You seem like the stars in the sky,
the moon of the night
the first drop of rain,
the antidote to my pain.

It could have bled forever,but you stepped in,
breathing life into those far off dreams;
starlit eyes, i had not foreseen
just like fresh air ,when i was drowning.
not a desire,but a necessity.

You were my need, I was your want,
Baby, I expected a turnaround
And all my nights were spent
in vain hope of your replies that never came
I loved you with a red flame
your condescending behavior turned it into ashes.

Maybe I was a foolish dreamer, maybe you were supposed to be just a daydream,
but maybe I hoped I would be the one...
.but I became one of the ones

not every story has an end
and i loved you enough to walk away.
i could not make you love me when we were together
maybe my absence'll make you appreciate my love a li'l better.

And I could have wait forever, but it seems in vain,
one and one makes two, but one looks the other way,
and it could have gone forever, and maybe we were meant to be,
but goodbye is now, all I see.

so for now all words have been said.
this is my final farewell.
come ,let the two of us be strangers again.

the way your scars make a constellation of your pain,
they tell a story your lips will never accept

I just realized
how I never quite thanked you
For the little things that you did
the little things that left such a big impact
on the girl that I've grown to be

I was never shown princesses' movies
with a fairy-tale ending
but was read quotes of your favorite author
some times they would go above my head
so you would tell me what they really meant
I remember the argument that we had on
"it's better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven"
I ran to mum and asked
"do you agree with papa? Is what he saying right?"
you smiled and said, I could decide for myself
I don't remember what i decided
but I've witnessed too much of hell since that day
So now if i was asked to serve on heaven,
I'll be only glad.
You made sure that i was provided
with
the buoyancy I needed to fly
yet had the knowledge enough to
be able to walk on Earth too.
You told me I'm going to make mistakes
but it should never come in my way of learning
not every one is going to like me
and i should not care if they did
but remain true to myself
and all that i stand for.
I must not be scared, to be laughed at
for my mistakes
to err is only human, after all.
It was from you that I learnt
Words, if used correctly, can help one get through
almost any/every thing
But one should make sure
that they follow what they preach
You told me
there's a book on every feeling that I'll ever go through
When in doubt i must seek my friends
my shelf
I'm not alone in this fight
and yet you wonder
why I'm so interested in Literature

Dear Dad,
thank you for never imposing your thoughts on me,
letting me find my answers,
giving me the space I needed to grow and explore
to know what i believed in, the values I'd stand by
My friend once called you the living encyclopaedia
thank you for that too =D
For your opinions on every random topic I started.
Thank you for never letting me win
without putting a fight
I really found it sweet
Father and daughter
against each other
and neither one backing off
after all, they both shared a part of the same gene
You never sugar-coated anything
but sometimes when i would walk in
you would hurriedly change the news channel
wanted to let me enjoy as much of carefree days i could, did not you?
Did not want to expose the dark side of the world to me yet?

I bet you don't know
that when I'm confused about what to do
I take a look back and ask myself
what would papa's little daughter would do?
it has helped me more than once
it's hard to admit
your little daughter had this life figured out
more than I do now
You told me I should not fight too hard to blend in
A little madness is needed
to achieve something extra-ordinary
I WISH YOU HAD NOT
because
Now that when I look around,
I realize i barely fit
Papa,
they laugh at how I've never seen many disney movie
or, how I prefer novel more than movies
They smirk upon my dressing sense
and hair ******* in a messy knot.
Every now and then i would get into fight with those stereotype
plastic face with each inch covered in make-up
being mean and thinking they're super-cool
OH,
*I CAN NOT WAIT TILL I GET HOME TO MUM AND YOU

The kind of girl
Who remains awake till dawn
To write about the sun

The kind of boy
Who would follow her
To the end of world
To just watch the fire inside her burn

The kind of girl whose lips
never talk about love
All her love is written, and preserved

The kind of guy
Whose voice is a home away from the house she has always known

The kind of girl who writes about peace
Because her mind is always at war

The kind of guy who holds on to her jagged ends
While she finishes picking herself off the floor

The kind of girl who sees
color in every
shade of black

The kind of guy who looks for her broken smile in every strangers' face

The kind of girl to unassemble herself
And put the splits on the pages for display

The kind of guy who patiently reads through the lines
Just to get a glimpse of
How it's like inside her head

The kind of girl to decorate
her braids with stars

The kind of guy to put a hundred moons in her path

The kind of girl who is content with being in the background as life goes on

The kind of guy to treat her as if she is the main character to his novel plot

The kind of girl whose smile is like the first light after a long eclipse

The kind of guy to give her the highest place
Even when the darkness environs her

The kind of girl who can't stay in
A place for long

The kind of guy to know her heart won't let her go astray

The kind of girl who is not ashamed of her wings
In a world where everyone else's are clipped off

The kind of guy giving her the space to navigate
Believing she'll find her way to him
All over again

The kind of girl who will spread through you,
Like forest fire
And get you hooked up
Like some dark magic

The kind of guy who will let her do so,
Cause behind every pure magic
Are some dark stories
And everyone you love, takes a piece of you
And he wants it to be only her

These people are the ones you should fall for

Depression


It is different, for different people.  
For some, it is full of raging emotions,
Clashing against one another,
Till they are spent,
Too tired to battle against themselves,

A fused bulb,
The light in their eyes, forever gone.

