Hello Poetry
Submit your work and get some sparkles! Create free account
"negotiating" poems
I was treated like the VIP, A cat and a big fish, A hook and a big Six, whilst visiting madam bow-peeps rotisserie of ***** Always receptive, Wearing open silk working 9 to 5am. With a little overtime, hot funk never satisfies, She had the way-with-all to feign, delight; even interest, before negotiating the price, Two shekels, She was classy, kind of slick, she tickled my ears for nothing more than kindness, a small token in exchange for a smile. She popped on a tune, as she took off her dress. The petting started her two hands tugging with the zipper of my jeans. A woman's touch... Ha HA, the rich sultry kiss of ***** tight and tasty; ***** like a ripe tomato, Sugar fried and drunk. She opened her legs, her hair smelled like shampoo, She was on her belly, knees tucked up as I took in the fruit, deep holes filled with **** and shabby fingers, hollow spit and angry poison, head spinning to the groove, loud and high, The bed squeaked and a single light bulb dangled like a loose tooth, Ten minutes and two ******* love songs! Sick and spent up, I got dressed to leave, I said with a poke, "I couldn't get laid, Not even in a ***** house!" And now I'm back in the cold again, only dirtier.
0
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018 at 4:50 PM UTC
The ********** inspired by William & Don G
The comfiest human bed warmer I ever had, My fundamental tutor of the good and the bad, The original storyteller in my bedtime tantrums, The resident photographer of my birthday albums. The accidental magician who tricked me out of my worries, A sympathetic dictator who scolds but allows my fancies, My biased talent manager who always tells me I'm the best, The loudest cheerleader who puts to shame all the rest. The world's underrated chef cooking heavenly meals, Our unpaid laundry lady worrying over water bills, The overqualified nurse never leaving her patient, Our top-notch budget analyst negotiating every payment. The random gardener, she can grow anything with ease, Our talkative historian, she stops recalling only if we say please, The uncanny philosopher, we've learned a lot from her, The lost and found administrator, tracking things hidden anywhere. The most efficient multitasker I've ever known, My trustworthy adviser who knows me down to my bones, A tough fighter who keeps winning her every battle, My life's co-creator and this world's greatest mother.
0
May 13, 2017
May 13, 2017 at 7:44 PM UTC
The Versatile Matriarch
Aloft upon some distant shore The seabird sets her wings to soar The salt sea tang of crested breeze Or howling gale of winters freeze, Through oceans, mountainous or not Or sea Sargasso flat and hot, In dancing wavelets sparkling clear Where hunted mackerel school in fear, Where natives in their dugout boats Caste out their nets and balsa floats, That tiny bird will soar adrift Negotiating each wind shift. One wonders how a thing so small Can fly against the wind at all; But sweep she does and plunge and veer In gracious symmetry to steer Across the oceans vastness too, To land right there, right next to you. In squawking lightness, dancing swings Sea bird alights ….and folds her wings. Marshalg Mangere Bridge 8th. December 2007
0
Feb 2, 2010
Feb 2, 2010 at 10:49 PM UTC
Seabird
i arrived early enough to be comfortable in my seat as the patient and impatient alike shuffled the aisle negotiating the overflow of flaring elbows protruding feet and cumbersome torsos a waltz of dismissive apology their only hope to find their place without inconvenience yet with little interest in whether they might inconvenience other passengers along the way watching as a man recently evicted from the seat he had evidently not booked surveys the nearby empty spaces his mind churning an internal gamble of which one might promise the longer period    of peace before the rightful owner arrives he knows he will need to relocate once more before his journey's end at some point unknown to him but predetermined nonetheless despite this he settles down in a seat marked "reserved" and closes his eyes
0
Nov 30, 2022
Nov 30, 2022 at 6:34 AM UTC
with and without reservations
Negotiating with ****** You can't. Even if, He disguises himself as Bashar-al-Assad, Taliban, Al Shabaab, Hassan Rouhani, Or that ole mass murderer, Now not such a bad guy, We could left him alone, Cause he didn't have WMD, Saddam Hussein, He just mass murdered, The old fashioned way. They thirst for the blood of mine. And when satiated, they will come for you. There will be no Mass said Over our mass graves. Do not pretend to lead, When all you seek is avoid. The historians will seek you out And label you coward, Chamberlin. Shall we meet at the soccer stadium Called Ghazi, for some ice cream And a public execution or two? Let's make it a woman, for the extra satisfaction? A perfect place, conducive for relaxed negotiations! Woe us/me, when our moral compass points only Downward, Into the bloodied earth, Where we will soon enough be buried too.
