"lonliness" poems
I thought that saying goodbye,
would be the hardest thing to say to you.
And in a way it was,
but in another it wasn't.
It felt sad; it felt exhilarating.
I thought that love, all kinds,
meant giving you're all to someone.
But it doesn't, it means something more.
It means that you give them a piece
of yourself for them to cherish,
and they do the same.
But you can't give something away,
that doesn't exist.
I didn't understand at first,
but now I do.
I never loved myself,
I loved you.
I used to feel I would die
with joy from being around you.
*And then I woke up one morning,
and I realized that I did die.*
That the every miniscule piece of who I was,
had ceased to exist.
I realized that I was empty,
and always had been.
*So instead of killing myself for your love,
I lived for my own.*
And now I drive around,
listening to Tom Petty,
wearing red lipstick;
lips wrapped around the back half of a cigarette..
And I am so happy.
I feel free.
I feel like I can conquer anything,
because I escaped a painful death;
a death by you.
But then it was time to say "Hello again.."
and it was harder than goodbye.
It brang back the memories of sadness.
Of lonliness.
Of being afraid.
Then the moment passed...
And I still feel free.
Oct 25, 2014
Oct 25, 2014 at 8:40 PM UTC
are we so unloved........in this the very day
that holds together all of creation?
wonderous sight!...eachother!
freely coming unto what we know to call
"the sacred door"
weeping and moaning in sheer lonliness
hating our abusing friends
who we then so gladly abuse
thankful for "justification"
we stomp our own poor face by face
we'd re-lynch negros if we could
get the rag heads YES WE CAN...HURRAY!
while the deadly oil spill
SIMPLY ERASED
IF NOT FROM THE WATERS .....THEN
FROM MEMORIES
we hate our lovers from the day we meet
and when he's gone
we want him back again!
so very unloved
but wait!
when a true friend appears
we just call him "nerd" or "geek"
lonley loveless
yet so safe
from the overwhelming reality
loving to be unloved
the power trip that never fades away
Aug 13, 2010
Aug 13, 2010 at 12:53 PM UTC
I had to...
I have to do something.
The lonliness and stress were eating away at me
My hands and heart have been itching to be creative for a while now.
I have not been able to write for weeks.
My head is on over-drive.
I am so stressed/scared/nervous about the tomorrow.
What if it is worse than they thought?
What if something goes wrong?
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 10:26 PM UTC
A Few lines etched where no words give weight.
Good riddance say the veterans
Of a nation gone sour with grief
Like a lemon slice evaporating onto the tongue of the sick.
But when the young yearn for White Nights,
The old claim they are blinding lights to the cold sugary substance
That supplants an easy path.
The bullithole rush of renewal and lonliness and progress thwarted and abandoned,
Inertia seeping through
Into a cold summer's day.
Between the cursing slant of sleek paved roadstrips,
And the burning briars that thresh the border's haunt,
What is picture postcard emerald
Is in that same instance soviet architect gray.
These are the sleepers bereft of the dream
whose twenty-five stories high
or ghost estates
are domes to cast out the howling banshees,those suffrage of the real
to be re-thought as mere props which surround the haloed glowing screen.
So sheen the Motherland glows in untarnished eyes
Familiar solely with glass behemoths parading with their reflections
In grey water-drizzled streets,
Only to be replaced by iridescent rainbows that foster a hope.
A hope that was packaged and sold two decades back
Since it was not worth carrying into the New World.
The water-trough delving where the electric line banishes,connects a spike,
"rejuvenate the breakfast table"-some far-off God reports, Hades still waiting,
Intel-chip Blue, epiphany at the gates.
Jun 12, 2012
Jun 12, 2012 at 5:24 AM UTC
Tonight, I was made aware of my lonliness,
Or my lonliness was made aware of me,
Either/Or, I'll walk like confidence cause it's all I've got everything to lose,
No one needs to know how this feels,
These words will haunt you...
Your lust will haunt you...
My absence will haunt you...
Like a ghost inside of your head,
Your vanity showed through,
You packed up and started new,
And I'm still here, teary-eyed, and wondering why,
So don't blame me because I'm ******* bitter,
And I'm demanding some answers.
Don't try to fulfill my memory,
Because you are just a memory,
Don't express your love for me,
Because it's something you'll regret,
Don't let yourself feel special,
Because you're just something I'll forget...
May 13, 2012
May 13, 2012 at 9:01 PM UTC
Aloneness is ecstasy,
Aloneness is bliss,
Lonliness is aloneness misunderstood.
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 2:41 PM UTC
you sleep alone tonight
the round circles of your arms which normally hold me
closed - for the season
winter has reached this bed
your broad back faces me
a barrier I cannot breach
the muscular companion to that of your guarded heart.
you say,
it is your only heart
you whimper, like a child
a weak protest
I know that what clouds your thoughts in sleep is saturated
the depthless blue of lonliness and pain. you'll never tell.
