"malfunctioned" poems
I try to change my socks everyday.
Otherwise i get all tripped up on my past.
Sometimes my life feels like lint between toes.
Rubbed off raw material from a malfunctioned owner.
Getting washed down a drain at the end of the day.
Taken away from a broken home.
Drowning without a chance to breathe anyway.
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 7:28 PM UTC
There’s a god in this space computer
There’s a person in this space cocoon
There’s a spirit in red defeating the holy
There’s a trio of sailors flying past the moon
There’s a left-handed man drifting in a probe
There’s an astronaut gliding in an earlobe
There’s a malfunctioned leader stuck on Mars
There’s a determined machinist amidst the stars
There’s a sacred yellow Judas in the jaws of life
There’s a bloated bellow shooting from the tree of strife
There’s a solitary soldier among the aliens
There’s a black slab of faith between here and then
There’s an eight-pointed star of architectural riddles
There’s a cow, a spoon, a dog and a fiddle
There’s a god at number two, a bird at number three
And there’s always Jupiter to seem higher than thee
There’s an eye full of molecules
There’s an eye full of stars
There’s a blind man full of loneliness
There’s an empty void at large
Dec 31, 2011
Dec 31, 2011 at 9:06 PM UTC
I remember the first time I **********
I thought I was having a seizure-
or that I had somehow malfunctioned the Matrix
and had broken through
a fold of reality;
some white-noise ladder to greater plains,
throbbing, animal convulsions,
and a peak that only death
could overpower.
I remember crashing into shame
upon my return, versus the smug welcome
of oxytocin and my adult life;
not knowing to what extent
my ***** would dominate my mind;
you know, I cannot write a poem
without noticing my loneliness,
all the ******** I have left behind.
For that moment, in my New Found ******
I was paralysed at the thought of a sober life,
and ever since that moment,
ever since that night,
I have been searching for those higher plains
in the lowest branches of myself.
Now I smoke my fill and redden my eyes
to bleed out old anxieties,
dry up old tears whilst softening scars
that I have collected over years
spent indoors, hiding from danger.
I remember the first time I **********
how it came to me by accident,
a repeated motion of unknown emotions;
the undulations in her breath;
even now I still sit by myself,
and make love out of whatever is left.
Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 5:21 PM UTC
the mind that is floating in the air
waiting for the bell to ring inside
only alarmed when danger is there
creating worry and confusion
as the words begin to be lost
everything is malfunctioned
including the state of the body
can’t eat, can’t move, can’t sleep,
& can’t think well;
just being frozen
by the sudden scenario
off nothing
in the senses.
the trigger that makes you so ill
it will never ever get away from you
unless something is ticking in
that will make you at ease
and come back
to what life should really mean.
Aug 2, 2018
Aug 2, 2018 at 10:24 AM UTC
"what do you think I should do?"
you looked in between your fingers and said to me
don’t be her cigarette
don’t let her light you up when there’s nothing to do and
put you out once she’s bored.
don’t be the aftertaste of chemicals in her mouth.
don’t be the black **** she spits onto the sidewalk.
don’t be convenient.
don’t be one of twenty in a pack of Marlboros.
so I left her.
you always knew what to say.
I never would have guessed that two months later
I would call you crying to say goodbye
hoping you would at least make a half assed attempt to care
with my phone in my left hand
and a handful of pills overflowing in my shaking right,
I never could have guessed you would’ve answered
with a complaint about how I woke you up.
I landed in the E.R.
like a skydiver lands in the ocean—
fumbling to unbuckle yourself from the parachute
sinking heavy in the salt water
being dragged down by the very fabric that was supposed to save me
trying to claw your way back up to the surface
like desperately clawing at the ceiling of your coffin
like lungs about to burst
like vision blurred
I was drowning
the thing that was supposed to save me
sunk me.
I sat under the florescent lights
that first night
wondering if you had called back
knowing you hadn’t
the whole week I picked at the white bracelet on my wrist
“female, 5’6”, 115 pounds, INPATIENT.”
While wondering if you cared
but knowing you don’t
But hoping you did
because it’s hard to hear for months the
“I’m not going anywhere
I love you
I’m right here
Call whenever you need it
at 3 in the morning or at 3 pm
you don’t need a reason to call if you
want to call just to hear my voice call.
we have something special
and I hope we never loose it
you’re my best friend
I was meant to have met you”—
********
You were my parachute.
The message I had from you
when I got discharged from the psych ward was:
“I have a lot going on and won’t be able to reply much.”
You always know what to say.
You pulled me under
you, heavy fabric
you, life-saving-invention
you, malfunctioned son of a *****
you—chain-smoker.