0
Sep 24, 2013
Sep 24, 2013 at 3:15 PM UTC
Negotiating with ****** or the Taliban
If you brush my words with butter, and put them on a roasting rack, or better yet, why not spit them, and string them on a brassier's stake, you'll always get a tasty serving of "I love you" warmly presented upon your plate. === * No greeting cards were printed subsequent to the composition of the above lyrics, but the poet is open to negotiating first print rights with one or more eco friendly greeting card publishers. Product must contain at least 50% post consumer fiber. Native labor input would be a plus.
0
Jan 23, 2011
Jan 23, 2011 at 9:53 AM UTC
If you brush my words with butter
Humm......i can feel, it's all coming back to me. the long distant echo is now sounding so near, like a sweet sounding whisper. my iris is more relax now, an evidence of closer view. reverberation of its movement disturbs my hearing. silently perched birds are looking nervous, and are negotiating flight. what a sure sign of it all coming back to me.
0
Jun 19, 2015
Jun 19, 2015 at 9:07 AM UTC
All coming Back...
Life flows through the doors, Dispersed by the ceiling fan, A makeover for every patron, The waitress serves a second chance. Ex-husband but current parent, Negotiating with a teenage daughter, Two untouched lunch plates, As the gap grows further and further. Central focus being on a book cover, Held by an E.R nurse still in her scrubs, The waitress tries to decipher a meaning, All while wiping leftovers from table tops. The calender on the wall says Friday, And in walks a sundress along with a button down, Two steaks and a red rose, Right up comes the waitress with a dinner to astound. Beginnings and ends in motion, The clock cues for the 40-something man, In the far corner he sips his black coffee, Forlorn eyes of a widow staring at a wedding band. Wiping beads of sweat from her forehead, Retying her hair into a secured knot, Exhaustion slowly kicking in, As she refills the coffee *** The college girl strolling in with her book bag, Smiles with pity at her as she gives her order, She thinks of how her minimum wage must look, But her love for her job makes her smile never falter. Days are something treasured, Every hour, a different movie plays, She collects all those stories, With the tip left after the customer pays.
0
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 4:54 PM UTC
The Waitress
prehistoric bobbysoxers blowing in the wind; the lost knowledge of cities of old  & the seventeen-year-olds whom vanished & whose bones are found; astroarchaeologists studying the tortured remains; cold cases long forgotten arouse the interest of S-Ham-a1; who brings the ****** nature of the deaths to the council, connecting w/ the overall glut of ****** content from the ancient Cement Era - S-Ham-a1 allowed to study the ****** behavior of the earth females in isolation w/ the aid of an advanced fembot design including actual genetic reproductive material  to determine the chromosomal pathway to rampant promiscuity;       sacred prostitution something of a lost legend from the ancient beforetimes; prostitution practiced as a corporate business centering on women's savvy at negotiating the value of their bodies; & sometime mere body parts & actions, sometimes simply ideas transferred electronically or verbally in exchange for monetary compensation; these lost tribes of prehistoric women were the backbone of the entire civil & social order & this practice never ceased until the end; we are the descendants, S-Ham-a1 told the council; only to have his funding cut & his connection lost;     left stranded on the lone asteroid planet w/ the pregnant robot
0
Aug 17, 2018
Aug 17, 2018 at 2:50 AM UTC
the Cement Era
RINGS of iron gray smoke; a woman's steel face ... looking ... looking. Funnels of an ocean liner negotiating a fog night; pouring a taffy mass down the wind; layers of soot on the top deck; a taffrail ... and a woman's steel face ... looking ... looking. Cliffs challenge ****** sudden arcs form on a gull's wing in the storm's vortex; miles of white horses plow through a stony beach; stars, clear sky, and everywhere free climbers calling; and a woman's steel face ... looking ... looking ...