I want to comfort you, smooth away the dark wrinkles that plague your sleep...
my touch is not welcome consolation
you sleep alone tonight.
Apr 20, 2012
Apr 20, 2012 at 2:43 PM UTC
You cannot fly,
You're just a mere human..
You get wings when you die..
Stop jumping like a wingless bird..
And stand on your feet like a human should..
I am not scared..
So dear white doves..
I wonder if they can reach to tell the Full Moon my..
Lonliness and fright..
Dec 18, 2011
Dec 18, 2011 at 1:20 PM UTC
i love no one
i am alone
i should sit
lonely on the lawn
i could see two friends
who were sitting close to each others
they were speaking warmly
& singing a song like two birds...
with each sentence they told
i really felt so cold
it was chilled to the bone
i don't have any person in my life with heart of gold
Aug 26, 2014
Aug 26, 2014 at 12:11 PM UTC
What does depression look like?
Oh, please tell me. I must know!
Is it just a hoax or a mind game played with me?
Why does it feel like my heart will bleed?
That pitter-patter I hear in my chest
Is it just a heartbeat or is a metronome ticking away the minutes until my mind goes astray?
What does depression look like?
A foggy glass pane?
That noise it makes when it rains?
It feels like an eternity, when it's only been an hour.
It feels like when you can't get out of the shower.
What does depression look like?
Oh can't you see!!!
Depression, oh depression, is inside of me!
He is not polite and he does not use manners!
He just barges in and demands I answer
What does depression look like?
My bed hasn't been made in years and my friends all bore me to tears
But where do I draw the line
Between where my brain is ****** up and everything is fine?
Please, God, tell me!
Does everyone feel this way or is it just me?
Am I being irrational?
Do I let my brain wander?
Between what's real or if it was just a blunder
What does depression look like?
I haven't left the house in months
And when I do I just feel in a rut
I wonder if people see me and think I'm okay?
I wonder if I prayed this would all go away?
I'm a being of lonliness, sorrow and despair.
I'm a creature cursed with depression
My bones are crumbling and bare
What does depression look like?
You tell me
I'm quiet on the outside and screaming internally
I feel myself decaying and I feel my heart breaking
I just want to wake up from this horrifying dream
Where every piece of me is splitting at the seams
I don't try to be depressed
I want to smile but it's hard when there's weights pulling down on your eyeballs
And I want to tell you all that I'm not okay
But I'm afraid I can't come out with that
No not today.
Jan 15, 2017
Jan 15, 2017 at 8:03 PM UTC
Cancelled
For being too keen
For saying
I like you
Too loudly
It seems a shame
But then...
Maybe I was a little full on...
Like maybe what was heard was
"I need you!"
Not "I like you"
So maybe what i was actually saying was
"Save me,
From my lonliness!"
"Complete me,
Let me hang off your brilliance
and raise me from my inadequacy"
Which to be fair is kind of creepy
And well not who I want to be anyway...
So if I wasn't cancelled by someone for being like that...
If that vibe floated their boat
I'd probably have to cancel.them anyway.
So the final score
One all.
Jan 21, 2023
Jan 21, 2023 at 7:38 AM UTC
"god, i hate everyone. i cant stand being around people"
"same here, they repulse me. lets hang out some time"
seems...contradictory
why would i want to better know someone who hates people
when i hate people?
isnt that a recipe for disaster?
sure its a commonality but...
i still dont know what the allure is
i feel like an audience member
my voice drowned out by the crowd around
is it lonliness?
cant be.
when im around people i look for that.
but when im alone i search for company
not even sure what i want anymore
bouncing around from different states of mind
wants and needs constantly changing...
accepting that i can never have a normal relationship or interaction with other people
acceptance is much easier than fighting
the makings of an antisocial
Feb 27, 2013
Feb 27, 2013 at 1:23 AM UTC
I believe in second chances, no matter who you are
You deserve a second chance to show your worth
If it weren't for second chances, we'd have never reached the stars
And we'd forever be stuck down here on this earth
A second chance is crucial when you're learning something new
It's the time you use to fix all your mistakes
You need that extra effort to do what you must do
And if you're injured in the process,.....them;s the breaks!
If it weren't for second chances, we'd all be stuck at home
Our employers would have sent us home to sit
They'd say that we are useless and we've no brains in our dome
And to put it to us nicely....we were ****
Second chances make us stronger, better than we were before
Because we learn a lesson when we fail
They teach us to get better, and to break on through that door
And we learn that we'll be stronger...just exhale
In sports a second chance keeps the game well within our reach
It stops it all from going all to hell
To give that extra effort, it's something you can't teach
And you just know you can do it, you can tell!
