until the end of time

Thank you <3
I love you so much, you're an amazing little bad *** dragon and I have more faith in you than I do myself.
Apr 17 · 98
Childish Week Days
Yvonne Nice Apr 17
Tiles floors
As if an elaborate game of chess
Spiraled notebooks with lined paper
As if the bars on our collective prison cell
Mechanical pencils filled with lead
As if loaded weaponry to face war
Plastic chairs with metal screws
As if  the electric chair to melt our brains away
Teachers and their ungodly stare
As if guards keeping us complacent

They do it for the world, they say
They do it to prepare us for life, they say
They do it to help us grow and become smarter, they say
But that's not the whole truth, not in the slightest
They want to keep us in line
They want to keep us in place
They want to keep us silenced
They want to make us the perfect human
They want us to be perfect
We were supposed to be perfect
Perfect...

But we cant
We cant do what they want us to
We cant be their cookie cutter student
Never with straight As
Never with perfect manners
Never with perfect behavior
Never with their perfect emotions
Because we can't

But we can be our own person
With our own feelings
With our own emotions
With our own words
With our own personalized strengths and weaknesses
Because we can't be what they want
What humanity wants
But we can be human
We can be ourselves

And we will be
We will break and fall
And we will crumble to the sea of woes
But we shall rebuild our mighty kingdom
Out of tear drops and wooden blocks
And we will be human
We will be us
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, but we are all our own weakest link.
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
Finally leaving that most horrid pit
On the cold, wet sidewalks
I finally don't feel that ungodly pressure
That pressure to fit in
To love
To want
To feel
I don't feel unwelcome anymore
Instead I feel...
Welcomed
Like the cold streets of Portland want me to discover them
I feel Free
The calming chilly air around me has a hint of peace within
I love this feeling
The frozen rain droplets on my skin
I feel real
I feel alive
The urge to cry has finally subsided, and I can truly say that I am not alone anymore
In an oxymoron-ish way, I was welcomed by the loneliness and given a place to call freedom.
Apr 15 · 107
Bridge
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
The dingy yellow glow of the street lights illuminates my path

The cold, hard pavement beneath my feet guides me

The flurry of rain dancing around me gives everything a slight glisten

The frigid darkness blanketing the sky gives the surrounding environment a gloomy feel



My ripped black skinny jeans clinging to my thighs

My baggy ash colored hoodie loosely drapes itself over my shivering torso

My obsidian colored beanie grasping my hair and sitting upon my scalp like a crown

My dirt covered converse pinching my toes



As I inhaled the crisp air, I let my eyes flutter open

The bag that holds my most valuable item dangles at my side, bouncing on my hip as I took another step forward

Surveying the space around me, I could see about three or four people nearby, their presence only heightened my awareness

Their ragged blankets and filthy clothes surrounded them, as well as a few bags containing god knows what


After watching them for a while, I turned my attention towards the street

Those people sitting in the comfort of their own personalized vehicles, encased in their comfort

The cars passing by momentarily couldn’t care less about what was happening outside their windows




As I continued walking over the bridge, I noticed that a train was on the tracks beneath me

Its powerful engine forcing it forward

All the value hidden under old paint that is unknown to the world

So I stop and stare at the old train, busting forward, hoping that it would stare back at me

It never does, though, it only faces ahead and trudges forward

Ignoring me, forgetting me, for I am nothing but an observer to the train

Goodbye, old machine, as you do your duties well

I'll always be here, if you think you want me



Now, I am unsure

Of myself or otherwise, I don’t know,

Are these even raindrops on my cheeks anymore, or are they my inner sorrow released?
A wanderer lost to the land of mortals.
Apr 15 · 124
The Static Invades
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
Numb.

                                                Why am
                                                                     I

                              numb?

                                                

            Where
                                                     did

it
                      go?


That
                             simple
           need
                                                      to
                                         live?

                                                                          The
                               want?

           The
                                                 lust
                       for
                                                                                                  life
                                has
                                                                  all
                but
                                                    vanished.

                             Help
                                                                                    me
             find
                                                 it

