The blue of his eyes is
Mesmerizing enough
to keep me captivated
But kind enough to let me float
And not drown
He is infinitely dreamy
And he is infinitely
Mine

I am found
Behind the cavity of his eyes
Between the beats of his heart
The deviousness lurking
Around the corner of his lips
He is infinitely fine
And he is infinitely
Mine

The touch of his
Is velvety enough
To soothe the chasms after a long day
But wild enough to awake
The wolf in me On a new moon night
He is infinitely wild
He is infinitely
Mine

I am found
On the tip of his tongue
In between the words,
And in his eloquence
He is infinitely artistic
He is infinitely
Mine

The voice of his
Magical enough to put my restlessness Into ease
But playful enough to make my
Heartbeats Flutter
Whenever and however he wishes
He is infinitely magical
He is infinitely
Mine

I'm found
In his memories and dreams
In his longings and reality
I'm the music he breathes
With his missing heartbeats
He is infinitely passionate
He is **infinitely
Mine

I have been walking around this road
All alone for so long
Unaffected by a friend's betrayal
Or the enemy's kindness
Whether it snows or the sun scorches
I have carried on
Into places unknown
Rendering formal greetings or,
Maybe some small talk
"How have you been"
The weather and the work
Mouth replies dryly
To personal questions
"It feels nice to be here"
While my mind secretly makes
Escape plans
You should not be in this vicinity
Too many people with heart beats
Every Eye filled with a hundred questions
Every mouth desperate to trade secrets
Solitude is the best company, I have learnt
The more silent you are, the more you can listen to God talk
Through the birds and the thousand twinkling stars
Solace can be found in the hardest of times
If only one knows how to dissolve
In the nature around himself
So I shall lay down on wet grass
And the thousand lighting suns will be the roof of my house
With the solitude wrapped around me as a blanket
And the fireflies buzzing in the background
I'll have the sweetest sleep

A touch of hand
Hardly a brush
But you felt enough
A word
he whispered
Not much
But you felt yourself
getting swept away

A smile
He brings when he comes,
Nothing strong,
But it won't ever falter
A new hope you found
Amidst all these doubts,
No way to know where it will lead
But you can't stop

You can feel it,
Everywhere you go,
The winds keep spreading
His aroma all around you

You can see it,
In the darkness
You are now dreaming of his face
With eyes wide open

The adrenaline rush
Giving you the highest high
you ever felt
A shrug, it can't be that
But you can't stop looking her way

A glimpse
Not long before she goes
But she continues to linger
In your thoughts

You can feel it
In your solitude
The ebbing pain cursing her name

You can hear
the fresh leaves saying
The weather will soon change

A growing blush on your cheeks
Not too prominent, you hope
But everyone with eyes
Has started to see a pattern

A stutter along with some whispers
Your heart floats some place far
With a buoyancy  
it has just acquired

You can hear it
Inside your chest
What once was hollow
Is now pounding with grace

You can feel it
By the flutters of the butterflies
That rose from the ashes

A strange euphoria wreathed around you
Not one reason you can confirm
But your friends say
It is cause of her

A late night revelation
Not a thing you planned
But here you are hoping hard
The cupid hit both of you and not just one.

You can see it now
clearer than the moon
on a cloudless night
It is love.
You know it now
Better than the childhood rhymes
You have learnt
*It must have been love all along

they say
he must be lucky
the guy who gets to have me
and i just look in your eyes
and see the hell i have put you through
they fell in love w my words
but i wonder do they know
that this is not beautiful
all these words may make depression look pretty
but it is not
it is not easy to be w a girl
who wants to crawl into the tiniest space of you
and make her home there
it is not easy to be with a girl
who makes you her air
it is not easy to see her
cringe at her own reflection
it is not easy to love her
when all she has is hatred for her self
it is not easy to look at her
when you read her poems about how she wants to peel off her skin
till nothing of her remains
it is easy to say
he must be a lucky guy
lemme assure you
he is not
im not blushing cheeks and perfect smiles
Im not about classy looks and vintage dresses
im like the storm and the only way i know how to show my love is to destroy
it is not easy to talk to her
when she replies in proses and riddles
it is not easy to hold her
when one moment she is warm and cuddlable
and the next she is spitting fire
it is not easy to tolerate her
when one small mistake and
it has already been
carved as a poem
it is not easy to survive her intense gaze
it is not easy to look back into her eyes
when she is looking at you w too much emotions contained in her eyes
too strong for you to take
she is everything
or nothing
or both
at the same time
she is every shade of every color
simulataneously
Ill overwhelm you
or i can make you question your own existence
cause i dont know any other way
to love
than to make you my all
and to be your all
ill love you w a passion
you have never seen before
but can your feeble heart
take it?
do you think
your calculated actions and diplomatic decisions
will help you then?
you may be fooled by my smile
and my gentle voice in which i talk to you
but there is a lot to me
than what meets your eyes
there will always be more to me
than you ll know
and you may think it is easy to love me
but it is not
you are a dreamer, you are in love with the idea of me
while you remain oblivious of
all the stories behind the words i have not yet written
and the words you ll never see.
It is effortless to fall in love with a poem
but being with a poet is a totally different thing
don't you now agree?

