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J J 6h
x-ray room sensory overload
scan the trouble in the hope that it goes
but it never ever does

I read your faux-punk movements
easily as I read the mirror's expressions
I'm sick of your questions

I thought I answered all I had to when I said I wished we'd met when we were both younger and naiver to the way of the world and it's tiny inhabitants that want to prove themselves all too brave; I'm as shameless as a dying something--anything.

I say too much to anyone but it doesn't bother me anymore cause I don't see the sense in staying any longer than I have to.
J J 6h
Six nurofen plus
I just live to feel ill now--
I will die unloved.
J J Nov 25
Rusted swing.chain squeeks and hurls
A moment so strong it stains the world around it,
Memories vivid enough to rub off like ***** feet on carpet;
   thus ghosts are born.
Momentarily bleeding--
You were supposed to look after me...
I don't know why I replay
Those times, it's as good as picking a scab endlessly. You begged me
Not to leave you,it'd break your heart
Then broke mine until I had to leave.

That heart is on the floor,spat on
Stepped on
You are she now and she is gone --
She will come and soon after
Carries on with the same face
The exact expression
Undetectable like black *******...

I'm an aching orb roaming and going home to nothing.
I only live to feel ill
I only live to feel ill now.
I only

Wish you could tell me from your perspective
When did I stop being  your babe?
But I know like most it's a pointless question
You've lied your whole life

And still- -that last time with you
I couldn't stay angry seeing your face
Almost a year on, that comfort can't be replaced

Two of us walking over frosted grass and pavements icy as the irises of opioded eyes;
hand in hand-- keep me warm until we are home together.
Walking miles alone to your's on sprained ankles
Pretending I was coming back to our unborn child.
I don't even care, I'm over it
I hope you're happy
And your life is better without me in it
Cause mine is,
Incomplete as all is until the unhappy ending we're all heading to.
I am sore everyday and it's on me to care and I don't want to care.
J J Nov 25
Another delay, another day wasted and no permission needed
My fingers bent out of shape everything aching and I look to my side:
I see grass frosted. My feet slap forward

Over pavement icy as the irises
Of opioded eyes.


She will come and she will linger
Sorer than a bruise.

I felt so ugly and lost for more than
Half of my life

And like a pale saviour:

Her eyes struck my chest like a match first time we met.

There was much between those years I couldn't let go of.

I used to walk home on two sprained ankles thinking of our unborn child; pain is where we grow.

I got home aching,limping and no one's here to look after me until I'm better; I can't do it for me.

Where are you?

A month after everything ended I screamed your name and got no response

Where are you?!

You're gone.

For good.


And it's not even deep into winter and everything just gets worse by the day.


This is the freedom I wanted.

She was there long before you but she wasn't you.
She had an accent just like you but she wasn't you.
We spoke and laughed for hours but he wasn't you.
She kisses better than you but she's nothing like you.

I wanted to become you.
I wanted us to meld
And never split like
We promised when we
Were younger; I became
Yours when we were kids
And we were untrusting strangers
That last year or two

Yet the comfort never left

Until it was time to leave

And I think we both outstayed

Our welcomes. I'll never stop

Being in love with you. Too late.

I no longer hate you, I see that we had two different paths and ways of getting to the inevitable
The memories meant so much but what can memories do for you?
You were just an opportunist and I refused to see the worse in you.
I needed you and you knew that.
I miss you like a kid
I now embody every bad habit
I tried to change in you,
Now you are a comfort forever
Out of bounds but I don't mind--
Just get over it.
I hope you're happy.

Pass through faux company

For something to do

Passing the time,I'd prefer

My own place while I wait

'Til the fix is in, then I can dance

A shuffle step or two in my room--

But I trick myself into thinking

The need for fresh air outweighs
The freezing cold, but it doesn't.

That listening is worth it if you get
The chance to speak; but it isn't.

I'll decide if I'm ruined another time
For now I think it's just better if I am
Left alone.
Tiktok fried ur brain and the drugs didn't help
I never stopped loving u i just stopped hating myself.
Withdrawaling in winter is no fun. I'm in pain constantly and have no one and this is the only state I can rely on moving forward. I hope ur satisfied in a life without me. Lost til death do I part.
J J Aug 29
eyeball rippening


Through centre of flower.

Be my love,Lover

 cumshawed with horror of flames

eyes show a fear too great to tame

Let me be your aegis


i'll sow a hundred ideal

hearts for you,

deform my brain

      just to

Get closer to you,my


Sweet,sweet heart


i'd study you with the starriest stare’s

   always so

                caught up in a surprise;

We could go on

                           Living how you

                                                Live now


hearing the metropolis moving in polyrythm

  Outside your window,


 my ear closely tied,

listening,by your brazen chest
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