I have been one of twenty in her pack of Marlboros.
And now I’m one of twelve in your pack of Camels.
I've since quit smoking.
Jun 9, 2015
Jun 9, 2015 at 12:33 PM UTC
Creases cemented in skin of ages,
bending forward ratcheting wrinkles
piled like a car crash, systemically dried
routing for moisture moguls, malfunctioned,
marked measures of time spelt skin attack,
pillowed ruts run deep, prolonging
their birthmark, plumping....out on a date
with new age spaces yet to be filled
Sarcasm streets, filching frowned brows
suns' stolen chastity, lifting out brown
messages spotted at random
grey mandarins, juiceless, bribing
to be heard, a manifesto hidden,
shrivelled prunes wallowing in dried skins
reaching out for the bottomless custard jug
Apr 29, 2013
Apr 29, 2013 at 4:13 PM UTC
You used me like a joystick,
Played with my emotions.
You pressed me until I malfunctioned.
Should've known when I saw your Xbox (ex's box).
You had me running around 360.
Now that I'm broke,
You can no longer be controlling.
You had me in this love triangle,
O by the way your X (ex) is a square.
You selected to start this confusion,
And that wasn't fair,
Should've known you're a cheat.
We're on different platforms,
Get off my network,
Cause we can't connect on many levels like Wifi.
I believed in your game, but it was all fake, Syfy.
Your lies was graphic,
You left me stagnant,
And gave me the cold shoulder.
I'm pulling this cord,
Game over.
So **** off and get outta my system!
Jul 25, 2013
Jul 25, 2013 at 8:19 AM UTC
Its hard to think about numbness taking away huge chunks of me as a person
It keeps eating away at parts of my internal wiring until there's nothing but bare metal
Depression has somehow become a trend
Id gladly trade places with any of you to feel again
Please
Take this plague from my body
Take the weights off of my soul
I am losing control
I truly ache for anyone who can truly relate to this indifferent identity
I wouldn't wish this sickness upon my worse enemy
My mind screams so loud i expect every last ******* entity on this earth to hear it
Death to anyone who opposes my spirit
Even if its myself
I am past the point of help
My malfunctioned parts collect dust on a shelf
Self inflicted surgery at the time seemed to be the only way to ensure my health
There are pictures hanging everywhere of my body with the face cut out
I find no solace in how i look now
I've broken every mirror in my house
21 years of bad luck no reason to stop now
Encase me in cement and break me across the ground
So i can taste the dirt and get kicked around
One last time
Sep 29, 2014
Sep 29, 2014 at 3:45 AM UTC
There, beneath the ice.
Frozen.
An unready meal, unfit for consumption.
A drowning dalek, malfunctioned.
All intellect, no gumption.
There, amongst the trees.
Falling.
Too eager to please,
all smiles and bended knees,
platitudes float by on breeze.
There, left in the rain.
Forgotten.
Torn head stitched back again -
a pale plaster-cast of pain.
Her mask descending down the drain.
There, amid the crowd.
Brazen.
Talking painfully too loud,
arrogance veils like a shroud,
inside, her head stays bowed.
There, across the street.
Timid.
Hoping that we meet,
shuffling feet on summer heat,
Her broken heart won't beat.
Here, an open road.
Curious.
A rerun or new episode?
Traffic slowed,
this time, we go.
Jan 30, 2015
Jan 30, 2015 at 10:52 AM UTC
I had this dream a few night ago that I was on a plane and the god **** plane malfunctioned and we started falling from the sky. I just ******* started crying because I knew I woulf probably die. I don't remember anyone else being on the plane. I think it was just me and the pilot. We were both about to ******* crash into the ocean and die. Anyway, when I woke up, I was crying then too. I'm a real pathetic 18 year old baby. How old are people usually when they're in first grade? Back when I was in first grade I would cry during thunderstorms. I remember when Katrina came by. I was really ******* done then. A remember telling my parents that I loved them. I remember I used to have anxiety attacks because I thought that when I died I'd go to hell. I thought I'd go to hell because when I was in 2nd grade I stole like 10 packs of Pokemon cards from some gas station. I still feel guilty about it, but I don't think much about going to hell.
The plane is crashing and it's just me and the pilot. I don't even know his name but I know that we're going to die together.
Jan 25, 2014
Jan 25, 2014 at 3:18 AM UTC
I understand why they talk about a fine line.
It hurts my heart to look at you,
A physical pain
Manifesting in palpitations.
The western way to deal with pain
is to excise what hurts, what has malfunctioned,
What has gone bad within us.