A heart like cemetery
Where every time you wish you had died but did not
A new grave was dug
And part of you was laid

A soul so wary
It does not seem to resonate with your age,
And it is always autumn all around you
And you are the leaves that have been let go of

A skin like porcelain
It does little to keep anything in
And all the light inside of you
Has been extracted.

But they cannot understand
And so you never tell,
You tiptoe around the edge of the knife
While waving back at them

As long as your smile does not falter
You'll be the pretty little star,
Flirtatious eyes
And envious remarks
Following every step you take

You have got holes in your heart,
But so what as long as they keep you afloat?
And life has been falling apart
From a year or four
But today, had turned out to be just okay

It's just another night
I have slain all these stars
I would hang them from your ceilings
Just to light up the paths
In your darkest dreams

It's just another night
I could not fall asleep
Without the beat of his heart
Singing to me
Sweet lullabies
I know you miss her too

It's just another night
I wrap your words around me
To shield me from the echoes
Of the goodbyes I never got
Do you sometimes beg God
To give you more time w her
But the clock keeps ticking
Into an eternity without her

It's just another night
And we both are bleeding
For the love that was ours,
For the love our heart holds still
And for the love that will always be.

It's the first day of spring
but little it matters to my heart
where it is always winter.

It's the first day of the spring
And it has tore me apart again
Like an autumn wind.

It is the first day of the spring
But our eyes are still raining
For the memories of summer gone.

My hands are missing something they have never held
A homely tone, a familiar face,
Or, a flower I have never smelt
I can not tell
Which one of them is it,
But my heart can't rest
I dream about skylines I have never seen
And all the places I have never been

I think about getting lost
More often than not
And lay on the wet grass
In the middle of nowhere

I want to go
To the depth of the ocean
Maybe there I'll find the peace
That, so far, has managed
To stay away from me

Oh look at that bird,
I wonder what it is saying,
Is it beckoning me?
How nice it must be
To say what you want
Not caring about what everyone thinks

Or, look at the shadow,
I wonder what would happen if It could talk
Always lurking around
In a cloak of mystery,
Some mornings,
I wish it would continue to embrace me

Can you hear the wind
Pass you by
Taking with it,
A thousand sighs
Of a thousand lovers,
If I could I would draw a face on it,
And hear it talk
About all the places it has travelled

Listen closely,
Can you hear the song
The moon sings
To its beloved earth?
I wonder what stars feel,
When they witness
This enchanting exchange
Is that why they flicker
So brightly,
They also want someone
To sing them lullaby every morning


I wonder about a lot of things,
The whys and how's of everything
All these questions,
I'm sure, would take me on a journey,
I might not know whereabouts and the time right now,
But I know one day, I'll be free.

“Dark circles under my eyes sink deeper and deeper into my skull, in contrast to my pale skin; an undeniable resemblance to a FRESH CORPSE.

Kiss me
As if
you are drowning
And your only
source of oxygen
Is my lips

Kiss me
As if
You want to know
how you taste
On my lips

Kiss me
As if
i am the
Only girl here
For you;
The only one you see

Kiss me
As if
you are a
wilting flower
And i'm the
first drop of rain

Kiss me
As if
my lips
Taste like freedom
And you have been a prisoner
Of the world's ways all your life

Kiss me
Like that is all
You have ever known
As if
You find yourself
Only when you get lost in me

Kiss me
And let the words Flow from
My lips to yours
And weave themselves
into poetry;
a poetry only we can feel

Kiss me
as if you are dying
and your only way
to salvation
is me

*He Kissed me
As if
Trying to tell me
How beautiful He thinks i'm
Without having
To utter A single alphabet

I saw a couple of leaves
Around the corner of this building
Fluttering so much,
For a moment I thought
They were a couple of parrots
Perfect, luscious, shade of green
that
I have not recently
seen
On leaves
For they are always
Covered in dust
And grit
Or maybe cause
I have not had much time these days
From wailing in self misery
And drowning myself in various level of toxicity

I saw a couple of leaves
Around the corner of this building
Fluttering so gleefully,
On a thin branch,
It almost filled me with hope,
And when has the odds
Been in favor of any one of us
Though, I have to admit,
Some of us have it easier
Than most,
But that is no reason to give up.