In love a second chance means we will not die alone
Unless of course you haven't got a clue
We play the cards we're given, we play the dice we've thrown
And the only one who can change it all is you.
I'm happier the second time and wouldn't change a thing
I know that I am better this time round
My reason is my Megan, with her I'm like a king
She tells me daily, and she doesn't make a sound
My second chance is special and I'm sure yours is too
She's my mulligan in this game of life
I'm sure you feel the same way about somebody who
Has relieved you of your lonliness and strife
Now, thanks to second chances we all can understand
That the first time out we all were just too young
But now, we're off the sidelines and we're marching with the band
And we're singing the best song we've ever sung.
So, please believe in second chances no matter who you are
You'll thank yourself for going that next mile
Without my second chance, I'd have never got this far
And with Megan I have learned again to smile.
May 30, 2012
May 30, 2012 at 2:58 PM UTC
and as being alone is not the same as lonliness...then perhaps "peacefulness" does not mean the silly liberal search for the end of hostilities
and as being a lover does not mean having *** with someone but merely implies a true commitment to humanity....then of course all things are seen in natural harmony
but then!
what would lady gaga say!
and as being a real soul does actually seem to necessitate the abandonment of cultural stupidity.......then perhaps our attempts to write down and express our feelings might possibly be the act of saving the world!
but then!
what would sarah palin say we really mean!
---
come
be free
it is better that way
i
Aug 26, 2010
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:04 AM UTC
Oh Moon, oh goddess;
why do you weep?
I know too well of your lonliness.
I know too well about the darkness that surrounds you.
Little light lingers from the end of a day.
The same light that approaches you.
It shuns you, pushes you away.
You believe nobody sees you, but
I know many who admire your
shimmery shine.
Plenty look to your silent beauty.
Oh how the stars are yours and nobody else's.
For they are just as dazzling;
yet you outshine them all.
The glimmer even at a glance of a sliver of you
is enough to allow a decadent sigh.
Jun 29, 2016
Jun 29, 2016 at 4:38 AM UTC
I kneel before you though you are no God
I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain
You take it all with no argument, no hesitation and no judgement
When I kneel before you I feel the world staring down upon me; disappointed and accusitory
What would they say if they saw me in these moments?
The world, friends, family.......what would they say?
I can't stop spending time with you though I have tried
Unfortunately, it only takes a thought
It use to be harder to give it all to you
Forcing myself to bare those things to you.........it use to be so hard
Now it is easy! And I hate myself for it.
To keep myself sane, to keep it all inside, I run my tongue across my gums to feel the missing molars, the hole in the bicuspid, the degraded bicuspid and think in my head......
"Fight the urge. Fight the urge. Fight the urge to kneel and purge."
I go silent. I go numb.
I beat it, I hope, at least for today
But, I see you and feel the need to give it all to you
And in that moment I am beautiful, or, at least I hope to be
I made the mistake of listening to society
They told me to be the way they dictate on tv, in magazines, on billboards, and bus signs and newspapers and the radio
I tried because they said it wasn't ok to be me
To just be me
I wasn't enough
Why can't I be enough?
Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts! It's too easy!
I kneel before you though you are no God
I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain
You take it all with no arguments no hesitation and no judgement
"Fight the urge. Fight the urge. Fight the urge to kneel and purge."
FLUSH!!!!!!!
Sep 22, 2012
Sep 22, 2012 at 8:50 PM UTC
The sink clogged, with the hair I'm pulling out.
The deranged dripping of the pipes on the veneer...
A marvel.
To see what people will do to feel like they have some sense of control...
The window sill,
covered in dust, paint chips, mold,
The carcasses of dead flies...
There is an exquisite beauty to lonliness.
It's something relatable.
A way of being that is attainable, but unwanted.
It's just like this day,
unwanted by all.
Some may though; want it.
Perhaps they are simply afflicted,
In need of a shoulder for their worries
and a day to hold them.
I don't think they would rip their hair out to do so.
Not like me.
Who cares?
I'll just watch now,
as the blood drips down the sink,
on the day they all needed,
when the pipes burst and dripped the mudded water
onto the the fresh veneer...
Mar 9, 2012
Mar 9, 2012 at 1:30 PM UTC
Same as yesterday,
A ruthless beg at the morrow,
For trees and colors of light,
That stream through murdered pasts,
Twlight breathe,
Of longer passions,
Vertigo isolation,
She's running the mill,
She's always so cold,
A scheme against the day's blight,
A force of lonliness,
Abide,
Maybe treason and reason,
collide like intentions
prevent the confiding belief,
Sep 14, 2015
Sep 14, 2015 at 5:34 PM UTC
I can feel every inch of my skin, without even focusing.
The slow decay of comfort begins.
The aching annoyance that enters my mind.
My body expresses out the turmoil in my soul.
Love, hate, fear, hope, longing; endangered feelings
stretched over months of unsure lonliness.