In order to excise you,
I must force myself to hate you.
The alternative damages me.
I have to cut you out.
Nov 18, 2013
Nov 18, 2013 at 6:02 AM UTC
Losing my touch on reality,
as my hand print fades off the window screen
and I'm waiting, waiting but I don't know what for...
Living for now but I'm lost in a vision
I'm Alice,
I'm falling,
falling
because I think all the crazy people are the best too.
Wishing I was crazier and you were too.
Why do you plaque my dreams but never appear in my reality?
Only to leave dust covered thoughts
that are suspended in the air
words never said.
You don't know how I love too much, too passionately.
Do you know me at all?
With a heart so malfunctioned and constant as mine.
Does this scare you? Is that my crime?
You don't know me, not really
but you've stolen your way into my nightly monologue
like a thief in the night.
It leaves me to wonder-
Will I dream tonight?
Or will I see you and your forget me knots in real life?
Oct 2, 2013
Oct 2, 2013 at 5:52 PM UTC
As a child she was in the dark to what was unfolding around her
it was WW2 and she knew not of the deaths at Auschwitz and Sobibor
she recalls being taken from a ghetto to a transit camp in Westerbork
a ride to nowhere I knew not
when I was just a tot
others had been caught
She was taken from an orphanage kicking & screaming bruised and cut
then shoved her in a bus to transport her to a destination small as a hut
arriving at camp, they shoved her in a gas chamber, strange twist of fate
it malfunctioned ,she was left naked in a chamber overnight, was it Faith?
thumping heart and all
she curled up from a crawl
and cried to the wall
Angels of death rejected her, she was too sterilized with innocence
burning in an oven she didn't belong, she lived to tell without pretense
unfortunately scarred for life, she survived and lost her dear parents
on her wedding day she did cope
a survivor with an anchor a rope
dressed in white she took a slope
Jews, burned in ovens all because of Adolf ****** and his hatred for Jews
Jews, God's people honest good living Citizens who did no wrong, Jews
Jews, human beings ripped apart, God opened gate then wept, JEWS +
Apr 11, 2021
Apr 11, 2021 at 8:34 AM UTC
empty imagery
I am aware a sparrow exists. not in a spiritual vacuum. people are another hell.
empty imagery
woman large, woman blank. vessel of prayer. being led by my father to the backroom where her child is being held for shoplifting. dizzy child versed in how equalizing the chewing of gum can be. once in the backroom, my mother takes over. the child sitting, a son, knuckles hovering as listless as this dual recount.
the table being carried from the employee cafeteria. not arriving before the woman rears and breaks the child’s nose with her boot. the table in the wrong room. the shy people around it. the following mayhem from which the boy shrinks to swallow his gum. how the gum goes right to his chest caved from being stepped on by his older brother’s left foot to keep him still during the nightly ritual of lengthening both arms by the hands. his arms necessary for thieving.
his arms for pain to tunnel through.
empty imagery
excuse my friend his earlier joy in saying *who do I have to **** to get ****** around here*. at age 19 a man exploded beside my friend and my friend went quiet. to his grave thinking his own bomb malfunctioned.
empty imagery
to think on it is to acknowledge something came before both the chicken and the egg. but don’t get knotted. we’re going with the coverage of the tree no one heard.
Jun 21, 2013
Jun 21, 2013 at 1:42 PM UTC
Once there was nothing, no time, nothing
but something strange happened
there was a birth, it's very old now
we call it the Universe
The Universe had many children
all of different shapes, sizes, colors but all very beautiful
we call them Galaxies
Those Galaxies aged and had children of their own
called solar systems and they had children called planets
and those planets had children called life
Billions of years passed
that life had children called machines
but everything that as a beginning as an end
and the machines malfunctioned
the life died out
planets were destroyed
solar systems perished
galaxies fell apart
and the Universe continued to age, watching as its children died
not able to save them, not able to do anything.
As time drifted by the Universe got sick
been eaten away by a virus called Black holes
destroying everything the Universe had left
and eventually dieing
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 11:06 PM UTC
*They know better than any
even with malfunctioned brain
They learn through
feelings
experiences
senses
Mostly--
it works better than human.
Because*--
Apr 30, 2015
Apr 30, 2015 at 10:29 AM UTC
I broke again today-
and then again by starting another poem this way.
I wonder when the repetition will stop
and the consistency will start.
Frozen in time-
constantly running into this art form
face-first and feet last.
I am head over heels again
but not in the romantic comedy kind of way.
In the way that my head travels faster than I can catch it
these emotions flee past me before I can process them.