I saw a couple of leaves,
Paving their way
Through the concrete,
Fluttering so much more
Than any leaves on a high tree
And that is when I realised,
Though i don't know the how and the why's
We will all make it,
Eventually.

when the sky falls into the sea
and the atmosphere gets so thick that i can't breathe
when there is no shoulder where i could put my head and weep
when no there is no padre who would forgive my sins
LET A SAVIOUR COME ....LET IT BE ME..

let it be me...let it be me..

when all the door slams close at my face
and the world around me gets insane
when everyone starts to point their fingers at me,
and there is only darkness and chaos within
WHEN THE DEMONS WALK AROUND IN DISGUISE
AND THERE IS NO ANGELS LEFT TO GUIDE
WHEN MY SCARIEST DREAMS COME ALIVE

LET A SAVIOUR COME AND SAVE ME..LET THAT SAVIOUR BE ME

I kept waiting
But all these rainstorms
Never gave way
To a single rainbow
And I could say
A thousand words
But the ones
That matter most
Are what I don't allow myself
To utter ..


I kept waiting,
At the crossroads
But no grand intervention
Told me
Which way to go
So I blindfolded myself,
And walked on,
By the time, I realised
You were on the other road,
I was too far in,
To ever be out.

I keep writing,
About all these unrequited loves,
But the one brown eyed love I loved,
Was the one thing,
I chose to walk away from,
And all these feelings I morph
Into literary arts,
Can never compensate,
For the loss I endured

But, life must carry on,
And so do I
With a burden tied to my heart
and a knife poking through my ribs.

Maybe it is the death
That makes the life so much more beautiful .

The bright yet flickering light,
Around which you must be careful.

Don't go crashing too fast
For it will be blown away,

Stare a minute too longer
And it will start to Decay

I hope that
When she finally says yes
And the thrill of pursuing ends
You sigh
And twist and turn in your bed
Allowing yourself to accept
She will never love you
Like I can

I hope
When she finally holds your hand,
With a dull pain in your heart
That slowly transfers through your veins
And spreads to every joints, every cell
You realise
She'll never appreciate your warmth
Like I can

I hope
When she finally kisses you,
In that moment of heavenly bliss,
Your body pulls back alarmed
The love, the breathlessness you got used to
Is no longer there
She will never crave for you
Like I can

I hope
When she reads her favorite poetry to you
You wonder if it is Still you
Who I'm writing about
And with a reluctance your mind realises
She can not lure you into traps with her words
Not like I can

I hope
When you look into those eyes
Their color similar to yours
But not even a pale representation of the feelings mine held
Oh boy,
Maybe you'll carry this burden with you
In your grave
Cause she will never love you
Like I can

Like you,
But with no filters around your mouth
Not stopping midway when you reach out for me.
Like you but before my demons got to you.

Like me,
But with my heart not swelling and crashing,
My lungs not elating with hope and deflating with reality
Like me, but before i fell in love with you.

Like you,
But with strong hands that feel like fluttering of butterflies against my skin when they touch me
Your footsteps sometimes syncing with my heart beats,
Like you but when I could read your eyes the way I read poetry, never getting enough of either

Like me,
But me talking to you, rather than bringing up your name as the room quietens and my friends look anywhere but in my eyes
Like me but when I had you, instead of these metaphors, and hyperbole, smilies and allegories, arranged in the shape of you so I could still have some souvenir of you.
Like me but with our names that you scratched on my back not faded.

Like you,
But not thinking that you have had me figured out now, so you could casually go down your library and put me on a shelf
Like you
But not finding me to be a waste of breath.
Like you but when you thought my light was worth the long period of eclipses it comes with

Like me,
But going on walks with you to the beach
Instead of me going on and on trying to kiss the horizon or the bottom of the sea,
It depends on the mood actually.
Like me but happy.

Like us,
But when we knew exactly who it was that we wanted us to be,
Instead of clinging to whatever vague ideas our mind comes up,
Doing anything to distract us from the aching hollow heart we carved ourselves out of

Her dark eyes sang of wildness,
Her skin promised eternities,
But her heart was lost,
In a place she hoped to find him.

He could not see
the picture her eyes painted 
the lyrics her heart beats wrote 
the grace by which she walked
he could not see her for the magic she was.


he could not see 
the way buds blossomed 
when she walked their way
or how the way stars aligned
to guide him to her
because he was too caught up in someone else's light


she could not see 
he was far off wandering
to a place she could never reach
his eyes following the movement 
of someone else's gaze
she could not see him 
for the momentary delight he will bring
followed by a series of never ending longings
that never to be fulfilled

He was blinded
But was never numb enough
not to feel the homely aroma 
she carried
slowly the aroma became his choice of drug
soon she became the irresistible force

her vision was tainted
with the sweet words he framed
moments after moments
she made a house 
where memories 
were bricks 
with love as cement. 
she knew he would fall in
and he did

but no matter how strong the drug is, 
a person gets accustomed to it
and wants more,
everything seems off-limit

no matter how much you are willing to sacrifice
you can only destroy yourself 
till you still have something left in you to give
but she already had loved him
with every bit of love she was allowed to give.

and on a stormy night, past came knocking at the door,
the girl was terrified, but the boy let the stranger in. 
When he saw her face, she was no stranger at all
she was the girl, around whom
majority of his life had evolved


