I needed you to find me.
Maybe then I would be saved...


By : FreeMind

You took my most precious gem away from me,
And left me empty handed.

You shattered my soul into billions of pieces,
And left me broken on the streets.

Your selfishness destroyed me,
And caused the remainder of hope to vanish into thin air.

I am decaying...

My only question is,
Why didn't you **** me instead?


By : FreeMind

The unmistakable smile-
As bright as the shining sun,
Is only visible when she enters the room,
Dazzling everyone.
Leaving me breathless, speechless.
I realize that life has only now begun.
Her beauty overwhelms me,
With promising words "We will have so much fun".



By : FreeMind

People are afraid of death, of being surrounded by the never ending Darkness.
Left alone with no one to comfort you and nowhere to go.
I see it differently. I see wholeness.
Peace.
A chance to finally be free.

Life became unpredictable
Too hard to handle, Too difficult to follow
A cry for help would result in the loss of time
And yet remaining silent would almost eat me alive

Death became wanted
Constantly desired, Constantly thought of
No one knew, but me and my best friend scissors
There was nothing here that could make me want to stay


And that is when I
Became an Accidental Poet...



By : FreeMind

Listening to the song that you called your favorite in 2016,
thinking about you,
wondering if maybe you are thinking about me too...

Sometimes I wish I could stop writing
About my affection

But my poems would become empty,
Meaningless

If they were no longer about You


By : FreeMind

No one knows my tears, my pain, my struggles, my thoughts like my Pillow

You watch movies about affairs between teachers and students
And wonder how that could be.
"Why would they form such a relationship?"
It frightens you, but you console yourself
"It's only a movie".

Until it's not.
Because it happens to you.
And you wonder how could your kindness be mistaken
While he says "we should keep this a professional relationship".

But when was it anything else?


By : FreeMind

Trees are whispering to the plants and to the flowers,
the secrets of the night.
Clouds are dancing, with the moonlight,
to the soothing symphony of the night.


-FreeMind

I want to cut out the fat from my thighs,
Carve my body into the sculpture that would make Michelangelo jealous of my skills

Except that it wouldn't.
Because most don't find skeletons appealing to the eye...


By : FreeMind

I'd like to think that I can speak to you with my mind. That our thoughts are interlinked, intertwined, like our DNA which can only be altered by a mutation. What is the mutation of our relationship?
Is it the force? Is it the fear? Is it the lack of trust?
Is it me?
Is it me?
Is it me?

At 2am
I get a sudden urge to call you, to hear your voice.
Your absence let itself be known and I worry that I'm
missing you too much. When I don't want to even think about you.
Banishing you from my thoughts has done no
wonders. When you still show up in my dreams.

At 3am
I have lost to myself.
I have called you.
But the kind female voice has informed me that your number is no longer valid. And I don't know if I feel relieved that you are no longer there to rely on, or worried. For your number was my
prayer. That I would repeat to hush my worries away.

At 4am
I realize that your absence has left emptiness that I will never replace.
I have already tried with all the possible options, and everything failed. Over and over and over again. And yet I still crave you like a child, who knows no better, craves sweets that will cause more harm than good. But my health cant deteriorate much longer. I won't survive till sunrise.
Maybe I should give in and finally accept this
emptiness as a part of me.
Allow it to live within me.
Give into the fear of utter consumption and loneliness.

I promised him I would stop cutting, and I did
Because what I hated most was inside
And he was hurting it just fine without my help



By : FreeMind

Stolen glances.
Secret notes.
Distortion of reality occurs.

He can no longer control himself.
The sight of her awakens tender feelings -
That were once buried deep down
From the last time he got his heart broken.

He prays that this time it will be different...

An increase in hope, a decrease in fear.
Her smooth lips against his cheeks.
The way her hips sway as she walks his way.

How can he stop thinking of that lovely soul?
How could he not wish, not want more?

Beautiful Girl.
The glory in her eyes
Overwhelms him inside.
Beautiful Girl.
That precious smile-
She is all that he desires.

If only she was truly his...


-FreeMind

"They only read me because I'm short and simple..."

-Struggles of a Poem


-FreeMind

Your lips are filled with poison
But all I want to do
Is kiss them


-FreeMind

You torn my wings away from me,
Put shackles on my feet so that I wouldn't run away,
Abusing me day after wretched day.

