"reconnection" poems
Hello Old Friend,
I just wanted you to hear me.
I think you heard every word, but I see you now fear me.
I used to get nostalgic remembering our talks under starlight
When we idly spoke of dreams, and other things, and the world felt peaceful at night.
But today I spoke of blood and smoke, and of human violence,
and watched the widening whites of your eyes within this smothering silence.
I apologize for pretending we could carry on as before.
You say you don't condemn me; they shouldn't send me off to war.
I wanted a friend's reconnection, not hollow pity.
I now recognize you can't sympathize with the dying of a moral identity.
In grief, not guilt, I sought my friend. This was not a confession.
No vain imagining of a simple moral or life lesson.
Don't wanna' hear soulless, canned regurgitations
Of your textbooks' and professors' second-hand explanations!
You avoid my eyes, staring intensely at the floor.
We both can list my sins, but why is it only I can list yours?
Solipsism and narcissism.
You live a predatory lifestyle, ***** you're bored and wanting more.
That's it, then. Goodbye, Old Friend.
I feel worse having spoken, and I won't speak to you of this again.
Aug 30, 2013
Aug 30, 2013 at 11:08 PM UTC
I'm not sure how old he is, my step-step-granddad, but that's the advice he gives that fixes itself on my psyche.
Focus.
The act is the goal.
It's the thought of having been and becoming whole.
Focus.
Each event is like a pebble in a landslide.
I take it in stride.
Focus.
I am everywhere and there is no center, no home base, no dock on this river. I'm caught in current. Stay calm. This is perfect.
Each twist in the flow, every rock of the boat, every splash in the face, my being gives chase to possibilities in consistent inconsistencies, sacred, eternal, geometries. Do our bodies disperse like the leaves that traverse from limb to ground, spiraling down?
Focus.
Where are your shoes? We're running late, and there's no time for another drink. We're out of milk? Look at my sink. It's piled high and I can't think with you making all that ********* noise. What time is it? I forgot to call... that bill is due tacked on the wall. I wonder if we'll talk again. There's spam where your email should have been. All this time I thought that we were friends. I can't sleep. I'm up too late and I can't sate this need to see what I can make of missed phone calls and mystery texts. That write up? No, I haven't seen that yet. But don't forget, I told you, "I can handle it." Remember? Double. Oh. Seven.
Wait.
Focus.
Breathe in. I'm calm. That's resurrection.
Breathe out. I'm smiling. That's reconnection.
Nov 24, 2014
Nov 24, 2014 at 10:08 PM UTC
Everyone asked me what I wanted for my birthday this year, and I didn’t really have an answer. I’ve felt somewhat numb this week.
After the clock struck midnight, and it was my 24th year on this earth, it was made very clear to me what I want for my birthday.
I want things to go back to how they were,
dumb teenagers in love with each other, holding on maybe just a little too tight.
I want to lose track of time with you in your bed, listening to songs that seemed so relevant when pouring our hearts out to each other.
We ended things and moved on with our lives in very separate directions, but we always stayed connected. I think we were both secretly rooting for our reconnection, someday, when the timing was “right”.
And no matter how far apart we had grown, there was always unexpected reminders of you everywhere. We kept in touch. The depth of our love created this ongoing tension, always tethered.
I talked to your mom a few days ago, on the anniversary of your death. She’s one of the only people that I think truly understands the complexity of my pain.
I never got closure from any of this. The only thing I’m left with is the realization that I’ll never get a “happy birthday” from you ever again.
Maybe I’m selfish, but I think it’s okay to be selfish on your birthday. and my only wish is that you were still here. that you didn’t take your life. that somehow you’re still out there thinking about me when I’m thinking about you, like how it always was, but will never be again.
The only thing that I can do is listen to our songs, and talk to the moon. I would do anything for you to be able to listen.