0
1.7k
Fog Portrait
there is a woman who drives the bus I take to school in the morning I always wonder, more often than not why she works on a bus it must be tedious and boring running the same route over and over again dealing with girls like me who more often than not forgot their money she is pretty, young wears expensive sunglasses but she drives the high school bus full of loud, rude kids instead of something she would find more appealing. but maybe she likes the repetition, the change the power of driving us each day maybe she relishes our little lives in her hands which grip the steering wheel as she navigates the streets maybe she enjoys the challenge of wide turns and negotiating her way through the streets like an overweight pedestrian on a busy sidewalk
0
Mar 19, 2015
Mar 19, 2015 at 8:05 PM UTC
the lady who drives the bus
I'm truly blessed to be counted amongst the trooping pilgrims walking dusty roads, negotiating rocky Himalayan trails on the way to the mountain top. Together as brothers and sisters, we traverse precarious paths, strengthening each other, bucking up, getting a second wind to make that final push to scale the most jagged boulders that lie nearest the peaks. I'm heartened to see Dorothy Day, Mahatmas Gandhi, The Dali Llama, Nelson Mandela and Johnny Cash, trooping along side me; keeping me in step as we press on to the promised land. If I get hungry, Dorthy will serve me soup to feed my spirit. If I get lonely, Mahatmas will muster up a posse, freely welling from salt of the earth to walk with me. If I take a wrong turn, The Dali Llama's smiling eyes and sage advise will get my feet back on the right path. On this tiresome journey if my will begins to falter and my commitment wanes, Nelson will remind me to endure the trial with the grace of fortitude. And if we enter dangerous canyons, filled with the cacophony of boisterous hate, The Man in Black will strum his guitar to quell the angry noise and fill our hearts with loving harmony. We're on our way to Freedom's Land and some believe we're almost there. We can see Martin looking over those last jagged ledges, he's got a prayer of encouragement on his lips, and he's waving Mrs. Liberty's torch, showing us the way, guiding us home. Music Selection: Sweet Honey on the Rock: Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around MLK Jr. Day 1/16/12 Oakland jbm
0
Jan 16, 2012
Jan 16, 2012 at 11:55 AM UTC
Mountaintops
I'm truly blessed to be counted amongst the trooping pilgrims walking dusty roads, negotiating rocky Himalayan trails on the way to the mountain top. Together as brothers and sisters, we traverse precarious paths, strengthening each other, bucking up, getting a second wind to make that final push to scale the most jagged boulders that lie nearest the peaks. I'm heartened to see Dorothy Day, Mahatmas Gandhi, The Dali Llama, Nelson Mandela and Johnny Cash, trooping along side me; keeping me in step as we press on to the promised land. If I get hungry, Dorthy will serve me soup to feed my spirit. If I get lonely, Mahatmas will muster up a posse, freely welling from salt of the earth to walk with me. If I take a wrong turn, The Dali Llama's smiling eyes and sage advise will get my feet back on the right path. On this tiresome journey if my will begins to falter and my commitment wanes, Nelson will remind me to endure the trial with the grace of fortitude. And if we enter dangerous canyons, filled with the cacophony of boisterous hate, The Man in Black will strum his guitar to quell the angry noise and fill our hearts with loving harmony. We're on our way to Freedom's Land and some believe we're almost there. We can see Martin looking over those last jagged ledges, he's got a prayer of encouragement on his lips, and he's waving Mrs. Liberty's torch, showing us the way, guiding us home. Music Selection: Sweet Honey on the Rock: Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around MLK Jr. Day 1/16/12 Oakland jbm
Continue reading...