                                                again.
           Please,
                                                                       I
                              need
                                                                               help.
Scrambled as a mind of a lost soul.
Apr 15 · 102
The Winds Of Long Ago
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
I used to soar high in the sky
The blue jays and ravens jealous of me
"Follow me," I bellowed into the air "follow me and you shall never see despair!"
Most came, some went, and to those who were not fond of my kind
How untasteful and foolish I looked to those dull eyes
But as time came, and time went
While I soared mighty high in a distracted haze they started to fly ahead
They played their playful games, tweeting and trilling as they went
But by the time I realized it, they were nothing but specs ahead
"Wait for me," I cried "don’t you remember that i'm your leader?"
"Sure you are," said a wise old dove that rocketed by and straight ahead
"You may have been able to help them with their troubles and keep them flying straight," he cooed to me
"But look at yourself and ask yourself 'what about me'?"
My tired wings and aching joints screaming as I worked to match his speed
"They've all surpassed you," he called as he cocked his head, "now no one minds you much for you're all spent"
He them dashed off with the other birds, singing as he went
And there I was all alone, how hopeless could I get?
A single bird, without a flock, how shameful can I be?
Well, I guess they'll do better off without me
I slow my wings and gently glide
There’s no rush now that i've been left behind
How was I so foolish, just as the dull eyes thought so
I thought I was a boulder, but I was merely a stepping stone
Her call used to be as powerful as a lion, but is now only as meek as a mouse.
Apr 15 · 109
Repressed Wounds
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
If it wasn't for my smile, would you think i'm ecstatic?
If it wasn't for my tears, would you think i'm miserable?
If it wasn't for my fists, would you think i'm furious?
If it wasn't for my scars, would you think I needed help?

Do I wear a smile too often?
Do I hide my tears in my pillows too much?
Do I keep my bloodied knuckles hidden under my glove too much?
Should I even show you the knife I use on myself?

Why am I like this?
What purpose do I serve?
Am I even important?
I doubt it

I’ll just hide
I’ll hide it all
I’ll keep it away
From all of you

Don’t try to help
I don’t deserve it
"For the only fool in life is the one who wrote this." - the author
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
Can I really control the pain?
The anger?
The sadness?

Sometimes, I think about how easy it would be to die
Right here, right now.
A rope, a razor, a knife, maybe even a gun if i’m lucky
Hell, I could probably find at least 10 ways to try to **** myself in this room

I see my depressed and drugged up friends and their scars
Their wounds from battles they lost
I guess the pills weren’t enough to stop the urge
I mean, what sane person doesn't want to die?

Test after test confirms my suspicions
My dread rising in my throat, like bile
I can’t hide it from myself anymore, it’s useless
I’ll hide it from others though, they cant see my pain

The fresh cuts seeping blood
My skin stinging and sore
My eyes, void of any more tears
Why don’t I just die already

My mask fools them
Sometimes I even fool myself, until I dig deep enough
I idiotically keep trying to hide the pain
Why do I even try

I’m tired, but I can’t sleep
I’m hungry, but I won’t let myself eat
I want to cut, so I let the blood flow
What the **** is wrong with me