Back before she knew, 
the pictures in the frames were replaced
the background was same
but it was the hands of his childhood love he was holding,
the letters he wrote for her
now had a new address
she came like fresh air,
and swept off the traces of the drug
He once could not do without

she became stranger in her own house,
he did not force her out,
but nothing was the same
With love gone
All the walls had cracked

now if there is one thing that is worse than to never have known love, it would be to have known love and watch it getting snatched away

she watched him delete all the messages,
rephrase the words he so happily wrote for her not so long back 
the photographs were burnt
the numbers were removed
it was as if,
she was never there.

and the boy lived happily
with his girl 
I'm sure this is not how
you thought the story would progress
but this is how it usually goes,
so if you are in love,
you are the lucky ones
cause most of us are writing
about the love we lost.

Love me through all these uncertainties,
Love me all the way,
Till I find everything I loved in you,
In myself.

I'll love you, when it's inconvenient,
I'll love you when it's you I most hate,
Till the love wins over the raging hatred,
And in your embrace, I stand.

Love me like the sun does not care whom it burns,
Love me through the envious glares,
You'll find me next to you shining, not shadowed by your brilliance.

I'll love you when clouds surround you,
I'll love you through the rain,
I'll be your unwavering faith when you need it,
I'll hold you when you get tired of the weights you shoulder, all this heaviness.

Love me in all the realities,
Both yours and mine.
Love me in our ever clashing worlds,
Till you find the similarities.
Love me when all I'm is flaws and skin, tightly held together.

Because
I have loved you beyond the scope of futilities,
I have loved you beyond the words,
I have loved you through the striking thunderstorms,
And I'll love you when it's quiet and dull.

A passion was awoken
That could not be tamed,
And what once was a spark
Has now left such an ugly scar

Maybe,
It's one of the love trademarks
To build up a thing
Only to watch it fall apart

So fall not
For such foolery,
Magic, these days,
Is often trickery.

Fragile as a flower,
It will softly walk in,
Persistent as a ****,
It will never leave.

There is a fine line,
Between love and madness,
You're bound to cross
If you don't keep yourself in check

As light as a wing,
It can still make your heart sink,
As tempting is its invitation
The result might still be horrendous

And the worst of all,
A deathblow,
What if the leaving stars,
Take it all?

As concrete as the ocean tides,
lasting like a kid's attention,
To fall or to take a flight,
It's your and only your choice.

You should have heard the things i did not say
  - i read everything you omitted in your poem.
  - you only know as much as i give away.
I know the parts of you you don't  even acknowledge.

You should have held me when i was halfway out the door
  - i would have but i did not know how to.
  - for a moment, i thought i had lost you, too.
I may be lost right now but you know I'll find you.

(Both)
I might not love you right now,
But you know I'll be in love w you in all my tomorrows.
I might need to get away once in a while,
But you'll always be my way back home.

You cut me open, you sew me back
  - i keep running into the love i am trying to forget.
  - you look like autumn, you taste like dawn.
  You love me, and, then you don't.

Your eyes hold a grudge, your eyes hold warmth
  - the more i give, the less you care.
  - but i know you're in there somewhere.
  You only show your emotions when my eyes are closed.

(Both)
**I might not love you right now,
But you know I'll be in love with you in all my tomorrows.

Maybe the stars shine
just to get a moment of your undivided attention
Maybe the leaves fall,
just to land in your palm,
Maybe it rains,
just to wash away
all the hurt from your past
Maybe the gentle breeze
only wants to caress and heal
your scars.

Maybe, these are the universe's ways of letting you know,
that it could never be the same
without you

Maybe time only passes,
according to its conspiracy to get you to my door,
maybe you and I'll keep parting,
only to have our paths criss cross again
Maybe, maybe, one day I'll get you to stay
Or, maybe, my ingeniousness, would keep sweeping me away.

**Maybe, these words are my way of letting you know,
a part of me will always be looking,
for a part of you

He was like a maze
My love was like the sky,
He thought no one could find him,
I looked down at him and smiled.

He prayed every night,
As a *****, I studied him quietly,
The closest view of heaven I'll ever see
Is his face.

He was like an underground city,
I was the ferocious hurricane,
I felt his heart beat within me,
And turned into a quiet breeze
To listen.

He preached of love,
And talked about happy endings,
A foreign language he spoke,
I was mesmerized, nonetheless

He was like a dandelion dancing,
He bloomed cause he knew nothing else,
I was the roots to support his flight,
Wishing he realised I do it, only for his sake.

In another life,
He used to love me,
But he remembers not about those days,
Sometimes I feel I faded with his memories.