You imprisoned me in the world where I did not belong,
Watching my endless attempts to escape,
As if I wasn't kept down with the massive amount of tape.

And now because of you I'm fallen.
You ruined the pure angel that saw the good in you,
And now I'm cast out of my home.
You jeopardizes my future for your personal amusement,
And now I'm wicked.  
And now I'm gone.


-FreeMind

At 5 years old
She liked a boy
That told her she was "pretty".
They sat hand in hand
And played pretend
That they were "Oh so ready!"
She told her friends
So they all giggled without an end.

At 10 years old
She liked a boy
That told her she was "gross".
"Too much hair! Look at that fat!
I'd rather like a monkey instead!"
Tears rolled down,
Self esteem has broke.
She told no one,
Because she already knew
What she was...

At 15 years old
She liked a boy
That told her she was "beautiful".
So strong and tall,
She gave no thought
But loved him always more.
"He is no good for you"
"Find someone better"
She let these words fly past.
They stood hand in hand
Against the world
They always stood together.

But something changed...

No longer interested in her
"I can not wait no more!"
He robbed her of her flower once,
And then once more.
Regret and tears,
Nothing more.
She held it all inside too long.
She asked for help.
In need of aid.
But got nothing more
Than blue, purple, and red
All over her.

At 17 years old
She liked no one.
She went nowhere.
She did nothing.
She wanted forgiveness.
She wanted life to simply end.
No words to speak.
Only thoughts filled her now.
The "Why?" and "What?" and "How?"
They almost killed her.
She cried all night.
She sat all day
With nothing else getting in her way.
All alone,
No longer her,
Thinking of the best way,
To finally give in
And say,

Goodbye...



-FreeMind

By the lonely river

I sat waiting for you.
Hoping that you would come back for me.
We would hold hands and talk about the future we never received.
Laugh about the endless memories that were never made.
But you were just like the long, cold river.
And I knew you would not stop for me.
So I sat aimlessly, alone

By the lonely river.



-FreeMind

I take off my skin
As if it is old, ***** clothes
That you damaged with your hands

I need to change.



-FreeMind

The fireplace is keeping my hands warm
The smell of cinnamon is just starting to fill the room
The innocence of "Jingle Bells" brings pleasant comfort to my ears
And my tongue has just turned red from too much candy cane

But even though I'm standing under the mistletoe with the glaring lights of the Christmas tree accentuating the sparkles in my eyes
My heart remains cold.

Because I know where you are and what you are doing
Because I know that I am tied down to reality I can't seem to avoid

And I pray
I pray to anyone that might hear, to anyone that might help
That my heart be liberated

So it can finally feel the warmth of a snowy Christmas night


-FreeMind

Your hand moving up my thigh,
Your lips on my neck,
Our bodies intertwined.

Things might have ended roughly, but every fortnight I think about you
Dreaming of what could have been
Wishing that we still had a choice, an option, a chance..

If I could do it all over again, I would.
I would cry and scream and fight, but in the end of it all I would have spent another year with you.
Kissing, Hugging, F.......
Making memories
with You

Turning towards you,
Being wrapped inside your arms.
I feel the warmth of your breath on my forehead,
The comforts of you on my skin.

Breathing in every part of you.
Breathing out every part of me.

I get lost in your eyes even when you look away,
I get hypnotized by your smile even when you glare at me.

Your anger excites me, your joy amuses me.
Nothing truly matter when you are away from me.

Breathing in every part of you.
Breathing out every part of me.

Paranoid without you,
Turning selfish when in desperate need of you.

My carelessness caused me to become addicted.
This lust for you keeps growing, like a monster in me.

Breathing in every part of you.
Breathing out every part of me.

Oh baby, you can hurt me all you want.
You must know that I will still be here.
Just long enough before my need for you slowly kills me.

These deadly toxins are burning my insides,
But nothing will stop me from whispering
"I love you".


-FreeMind

If I summon you like a demon
will you stay the night?

Some things were brought together by the universe

Sun and Moon
Sky and Sea
Fire and Water
You and Me

I suppose we were meant to be


-FreeMind

I said I would not write about you
But here I am, once more.

It's all because I banned you from my heart
Yet you managed to stay in my mind
Crawling back every night
To steal my reasoning away from me
Leaving me blind
Making me follow my emotions
Until I reach you, once more.