Jun 7, 2023
Jun 7, 2023 at 12:35 AM UTC
all fell silent around me
tho could hear humansounds from highway now ethereal
as if noise had been turned down on world
no longer screeching threat
where is everyone what are they doing
suddenly irrelevant as now realized
piece of every soul i ever touched
i carry with me forever
i light at night to keep warm
big fireside grinning buddha meditation
never forgetting
until so swollen with joy of
our six degrees beautiful imperfect chaos crashing
can hardly breathe but to love everyone
all better now no longer cold and empty
can feel multitude of proud heartbeats
can hear a thousand new cough lungs
sweet histories and meanings
left with calm immobility no need to tell
they know too the cold night old soul warm heart connection
now sure of this
paralyzing somatic reconnection
creep thru solemn autumn garden
whoever's next in line
can have what's left
done fighting
Sep 15, 2014
Sep 15, 2014 at 4:38 PM UTC
You make my heart soar,
You make me feel sublime.
Oct 16, 2016
Oct 16, 2016 at 11:29 PM UTC
Forcefully, feed me this love.
No. No need to ask about my consent,
my mood,
whether I'm fine with tasting this reconnection,
whether I desire my suffering to be sweet,
salty, bitter, repulsive;
It is the love that no lover is fed into by choice.
So, ravage my core with your cruelty,
I am content; fleeing holds no allure;
Rip into my bone cage until rats seek refuge within;
until they are disheartened by rain seeping through;
Like was I.
The patient is not faulted for their ailment,
even if they induce it intentionally,
and even then, it is understandable;
For this love acts as both affliction and antidote.
It is a certain drowning, Tick Tock;
I repel rescue; no one need attempt it now;
In the days to come, no one shall be blamed for this choice.
Take me eastward until we reach the west;
There, the sun feels icy;
the breeze, refreshing;
Transport me far beyond the confines of yearning,
The confusion of longing;
Let me encounter your childhood, your aged self, and youth;
Let my wrinkles serve as your rollercoaster;
I'll bear your weight as you frolic;
And there you are; simply laughing.
Incinerate, burn, lose all our maps;
so thoughts of return dare not surface;
until regret looms, yet repentance remains elusive.
We're distanced;
and in this, lies a joy hidden from the eyes of owls;
Beyond the raucous cawing of crows;
Say that I snore;
then depart,
And leave me to harvest wheat from those hills.
Jan 10, 2024
Jan 10, 2024 at 8:00 AM UTC
the most beautiful glass hearts are shattered,
patterned with perfect imperfections,
stained with painful expression of
rejection
dejection
reconnection
ingrained in the scattered reflection:
white light sliced into spectrum ascension,
the pension of attention.
Oct 18, 2017
Oct 18, 2017 at 3:56 PM UTC
Stasi shredded stripes
bags of systematic
bureaucratic
destruction
of memories &
moments in time
Bagged, gagged & tagged
in sylo’s
bunkers full
crammed with broken
histories
fragments of faces
letters
postcards from beyond
blue, yellow and green
in grey
Inhumane
cynical destruction
of hope
slivers of the disappeared
commandeered
processed
pushed
mechanically
through the sharp teeth
of a hungry system
The greatest reconstruction
Reconnection
Resurrection
Of a nation
Continues
Every weekend
As the many mend
the states’ excess
Feb 6, 2012
Feb 6, 2012 at 8:34 AM UTC
Nothing has changed, nothing will, not this way.
I am a poor fool, bound to you
And begging, on my knees, for every scrap you toss my way.
Reconnection leads to reinfection,
I am a sad fool,
A mad fool, to risk again, all that I have.
And yet, as you reach out…I am lost,
Clinging to virtual words, dreaming of a world that’s gone,
Trying to glue together something shattered
Wishing for time reversal, praying for a miracle
To salvage my remembrance of a desperate year.
Dec 17, 2013
Dec 17, 2013 at 5:59 AM UTC
one year.
it took one year for you to realize that you don't want me.
I'm not sure if you ever did.
we were best friends first, lovers second.
I was there for you and you were there for me.
I tried to help you, but I'm not good with words, you see,
but i tried so so hard--- and that has to count for something, right?
It hurt so bad when you said i couldn't understand, because I did,
I understood you so well.
I couldn't emotionally support you how you wanted
and I think in the end, that was what broke us
Along with other things.
We had so much fun together,
I felt alive with you.
You took me places I've never heard about, let alone ever been to.
You broadened my horizons,
You valued me and believed there was something special about me.
But that's all someone wants, right? to be wanted?
For most of the time I felt wanted by you.
In the beginning, I was so sure we would work.