For some, it's drifting away,
feeling so small in a world so cramped,
A little kid, lost among the towers too imposing,
Lying defeated, at the bottom of the sea.

And it's so peaceful in the dark,
The weight of the world no longer crushing,
No fear, no mask
They are now in too deep.

**Depression is not just drowning on the land,
Sometimes it's being okay even when you are buried underneath the ocean.

the universe fell in love
with the sun in his hair,
the glimpse of winter moon in his smile,
the stars underneath his feet.

*And you were no different

And I have been losing sleep
Over that one dream
Where you come to me
And hold my hand
Your eyes, apologetic
And I say I'm sorry
But I have already let you go

And I have been losing my head
Over that one what if
Where you come knocking
At my doors
After years and
I still hold you In my embrace Saying I knew you would find me again

And you see
Holding you a captive
In my memories
Hurt just as bad
As the thought of
Having to let you go
To be finally healed

I have woven you so intricately
Into the fibres of my being
And what if one crazy day
I realise I can live without you
Like the stars are independent
And don't need a moon  
To make them glow

What if I realise
I shine better without you
Eclipsing my judgment?
Would that be the day
I shall finally be free
Or the day I lose a part of me
Never to have it back again

A person is not what
Others' opinions define him to be
A moon's beauty can not be judged on a night it is eclipsed by clouds
A tree is much more than the bare branches you see in autumn
There Is more to a poet than what he is willing to write about

There is more story behind a frown than a heartbreak,
There are the memories lurking
Invisible to their cold eyes
There is more to me and you than
These heartbreaks
There is more to us than what their cold eyes will ever find

There is more complexity to my character
Than the page of my story you decided to waltz in
There is a lot more to everyone of us
Than what our eyes see
And pain makes only sense If it still hurts,
But no one can ever truly get the extent
to which someone is grieving inside

There is more to my wound,
Than the faded scar you see
And I hope there is more to you
than the judgmental hypocrisy.
Because
I have seen you bleed too,
May be not the way I do.
But one thing you should know, never smother,
**As no pain is inferior to another.

You beckon at me
In my dreams
I yearn for closeness
Just a touch
Just a nod
Anything that confirms
You are here
And you'll stay

I chase after you
But my legs refuse to move
As if I'm stuck
In wet cement
Slowly sinking
With every breath.

The distance between us
Ever increasing
And then she comes
You embrace her
The look on your face
Is so precious
As if you have found
A long lost treasure
I watch you scrape the colors off my world
To paint hers.

With your name still
On the tip of my tongue
I wake up,
Sweating,
My hands look for you,
And these moments are what I live for
When my mind forgets
That you are not there You never were

But then realisation comes
Creeping in too soon.
The rest of the night
Is spent
In tossing and turning

The morning light
With itself brings
Some sleep
As I get ready
For another tiring day

And from my dreams
You slide in my heart,
With every pump
You take over my soul
You occupy my thoughts

You love playing with my mind
If you only knew,
You would show off your smirk
And that smirk would leave
Its trace all over my face
Such crazy things
Only love can do

And I try
To wash your face off
My thoughts
But all the sinews and all the nerves
Start yelling your name
I can't resist you,
My mind refuses to cooperate
And at night,
In my dreams
I see you again

You ask me
To snap out if it
Like it's a choice
Like I'm hurting
By desire
And not a compulsion
Fate has
Bound me with

You cry
For all these materialistic things
Your teeth have gaps
And you had to get it fixed
I cry
Because I have seen a mother
Trying to get through
Her son's epileptic brain
And let him know
She loves him.

You say you know
The pain I must feel
But can you
Can you really?
I remember all the times you were there
But I also remember the majority of nights
When you were not

I had to battle alone
All those days
Darker than most of the nights
You were busy
Getting laid

my issues
Were downplayed
And I was blamed
To be the one
Eclipsing your happiness
And I apologised
Who needs razor blades
Your words
Make deeper cuts
And no one can even see the harm

I was fine before
Always Maintaining my distance
As if the plague inside me
Will create havoc
The moment I
Get near a happy soul
I'll infect them
With the misery
That I am

But you were different
You gave me hope
You showed me there was another way
And just like that
I thought I was saved
But I was not
The flood came
When I was fully assured
You were the life boat
And you were gone.


You were an illusion
I mistook for pure magic
You were the toxicant
I hoped would cure me
You gave me hope
Only to ****** it
Away from me
And the walk back home
All alone
Has never felt this lonely

Why did you hold my hand
Only to let me go
Why did you give me shelter
Only to kick me out
When I get used to the warmth
Why did you assure me
You'll be here
When that was never the part of your plan

And now I look at the mother of epileptic kid
Whose pain lasted longer
Than she ever will
Her eyes have lost their light
She is oblivious to my hands
Holding hers
Don't you dare tell me
It gets better
Cause it never does

Eyes like a forlorn yet lit pathway on a wintery night,
Leading to an unfamiliar place that unerringly felt like home
Alas, too bad i always kept dying at the doorway,
Every time I looked at my own reflection;
I felt like a stranger to my own self.