101
I see the cockroach caress the counter next to a brewing *** of coffee, striking a chord of crystaline sweetness, that God and Satan could both agree upon. In the living room, my best friends are killing each other, kissing each other, falling in love, snagging, splitting stitches, chalk outlines, black mail, and hopes for a resurrection swirl and spin with the scent of perfume and coffee beans. My phone lights up with a message asking for some real advice, my response is to get a new religion, and wait for the bombs to fall. Outside light pollution fills the sky, an eerie day that just won't die, negotiating with eager streetlights, and all-night diners. On the corner of 23rd and Western, a dancing grinderman, a homeless woman with a snaggletooth smile, and their prize of a monkey are cutting the night with desperation croons, and delightful foresight. Just past the construction on the east side of the city, a one-legged, heathen named James W. Green is finding solace with a defeated, overthehill harlot, going to and fro in a motorized sanctuary, and grabbing change from her coin-dispensing hips. I discover a pen embedded in the carpet, I spend the rest of the evening split between Midnight Man poetry, and dictating divine apocrypha, while once bright-eyed friends of mine mourn over marriage, self-medication strategies, and scrape the bottom of the barrel with their tongues to ensure it's tangible.
0
Jan 5, 2011
Jan 5, 2011 at 7:42 AM UTC
of chalk outlines, heathens, and harlots
Lost It is Bigger and more incredible than the poet can imagine Spider web nebula dripping purple blood dust Twisting galaxies more numerous and ancient Than the mind can comprehend Storms rage on planets Millions and billions Of centuries away The scream of devil winds Are only a whisper on my ears The ancients payed tribute to golden suns Pulsing in the night sky Calling them holes in Gods floor Calling them angels Each star a heaven If they only knew of Red dwarf death soaking moons in heat Craters full of silence  upon the edge of a meteor Negotiating through the black infinite Until they impact with force enough To split planets Fingers Of comets Blonde and blue trails through the void Sapphire moons reflect scarlet sunlight Obsidian asteroids circle a glass planet Phosphorus gysers shooting into orbit The living heavens Twisting about a central nucleus Balanced and growing Suns coming and going at a whim Super nova tantrums Are a flourescent brilliance God making fireworks Billions of planets Some dead and dry Scorched black by suns That are millions of times brighter than our own Maybe some planet On the edge of a small galaxy of no cosmic importance A young boy writes his own love poems To a girl who has no idea of his longings Planets untouched With golden seas filled with gigantic  beasts That warm themselves on volcanoes Misty Jungles hanging with vines   Maybe intelligent alien eyes open To the light of twenty suns rising Galaxy after shining galaxy in every shape imaginable With every planet imaginable Little neighborhoods With little streets Where tiny comets circle The same planets year after year Titanic hurricanes Raging vortex Tornadoes that can rip the crust of planets off And toss them into deeper space Yet...the United States says we need no space program Because we have more important matters Like taxes and guns and drugs and war White people are more important than black people My god is the real god You are wrong You are foolish You aren't good enough You don't deserve life I am right You are wrong I am right You are wrong ................................ For the rest of my life I could soar at the speed of light- And I would hardly break the golden bonds Of our lone-quiet-minuscule-spinning Milky Way
0
Feb 12, 2012
Feb 12, 2012 at 3:49 AM UTC
Space Sickness "One millionth billionth of a millisecond on a sunday morning"
Lost It is Bigger and more incredible than the poet can imagine Spider web nebula dripping purple blood dust Twisting galaxies more numerous and ancient Than the mind can comprehend Storms rage on planets Millions and billions Of centuries away The scream of devil winds Are only a whisper on my ears The ancients payed tribute to golden suns Pulsing in the night sky Calling them holes in Gods floor Calling them angels Each star a heaven If they only knew of Red dwarf death soaking moons in heat Craters full of silence  upon the edge of a meteor Negotiating through the black infinite Until they impact with force enough To split planets Fingers Of comets Blonde and blue trails through the void Sapphire moons reflect scarlet sunlight Obsidian asteroids circle a glass planet Phosphorus gysers shooting into orbit The living heavens Twisting about a central nucleus Balanced and growing Suns coming and going at a whim Super nova tantrums Are a flourescent brilliance God making fireworks Billions of planets Some dead and dry Scorched black by suns That are millions of times brighter than our own Maybe some planet On the edge of a small galaxy of no cosmic importance A young boy writes his own love poems To a girl who has no idea of his longings Planets untouched With golden seas filled with gigantic  beasts That warm themselves on volcanoes Misty Jungles hanging with vines   Maybe intelligent alien eyes open To the light of twenty suns rising Galaxy after shining galaxy in every shape imaginable With every planet imaginable Little neighborhoods With little streets Where tiny comets circle The same planets year after year Titanic hurricanes Raging vortex Tornadoes that can rip the crust of planets off And toss them into deeper space Yet...the United States says we need no space program Because we have more important matters Like taxes and guns and drugs and war White people are more important than black people My god is the real god You are wrong You are foolish You aren't good enough You don't deserve life I am right You are wrong I am right You are wrong ................................ For the rest of my life I could soar at the speed of light- And I would hardly break the golden bonds Of our lone-quiet-minuscule-spinning Milky Way
Continue reading...