I felt it in the way you looked at me
and I wanted you so badly.
Summer was great and then we had a scare.
You were more scared than me
and I think that was because I knew I loved you
and you knew you didn't.
I couldn't tell you I did because I was so scared of losing you.
So I detached myself, for my own protection
and we drifted.
I thought we had ended and you would only think of me as a best friend,
but then I told you I was going on a date.
You couldn't let me be happy for one second,
you couldn't let me out of your selfish grip.
The very next day you told me you loved me
and I was still so scared.
So scared of being vulnerable, so scared of what would come next.
But I told you I loved you too, but that didn't seem to be enough.
You treated me like dirt and I think I figured out why you are verbally abusive.
It's because your dad was like that with you.
You never learned how to properly love someone,
and I desperately hope you figure it out soon.
We reconnected for two weeks,
and me being a hopeless romantic that won't let my guard down so easily,
I knew it wouldn't work, despite all hopes.
After that reconnection, I felt empty.
I tried to come up with an explanation why and I couldn't figure it out.
Although we did love each other, we weren't "in love".
All I wanted was to be wanted.
And only by you.
But we decided to remain friends.
Then I changed my mind.
You could never commit to me, I figured that out after that one time you asked me to be your girlfriend and then took it back the next day.
After almost a year,
you finally figured out what you wanted.
Not me.
"I'm not your type"
I will never understand how you can love someone who isn't your "type"
but I will always wonder what's so wrong with me that you couldn't keep loving me.
And I will always wonder what's so wrong with me that I could love someone who I knew could never treat me the way I deserve.
I will always love you, and I will always be there for you.
But I will also never be able to be myself with you again.
I showed you my most vulnerable parts and you denied me
and I am so ashamed I let myself get that close without a commitment.
My mom recently said, "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"
and I took that to heart.
I will find someone better, I know I will.
and they will want me for me,
not for my body, nor my money, nor because they think they can take advantage of the shy girl with her heart on her sleeve.
Mar 8, 2015
Mar 8, 2015 at 5:40 AM UTC
it is a bit past 3 AM and i am waiting for you to see me.
see me, see me.
you told me to write you a poem so here it is.
i am invisible and i am waiting for you to see me.
i cannot make myself seen, i cannot make you look.
so i wait. i wait, for it is all i can do and i cannot live with the feeling of doing
nothing.
powerlessness, in its all its bitter comfort, cradles me like an old friend.
a reconnection.
right now i am putting on the record we both like and i am pretending that you and i are the only ones who have ever heard it.
in a brighter moment i might sing.
in a brighter moment you might see me.
but for now, invisible,
i dance. my feet kiss the floor and my fingers kiss these keys and i am writing you the poem you wanted and waiting, waiting, always waiting.
you may not see me but i will write as if you do.
(a.m.)
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 3:43 AM UTC
She grew up in a land of bliss
where nothing could go wrong.
She protected herself with a night light and a parent's kiss,
she thought she was so very strong.
She read poems and books and wrote all day,
She filled her head with knowledge.
She charmed people in her own special way.
Her dream was to go to college.
One day everything ended,
she realized she grew up.
Many hurt feelings were left un-mended.
She was no longer a young pup.
Nothing turned out the way it was intended.
She wondered to herself,
"Is this really maturity?"
Her feelings were always left on a shelf.
"Why is everyone in such a hurry?"
Then she realized with distinct clarity,
The monsters were not in the closet or under the bed,
She had been fooled and had never expected this reality,
Actually all of the scary monsters were in her head.
After that things were tough,
Life turned upside down.
She had realized that life was rough.
It was hard trying not to drown.
Hope seem lost.
She lost faith in her fairytales.
"Safety" was found at such high a cost.
Her grades went from straight A's to fails.
She went into drugs.
She got mixed up with the wrong people.
She hung out with the thugs.
Her attempts at escape from this life were feeble.
She got so lost, she tried suicide.
Help seemed hard to find,
Scars no longer seemed to hide.
Then one day someone was truly kind.
He seemed to be from a fairytale, a Prince Charming if you will.
He had such an understanding heart.
He too was quite ill.
Together they found a fresh start.
The sun seemed brighter if they were together,
The road was still dark some days.
Their names were bonded forever,
Life was new in so many ways.
