Wading in murky waters,
I am unclean.
My blood is stained.
Heroism leaves no
change on this rainbow
of your Airborne life.
Blue widow falls foul of light.
I crave the sun,
but this cave is my cage
and sunshine is my prison.
Eroded hope weighs a tonne
breaking down my will
clouding my dreams.
Oh how I long to imagine,
Ideas be my bread.
Let me out.
The silence is deafening,
too many breaths
Let me out.
I long to dream the dreams of hope.
Will you see me as I am?
All my leaves striped.
My pockets emptied of bravado.
My stance wilted, my bark picked.
Butterfly kisses they'll fly to you,
Perhaps an ornamental dove? I'm not that fragile
You'll see no barricades painted blue,
to stop my wave of thoughts- for they're far too volatile
My electric current flows,
Into creaks and cracks soaking the inner crevices,
right to the heart of my soul.
Can't you see I am bare?Stark emotions,skin, vices.
There are no masks,no reflections only my face.
Could you appreciate me bare?
With no buffer zone,no masking tape.
I'll scream it once more into this abyss.
Take me apart,Taste it on my lips.
Lying under natures blanket,
spelled the divide between our lines
Distinctive, bright guiding light
You burrow and hide to be cloaked in night.
Fondness may be your claws.
yet you don't follow the laws
of a constitution set in stone.
To be so gracious but you grace to be alone
Wrinkled star you dimmed your shine
for an less intricate fabric in the stream of life.
Naively seeking the movement in time
a dance to a blurred uneven keel
to somehow feel real.
Yet,your plastic thought erode the hope,
that was once your epitaph.
How are you so far removed,
from the bricks in my foundation?
You just enjoy the view.
Wading through the murkiness in search of your core.
I can't help but wonder what's it all for?
What's it all for?
hope is burst, deflated floating to the frost bidden ground.
Grey is omnipresent here, there is no Land of Oz to drag you from reality;
just guilt just responsibility of a burden that was not mine.
To flourish in the dark is precarious, teetering on the edge of oblivion,
no safety net to catch your emotions as they swim in the depths of the ocean,
or shield them from the stream of logic residing in your currents.
Golden glitter sprinkled on my palm,your fairy dust is enticing but a drug I must stop.
The first step is admitting your addiction.
I have to give you up.
Let you go.
Put my memories somewhere close but far away.
Shake the remnants of the highs you gave me shining coins a midst the sea of dullness and focus on the downers,the lows that left me empty,wounded,
Often, I retrace our path that brought us here,our mistakes and trespasses streetlights lighting up our way.
now it's time.
I have nothing left to give.
If love was blind,
we'd all stroll through life,
wearing rose tinted glasses,
faces worn from laughter lines.
We'd wear our hearts on our sleeves,
because there would be no need,
to keep barbed electric fences around
our fragile cores so they don't bleed.
There'd be a deficit of heartbreak,
No reason for our souls to ache
for the ugly monsters that rears their heads
as if it was the wrong decision to make.
Ignorance is bliss or so they say,
anger wouldn't seize control in the way
we lose our tempers like corks off champagne bottles
as love is blown away.
There would be no self destruct button,
we'd embrace the rancid parts of a person,
because what you can't see won't stain you
or strip love down to its origins leaving it rotten.
Yet I find love can be unconditional,
Battered,bruised and blunted
it can still flicker a flame in the embers
it defies all logical, an anomaly that's not rational.
When you feel this real tender love that is just kind,
whether its deserved there seems nothing that's enough,
to eradicate it's echo in the chambers of your heart.
A coin tossed wishful thought what if love was blind...
We share blood you and I,
and have shared
golden pocketed memories, sticky ice-creamed fingers
back seats,smelly packs of cheese and onions crisps
and jokes about the two in the front arguing over directions,money- us.
Yet we couldn't be more polarized,
Your a young soul but your older,
you used to whisper scandalous grown -up things
and I would swallow your information as gospel.
Under sapphire skies,
I'd follow you around just wanting your attention
and I know now how annoying it must have been
to have a whiny little sister wanting you to play Barbies.
And I won't lie,
I love you most days and hate you the rest
for all those times you'd beat me up(really just a punch)
and pronounce me the Loch-ness monster and call me fat.
It'll always be Love/Hate with you and I
I'm the chalk and your the cheese
but you make me laugh until my sides ache
and I know you love telling me the news of your latest exploit.
There's a camaraderie well that implied,
I've got your back and you've got mine.
we table tennis tease but we both draw a line
and we won't cross it.
because we share blood you and I,
despite nurture over nature
or blood is thicker than water
know this big brother
I love you as a person.
One phone call later.
A swift valediction-
Volcanic silence erupts.
Animated adrenaline fires
through my veins
singeing like flames licking paper.
Just his voice,
his words have flipped my internal balance
and let the butterflies out of their cages.
So they fly,up up and up
around in perfect tea cupped patterns.
and I'm helpless just to watch their performance.
I don't feel like me,
More of a mysterious mirage that appears when you call
and when the phone clicks- it ends.
when I'm around you,
you my dear just you