Ì̶̛̮̘͖̦͚͇̉͑̿̂̈̔̈͊̐͊̚͘͝ ̸̢̢͈̦̞̱͓̯̼̗̘̗̯̯̼̓͌̀̊̈́̏̾̕͝d̶̛̺̞͇̭̤̫̈́̃̋̄̑̈́̆̕͠ợ̵̬͈̘̜̹̙̞͋̌̏̍̇͌͑̿̓͌͜­̲͉̯̞ṇ̵̨̢͇͇̪̣̖̼̯͈̰̈́̔̽́̈́̽͋̈̋̔̊̅̈́̅'̶̢̢̹̝̖̠̲̥͔͕͓̣̌̏̃͋̑̈́̌̄͂t̸̓̅̄͋̃͆͐̿­̡͈̮͚͇͔̳̐͜ͅ ̶̯̒̈́͐̔͒͑u̸̡̺̼̖͙͍̜̘̟̫̥͑̿́̏̉͐́̔͂̾͂͂̀̉n̵̹̟̖̰͔̜̼̖̥͒ͅd̷̨̠̙̹̤̼̥̫͓͓͛͠e̵͘­̦̻̥̣̤̠̱̥͖́̏̅̈̅̀͊͑̐́̽͛̚͜r̷̩̥̗͉͈̫̙̪͚̓͌̌̅̃̃̌͐̏̈͌́̅̃͜ͅs̷̙̻̝͌̔͐̿͐t̶̑̿͝­̛̫̈́̇̔̑̇͋̌̐͛͜a̶̫͚̲͛̊͆͆̃͗̇̈́ń̶̢̨̩̝̖̹͙͔̦̹̞̗̫͂͛̃͂́d̵͖͎̽̋́͑̈́̐̈̅̓̀͗̈́̾̕͝­̡̢͕̦͚͚̪̹̲
̶̳͚̫̣̲̱̦͚͖̓̿̐̒̕͜͝ͅ
̸͚̳̝̮͍͉͒̍̉͌̃͋̿̚İ̶̪̀̓͒͋̓͐͊͛̀̕͝ ̷̘̼̰̱̦̣͓͖̙̪̳͕̬͊́̒̅̒̕c̴̞̹͚̰͙̘͍̬̦̋͆̀̏̽́ȃ̴̛͉̯͇̬͇͈̱̳̺͈͇́̇̒̊͊̾̓̿̆̈́͜͝͝­n̸̡̨̬͉̣͚͓̱̜̺̙̠͎̈́̈́̌͛ͅ'̸̡̛̩̰̠͖̖̏́͂̈́̇́̋̅̇̑͘͘͜͝t̸̢͈͎̯̪̻̰̲̦̯̄̾̏ ̴̧̢̛̻̼̰̯̳̙̻̘͇͇̥̌͒̈́͘b̴̨̡̼̰̙̲͎̞̫̲̈́̍͑͊̓̕͝ͅr̵̡̲̺̖͕͙̘͉̦̥̜̒ͅi̴̡͈̮̺̤̦͂n̸­͇̫̟̞̞̲̻͕̻̺̬̜̱̾̌́̒̌̓̂͝ͅͅg̵̝̙̝̹̐ ̵̥̱̣͎͓̑̉̇̿̅͒͝ͅm̶̡̡̠̖̼̋̀̒̽̎̄̕͝y̷̧͍̻̗̦̱̭̺̣̫̟͔̦̱̬͒̈́̉̀͒͗̽̽͑̌͝ŝ̸̾̉͌̈́̕­̖͙̺̯̞̘̜͉͚͈̃̎ͅḙ̴̢͍̝̖̯͍̤̗̞̼́̏̉̈̓̀̓̋̀͊͝l̶̠͚̙̳̬̼̑̎̉͑̈́͐̀̾͌̑̓͆̚͜f̸́̾͛̓­̠̹̊͂̂̓̿ ̴͈̈̑͋̅͗̽̿̋͋̈́̚t̵̨̨̜͓͖̪̲̣̺̠̓ͅô̵̧͚̯̲͇̫̤̤̻̖̲͚̬̩̎͆̌̍̑̀̒̈́̾̔̑́̋͘ ̵̢̨̻͍̣̮̹͍̜̥̮̫̱̫͈̇̌̀͂̃̓̿̌̓̾̋͝͠͝ḓ̷̤̟̗͎͓̩̫̝͇̲̜̼͗̓̊̊̈̉̕ỏ̷͙͖̣̒͒́̓̏̇̓­̡̩ ̷̨̛͕̞̱͇̹̭̫͈͎͍͎̮̝͙̇̾̈́͐͆̿́̑̔̏͝͠ḯ̶̢͉͖̰̘̯̦̹͙̱̫̦̳̻̾̾̈́͌̔̂͌̽ͅṫ̴͌͑́͆̒̌͘­̥̽͊́̏͑̕
̷̟̼̱̊͑̋͆̾̑͛̈̏̒̊͜͜͝ͅͅ
̷̢̛̜̥̤̣̼̰̣͇͊̇̊̆̀̆̿̅͐͐ͅÌ̷̏̀͌̿̒̓́́̽͂̈́­͖̠̹͚̭̜͍̳̍ͅ ̶͖̗͋̔̿̅̍̚ĉ̸̡͚̜̳̫̮̮͎̖͈́̿͜ͅa̷̼̲͆̋̈͋̂̀̍́̈̅̀̄̚͠͝n̷͕̝͎̩͋́͂̈́̆̄͠'̷̦̋̆̽̄­͍͜t̶̛̛̤̯̮͈̬̬͙̪̹͓͊́̊͂̔ ̸̘̯̺̃͊̇́̅͌̽͜͝͠͝ḳ̴̨̻̖̟̻̠̺̟͎͙̼̃̔́̋̂̌̀̈́̿̕͝i̷̧̳̗͖͔̫͎͉̩̣̐́͜l̶̛̓̅̉̀̂͑͝­͉͈͌̌̀̈̆̉ļ̴̻̩͙̩̬̱͓̦̰͈͗̃̇̃͗ͅ ̵̧̡̧̤̟͔̲͕̘̜̤̹̥͓̃̈́̑̄̈́̍̍̀͆̐m̵̧̧͖̰̺͈̙͓̹͔͉̩̊̈́̊̌̿̃͒̆y̸̘̭͗̈͐͐̾͌͒͗̕s̷͒͒̚­̢̳̪̳̖͗̒̎̇̎́̎̔̀̍͝ͅę̶̛̗͈͇̜̫̗͔̟͂̇̑̋̑̀̀̏̔́̍͊͜͝ͅl̵̡̡͙̹̤͚̹̖͓̳͐͆̈́̾͊̒͋͠f­̸̯̘͂͊̕͝͠
Please
W̴̢̛̟͇̪̼̳̪͙̫̥͈̹͂̎͋̓h̷̜̹͕̞̺̐͌y̶̨̧̡̛̘̱͕̬̺̙̅͒͊̐͜ ̸̱̘͖͔̲̞͓̆͋̉̎͠c̷̡͇͚̻͎͉͔͖̲̕à̶̡͗͌̓͐̉́͂̏͊̉̄̊͝n̴̜̼̺̯͓̜̺̎͜'̷̥̬̣̝̣̎͗͛̏̉­̪̬̭̳̼̫͜ͅt̸̯̣̖̰̣̜̭̪̪̺͔̀̎̂͗̄͛̓̓̍̏̈̊̇̿͝ ̷̯͓̘̟̻̈́̈́̑͗̄̏̿̄̎̆͘I̵̢̧͓̥̖̻̥̦̳̝̙̱͚͎̺̓͝ ̸̘̰̎̉́̃͆̎̊̈̐͘̕j̵̪̜̾͂̀̏͊̃͒̒̌͠ú̸̖̭̱͈̩͚̘̯͂̀̽̃̊̈̑̾̋̉͜͝ṣ̷̛͋t̴̢͓̭̪̂͂͂­͖̺̮̬̫ ̵̤̣̋̐͒͘͜d̶͙͔̐̈́̐̊̾͗̉̀͝i̵̥̝̐͆̉̉͐͠é̶̜̂̇̂͆͆̇̈́̾͂̐̔͐̀͠
We only last as long as the winds of time allow for us, with nothing to spare.
Apr 15 · 163
Your Majesty
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
The lion
Her sleek coat, georejus and full
Her powerful paws, silently gliding across the earth
Her entrancing eyes, able to steal hearts and souls
Her blinding teeth, killing in an instant
And yet, all she has to do is lay
Lay in the sun, in your regal beauty
Lay in the sun, surveying your kingdom
Lay in the sun, and below your mighty roar
If i’m lucky, I may be fit to be your afternoon snack
I am not but a servant unworthy of your gaze that blesses my life.
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
I am here
I exist
But at what cost?