A laughter so soft yet carrying the echoes of a hundred distant temple bells,
Holding the murmurs of dying Gods and their fallen grace
Too bad that all of those listening
Lead to a map drawn so wrong
The tune of divine was lost on my mortal ears.

A face like sunlight filtering through the trees,
Playing hide and seek; a perfect escapist,
Her skin is a habitat of all the lost fireflies,
Her hair, a perfect tease daring the wind to stay still
Too bad the wind could not stay, so with itself it carried her away
Never have I wandered before, hoping to get lost so she could find me again.

Beautiful, tragic and short
Who could have known
This is how it would end

Bittersweet memories
Fading and resurfacing
Simultaneously

A moment goes so fast;
A snowflake in a palm,
The evanescence of a kid's thrill

Exaggeration, some may say
But with every intake and exhale of breath
I still take your name

I spilled my secrets to the night sky
And it bled a million stars
Trying to get your name right.

I lost countless sigh
To the wind
And it echoed a thousand probabilities,
A nostalgic memory reminding me of things that will never be

I shed a tear or two
On the spot we used to sit
And sunflowers sprouted there
A perfect burial ground
For how things used to be

I slit my veins open
On the blank page that was supposed to say
Happily ever after
To make this ever after
Without you tolerable

People fall in and out of love,
they do it all the time,
sometimes simultaneously
like the setting of sun
gives way for moon to shine,
sometimes out of sync,
like thunder and lightening,
this was what happened to them.


She had fallen out of love,
but he loved her still, the same.

I looked at you
For far too long
To be able to distinguish it
From an eternal love
And yet it was so short
I'll keep being reborn
Until you realise
How it is your breaths that hold my life

You shone
For far too long
To get the envious eyes
Of everyone we have ever known
And yet it was too short
My heart wrote you a poem
But I could not get the words out of chest
Soon enough

A silver doe
Showed me a way
Out of the misery I had wove
around myself
Long enough till it was properly gotten rid of
But just when I turned to caress it
I saw its light fade in the sunlight

Your dark eyes
A mystery in their own, intimidated I stood still
Reading into your shadow
And just when I mustered up my courage
To ask your name
You exploded
And that is how stars were born.

For someone who is never leaving,
I say goodbye a lot
For someone who is never gonna stop loving you,
I deny my love a lot
For someone who needs you like a newborn needs to be fed
I push you away a lot.

For someone who counts every second from the moment i hear your footsteps fade
Till i see you again,
I pretend to be oblivious a lot.

For someone who is burning at the sight of you two together,
I wish you well a lot.
For someone who cries every night,
I still have a lot of hurt inside
For someone who is never going to be first on your list,
I expect a lot.

For someone who remains awake at night reminiscing the little details about you
I avoid any sort of eye contact with you a lot.

Poets need to stop glorifying heartbreaks and depression. Nothing about depression is appealing and all that blood was never pretty just red and gross. Poets need to stop looking for rhymes in things that have long lost their abilities to speak or, look for a pattern in the way his love comes and goes like the tides on a full moon day. There is none. It is hard to admit it, but sometimes all a poet needs to do is put the pen down, and instead of capturing the moments into words, feel them. Yes, close your eyes and feel the air you exhale and the heart pumping the blood. Sometimes, bleeding on paper ain't enough, sometimes all a poet needs to do is step back and look at his bruised hands and give it the time needed to heal and stop drowning himself in metaphors and similes and get up and stand on his feet and make a difference.
They need to warn the readers and remind themselves that missing someone does not come softly, that there are places where even light cannot reach. They need to stop exaggerating or, underplaying it. Sometimes, they need to stop looking for the reasons for how and why the stars align in a certain way, or why out of all the people who could have broken their hearts, it had to be the one they trusted it with the most.
Sometimes they have to admit, that despite their best attempts there are hearts that won't race on the alphabets and punctuations of what they wrote and there are people for whom their best would never be good enough. And that should not matter.
Sometimes, poets need to realise they are not just a broken memory of the person they were, but that they hold the past, present, and future within themselves. Yes, they are the embodiment of lives. But mostly, One thing that we poets need to understand Is that at the end of the day, when we lay on the bed, we are humans too, and we must find a way to forgive ourselves and all the words we write, should be meant for us. That is the only way we can grow, that is the only way our poems will grow with us when you start being honest with ourselves and not write to fit into some twisted layout the world has set for us.

Put your makeup on
Fix your hair
Don't let them know
You are hurting
But God, are you hurting!

Put a facade on
Make your voice sound softer
Walk with a zeal
Don't let your eyes betray you
But oh, they always betray you

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Can they tell
I have been wasting my self away
Curled up in a ball

Mirror mirror on the wall
Will they ever know
The face in the mirror
Masks more pain than they'll ever know

Fight the lump in your throat
Eat but never swallow
You need to fit into that dress
Your boyfriend bought
Oh, anything for him.