She began to pass again,
Teachers noticed her improvement,
They recognized her reconnection with her skill of pen.
Her story had begun a movement.
She turned her struggles into a book,
It was read far and wide.
Many people took a look.
For once, in many years she had pride.
Her marks continued to get better,
Many colleges wanted her.
She had been released from her fetter.
Although, she knew her past would never be a blur.
Finally, she had become strong.
She realized not everyone gets a fairytale ending.
She dedicated her life to help others carry on.
As for her Prince Charming?
He made it too.
They got married and continued to inspire others.
It turned put his heart really was true.
Their lives were filled with many bold and beautiful colors.
Jul 6, 2012
Jul 6, 2012 at 9:08 PM UTC
cities topple
and the sky collapses
inward
eternally striving
for reconnection to the
relative.
two lovers entwined for first time
only blocks away.
As lives end
one begins to wake to morning dove songs
bedded by wildflowers
paradise we've all been seeking for so long. all for
the last two and a half people.
Perhaps God's will,
perhaps the Bibel is a prediction
Perhaps not or perhaps we will never know
only love circulates in our veins now
Jul 8, 2010
Jul 8, 2010 at 4:29 PM UTC
the sun is up
today reveal itself
and it aint good
who did it?
who stole the power?
what shall we do?
our love has been perverted
our ability to love
what shall we do?
the slow reconnection with the pure
the overthrow of all limitations
the psychodelic expansion of self
today stands on its own
we too we
too declare divinity
we too
declare the reality
is ours
forever
we are real
here forever
come
my love
love
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 30, 2010 at 10:17 AM UTC
I was always a seeker
of deeper meaning and truth
no matter how painful they might be
because nothing else could promise liberation
you either play inside a cobweb
or break it
For me the cobweb took little longer
to untangle but at least it did
Shall I indulge in grief
for the time wasted
or listen to the loud voice of
my fearless eternal soul
not a hard choice as
reconnection is already made.
Jul 11, 2021
Jul 11, 2021 at 7:19 AM UTC
As children in my playhouse,
You climbed and crawled around me.
I did not retain much
Except your joyful,
Distant
Playing.
I remember your great swing set.
You bring to mind my violin.
Regardless of few memories,
You were wildly
Within.
My small hands gripped toys.
Yours pushed off floor and wall.
I was invisible to you then
And your budding
Attention span.
Your eyes darted to and fro
And curls bounced up and down.
Nothing held your attention long
Except your untamed
Singsong.
Fast-forward to the present,
Over a decade later.
We’re laughing uncontrollably,
Dancing through
Hose water.
I was scrubbing my car’s hood.
You were rinsing the passenger door,
Both of us
Occupied
As we’d been
Before.
Your chin rose from the stream.
My arm circles slowed.
Our eyes locked,
And time stood still,
Child’s play
Revoked.
I was nothing to you,
Then I disappeared.
Years brought us maturity.
And reconnection,
Love.
Jul 15, 2013
Jul 15, 2013 at 1:16 AM UTC
What is on my mind?
Well take a look at what I write.
These are what I choose to say.
What I understand.
Or think I understand
For now.
For thoughts are always forming,
growing,
evolving,
CONSTANT
Things need to change.
Become different.
And not just with me.
With you.
With Others.
With the World.
With the way our souls connect.
You have no idea what is going on in a strangers life.
The least you can do is put
a Smile on
For them regardless
of how you feel.
It does not matter what you say,
what you do.
As long as you make a kind gesture
To acknowledge an "Others" existence.
We do not need analysis,
Theories made up and 'proven'
Words over drawn and meanings miscarried.
Thoughts over done and
Spoken words misleading.
All we need is that reconnection
Reclaim what we once had.
The Beauty of Everything
At our fingertips,
In our full grasp.
Lost.
But not gone.
While I say this,
I understand that I cannot know how
Things actually were way back when.
But look at the people right now,
Living in similar situations as those before us.
Yes.
They still exist.
They are Happy.
Though they have little.
Often none.
So where I am.
Where we are.
Is not where I'm supposed to be.
Not where I can exist.
Not where We can exist.
Where personal destruction found
Worldly disaster will soon follow
As we destroy ourselves,
Help each other dig those graves...