77
I walk along with my many thoughts, negotiating through the heavy crowd. When simply by chance I raise my eyes, as the masses parted, and there you were. While having you my sights I lost track of my steps, and as your image drew closer my mind stood still. My path to you was cleared of all the moving bodies that no longer mattered, as if fate wanted your beauty to never leave my sight. I now find myself standing within my voices reach to your ears, so I call your name. The moment your eyes found mine I lost my breath. Your beauty was as I remembered and your voice, the sweetest symphony I’ve heard as your lips moved. I found myself lost, within a moment lost in time. A sensation long forgotten now flowed through my body as we exchanged words. The crowd no longer exist, the sounds of a mall full of life, no longer reaches my ears. I find myself trying to move on to my destination, but I long to remain with you. The minutes march on unnoticed, for as you spoke nothing else mattered. But as I walk away I smile, only because we have just experienced a moment lost in time. A moment that may have been lost, but will never be forgotten.
0
Nov 9, 2012
Nov 9, 2012 at 8:40 PM UTC
A Moment Lost in Time
The sunflowers are in full bloom as we see scattered borders crossed over with bomb filled broken dreams Now, stop and think We may never hear the raindrops fall again, while the lost children lead us through the scorched fields with their soft spoken pleas Their desperate sighs rise from across the airwaves left depleted in uncertain scriptures, the forces pull back and a shattered town breathes The sunflowers are in full bloom surrounded by visions etched in our minds of destruction and death dissolved Now, stop and think Sitting on burned out rooftops, we see the tortured fog of war covering up the lifeless soldiers that tatter the streets below, no more bombs or sirens blaring One confused soldier yells, "Why are we here?!!!" The sunflowers are in full bloom negotiating through peaceful serenity, identities clashing with unrestrained intensity Now, stop and think Open your eyes in the time of a desperate calling, unite as one and let the sunflowers continue to grow wild and free
0
Mar 29, 2022
Mar 29, 2022 at 3:05 PM UTC
Sunflowers
I want to see Jesus. Not the storybook one in the white robes with the blue eyes, the dark-eyed Jesus, brown-skinned and stained. I want to see Jesus the man who was God the man whose feet were ***** whose sweat dripped as he sawed the wood with Joseph, whose hair fell into his eyes as he bent over his work. I want to see Jesus whose lean back was muscled from years of hard labor whose hands were rough from handling raw timber, who could have fought the soldiers and won because he was fit and able but who didn't because that wasn't the plan. I want to see Jesus strong, respected by men, honest and capable, used to negotiating prices, smiling and confident. I want to see Jesus the man who loved his mother and followed her instructions even when he would have preferred not to. I want to see Jesus the man who was God when he walked through the crowds who loved him, disappeared from those who would harm him and strode across the water as though it were land. I want to see Jesus the man who gave up his healthy, well-liked, successful life to become the savior of the world. I know God-- invincible, maker of heaven and earth, almighty, omnipotent, omniscient, always with us. I want to know Jesus who came to earth just because he loved me.
0
Sep 27, 2013
Sep 27, 2013 at 1:03 PM UTC
I want to see Jesus.