A girl with contrasting longings;
she comes in every shade ranging
from love to truth to lie.
She's every emotion at the same time

I may hate you more tomorrow , but i'll never love you less
for you're the one person i can always count on , you're simply the best
and everyone who knows us predicted we won't last a sec
it's like we're the opposite end
of a spectrum, yet a single entity
violating the norms of this hypocritical society
simple,yet so intriguing *

And girl , we go on so well together
like bread and butter
like milkshake and cookies
YOU'RE THE MELODY..TO MY LYRICS
and God only knows,
the inspiration behind how many songs!
the ones i've lost
and also the ones i carry in my heart

And without *Nancy(my bestie) , where would Aditi(me) be?
without you ...well that just can't be

you're always sure of somethings,
like the sun will always rise, that's the way you make me feel
you're probably the only thing ..that drags me to the boring premises of dav{my school} (also the fact that 75%attendance is required but you get the idea)

and looking at you , and looking at me ..
and looking at the ****
and crazy stuffs we do and we did
i wonder how effortless it is
how the kind of girl i'm ..everything looks scary to me
but you just make it better somehow ,without even doing a thing
and sometimes, i get this blurry pic of you and I
we're close to being 75**
silver hair , wrinkled cheeks
sitting on a park bench,eating(that's her aka my bestie's favorite thing..eating)
talking about the same old senseless thing
and looking at each other with contempt
and say
"hey ,we made it to the end♥ "

I remember very vividly
The place where
a sweet smell lingered in the air
And though it must have
rained at times
The sky was never too grey
And the cold never too bitter

The sun liked to play hide and seek
From behind the banyan tree
From which dad had tied a swing
Not too big,
Not too Small,
It would take me
high enough to believe I had wings
But not too high
To make the crashing look painful.

I remember about a place
Where I lived
It was so long ago
It carries with itself
The sweet nostalgia
of a dream
that ended too soon.

Dreamy, but real enough
To not be mistaken
As a fabrication
Of one's imagination
Real but dreamy enough
To waste the entire galaxy wishing upon it.

I remember about
The labyrinth
I would walk with my Nana
What for
I can't seem to remember now
But all the things he said
Are the foundations on which I have built my life.

These concreted paths,
These dimly lit rooms,
The days blurring into the next ones
Till I can't distinguish one from another.

The faded memories,
The jagged longings,
The flame in my eyes
Has completely extinguished
The music in my heart
Is slowly ebbing.

The heart's longing
The mind Is seeking
These leisurely moments
Which are lost now,
To a place probably
Where my childhood went
Along with my Nana.

If someone finds a way to get those days to me,
Let me know,
Till then I'll be writing
Of those days
I had with my Nana.

***** hands, mine
Always *****
Scrap and scratch,
Always nagging
Layer by layer,
Digging out the dirt
Layers gone, but dirt remains.

***** hands, mine
Ever so intrusive,
Clenched fist, jaws clamped shut,
Still they find a crack,
And in they barge, authoritatively,
To my heart
With blood, the dirt gets pumped out, everywhere,
Drop by drop, the blood falls,
While the dirt sits there, a vicious smirk,
"you can't get me till you have drained your life out "

***** hands mine,
A seductress, in her ripe age,
Traps, their hold growing stronger,
With each show of your resistance
Oh ***** hands of mine,
You play your cards so well
But let me go wash my hands
Before we begin again.

-Written by someone with a constant compulsive desire to wash her hands, and that too at most bizarre moments

The red roses now lay
Dead on the ground
The violets have withered away
On the wings of wind,
The love that once was there
Will never be
The girl who I was,
Is lost to,
A ghost I never thought I'll see

The poetry pages
Now lay tattered
and torn on the floor,
The writer's pen is also gone
The ink running inside
his vein has dried,
Somewhere he is lost in his suffering and plight

There is a kind of lost
That is never found
A darkness so profound,
There is no scope for hope
A void so vast,
No sound can get through

The mirror now lays
Broken on the bed,
The broken reflections reflects the brokenness inside her heart
Being so young, she should not
But she already fell in love with the company
Melancholia brings

The dimly lit room,
Absorbs all the light the window lets in,
How much more breaths
Before he blends in,
And becomes one with the darkness
That surrounds him

He is not giving up,
but maybe he will give in,
It is so peaceful once
you hit the rock bottom
You can finally lay in peace
With no one calling out your name
No one calling out your name,
**With no care in the world
You can finally be

All I know
Since the moment
You decided to walk away
Is how many seconds
have passed
Before I lost track
Of them
As seconds turned to minutes
Minutes flowed into hours
And I still have not
seen your face

All I know
Since the moment
You decided to walk away
Is how you have been my shelter
From everything I loved
Which later on turned toxic,
How you have saved me
From drowning
In a flood that he
And his memories
Always bring

All I know
Since the moment
You decided to walk away
Is how I have been pouring
myself Out in you
And just when I thought I was empty
The momentary bliss would fade
And still
you would hold me
After the many times
I relapsed

All I know
Since the moment
you decided to walk away
Is everything has
gone less tender
Night comes with pangs
In the shape of my worst nightmare
But sleep never does
Days have gone monotonous
Meeting into each other
In a slurry blur

All I know
Since the moment you
Decided to walk away
Is that the symmetry of things
Around me
Does not look the same.
The lonely tree is crying
Dropping its jewel in
Early spring*
Please,
Come back

Sometimes I find myself getting overwhelmed,
By the intensity of fear that ripples through me,
When anyone suggests me to love anyone else,
I ask myself
Could I ever go down a path like that?