We are also destroying earth.
So how can we live,
How can I stay alive
How to get there?
This abysmal place where all is well.
These material things cannot follow
They weigh down,
Provoke,
Provide measurement.
There should be no scale.
Each moment should be one to share,
one to learn,
one to grow,
one to offer.
The greatest gift you can give to others is to let them Experience You.
The greatest gift others can give to you is to let You Experience Them.
June 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 7:24 PM UTC
is reconnection supposed
to be this disappointing
or am i lacking in gratification
i still feel alive
but yet i feel nothing
Jan 22, 2019
Jan 22, 2019 at 3:44 PM UTC
I am a surfer
A peak seeker
Looking for the next crest
The very best
The time better than the rest
The time when the energy
Flows
Grows
Glows
When every neuron in my mind combines and unifies
A grapevine fire
Each power line burns with the surge of electricity
Reconnection without surgery
Neural plasticity
Electric elasticity
In this new configuration
My mind becomes a conflagration
I glow brighter than the sun
My life has just begun
I am infinite
Yet I am one
With all the world
And it’s with me
Wireless
Electricity
Connection
With infinity
That is just the start
I am but a part
Sometimes a spark
A beacon in the dark
But often just a speck
A mote afloat in a dark ocean
And so I search, a shark in motion
I swim
I feel
I open myself to the sea
I see all the possibilities
Rippling with realities
Feeling through the frequencies
I intermingle and interact
Imbibing vibrations to guide exploration
Going with the flow
Until that flow shows me freedom
When I swim in the deep end
With a pool of other motes
Each of us just one note
But when we sing in harmony
There is no beauty quite as free
Each of us ignites
Fire on the water
Glowing oh so bright
Entangled, getting tauter
We connect and intersect
The energy demands respect
The motive is beyond suspect
We live, we die, we resurrect
We flow together
Create a wave
The wave
My favorite
I savor it
I crave for it
I was made for it
Because I am a surfer
I ride this wave
I am this wave
One of many molecules
Sparkling with untold joules
Electrical, aquatic
Our flow so hypnotic
Clean, fresh, non-toxic
Neon, tidal
Unfinished, untitled
Undiminished, unbridled
A perpetual motion
In this vast ocean
Once we were alone
Now we’ve found a home
I sought this peak
And now I summit
Eventually we all plummet
Back down to sea level
And yet I still revel
I unwind in the undertow
Beached when the tide is low
I still bask in the wonder though
Awash in the afterglow
Aug 8, 2020
Aug 8, 2020 at 11:03 AM UTC
The warm crackle of static laughter resounds;
the red-hot embers of reconnection
boiling down to the marrow.
I remember home,
though it all seems so long ago now.
Familiar faces,
neglected lovers;
our teenage dreams,
and childhood rivals.
Where do they all go
anyway?
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016 at 3:00 AM UTC
Dear Cody,
You have been and always will be my brother, filled and overflowing with love I could never comprehend.
Dear Tim,
You are my protector, my safeguard and stronghold, seeking justice when you know injustice is present.
Dear Paul,
Joy radiates from your smile, and you chose to smile despite everything you've been through.
Dear Micheal,
I'll always cherish the years we had together, though I wish you were sitting next to me on the piano bench instead of a prison cell.
Dear Ty,
Originality and authenticity are difficult to find these days. May you never lose that spirit.
Dear A.J.,
I've never met a man who stood so strongly by his convictions. I hope we can make music together again someday.
Dear Ben,
Thank you for the years of consistent handshakes and hugs. I could never articulate with words how much they've meant to me.
Dear Brigham,
The love you want so badly to give away could overflow the oceans. Never stop being reckless.
Dear Cole,
After three years of painful silence, reconnection with you is the sweetest redemption I've tasted yet.
For all:
Now go, conquer the world, follow your convictions, keep your candles burning, fuel your own flame, and spread the love you posses like wildfire.
Aug 21, 2015
Aug 21, 2015 at 10:20 PM UTC
There will be a blue steel gaze piercing through a wall of denial built by defeat and disaster.
There will be a collapse of flesh pulling on you from days and heavy nights on an endless nowhere road headed for toil.
There will be indistinct shapes roaming curious nights painting silence into unknown words where wild creatures rise up from depths to take in needed breaths.