My nerves writhe from unspoken words.
unexpressed feelings bottled up in my gut.
They attempt to escape.
No relaxation means no rest.
A night without comfort is torture.
So I lay here, overly aware of
myself,
my thoughts,
and my body.
Sep 10, 2012
Sep 10, 2012 at 9:59 AM UTC
A lifetime worth of suffocation,
Emotions that are never ending
They flow out of me without and option to stop,
Sorrow,love,anger,frustration and even joy filling up in me.
Darkness harbored in my life for so long,
They say it's just a phase but it's been forever,
The emotion in me ten times stronger than average.
This can be both a gift and a torcherous burden,
Love can become pain,
And that pain is rooted in the assalt of rejection,
But then there is joy and it flows through my body and soul.
This has taken over me not just now but always,
When lonliness hits it's as though i'm sitting in blackness,
Nothing is in sight,
It's pitch black and I am alone,
The weight of my world seemingly upon my shoulders.
I fight but I've grown weak,
I pull myself out of the lonley abyss and there I am,
Once again surrounded by the world passing me by,
Apparently I am invisible,
Transparent in so many eyes,
Still with the emotions overriding me,
Forever will these suffocation of emotions haunt me,
Because they have now become me.
Jan 19, 2012
Jan 19, 2012 at 7:56 AM UTC
scrabble tile - no vowels
exact change only
spider solitaire - tetris
distraction
furtive glances
quiet moments alone
lie to friends
weep with no tears
lonliness
gritted teeth with cavities
must mend myself
procrastinate
cars go fast
constant peripheral hearing
night sweats
vivid imagery, pretty colours, sublimity
consideration, politeness, restraint
roman numerals, 24 hour clock
crumpled notes, lacing on a glass
temporary sensations
four walls, three sides, two's company
shocking weather we are having isn't it?
Aug 4, 2012
Aug 4, 2012 at 3:24 PM UTC
or “I think I’ll buy a cigar today”
I’ll smoke it tonight
nothing too expensive
but a reason to walk down a winter street
without going anywhere
A reason to do something devious
unhealthy, but nobody has to know
A reward to get me through a murky future
There may be nothing to do in town tonight
but it’s far too early to hold up
in that bomb shell paranoia
My parents have gone mad
by the cameras behind their eyes
and the dizziness of general telescopic evolution
Me, I was raised on seizure fleeting Pikachus
So far our defense is strong
We really feel the Earth spin
at its many miles an hour
“The Cold Solitary Cigar Walk Happened”
I waited for a friend to get home one evening
Bundled up, emitting smoke
to offend the quiet shut-ins of a neighborhood watch
I walked to the small old bridge over the canal
I had to **** so bad
I snuck down under the bridge and let loose in the snow
but not before shorting that foul little cigar
Bad taste in my mouth
the 5 minute journey was enough
Zipped up, bored on the bridge
my lonliness afforded me
the comfort of no public eye
I looked into the dark water
and spat a good ***
into the small reflection of a red safety light
The ripple and “splat” satisfied me
so much that I spat again
I turned around to walk
and some passerby girl appeared
She kept walking and pretended she didn't see me
Weren't you once my girlfriend?
Dec 14, 2013
Dec 14, 2013 at 9:44 PM UTC
She said her name was Sky
Or at least that is what I think she said
When we were asked to turn to those around us
And to shake hands and say good morning
I thought it was a beautiful name
And I have thought of it since Sunday
I saw her first when I walked in the door
She wasn't the first face I saw
But she is the first face I remember
Now that isn't entirely true
Because if I was asked today to pick her out of a crowd I may not be able to
I am a nervous man at times
I did not stare at her
I didn't even look long enough to take in the intricacies of her identity
We made eye contact
I nodded in greeting as I always do and continued walking
I can remember the coat she wore was purple
And I didn't know she would sit two seats down from me
And I didn't know I would become entranced by the thought of her
I fear that I fall more in love with the idea of a stranger
Than I would once I know them
I feel that I am a dreamer at times
Though I would never admit it
I know however I won't die lonely
Though not without its bite,
Lonliness isn't that strong to me
I don't think much of it
She said her name was Sky
And in my nervousness I only said
Good morning
And I hope I see her again
Oct 6, 2015
Oct 6, 2015 at 1:15 PM UTC
Lustful glances, from an empty heart,
Plenty of chances, she's a cheap ****
This dancefloors a graveyard,
Their dignity lies in shards,
I judge, yet I still take part,
I'm the joker in this pack of cards.
A subtle glance, from a beating heart,
Only one chance,for a brand new start,
This dancefloor's a pathway,
To more than just a ***** lay,
I'm nervous, yet still i take part,
Moments that keep lonliness at bay.
Feb 8, 2010
Feb 8, 2010 at 5:51 AM UTC