Pull your sleeves down
They must not see
The cracks through
Your impenetrable wall
But the voices are just too loud

Mirror, mirror on the wall
How long will he love me
If I continue to live
In this flawed skin I was born with

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Can I tell you a secret
Few more weeks
And I'll be the prettiest of them all

Ignore the stares
But does your hip look too flat
It can't be, you followed all the diet procedures perfectly
Or, did you

Give in
You can't do this anymore
Who would ever love
The ugly duckling you have
Become

Mirror,  mirror on the wall
Why do you have to be so shallow
Why don't you reflect
All the goodness inside a person

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Watch how I break you
And bleed my life dry
On the shattered piece of you

Dear little girl,
*You have hated your reflection
That I showed all this time
If you only knew
Only you have the acceptance
You sought in everyone's eyes

silently whispers

You're not the allegation of any guy who blames you for leading him on because you have two fatty sacs on your chest.

silently whispers

Your tears don't absolve you of your masculinity, nor your gentleness is something to mock about. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

silently whispers

You are not the lustful touches they give, or the hungry stares. If a man finds you ***** after he has touched you, tell him to look at his own hand.

silently whispers

You're not entitled to give it to someone, or enjoy what has been forced upon you, cause it is a sick imagination of someone else. Your gender does not determine if you're a victim or the culprit, deserving the punishment.

Please don't ever think you're supposed to sit still when someone's hand over stays their welcome, and stray to other places, where they were not invited because everyone says your gender Is supposed to enjoy any ****** act.

silently whispers*
You're not the intentions or the ***** implications of someone who compliments you, neither you accept their unsaid offer when you say thank you.

And when you talk of things like that, you're not supposed to stagger, when they speak out loud-" but I have never done that". Not you, maybe, buy definitely someone else.

speaks out loud
A crime does not stop because you refuse to participate in it, or if you decide to close your eyes. You can't dismiss a problem because you never had it happen to you.
It's not a girl or a boy, who is sexually abused.
It's a person.
Please, proceed onwards after you have this understood

I lost
my light
my self
my essence
my entity
my everything
in you

like a star shining at noon

but even that was not enough to make you stay
so, you're gone and never coming back

**I don't know who I'm with you not around

"See you around"
Now, I have never been a fan of goodbyes
But that was far-stretched to a point
It could only be a lie.
Our song, whose words either
You have forgotten,
Or, no longer care to utter,
Has been long sung
And over.

And in an ideal world,
You would be exactly where I belong,
But the world always gets its way
I must admit,
It is hard to watch all your love
Getting drained out of your bone
With no face to blame

And I don't know if it's a choice,
I think not,
To have a control over
Who we choose to love
And maybe I should have kept
All these feelings bottled up
In some dark corner of my mind
But I had to try
Or how would have I known

And we tried,
Did not we?
Two souls against
This world's ways
But I guess it was just too much
For anyone to take
And we both were
Two little kids
Who increased in volume
But never really grew up

And writing is how I'll get to keep you
Yet give you the final closure you need
I loved you with every ounce of
What was mine
But it will be a suicide
If I choose to stand here
Hear your footsteps
Till they fade
Because your memories
A quicksand
I never learnt to escape

I have to leave,
Since you already have
So,
Goodbye to you,
My lover, my better half, my best friend.

I hope you slept well to the  new pillows that have not been imprinted by any essence yet
I hope you woke up startled and longing in a place defiant to show any familiarity
I hope you feel free now that you have burnt down your past to the ashes.
I hope you feel heavy now that the ghosts haunt you for your unbidden goodbyes
I hope the sun shines ever so gently, I will your sunflowers to never wilt
I hope the scorching summer heat reminds you of the spring that faded too soon
I hope the windchimes lull you into a dreamless sleep.
i hope i find my way to you and walk through your resistance even if it is in your dreams


I hope time grants you blissful forgetfulness
I hope you spend your nights trying to remember the feel of my lips against yours but can't
I hope no rain ever takes away your vision of a clear blue sky
I hope no rain is enough for you to drown the softest I love yous you confessed
I hope you now get to write the story you wanted to read, in peace
I hope you can't find a metaphor loving enough that I have not used upon you
I hope we find that we are the sun we were looking to orbit around
*I hope you wistfully say that I was your favorite sky to shine upon

Had I told the moon
What I felt for you
It would turn a shade darker out of envy
And leave the world in darkness
Only to be my personal guide

Had I shown the sky
What I would do for you
It would fall down
Willing to be the
land I walk on

Had I touched the flower
With the softness
I touched you,
It would shed its petals
So that I could pick them up
And put them in my favorite book

Had I looked at stars
With a gaze I've reserved only for you
They would gladly leave their home
And fall at my feet

Had I whispered the poems
I write for you
To the wind
It would gather all the breeze
And sit on my palm
Hoping to be held

Have you ever thought
Why your heart continues to beat
With all its pieces
Breaking farther
As the time grows

Have you ever thought
Why you still find it beautiful
To look at those starry skies
Every night
Through misty eyes

Have you ever thought
Why our palm has not yet
Lost its sensation
Even after holding on to things
Long gone and dead

Have you ever thought
Why do you never run out of oxygen
Even when sometimes you feel
The atmosphere closing in
on you

Call it fate
Karma, God's will Or simply hope,
You have to keep reminding yourself
The best is yet to come,
And you are far from being done.