Frozen in time like I am an old desktop computer
waiting for the signal to go through-
just waiting for that connection
that eventually gets lost in space
and you are defeated by technology again.
Well my mind is the processor-
it has malfunctioned for the last time
and I cannot compute really anything anymore.
I am alone-
a hard drive that only contains one component,
you could try to fit more on but there is no space left.
Nothing left to secure me
and you didn't eject me properly this time
you took me out before I was ready to disconnect.
Now I slow you down-
every time I am used for your gain.
All because your unwarranted rejection
caused a malfunction in my process
so now I am the one slowing down.
They tried to fix me.
But I just won't work anymore.
Oct 26, 2015
Oct 26, 2015 at 6:16 PM UTC
Yet again my radar malfunctioned.
Let me down.
Disappointed and reminded
That
Love
Of all things
Is apparently disposable
Like everything else
In this
World of waste
Jul 15, 2013
Jul 15, 2013 at 6:59 AM UTC
His mind was a factory
A bustling grey and charcoal factory
With machines to create thoughts
But all so systematically
All so perfect precise concise
Not a mistake not a slip was made
The sounds of smooth clicks
And echoes under foot vibrations
All was smooth
All was purposeful
Until she asked for a tour
She asked with innocence and naivety
And he let her in tentatively
She marveled at his systemic mind
And questioned and awed.
But no one had ever
Entered his mind like this before
And she distracted him
They heard a crash
as a machine malfunctioned
And a thought toppled and shattered
The pieces exploding like a firecracker
Against the grey charcoal floor
He panicked and tried to pick up the pieces
But echoes of a breaking mind tore at his ears
As more thoughts shattered.
He was loosing control
And all because of her
This girl was making him lose his mind
He went to a corner and tried to regain himself
Closed eyes and shaking heart
He sat and stayed,
Oblivious
Emerging he stared
Stared at the prices of his shattered mind
That she arranged
Into an intricate mosaic
And somehow in that moment
He saw a beauty in the brokenness
Something he had never seen before
Jan 11, 2016
Jan 11, 2016 at 8:26 PM UTC
I stood on the cliffs of Cabo Girao,
I watched the village slip away,
into to the mouth of mother nature;
into the sea of salt and spray.
And in my baseball cap, I leant out,
and threw my t-shirt to the sea,
I was done with missing sunlight;
I was done with autumn leaves.
I headed out to warmer climates,
and I was cradled in the sun.
I experienced new beginnings,
in the roots of Babylon.
They whispered through ayahusaca,
as I force-fed myself the tea;
as I malfunctioned into sanity,
as new voices came to be.
We laughed on through the Amazon,
and in the emptied streets of Rome.
Earth fell upon the weight of change;
now all of the land was home.
Old pick-up trucks are left to rust,
as all memories are altered.
A cigarette will tempt our death,
in a breath so rushed and faltered.
The voices left me in the high-rise,
in the car-park that we once looked out;
we saw the limit that is the horizon,
we saw a future full of doubt.
I have travelled through the aftermath,
and found no one left at all.
At least there's peace in my delusion,
away from the ancient city sprawl.
Yet, still with all these questions,
of what was caused, under which name;
you still send them to expire,
as I linger on your gaze.
I've not seen you in a while now,
you could be dead or worse: happy.
All I want is to find Eden,
and have you descend down from the trees.
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 10:21 PM UTC
left in a tumultuous state
clawing at giprock
dancing in the
paint chip rain
two years gone
slowly crawled
through concrete walls
and dim lit rooms
misplaced elation
i can recall
all the parts of the brain
and what they're called
but i can't seem to remember
the day mine malfunctioned
and ****** me
over
Aug 11, 2014
Aug 11, 2014 at 11:17 PM UTC
Hello my dear,
Where have you gone?
My heart holds fear
That you won't be back by dawn.
I've been watching out the window for you for hours,
But still, you have not returned.
In my eyes, I see showers
The sunshine turned to rain, and now I'm concerned.
Did your love for me go away?
Why did you run from me?
I remember when together we spent almost all of our days,
But now, I'm sifting through my heart's debris.
You let me go and left me alone,
And now I can't function.
All week I've stared at the phone,
You never called, I pretended it just malfunctioned.
But deep down I knew, you just didn't call.
You didn't think of me.
From my eyes, the water falls
Why is this how it has to be?
Did I misunderstand your feelings?
Did I do something wrong?
This pain isn't easy to be dealing
Especially when I thought our love was so strong.
Remember when we'd fall asleep together?
You told me you waited all day for those moments.
I thought we'd make it through any weather,
But now I'm just broken.