-FreeMind

You left
And I began to bloom.
All I needed was a little light,
But you kept it away with your dark desires.


-FreeMind

And seeing them together
~Their eyes filled with affection~
Felt like being stabbed in the chest with a dull knife.

Pain spreading through my body like a disease,
Infected with the sorrow of rejection and replacement,
Torturing me day and night without an end.

So awful it is, to finally realize that you were never 'The One',
That there was always 'The Other'.
To realize that your Hope has vanished into thin air,
That Faith has been murdered by their lies.

Desire to disappear has never been so strong.
Lulling me further and further away.
I allow my destiny to be controlled by my shattered heart.


-FreeMind

The door was wide open,
And yet I found nothing intriguing as I sat in front of it -
Slowly watching people pass by.

The door started to close,
And only when it became ajar did I realize that something was wrong.
I yelled for help as the darkness started to consume me,
Still through the door I could see the people just passing by,
Not daring to look in my direction.

The door was fully shut.
And I was disappeared.
Completely consumed by the darkness that I have become so familiar with.
There was nothing friendly about it.
Nothing that I had hoped.
It was plain darkness.
Unfortunately for me...
Nothing more...



-FreeMind

Is it a sin to remember you five years too late?
To think of your soft lips and rough hands?
To wish that you would come back?

The more I think, the more I realize that I don't mind sinning. I will make a deal with the devil, and sacrifice all I've got. I will bathe in blood under the full moon, and lay in a circle of crystals. I will do anything and everything.

Just please,
come back.

Tomorrow morning, the sun will rise again,
And the moon will disappear...

I know I don't ask for much,
But I am in need of a favor.

Make it stop.
Please make it stop.

I don't want the sun or the moon.
I just want to be left alone, in the Dark.

I want it to stop.
The world to stop this cycle of madness.

But no one is listening to me.
And so I ask you.

My dear, lovely friend, Death,
End my misery, and end my pain.
Help me get out of this hell of a game.


-FreeMind

Why are they afraid of you my love?
Can't they see you're perfect?

Taking me away on rides,
Trips, and on vacation.
You protect me from all of this,
Free me of these duties.
Make me feel like I am whole,
Surround me with all your beauties.

They all complain that you're no good,
But you're my only blessing.

I don't need another lover,
Darkness is the one I need,
He'll be gentle, not judgmental,
He's the only one I need.

I've always been his number one,
His favorite little girl,
He loved me since the start-
Day one!
I am his truly.  

They can say what they want,
I am not afraid.
I love you,
And I promise to find a way,
and to stay with you,
Regardless of my duties.

Oh Lover,
I can't wait, until we are together.
I have a plan! I'll speed it up!
I'll be there soon Oh Lover!

I found a tiny little tool,
That will bring us closer.
All I have to do it cut and see the a substance
Red like love.

I'm ready,
I'll soon be gone.
No one stops me,
They've let me go.
And now I'm free,
And now I'm yours.

Oh Lover,
Take me in your arms,
And never let me go.
I am Yours,
And You are Mine.
Oh Lover, Oh Lover!


-FreeMind

Distancing herself away, from the so called 'Love'.
This Love that everyone praises and admires.
This Love that people always desire.

Love.
He said it was Love too.
The kisses, the presents. That was all his Love.
But so were the arguments, the fights.
Love was chaos.
But doesn't everyone want Love.
To feel Love, at least once?
And so she fell for it.
For his mysterious gaze. For his slight smile.
For the Love that he offered.

But the innocent hugs came to an end.
That was not enough.
His greed wanted more. Wanted the satisfaction from this Love.
So when he held her against her will, and called it Love,
She felt ashamed for crying.
Ashamed for asking him to stop, Ashamed for saying no.
But that did not stop him.
Because in his eyes, it was Love.

Love.
The excuse he used to hurt her.
To abuse her.
To destroy her.
And she remained silent.
Isolating herself from those that could help.
How could she hate him if he was doing it out of Love?
How could she leave when all it was - was Love?

But it's never what it seems, is it..?

Love is a lie.

Love is dead.








And so is she.

Her mind is playing tricks again.
This "imagination" seems too real.

