insane edge
and I am lost
in a cloud

my *****
keeps thumping
like it's thunder
and lightning

and I'm edged up
and somewhat
losing my mind

cannot concentrate
outside the idea
of being in a bind

through endless
rope you've
threaded throughout
my mind.

i know people who are obsessed with ***
obsessed with adrenaline and
where their next high is coming from
i used to be obsessed, OCD to the point of
screams, tears, erratic behaviors, all the insanities
my sister stopped it and now i'm not obsessed
not obsessed with anything.

i've done a lot of hard drugs
never once got addicted
smoked cigarettes, clove menthol cigarettes
yes i'm a gross girl baby
i smoked socially baby
and quit smoking independently baby

i used to **** a lot of men
hate **** around because of an ex
slept with 2 or 3 fraternity brothers
i forget because it wasn't important
said i love you because it was important
said goodbye because that was more important

now i'm just really happy not doing any of that
really happy working hard and being the best me
drinking the best tea, traveling to friends, and
spending money on me and watching
my bank account fill up because of me

i've become so tired because of you and you and
you. don't want to spend my pennies, my time on
those that don't see me for me and buying pointless garbage items that aren't used or beautiful.

i know thyself thou tho is ever changing
now that's a sentence Shakespeare can get down with and woof that's pretentious if you judge people un-openly and meow that's judgment because **** just be open and love yourself more than me.

this world is insane and i'm the same

when you're in it
you don't think about it
how it plays out
how it would or wouldn't have been
you're literally just in the moment
good bad ugly great ok fine and it's all of it
every emotion in the spectrum
of colors and none

not sure if you want me
or want just *** with me.

or perhaps it's the idea of me
and the idea of *** with me.

the false narrative walls
have me cooped up inside myself
which is where you want to be.

but, is that where I want you to be?
answer me.