I guess, I can.
Love someone else, I mean, in some ways.
But I'll love you with all the loves,
In all the ways,
Forever and
Always.
Because most of the poems I have written
Can be broken down,
Into a simple word: love.

And love has never been a feeling to me,
It is a person,
And it's you.
And if someone finds it twisted,
I am sorry,
But I'm not going to apologise,
For the way I feel.


So, for this once,
I decide to cave into my selfishness
And hope the stars align right now,
To make a wish for us.

Because every day without you,
Is like going to a war zone,
Where I'm the only soldier,
And I still end up losing,
With my blood on my hands.

And this war will only stop,
When we have found,
The missing pieces of ourselves,
In each other.

But have you ever had a passing moment that renders you nostalgic for a place you have never been to? A smell or a tune that sounds familiar but you could not place a finger on where you experienced it, not even  if your life depended on it. Has a view ever flashed randomly before your eyes, deep into the night with a longing in your Heart. And you brush it off knowing you have never been to that place and so you blame it on the late hours and carry on?

I think this is what poetry is. A list of moments, of feelings, that can't be conveyed in words. Though we try. Of course. Because sometimes we need to write it down and read it to understand it ourselves. So we sit down with a pen in hand. We write but something remains missing. So we drop the idea but that feeling keeps nagging us at the back of our minds. Till it fades. Till we heave a sigh relief. Till it happens again and there we sit again. Against a type writer. No, poetry is not all about what I mentioned. But I do believe that poetry is what is written on the page and what remains missing. An echo imprinted on our brains. Something always gets lost in the process of translation of our feelings into words. Whether it be an exaggeration or not paying things enough attention.

Or, maybe that's just me and my lack of poetic skills.

But I have a list of feelings I never could write about. Though I have tried but something always felt off about it.

Like the first time as a kid I wondered how could something so vibrant be so close to death when I looked at the autumn leaves decorating the roads? Is that how we are? A bit dying every moment and we only notice that when we have become a shadow of who we were? Are we already gone by the time we are medically dead. I did not know. I was a child. Not that I have an answer now. But I'm now better at handling these moments of retrospect. If something itches at my heart, I make it a point not to scratch it. You see, I have long been accustomed to watching my mind ricochet between two ends. But oh, the naivety of a young mind. I did not understand it then. So I tried to write about it. I gave it a title "dead like the autumn leaves" never got much farther than that.


Some more moments.

Like the time I saw the sadness in my mother's eyes for what it was and realised there is nothing I can do to change it. For it was not the angry sadness, not volatile. It was the type of sadness that comes after you have cried yourself to sleep for many nights only to learn to accept it one morning. It was the kind of sadness we learn to live with. And that was the day I lost a bit of my innocence. A bit of my resolve. That was the first time I had walked in her shoes and was amazed by the amount of beating our heart can take. But it was not the first time my heart failed to explain what exactly it felt.

Now you would ask why is it that I write. Personally, most times, I don't know. I write because.. I just have to. It does not come to me at my command. It is just sometimes when I hold a pen, my hand moves on its own. Trying to find consolation in the non judgmental, patient care of the paper, in the tender caress of words.  

And so I think, poetry is always more than what's written on the page; more than what the poet has let out. Or, this could just be me. Have you ever had moments you tried to write about but all it gave was a pale description of how it was like to feel it?

My Epitaph
I wonder how it'll go
or, who'll write it ,
I don't know
But I want you to be there,
when they bury me in the cold ground,
Alone and forsaken
Aloof from your world
A world I could never be a part of
A world parallel to mine
And so I would want you there,
for one *last time
but not with your family or wife
Just the two of us ..like old times
"Just the two of us"man , how come you made a corpse cry?
And I don't know about afterlife
as this is the first time I'll die
pardon my illogical line ,
I did it for a smile
I wish we could die together ,
and have you there by my side
and go through eternity side by side
or be born again ..and be able to make you mine this time
but for now, this world needs your pure soul , and warm smile
so just promise me this ..you won't abandon my grave? (like you abandoned my life)
and visit me ,at least once or twice..or maybe not as you've your own life
(and a family and a wife)
but if you do visit , i hope my epitaph makes you smile
as it'll go like this
"still yours...
here lies the girl who never moved on like you did*"

The blue of your eyes
Not deeper than the blues I write about,
Yet much more mesmerizing
They could give hope
To a corpse

And when you are you
I could finally be me
No facade, no impostors,
Just one love
Transcending
Through both of us

The blue of your eyes
In them I drown my sorrow
Funny how sometimes you have to lose yourself
To be found
And all their will fall
Back to the pit where they belong

And when you are you
I could finally be me
You'll take my hand,
I'll break those walls
I built for years
and show you the way
to my heart

The blue of your eyes,
The cheesiest lines have been said for this shade
But has anyone told you,
The spark in them
Gives warmth to my bitterly cold heart

**And when you are you
I could finally be me
You would put arms around my waist
I could finally fall apart
Because yours are the hands I'll fall in.