Dark Circles beneath her eyes
The fire in those eyes
now replaced by sadness
of knowing too much
Of trying too hard
.
.
the more she saw,
the less she knew
the more she tried,
the less things worked
She kept *restlessly brooding
why the world is so raNdom
and what if the littlest thing that she did
made it fall apart?
.
.
tick-tock
(Restless brooding)
A girl of 17
never felt safe in her own skin
She comes in all the shades of self-loathing

(Restless brooding)
Living a life of mediocrity
Good, but never the best
not worth the change in your pocket.

(Restless brooding)
Centre of the group,
her smile was just that contagious
Chased by many, understood by none
Always loved mystery,
maybe that's why she became one

(Restless brooding)
Red is the color of rust that calms her
Jagged cut across her thighs
She comes with a self-destruct button and hence pushes away the very thing she likes
she wants to decrease the casualities

(Restless brooding)
Sleep won't come easily to her
so she writes and reads
that's pretty much her life
by the window she cries
for the characters whose brokeness resembles her life
but if you ask her why
she'll evade vaguely

(Restless brooding)
She increases the volume of her headphones
to mute the voices in her head
voices which try to drag her to the past
a past she'll never get rid of

(Restless brooding)
with every second that passes by
she pushes the world a little more far away
but she always smiles
so that must mean she's okay, right?

Dark circle beaneath her eyes
because *she spends her night
talking to the stars
and conspiring with the moon
against the demons she herself has created
trying to find the key
to the lock she has chained around herself

And one day she will
one day she will realise
*her light can't be contained
and those dim eyes will shine again
One day she will not be afraid of being herself
even if she does not know who she is yet

Maybe my kisses
Were too soft to be felt
Or not hard enough for you to memorize them,
Maybe that is why I have seen you
Looking down that alley,
But lemme tell you,
You are looking for love
At all the wrong places.

Maybe the words I said
Were not enough
But you forgot my love is composed
Of a million feelings I can't name
Now all of them have reshaped
To beg you,
Please don't go chasing those two headlights

Maybe I should not have closed the door,
Right at your face
And still stood there
With my hand on the door ****,
But I guess I knew
I won't get too far
Without letting you know,
Love almost never lives
Where you lost it

So please before I am lost,
In the arms of someone
Who is mesmerized by starlight
I would like you to know,
When the headlights move away too fast
For you to follow
When you lay defeated and in the cold,
Remember these words of mine
That asked you not to go chasing those headlights.
They shine brilliantly
But they are just light,
Gone away in the blink of an eye.

This is for the first time
you opened your mouth after years of silence
and all you could say was
"Im sorry, please come back"

This is for the first time
you saw the wounds on his hand
and regretted how you let
the roses he sent
just to die and rot away

This is for the first time
you realised how much he loved you
and just because his love remained unwritten or unexplained
does not mean he loved you any less

This is for the first time
you realised how much you
burnt him
with your coldness
unintentional-yet brutal

This is for the first time
you realised
how he broke himself
to fix parts of you-
not a single complain escaping his mouth

You cut him open
and made him apologise for having bled
this is for the first time you bled
and he was not there for help

*this is for the first time
you realised
he was your last shot at
happiness
And you threw it away

*this is for the first time
you heard him say
i love you
for
the last time

And I tried really hard
to change my ways,
to be softer,
but with you there is no grey region
either I'm flying too high,
or I'm crashing down
an abyss

and all I ever wanted,
was for you to hold my hand,
and willingly walk through
this road called life.

And I tried really hard
to stop chasing my expectations,
and settle down with my reality,
but with you, there is no consistency,
one day your eyes tell me,
you'll follow me to wherever I go,
and next day I'm sitting alone,
thinking where did I go wrong

and all I wanted
was for you to make me feel loved once in a while,
even though I always know,
you already love me.

and I tried really hard
to keep up with your pace
but all my improvements,
you never really acknowledged.
you pull me up in your embrace
and push me away in the next
carve a frown, turn it upside down,
to you, it is all just a game.

And for once, let us play a game
of who loves whom more
and i'd let you win happily
if you only tried

but you don't really care much,
maybe, tomorrow, I'll try again
when you show up with another version of you.

It is all about the thing that is the last whisper you hear  before you sleep.
It is all about the lingering feeling of a soft kiss on your lips before you snuggle the night away in his arm.
It is all about the random tide that hits you making you realise how much you're loved,
Like a silent sky people forget about sometimes but is always there when you look up.
It is all about the numbing chilly breeze on a wintery midnight, that makes you feel so much,
The roads and surroundings covered in orangish pink hues,  slowly humming to themselves, luring you in a trance.
It is all about the soft wintery moon smiling down at you,
Or the science exams that bring out your artistic streaks
It is about those moment of tranquillity where every piece falls into the places they belong.
It is all about the stains you get after laying in the grass early morning
Each dew drop looks like a twinkling sun of their own.
It is about getting to taste heaven in your favorite flavor,
And enjoy the sun  kiss your skin.
It is all about nani maa oiling your hair and your mother's eyes twinkling,  while she says you're such a spoiled  kid.
It  is about the hope that someone else  will get the door.
It is all about fluffy socks,  sweater with hand drawn patterns
It is all about flushed cheeks, freezing hands in your friend's pocket
Like the snow flakes that fall,
Unique in their own way,
Every season with itself brings
Its own flavor and shades,
And though summer is well known for  lighting a wildfire  in everyone's heart,
And adrenaline rush of first love,
Winter stands elegantly,  and let things run into a deeper course.