(Dedicated to Eric Onyebuchi Jibero) What an excruciating blow You have dealt me! A brute's uppercut offloaded A smashing hit delivered Like a monstrous boxer Desirous of fame With an amateur to tame At this one bout too many Wherein you have hit me below The belt as a sadist deriving joy From my anguish And relish From my enormous loss Oh mower, Nay hewer, Can't you feel anything? Can't you see? Can't you reason for a while With your prey? Can't you pause to ponder Just for a brief moment So you can take a good decision Choosing the right tree to fell Instead of bringing down a mere Sapling with your obedient saw? Why deal sweeping blow On a mere rookie? Can't you distinguish Between the ripe and the unripe? Between the hen and the chick? But hawks like you can pick Meat amidst bones as Moses In a basket amidst bulrushes Of Nile to spare from Pharaoh's Infant-eating sword And in wisdom did you wait Patiently to visit Methuselah At the zenith of hoary hair Master of double standards Eyes gorged Conscience seared Heart cold like frozen chicken ******* dry and drooping Like a hag's A ruthless scorpion That stings even babes Rampaging ravager Notorious brigand Marauding machinery Eliminating without scruple Whoever you choose Whose hireling are you? God's or Satan's Or both? A blank cheque you flaunt To cash as you wish But can't you condescend to a negotiating Table when a mere sapling is marked For a cutting down? Being a professional boxer Long in this senseless trade You should have seen the heap Of pain you would leave In my heart by this cruel blow Against a budding amateur whom You have served voracious earth Whose stomach is a leaking tank.
0
Nov 2, 2010
Nov 2, 2010 at 5:22 AM UTC
Foul Blow
(Dedicated to Eric Onyebuchi Jibero) What an excruciating blow You have dealt me! A brute's uppercut offloaded A smashing hit delivered Like a monstrous boxer Desirous of fame With an amateur to tame At this one bout too many Wherein you have hit me below The belt as a sadist deriving joy From my anguish And relish From my enormous loss Oh mower, Nay hewer, Can't you feel anything? Can't you see? Can't you reason for a while With your prey? Can't you pause to ponder Just for a brief moment So you can take a good decision Choosing the right tree to fell Instead of bringing down a mere Sapling with your obedient saw? Why deal sweeping blow On a mere rookie? Can't you distinguish Between the ripe and the unripe? Between the hen and the chick? But hawks like you can pick Meat amidst bones as Moses In a basket amidst bulrushes Of Nile to spare from Pharaoh's Infant-eating sword And in wisdom did you wait Patiently to visit Methuselah At the zenith of hoary hair Master of double standards Eyes gorged Conscience seared Heart cold like frozen chicken ******* dry and drooping Like a hag's A ruthless scorpion That stings even babes Rampaging ravager Notorious brigand Marauding machinery Eliminating without scruple Whoever you choose Whose hireling are you? God's or Satan's Or both? A blank cheque you flaunt To cash as you wish But can't you condescend to a negotiating Table when a mere sapling is marked For a cutting down? Being a professional boxer Long in this senseless trade You should have seen the heap Of pain you would leave In my heart by this cruel blow Against a budding amateur whom You have served voracious earth Whose stomach is a leaking tank.
Continue reading...