There is something to be learnt from
the trees that let go
Of autumn leaves so silently: no grudges, no scorn
It is nature's way of telling
Parting is the price we all have to pay for love.

There is something to be learnt from
The leaves that hit the ground
After being held so high
It Is nature's way of telling us
It has never been about the fall
But how gracefully we do it

There is something to be learnt from
The empty sky at twilight
How it bleeds every time the sun leaves
Yet it tries to find solace in those thousand little suns
There is always something to be grateful about.

I remember when I was young
I wrote in my diary- Never to love
All in BLOCKS.
But
You were warm, And I was not
My mistake, I forgot.
You came in with a face
Of all I knew AND all I should not want.


I remember stolen breaths,
See through excuses,
The adrenaline.
I should have known better..
But
You were persistent, and so was i
Some nights, I consoled my heart
Some nights the beats would be lullabies
I dared to sleep upon.
(Some nights I consoled my heart
Some nights it was my heart's turn
To become lullabies, I'd lay my head upon)

I remember how it all changed
Small steps, uneasy, nothing to object
Till you were close enough
For so long..
I did not know where i was
When you would go..
If you should go.
But
Your reassurances that I'll never have to wonder.
Then why?
Do i go through my shelves
Wondering which book and whose story
Are you bringing colors into now?

I remember finding sunrise in your smile
Brightening to grey my blackest hours
That smirk upon your face,
those impish eyes
How could I have not fallen for?
But
I knew all along my story's end,
A light that bright burns way too soon
(I rather hoped it would not. Another mistake,
I just forget.)
I Hope, because you told me I must.

I remember when I was young,
I promised myself to never love
And how i forgot!
(You made me forget.)
But
Now I have a bag packed with essentials
Hidden under the bed, my visa renewed
And a courage overfed
You might guess, but you'd never know why.

My morning prayers become a chant
Reciting all the ways it would not last.

I never wanted to wither
I never wanted to fade
I never wanted to lose my light
I never wanted to create a mess

So I decided not to bloom
I decided not to feel
I stayed in the dark
which complemented my light perfectly

I never meant to fly
I liked the solid concrete I was standing on
in the darkness, with no way to distinguish myself from my shadow
- I felt satisfied.

But you came around;
your light a lot brighter than me
you dazzled me by your brilliance
and showed me there was another way to be

Your words pulled me out-
one step at a time
your light kept me blinded enough
to keep me from seeing where i was going

Slowly and slowly
you took down all the walls
i had put up
to let my spark in

Together we burnt
bright enough to light our own little galaxy
somewhere along the line
i started losing myself in you

Like a star twinkling in noon
like a drop goes unnoticed when it falls in sea.
We talked about our future
you told me about the place you came from

And we planned how the walls of our home will be decorated w my poems, how you'll sing me to sleep
and make the wind jealous

But like every sweet dream that ends too soon
the bitter reality came crashing in
and the storm took away my light
you somehow managed to keep yours still aflame

Right after the storm had passed
you promised
your light will be enough
to keep us from drifting apart

But in the middle of our laughter
your mind would go to the place
you had come from
and it was then when i started losing you

The more i tried to hold on to you
the more burnt i got
i was so scared to lose you
that i realised one day i will

I could never be a part of your world
but i no longer wanted to alienate you from it
so i withdrew back to the darkness
i had always known

but this time with no spark to help me coexist w it
i felt myself getting swallowed
with my last breath
i wished you nothing but happiness

I never meant to witter
I never meant to fade
I never wanted to lose my light
but i admit i made a mess

**your love ****** me
more than You'll know
but no sweeter damnation
I could have ever got

My words started here, my journey started here. And so here I'm again, laying my last words down, digging a place to rest my love. And here they will remain waiting, maybe hoping, forevermore

The laughter started here, the curious questions, the familiarity; the feeling of knowing you like the back of my hand. The storm came, the realisation that love, sadly, comes with its limits. The helplessness of the world standing against us, forevermore

I don't know how, but we caved in. Slowly at once, like a dam slowly cracks under the force of water, till it rips the **** thing off and there is nothing the dam could do but watch the destruction unfold. You hurt me, I wounded you. Our love took us on the top, and so obviously when we fell from grace, we kept falling, forevermore

But it stops here. I'm stopping here. And I know you will too. This has gone too far. Let us tend to ourselves. I have to find myself. I have to know that there is a me out there, that can function without you. Let me stand. I can't keep holding on to you, afraid that the moment I let go, you'll dissipate. I have to know that you'll accept me for who i become when I don't mold into your idea of how I should be, for evermore

So here I'm, burying the future I have always dreamt of with you. I have miles to go. And I hope, God, I hope one day when I come visit this place, you'll be here with me, doodling random patterns across my hand. And we will realise our conclusion was true, all of the universe had conspired to get me to you. But if not, I hope the memories bring a tear in your eyes, *nevermore

The most she will do, is throw occasional glances your way
She may be your dream,
or the element of your worst nightmare

She may be the blush of your cheeks
Maybe the wetness of the tears
She will never see
She may be the cure or, the pain
The hurricane of trouble,
or a shower of blessings from above.