Her eyes
Were the shade of black
But a closer inspection
would tell you
*They were so much
more

Her eyes held chaos
Wrapped up in poetry,
Like constellations,
You could only read them
Once you get familiar
With the patterns

Her eyes are an endless night sky
With hope shimmering as stars,
All over,
A heavenly view to some,
For me the perfect place
to untangle my woes and live in

Her eyes are the kindest black hole
You'll ever see
Pulling you in and swallowing your insecurities and sadness up
Till only the real, unbroken you stand beside her

Her eyes are the tempest,
A door to another world,
And one part of your soul remains untouched
Unless you climb in her mind
And see the world through her eyes

Her eyes
Are the shade of black
But on closer look
You'll see
They are much more than that
They are the place I had to get lost first
To find my true self

She is brokenness
With a pretty cover
He is lost sighs
Of the star crossed lovers.

She is the familiar face
In a crowded street
He is the purest relation
Not obligatory, yet a need.

She is the grace
by which the leaves fall
He is the warm embrace
of sunlight on a winter morn.

She is the whimper
Of the lonely moon
He is the the lake
In which its reflection floats.

She is his past midnight drunken confessions
He is what she spills all over the blank paper.

He will  call you beautiful and you'll feel something stir within you, a feeling that makes you realise with a warm surprise that you believe that that's how he feels and that will be your first cue. Your first warning. An omen asking you to turn your back and run away as fast as you can.

You're sitting with him watching the sun set and you'll look at him and catch him looking at you and that moment will take your breath away and you'll ask yourself how come you never noticed how strikingly beautiful he is. And that's  your second warning.  Tell yourself it's not him and it's the sunset's ability to turn everything it touches into an art. Do whatever it takes you to convince yourself of that. And whatever you do, don't spend your nights away looking for metaphors to fit him.

And soon enough you'll find his name trembling on your lips and these unknown feelings bouncing in your tummy trying their best to announce themselves to the world and have them acknowledged. And this my darling is a very dangerous stage. Choke on them if you have to. Bite your lips till you bleed out and hold on your breath till you're blue in the face but whatever you do, don't let your emotions be known. Because they're little fire who might burn you from inside if you don't allow them to see the light but know, once they get out, they'll set everything you love on fire starting with the little brown eyed boy you seem to love so much.

It's been few days and you see his gaze lingering on you for longer than ever before and his mouth opening and closing as if it intends to tell you something and this, my baby, is your last chance to save your life. After all, you should have known by now that you're perfectly capable of breaking yourself without any lending hand. Then why **** the thing you have put so much faith in? Let the one thing you love remain untouched by your miseries. After all, you have still not learnt how to fly and why would you be willing to clip off your own wings?

And don't try denying that you would not. Because you know you will.

And if there is one thing worse than a guy you love, it's a guy who loves you.

Because the same rush you're feeling; the gentle caress of wind thar uplifts your mood and soothes your qualms can also rage against you and uproot the very foundation of your being. And you, my darling, are not ready for it.

Insecurities and a need to be needed don't get along so beautifully. So do yourself a favor, darling and leave.

Some voids
You just can't fill
But that never
stopped you
From loving me.

Some of us
Go too astray
To ever come back
To who we once were
But that never stopped you
From calling out my name

Some things
You just can't repair
But that never stopped you
From trying

Some flowers
Wilt when you touch them
But your tender touch
Only livened their petals

Some angels
Are destined to fall
But somwhow you were always
At the right place
To catch one of them.

And today when
I stood among stangers
In the pouring rain
Waiting for my train
I was reminded
How it felt
Without you

His eyes,
Blacker than the darkest
Midnight sky,
Might just save
My black heart.

His lips,
The gentle shade
Of a rose bud,
Is the reason why
I have "attention deficit" disorder

His smile
Just like the sun light
Breaking through the mist of
Doubts and lies
Guides me

His innocence
A glimpse of which
I find in every toddler's smile
Reminds me
To save mine

He is not
the guy I expected myself to be with
But he is the reason that keeps me
From flying too close
To the sun

His mind
Does not get most of my
metaphoric reference
But his hand holds mine
And steadies my shaky foundation

And maybe if you just hang in there
You'll see You did not get
what you want Cause
some greater  possiblilty out there is seeking you

It is so easy to get mesmerized
By this haze called love
I find myself forgetting
That you ain't him
And I ain't her.

And it is easy to give in to the urges
Walk hand in hand
Talk heart to heart
But if you walk in circles,
You'll exactly reach from where you begun

The brown of your eyes
Still reflect the same warmth
The misery of my heart
Still longs for your company.


And all the houses and the memories we burnt
Sometimes it is hard to believe
That you were ever him
And I was ever her.