There will be a loneliness so thick it makes all the lady bugs trapped in spider webs seem like child's play compared to this abandoned corner of yourself.
There could be a reality so pure that just by breathing the air turns wretched power players into righteous saints waking up to a golden staircase leading to a brighter galaxy.
There could be a desire pounding and breaking steel
with fierce invisible knuckles inside a stranger you just passed by on a street untamed by mystery.
There could be a ruby hiding beneath pine needles begging to be found by anyone.
There will be a volcano hiding below your carpet anxiously awaiting to cover you with fire.
There will be a planted thought from your mother's mouth driving nails into the drywall of your future house
that still has a way to burn teeth into your hopes even after 35 years of wind and forgotten dust.
There will be dreams sneaking through a window and sliding through your overworked mind trying to ease the defeat of yesterday.
There will be a storm rising from swollen eyes of a universe out of touch with itself-
starving for reconnection.
There will be hearts closed up and left to wander.
There will be highways to heaven that are open that lost eyes won't perceive.
There will be stolen lives
effecting us
this loss will have a way
to burn teeth into a blue steel gaze that has the power to break through walls and find truth covered up, abused, mocked, and left to die.
There will be fire
written in your heart
that will defy it all.
Apr 29, 2017
Apr 29, 2017 at 11:51 PM UTC
There is something refreshing about the sea,
a renewing of the soul,
a reconnection to the earth,
a resetting of circadian rhythms.
The sounds of crashing waves,
the roaring of the wind,
the saline taste of the water,
and exfoliating grit of the sand.
Bright sun's warmth, tanning skin,
renewing vitamin D levels,
coconut butter lotions,
enhancing relationships with sol.
Laughter from overhead, as the gull's joke,
majestic brown pelicans riding the breeze,
clams digging back in after each passing wave,
jumping mullet splashes, and the dolphins breathe.
Flashing silver scales of mud minnows,
and quick eye-catching motion of mole *****
the fear of the pinch of the blue crab,
terror of a shark bite or sting ray barb possibilities.
So much life at the land's edge,
to see, hear, feel, taste and question,
for those who have never been,
can never understand the primordial need.
Aug 15, 2017
Aug 15, 2017 at 11:17 AM UTC
We were ravaged, beaten, artistic souls looking for memories and muse. Any reconnection was never the same as the feeling of the first night up in the lifeguard stand over a bottle of cheap Zinfandel. Barefoot along the battered beach town streets. Light finger traces over the talk of the universe we thought we knew. It never ended; it just dissipated into the smog of reality at home. I can spin the Al Green album again without fear of awakening something that may be missing from my long days. I'm warmed by the presence of these memories in my life, like aloe smoothed along starkly sunburnt skin. At that period in my timeline, you helped me grow immensely. I'll never know where your head was, but I trust that is for the best. Every once in a while when my phone notifies me of your presence once again, maybe you’ll be thinking of the same moments too.
Jan 5, 2022
Jan 5, 2022 at 1:20 PM UTC
As a girl, her hands traced it in the soft darkness of summer
And that was all it needed: the tips of 4 fingers to say, “I will consume you now,
I will overtake your everything, your you.”
She promised and she didn’t know, and it happily devoured her
She was happy, too
As a woman, her hands snapped it in the hidden places of night
And that was all it needed: the evidence of 1 act to say, “I might disappear now,
But I will continue to consume you.”
She felt her old promise, and it easily burned her
But she had been easy, too
It is a shower for one, a leftover shirt, a journal
It is loneliness, cluelessness, a hoping
It is a nightmare, a few blunt words, a knot
It is reconnection, thankfulness, a knowing
It was a day, a smell, a letter, a clover
It was joy, a warm bed, it was a kiss and a day made
It was a basement, a taste, a song, a child lost
It was pain, it was bareness, it was a declaration and tears
It can be 6 years of life and it can be a home
It can be 2,190 days drugged and it can be a prison
It can be willfulness
It can be contract
Yet it remains a system of organs, of muscles, of bones
It is held together with smoke-roasted skin
It remains a collection of memories, of touch, of letters
It is held together with never-ending care
Aug 15, 2015
Aug 15, 2015 at 9:52 PM UTC