She Maybe the blanket that keeps you warm,
or the fire that brings you down
She will teach you all about love
The why's and how it is done
But she will never be yours

The most she will do
Is throw occasional smiles your way
She is the face you may never leave behind
She is always ahead of your time

She may be the kind of lost that you need
A feeling of homeliness
When you have been estranged all your life
She is both playful and grace
You'll never see more than she intends for you to see

She can either be ruthless truthfulness or casual lies
And she always catches you off guard
She may go left when all go right,
Walk miles to dance under the moon light
And you'll stand their enchanted
Envying the moon light that gets to caress her skin


The most she will do
Is let her shadows touch you
And you are more than glad
To live your life in her afterglow


She can take care of herself
She is the beauty you found in wilderness
she refuses to be tamed
That is why you love her

She smiles,
And the angels' sigh
She weeps
And the devil curses
you you'll take all those smiles and tears as souvenirs
And store them in your mind
To always revisit later

The most she will do
Is let you be her friend
For she won't be
Anyone's fool,
But you are already a fool
And she is the moon you want

The fireflies
Buzz all around you,
Scattered drops of sunlight
Celebrating the darkness
Maybe we should try it too
Because if we wait for a happy moment to celebrate
We might just have to wait forever.


The autumn trees
Dance all around you
Moving their bare branches
On the beat of the silent wind
You never planted their seeds
Yet they shed their leaves
Watching you shed those precious tears.


Never say, oh, never think
You are alone in your struggle.
Think of all the eternities the sky has bled
For the earth it has never touched.
Yeah, think about the longings with which the ocean and the moon look at each other
And yet can never meet.

So, if you dream of skylines you have never seen,
Wake up with your dreams sitting on your eyelids
And if your heart is at a place far away,
Just know maybe it is supposed to be that way.

The earth when too close to sun,
Will become a ball of ashes,
The moon will have the tides turn
Into merciless savages.
Your heart, with you in his arms,
Will finally be at rest

And if it was not for this sadness, what would I still be writing about?

I'm not weak, i just feel alot.
I'm not probing, i just observe a lot.
*I'm not a poet, i'm just a broken soul.

You're the muse behind my every song
You're what connects this body to its soul
The darkest of nights find its dawn in you
You are the eye of the most ferocious storm

Oh, love i think it's time
Oh, love, won't you be mine?
Oh, love, can't you just see
I want the world to see you be with me

You're the goosebumps i get in the middle of the night
You're what the stars have been telling me about
The shyest of flowers bloom at your touch
You are the hope that keeps the fragile thread  by which my sanity hangs from breaking apart

Oh love, I think it's time
Oh, love won't you be mine
Oh, love, can't you just see
I want the world to see you be with me

You are the brokeness that heals itself
You are the words that i have been looking for all along
The most endurable concrete cracks and sprouts where you walk
You are the love that only results from a great deal of suffering

Oh love, I think i it's time
Oh, love won't you be mine
Oh, love, can't you just see
I want the world to see you be with me

A part of me wants you gone
A part of me wants you to take me back home
A part of me has died a long time Ago
A Part of me LIVES ..AND THE REASON IS YOU

A part of me knows that life is a road I have to walk alone
A part of me wants you to stay by my side and prove the other part wrong
A part of me is the part I never show
The part which is FALLING FOR YOU

But there is a part so cold
Colder than the snow that falls
On january 4
The part you ignite ,
The part who melts every time you smile
And say
"GURL , I AM HERE TO STAY
FOREVER AND ALWAYS"

Pls, don't emotionally abuse each other and call it love. Pls, don't be a parasite depending on the other for your happiness and growth, and call it sweet. It's good to be happy around them, however that does not mean you start being miserable without them. Even if they're gone for a second. Pls, don't tie a noose around someone's ankle, start pulling on it every time you are sad, and call it love. Your dependency is not love, your insecurities is not love. We all get down and we all need to know we are loved once in a while but as romantic it's to have a person remind you how beautiful you're daily, you need to believe it and feel it so you can tell them that they're beautiful too, that whenever they get little insecure or worried, you're not so caught up in your own bubble of troubles to notice it. Because accepting others to fix all your problem is not love. Because in the end, you are and you should be the driver of your life and they can guide you once in a while and sit next to you,  but please don't call all this needing love.