Then the heart asked my mind a question,
Or, well the softer part of me, to the more reasonable one
For how long, do you think, this one wound can bleed
My mind, unsure, haughtily said
You held on it, way longer than he did
The pieces of my heart cringed under
The voice holding the ultimate truth
As the frozen memories of him
Came rushing back
I know it is so,
But these hands never learnt to let go
The hands looked flustered,
Their voices timid with the brewing anger
Replied "neither did you, heart. Neither did you."
And stop pretending
You're the only who holds grievance,
At least you don't stay up
Writing about the lines on his palm,
All these poems,
He never bothered to throw a short glance

When you're writing, show your brutal honesty in the ugliest ways by using the softest words.

You are the **** itch people get in public and can do nothing about.
You are the left over canned food people throw away to rot
You are the leech that grows at the expanse of another soul
You are the embodiment of all the ill temptations I ever sought

You are the nauseating feeling that can taint the joy of best ride,
You are the single cloud in an otherwise perfect blue sky,
You are the the rose plant that only yields thorn
You are all blackness and cruel storms.

You are the door closed in a helpless face again and again
Like the rain after drought, you have always been inadequate
With every breath, your stupidity redeems itself,
Like a circle, your cruelty knows no end

And I have been a fool, bigger than you,
Worshipping a pebble off the road does not really make it a God.
Time and time again, for you I fall.
You can't keep bleeding forever and call it love.

But this, my friend, was the last straw
I'll let myself feel the pain, and let it all go,
I need space to spread my wings,
You need to strengthen your roots, and atone for your sins

In another time,
In another life,
Maybe our love will win
But for now, I'm a matchstick soaked in gasoline
And you are always too fiery.


Pardon, my biased hatred,
But you can truly hate, what you once loved.

Can you feel it
The venom flowing in
Your blood
It's darker than
The darkest shade of nights,
You have seen.

Can you feel it
The guilt infiltrating your thoughts
Faster than
The snow dissipating
on a child's palm

Can you feel it,
A feeling of hopelessness
Taking over
Like a nausea
You could not fight

Can you feel yourself dying
A little more inside
And becoming the monster
Your mother always
Warned you about?

If our love is a game,
I'm the loser
If our love is a sad song
I'm its lyrics
If our love is a movie
I'm the interval
If our love is a tango dance
I'm the third person
If our love is a clear sky
I'm the one drenched in raindrops
If our love is a novel
Im the character that could not make it to the happily ever after
If our love is a poem
Im the muse long forgotten
If our love is the moon
I'm the clouds obscuring its light
If our love is pure magic
I'm just an illusion of it
If our love is familiar faces and warm smiles
I'm the stranger whose goodbyes are diguised as cute smiles
If our love is the beginning of something new
Im the funeral toll
If our love is a welcome mat
Im the doorbell that never rings
**I can give you
My soul
My body
My mind
My all
But it will never be enough
Cause baby, our love is a sunflower
Im the colorless sunrise..
I'm just waiting for you to realise it
And turn your face away from me

If this is a movie,
Let me tell you I want my money back

Cause last time you ever
wrote me into your story
I was the girl
who could not make it to the interval


If this is a book that you are reading
Lemme turn the page

Cause last time you ever
read me something
I had to wake up
to find you missing

If this is nothing but a game to you
Lemme tell you I don't want to play anymore

Cause last time we played hide-n-seek
You never started looking
And I had to yell
" I'm over here"

If this is a life that I'm living
Lemme tell you I Want to end it

Cause last time I heard
Life is only for the living
And I have already
started rotting

If this is an expectation, I'm supposed to stand up to
Lemme tell you I'm already slipping

Cause last time you
held me in your arms
I felt a noose tightening around,
Strangling and choking me

If it is death what you are scared of
Lemme tell you, death is the only privilege we all can afford

Cause last time I opened my eyes
I saw how biased life was,
Every one thinks they have a plan
But Life tricks us all

If you bleed enough, maybe then you can make them feel your love
Love?
Love was never just a feeling to you but a certain someone
and maybe that is where it all went wrong

If you stop looking 
for the sun in his shadow
maybe then you can actually 
fix the rain falling inside your heart for so long
Long?
how long has it been 
since you started drowning
how long till you hit the bottom

If only you did not wait for him
to decorate the darkness 
laying by your side every night
then you could notice the shining star that you are
Star?
but did not the fire inside you consume you entirely
all you ever do is fade or die

If not every night
continued to dawned into another
Same old cycle
same self destruction 
with same old feelings
feelings?
yes, feelings that weigh me down
while you soar

I like to think
I bury him a little bit
Every day
Under the pile of poems
He'll never get
To read

I like to think
That I have crossed a certain stage
Now that I refer to you
as "him" instead
And in this fact,
I find some solace

I like to think
About the sight Of you loving her
The way I wish you had loved me
And how that no longer
makes me cringe
I'm finally letting go

I like to think
That maybe,
Not all of us can find love
But If we try hard enough,
We will find something greater
Waiting just to happen to us

I like to think
We are more
And will always be
More than the bitter people
Who try to break us,
We are indestructible.