I have a home
I have a family
But why do they care for me?

I have a school
I have work to do
Why am I so lethargic?

I have friends
I have dated
What do they see in me?

I am here
I exist
But what is my purpose?
Who am I truly under the mask of flesh?
Apr 15 · 831
Depression
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
He is an old friend
I know he is
But he won't leave
And I hate needing him
He’s a poison
To everything around him
But he does it well
He poisons you sweetly
With sugar and spice
And everything nice
Until he gets bored
Then he reveals his true eyes
And I know he's a cruel being
But I long for his touch
Feeling pain is better than nothing at all
Why do I need him So, if he is the fruit of my sorrow?
Apr 15 · 146
A Lady In Gold
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
The Lady In Gold

She stood on my porch, the lady in gold
She stood there until I dared to open the door
She needed inside, but for what?

My lady in gold, she called towards me, but only pain could follow
My lady in gold, murmuring to herself, questioning her own philosophy
My lady in gold, wondering if I even cared enough about her to save her

And I, the heartless coward
And I, the spiritless shell of a man
And I, the miserable being killing the lady in gold

She held herself on a pedestal for the world to see
And when I doubted her, she fell from her self assumed grace
My lady in gold, now covered in soot from the earth below

Won't you join me once more?
Help me find her humanity.
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
Love is only earned
You can’t demand love
Especially not I
For I am not deserving

I can love
I can feel
I can look
I can experience
But none of that means anything to love

She only bestows those she considers worthy
As if an apple tree
Some people have sweet apples
Some people have big apples
Some people have juicy apples
But my tree is nonexistent

Not because there aren't any apples left
For there are plenty of them
All baring seeds
To make the tallest of trees
And the crispest of fruits
But I never deserved it
Not a single fruit

Don't share your tree with me
I’m not allowed to accept
I am not deserving of the delicious food
I’m not allowed to eat the fruit
For me it is forbidden
All i'm allowed to do is sit here
And endure the emptiness
That rests at the core of my being
For it is the only fate fit for me
Apr 15 · 74
The Faliure
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
Humanity's last child
Humanity's last stand
Humanity's final hope
Humanity's only savior

Everyone else died
They all got infected
The last child feels the infection too
But they have to bare through to the light

But they feel the quicksand tugging at their ankles
They see the arrows on the horizon
They can feel the noose tighten
And they can feel their body draining

But they have to go on
But the rope is tightening
But they’re humanities shining star
But they only have so much determination

So they let death succumb them
Quick and sweet
And the world falls dark
Like a blanket of infinite nothing

Please forget about them
For they aren't worth it
They were only a failure
In the end of the end
Find hope in my words where I haven't.
Apr 15 · 77
I Am Blank
Yvonne Nice Apr 15
I am just blank
My mind, body, and soul, if one exists
I am just blank
And an untouched piece of paper
I am just blank
Why do I feel this way?
I  am just blank
As a new whiteboard
I am just blank
Who am I if I cannot identify myself as a being?
I am just blank
Observe my crudely configured words and do with them what you please

— The End —