I remember the way you used to look at me,
You looked at me like you were so in love.
So if you loved me, why did you flee?
I thought we had a love worth bragging of.
But now I'm alone, with nothing left of you but your sweater.
I curl up with it at night, wishing it was you.
I can tell you, life has definitely been better
But without you here, what can I do?
Being with other guys makes me realize,
My heart doesn't work unless it's you.
It's you that revitalizes me,
It's you that gives me what I need to get through.
Your touch hydrates me,
Your kiss keeps me sane.
Can't you see?
Without you, I'll surely go insane.
The memories are haunting me,
There's not a moment you're not on my mind.
With you is where I should be,
But you're so hard to find.
I crave your touch, I crave your smile
I crave your lips and just you in general.
You and me, we never go out of style.
You and I, the value is sentimental.
If I could love you again, I'd do it right
So please be gentle and come back to me.
No more crazy, no more fight.
I'll be everything you need me to be.
Andrew, I love you with all of my heart
And I can only pray you still feel the same.
In my life, you play such a huge part
And you're my muse, you're my flame.
This girl loves you, and this girl needs you.
You're the one I want to spend my life with
I hope you still feel the way I do,
So if it's true, let's stop being a myth.
Come back to me my dear, you belong with me.
Your arms are where I belong.
You make me the best person I can be,
Without you, my life just feels wrong.
Hello my dear, as you can see I feel strongly about this.
Please come back to me, in one piece.
You are something I dearly miss,
And until you're returned to me, I won't be at peace.
Jan 4, 2015
Jan 4, 2015 at 7:41 AM UTC
Adam had no memory of his first wife. as created, he would look at Eve all day and feel nothing.
-
the vacation house was found to be owned by another family. in it, my mother resisted arrest.
-
my father was born with six fingers on his right hand and seven on his left. he was not fond of either hand until later in life when the grandchildren asked him at different times during their visits if he had been tortured.
-
God created the world because he couldn’t do it on his own. ah, note to self, **** off. person is place. I might’ve killed a man had I not been poking holes in a poem by Barton Smock.
-
my brother says it’s part of his condition that he can only explain himself from the waist down. he says he feels horrible in the back of his head and wants me to take a look. he says I don’t know what darkness is. before I can play doctor he remembers he has a story he wants me to write. the outline of the story is off site. in the opening scene brother recalls that a young man is blowing dust from a human skull made of plastic because it’s all the narrator can afford.
-
the head itself was an afterthought. had god not allowed the soul to come up for air, beauty would have been spared our invention.
-
a single mother is a twofold mirage. please argue above her quietly. her legs collapse. her child comes first.
-
your sister is the only person I’ve recorded to have been born without a gift. I was told this in confidence by an angel masquerading as a small animal the size of which escapes me.
-
I am aware a sparrow exists. not in a spiritual vacuum. people are another hell.
-
excuse my friend his earlier joy in saying who do I have to **** to get ****** around here. at age 19 a man exploded beside my friend and my friend went quiet. to his grave thinking his own bomb malfunctioned.
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 10:48 AM UTC
YOU won't understand how I feel. always being cheated of my feelings.
i was in the deepest lies i created on my own.
feelings always toyed with. because i have no mind to control it. i don't know what's wrong with me.
i only want to feel how is it like to be loved. i keep trying to tear and rip my eyes away from you. but i do not know why i'm still attracted to you. you aren't even some good looking guy. why do i like you so much? why can't i find someone of my standard?
i'm really at loss for relationship stuff. i'm so so lost. i hate you for having the power to make me like this. don't give me false hope if you're not interested in a relationship. i don't even THINK you're interested. i wished i could be honest ABOUT my feelings. but i know you won't ever like me back.
don't give me attention at ALL. please. my heart aches so so much. heart strings torn and broken, ropes wrapping my heart and neck like tree vines, restricting my thoughts and breathing. my ability to think has malfunctioned. because my heart IS back to YOU again. or to be honest, it never really left.
Jan 26, 2016
Jan 26, 2016 at 6:50 AM UTC
We did forget the peace…
It lays in dust, abandoned.
The drums of war don’t cease
The mind of world malfunctioned.
We have destroyed the peace,
The peace is trampled down,
The sanity is labelled “Vice”,
The hope in blood has drown.
We have betrayed the peace,
Replacing words with slogans,
Hysterics and war-cries increase,
As diplomats replaced with morons.
***
The peace is dying agonizing
Losing count of its endless sores
On hands of orphan sympathizing —
The crippled son of senseless wars.
— ☙ AlMakPoetry ❧—
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 6:48 PM UTC