She gives you all of her,
asks for naught,
the only relationship
that requires no words,
this one's for you, mum

putting all our want before your needs,
shielding me from any and every bad thing
Ma'lady if only my mouth worked as fast as my pen,
I'd Tell you how grateful i am

her eyes so proud, yet so secretive.
no one is allowed to see the tears they cry
they look forlorn and so weary
from all the impossible fights
you fought and lost.

tragedies follow you
everywhere you go
but nothing could shake
your faith in Him
every day you wake and bow
Thanking him for.. Idk what :p

bouquet of flowers spring where her feet touches the ground,
she embraces sadness just the way she embraces good news
she is my mom, my love
my cloudless sky when rest of world is raining allegations and hurt.
somehow you bring light to me on a sunless day
Or, send a firefly to guide me on a starless night


*Every time i think of writing about beauty, i think of you.

Would I still be me
If I did not have
These fancy words to bleed

I'm the pebbles in my pocket
That keeps me drowning
Farther into depth
I'm the frigging rescue boat too
And I'm yet learning
how to deal with that

I like to sit and watch
The world
Never bothering to participate
I like to live in my past
And wish on the stars
That are long dead


would I still be me
If I did not have
these fancy words to bleed

I'm the only cloud in my own sky
Blotting a perfect view.
I'm the blazing sun too.
And I'm trying to learn how
To take responsibility
If It rains down on me

I like to dodge away
All these sad incidences
I turn them into art, When they hit me
I like to use my words
To guide me out of my own head; It's the only time i make sense to myself


Would I still be me
If I did not have
these fancy words to bleed?

I'm the lonely dandelion
Having myself blown away
To the ten directions
I'm the wind too
Challenging everything that
Gets in my way

I like to look at the trees
I like to have the wind whisper my name
I would like to be you
I would like to be him
Without ever losing the essence
Of my true self


Would I still be me
If I did not have
these fancy words to bleed

I can't sleep without you tucked up against me,
By my side.
But if you were to ask me how I'm,
I'd tell you I'm getting by,
I'm getting by.

And it's like walking through a door,
Just to find another
It's like watching you look for me,
Through my window,
In a house, with no door.

I can't seem to be able to watch you mourn me.
I want to tell you,
You can't be both the killer and the ambulance,
But you're.
And it's just not fair,
It's just not fair.

And It's like I'm the bullet you want to dodge,
But you can't go far without the adrenaline.
It's like how every flower will wilt for you,
If you love it hard enough,
And boy, did we love

I can't seem to be able to make use of this leftover me,
So in case you're looking for an empty, secluded place to rest from your inconsistencies,
Use my heart,
But you can't, you won't
A heart so tamed is no fun,
My heart is no fun, anymore.

And it's like the whole world is spinning,
Tauntingly, obliviously,
But I can't move,
Unless it's to write,
Somewhere along the line,
Expression was the only time
I was away from self destruction
And it's sad, but kind of funny, don't you agree?
It's sad, but kind of funny.

I can't seem to tuck out the disappointments,
Hiding in the wrinkles of my skin,
Or be a disappointment dressed up in
This messed up body,
But if you were to pass me by, I'd compile all the burnt out suns inside of my heart,
To give you one last warm smile,
Anything to convince you

That I'm getting by,
I'm getting by.

I buried myself in my own body so don't ask me why the words on my lips taste like tombstones or why I wake up in the middle of the night startled as if I can listen to the rattled ache of old bones colliding against one other inside my self because the muscles have decayed off long ago.

2. I have swallowed enough tears and choked on enough words to create a sea inside of me so don't ask me why I walk sometimes as any moment I might collapse under my own weight if you don't know how it feels like to have your organs soak water and later drown in it. Don't tell me pressure gets to you too sometimes if you don't know how it feels to have your insides fight your own skeleton and skin to get out.

3. I sleep a lot or not at all. My sleeping pattern is a perfect symbolism of how I feel things. Either I'm overwhelmed or numbed except no one ever notices cause my lights are always on. My friend once joked that I'm too old to be afraid of monsters. God bless her sweet, innocent heart. She did not need to know that I carry the monster with myself to my bed, that sometimes the monster walks around her wearing my face but guess that's okay. To them I'm a happy girl who likes to write sad poems. As if sadness is a persona I'm trying to adopt cause it's a trend. But ignorance is Bliss. I'm counting on them to always deny that things are worse than they look when the signs are glaring them in the eyes. Their ignorance is not just their Bliss, but my liberty.

4. One of my friend while reading about someone's suicide asks me why would you want to trade all that's out there for an oblivion. I looked her in the eye and told her that it's cause they notice no difference except for the extra pressure that life brings, the constant reminder that you should be out there just doing something.. You know, living the life and all and knowing that you're supposed to want to feel something but you don't, don't want to at all, is tiring. Existing is tiring. Or so they think. It's not like I'd know, I add lamely to differentiate myself from them.

5. I'm always sad but I have never let that prevent me from being happy. It's really sad, and it's really funny that I have never been truly happy and never been truly sad. A hopeful present always brings me a smile, or death. Depends really. And the regretful present is enough to sober me at my happiest moments.

6. Sometimes my days feel like a continued extension of night, my life a silent movie but with the sad bg music where I'm the only character that does not know its role or which scene is going on. Sometimes it feels like I have long exhaled my last breath and my mind has not just caught up to the fact that I might be dead