68
As a child I did not know whether it was the act itself or the knowledge that I was the receptacle for malevolence and cruelty that made me so vulnerable. At first I thought it was God's punishment for something I had done. I took an inventory, desperately seeking the deed that triggered the retribution. But I could not identify a single act. Even my accumulated errors, transgressions and unkindness’s did not exact the cost. Then I understood: if I could not isolate a deed, or pattern of deeds, commanding the punishment, it must be me. It is not what I did. It is who I was...a fundamentally, intrinsically and irredeemably bad little girl. I negotiated my adolescence and early adulthood with the mathematical symbol for "less than" (<) attached. I would like to be able to write that I am no longer negotiating my adulthood with the same mathematical symbol attached. But that would be a lie. It is pervasive. It is formidable. And if I do not keep it contained, I am so afraid it will be debilitating….I've been down that road a time or two. At times it has enveloped me, penetrating my pores and drowning everything essential and vital inside. Undisturbed, it is docile, sated. But aroused by even the slightest hint of beauty or strength or grace it is a painful reminder that I am...somehow...contemptible...that I am still fundamentally, intrinsically and incorrigibly...what? Flawed, imperfect & bad? You may say, "But we are all flawed and imperfect. And our flaws and imperfections make us more interesting...more truly beautiful...more human." And perhaps you are right, but this inexorable deprivation makes me somehow subhuman... less than human...permanently broken. I am a receptacle for malice. I skillfully deflect praise directed my way, an effort to soothe the inescapable conflict inside. Moderate praise induces a subtle twinge of embarrassment; more effusive praise incites the consuming and agonizing feeling that I am irreparably damaged, hopelessly broken. It has contaminated, compromised and diminished every accomplishment, soiled every success. People sometimes tell me that I am humble and that it is an admirable trait. But the modesty and humility they identify helps me to mask the mortification stirring inside. I have gotten so good at hiding it from others that I have nearly learned to conceal it even from myself. At least that is what it feels like...right now.
0
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 8:21 PM UTC
It is not what "I" did...it is who "I" was...
As a child I did not know whether it was the act itself or the knowledge that I was the receptacle for malevolence and cruelty that made me so vulnerable. At first I thought it was God's punishment for something I had done. I took an inventory, desperately seeking the deed that triggered the retribution. But I could not identify a single act. Even my accumulated errors, transgressions and unkindness’s did not exact the cost. Then I understood: if I could not isolate a deed, or pattern of deeds, commanding the punishment, it must be me. It is not what I did. It is who I was...a fundamentally, intrinsically and irredeemably bad little girl. I negotiated my adolescence and early adulthood with the mathematical symbol for "less than" (<) attached. I would like to be able to write that I am no longer negotiating my adulthood with the same mathematical symbol attached. But that would be a lie. It is pervasive. It is formidable. And if I do not keep it contained, I am so afraid it will be debilitating….I've been down that road a time or two. At times it has enveloped me, penetrating my pores and drowning everything essential and vital inside. Undisturbed, it is docile, sated. But aroused by even the slightest hint of beauty or strength or grace it is a painful reminder that I am...somehow...contemptible...that I am still fundamentally, intrinsically and incorrigibly...what? Flawed, imperfect & bad? You may say, "But we are all flawed and imperfect. And our flaws and imperfections make us more interesting...more truly beautiful...more human." And perhaps you are right, but this inexorable deprivation makes me somehow subhuman... less than human...permanently broken. I am a receptacle for malice. I skillfully deflect praise directed my way, an effort to soothe the inescapable conflict inside. Moderate praise induces a subtle twinge of embarrassment; more effusive praise incites the consuming and agonizing feeling that I am irreparably damaged, hopelessly broken. It has contaminated, compromised and diminished every accomplishment, soiled every success. People sometimes tell me that I am humble and that it is an admirable trait. But the modesty and humility they identify helps me to mask the mortification stirring inside. I have gotten so good at hiding it from others that I have nearly learned to conceal it even from myself. At least that is what it feels like...right now.
Continue reading...
5
I have declared a detente After negotiating a truce. My head is a no-fly zone; The bombadier chutes stay shut. I sat at the table With my privy council, And we have signed an accord. Peace in my time. Peace in my mind. Forget, to forgive; Forgive, to forget. It seeps unmeasurable, Infectious, Air borne as a nucleur summer.
0
Nov 20, 2015
Nov 20, 2015 at 8:59 AM UTC
Peace in My Mind
As if we were peregrines, we played like Ancients, lover Cadence and rhythm pattern like sheet music on a sine wave. Music rhymes as my fingers stretched to walk your drum. We were interrupted, caught and held In the hands of masters and teachers Still I reached for you, only to find a kata, then a lay. Searched the whole way home. Negotiating and maneuvering the quantum spaces of my soul for more you.
0
Apr 6, 2013
Apr 6, 2013 at 10:42 AM UTC
Duplicate