Tick-Tock
He can't possibly be here.
Claws scrapping on the wooden door,
Silent laughter, threatening grin.
Whispering "I am finally here".
Step by step, approaching her night-bed.
There is no need for that.
He took what he needed, her ability to Breathe.
Tick-Tock

She is suffocating.
Unable to let out a sound.
Choking on tears.
Fighting for her life.
Too late...
Her hands are tied,
Her eyes are shut.
A mute...

Day and Night won't pass without him stopping by.
She asks for help, they stare and laugh.
But they don't know she's just his start.

Distortion of the mind? Or is this life?
It is for You, dear reader, to decide.


-FreeMind

In the Darkness
The only Light I see
Is the one that comes from within me.

It bursts right through my broken soul,
It fills me in,
It makes me whole.  

The misplaced doll is fixed once more.


-FreeMind

Unlovable,
like a spider on your bedroom door that you
want to get rid off but are too afraid to ****.
Unnoticeable,
like the paperclip you misplaced and
completely forgot about.
Useless,
like dull scissors that don't cut.
Me.

I want to kiss the girl of my dreams
but every time our lips meet
I wake up








I would do anything to never wake up

At last, we meet again.

So deeply devoted to one another,
Our hearts beat to the same rhythm.
"Boom. Boom."

That charming gaze, delightful smile.
I let you carry me away.

And off we go.
Flying through the cotton clouds,
Eyes filled with happy tears,
Never wanting it to end.

"Destiny awaits us!"
So utterly consumed in each other.
Two love birds unable to let go.

The softness of your palm against my cheek,
Leaning in too close,
Laughing at our little jokes.

Everything is finally falling into the proper place.



But at last,
I wake up.

And you are gone once more.


-FreeMind

They want you
thinking you are as easy as a piece of cake. Not realizing that you are as sour as a lime, as spicy as a chili pepper.
So you **** yourself before any of them can get to you first.

You play with yourself life Tchaikovsky played the piano, to feel a certain high. To feel anything that might make you
forget the pent-up anger that you have build up for years. Those stupid souls, they will never understand, they will never know.

They want you.
It's an addiction, it's an obsession.
You can't get away.

They want you.

When you left, I made a decision to get rid of everything you gave me
everything you touched, everything you looked at, everything you liked.
I burned the poems and tore the pictures and chopped off all my hair
But the essence of you was still surrounding me
I searched for your presence in all the object I owned but realized too late that you have merged our souls
with all the jokes, and all the memories, and all the unspoken words

When you left, you left a part of you behind.
You left a part of you in me.
So I cut my wrists, and thighs, and stomach.
And I cut more and I cut deeper.
Hoping that one of these many cuts would **** you before it got to
me



-FreeMind

Everything was falling apart.

Life was being crushed by all these Hopes and Dreams
That one has created for themselves but could never reach.
No matter the effort, Nothing worked out.
It was an endless cycle of disappointment...

You were there too. You stood and watched.
And yet were blind to all that was happening.
You did not feel that fire,
You did not feel the pain,
You ignored the tsunami of issues that consumed me whole.

How could you?
How could you be so oblivious to the torture I was put through?
Why did you?
Why did you leave when I needed you most?



Death is a joke and I can't stop laughing...



-FreeMind

Hours turned into days, then weeks and months,
And yet the wooden logs stayed cool.
Abandoned and untouched, isolated from the world.

Suddenly, almost reaching the speed at which the fire has Diminished, a light spark landed in the exact middle of the logs.
Although it hardly changed a thing, it began the Tipping Point.
More and more sparks were shot into the logs,
Starting a small irrelevant fire.
But the sparks kept appearing, and after the months of coolness
Fire was born. Burning larger and larger. Creating heat and warmth. Sending a pleasant smoke with a sweet smelling aroma of cinnamon. The sparks have ended and yet the fire they created
Erupted the fireplace with life. Sweet, warm, cozy life.
That was missed, but never forgotten.
That seemed distant, but always desired.

This fire will burn on.
Regardless of heavy rain or wind.
This fire must burn on.
As it is the only thing keeping me sane.


-FreeMind

I wonder if all poets write about you.
A version of you
that I will never know
or never see
or never want to be with.
Endless poems filled with your thoughts and actions and feelings

I still remember the day you took my hand,
Kissed my forehead,
And told me you didn't love me.


-FreeMind