I used to view existential
as a meaningless concept
rendered complex when used
in sentences by the pretentious
until I came to realize that it’s
simply nothing but the shadow
of a black dog sitting on a dock
by an old man holding a rusty
old revolver to his head on dark
nights of deep water thinking
man, what a waste of a good
bullet if you pull it, so throw it
in and let me fetch it once again
just like the last time, and the time
before that, or like every time you
have a notion that the ocean is blue
only for you and your sorrow, dude
let it go and let’s go home before
tomorrow comes, for your shadow
is aware and cares for your existence.

As soon as
Anything arrives –
Like mist at dawn –
It flees and flies…

          Some say, “Look,
          He’s so alive!”
          But, I say, “Look,
          He slowly dies!”

As soon as
Anything arrives –
Like mist at dawn –
It flees and flies…

          To whom will
          Work and toil call?
          All men who stand
          Are sure to fall.

As soon as
Anything arrives –
Like mist at dawn –
It flees and flies…

          If all comes from,
          And goes to, “Naught,” –
          Then what of those
          “Good” things we sought?

As soon as
Anything arrives –
Like mist at dawn –
It flees and flies…

          There must be More!
          There must be Life!
          Because, if not,
          It’s only strife…

As soon as
Anything arrives –
Like mist at dawn –
It flees and flies…

.

they say showing your true self can be scary
and that people like to avoid it
like bugs crawling under your skin
sinking their teeth from within

theres no way to escape the mites
that pump you full of frights
they linger and quiver
until you're stuck wondering
why you're getting thinner.

A second sun
peaks and flutters
in the color-dust
of virga
refracting light
of false idols
shading skies to
new horizons.

See ya later
with a question            (x2).
I forgot how
to say goodbye,

A second sun
peaks and flutters
in the color-dust
of virga
as thunder rolls
down a stale sky
into the fray
of a twilight.

See ya later
with a question.             (x2)
I forgot how
to say goodbye.

A second sun
peaks and flutters
in the color-dust
of virga
refracting light
of false idols
shading skies to
new horizons.

By Gods was it written that life upon earth
That grows by the light of the sun;
All things that have crawled since original birth -
Will suffer, and suffer as one.

Ever since I was young have I longed to disown
These words of insidious verse,
But I can’t lift the weight of that terrible stone
Where inscribed is humanity’s curse.

So with sorrow and anger I burdened the sky
Imploring the end of all pain -
What I witnessed I never could score from my mind
And hardly can speak of again.

With a passionate fury I openly scorned
All sorrow and madness and fear.
But the howling refrain of existence was gone -
Never again to appear.

Abolished was pain and the source of all pain -
Words unsaid, but I knew it was so.
Then a trembling boom bid a thousand stars rain
From the heavens above to below.

And the infinite span of the gaping, black maw
That had spawned each of infinite woes,
Distending its realm of unending abyss,
Yawned wide, then forever did close.

I opened my eyes from that terrible sight
Like an animal gasping for air.
And still to this day am I frozen with fright
When into far places I stare,

For I know there’s no ultimate end to our pain,
Nor an ultimate evil to sever.
We suffer as one - the alternative is
Oblivion now and forever.

Once upon a time -

A young philosopher sat among men
In the shaded olive groves of Athens
Incense to the Muses, wisdom to all
His ideas soared like Athena’s owls

One day a wise ómorfo korítsi
Delighted him with her strong arguments
Delighted him with her dark Hellenic eyes
Delighted him with a dinner invitation

And as they reclined in symposium met
With verse and wine and wisdom in delight
He excused himself to the toualéta
Where on its walls he read in Attic verse:

If you sprinkle
When you ******
Be a sweetie
Lift the seatie

After that his fellow philosophers
Saw him gently into a nursing home

superfluous really,

my insatiable pursuit of ecstasy
and ruminations of slaughter
only to find my ferality
alone in introspective cacophony
waiting and waiting for prey.

Imagine a cave where no human has strayed  
Nor a scurrying creature has crept;
Ever haunting the deep, subterranean glade
Where the bones of the forest are swept;
A piteous icon is carved, drip by drip,
And forever in darkness it sits -
Who beholds of this vision will tremble, afraid
Of the place where Time sat and wept.

Aural auspice austerity audible , augur aorist actuator , accidence ambience acoustics .
Counterfactual categorical imperative hubris .
Anarchy iconoclasm, invertible investiture, objectified manifest.
Chicanery dynamism's fealty.  
Ethology's entelechy, zoomorphic zoolatry's social contiguities, élan-vital's apotheosis, oneiromancy's apotropaic.
Chagrin ; fecund cogent apposite germane , inane inert inertia innate , propinquity habitation, proximity parameter perimeter peripherals .
Manumission gambit alluvium aloof , putschist kitsch , pandemicly phatic futurity fatidic, annex annul, extraversion embezzling euthanasia extortion.  
Extravagant exorbitance flirtatious flamboyance, flippantly flighty flit-ness.
Laborious beleaguerment, hypercritically meticulous tedium, diabolically maniacal dementia brusque macabre abrupt.
Ominous phenomenon portrayal spontaneous synchronous.

Financially responsible fiscal policy , plenary plenipotentiary fiduciary principle .
Incarnate encephala enunciate , synthetically conjugational conjecture juxtapositional adjunctly .
Noumenal sentience semantics.  Precociously petulant pedantic antics.
Zenithal azimuth entity zeal , transpicuous opacity , in extremis extremity cantankerous cantilever capacity .
Fulcrum fulgurous fulham presumptive.
Spanned collapsible feasible, vicinity victual vigilante villain, execration eventuation evocative vindictiveness vendetta vial.
Atrociously impetuous impudence impromptu innuendo juncture.
Ephemeral metaphor semantics flaunts , ***** affectation exserted protuberance .
Sepulcher stratagem objectified manifest , protractive analysis dimensional delineation .

Impetus intrigue intuitional intrepid , impertinence important , inadvertency inapplicable , initiate innate interpreters intervene intricacy.
Investiture annuity equity indemnity capital appreciation .
Preeminently preemptive retrospectively retroactive , aegis vagary incite.
Quixotically enrapturing mesmerist .
Sycophant swagger asymptotic hyperbolic, estranged ensemble orchestration .
Histophysiology mendacity somatology morphology metamorphosis, blasphemous farcical fugue preterit orchestrations.    
Terrestrial equestrian tellurian terrene, spatiotemporal telemetry tactician.    

****** matrix apex axis crux , actuarial acuity incursive .
Semantic dialectics eclectic synectic’s , wanton wayward warranty evitable.
Catalyst , relative rationality / rational relativity , circumstance contingency .
Incessant barratry omnipresence presage , decadent arrogant , irksome ire Zen.  
Grotto grouch gumption .
Bailiff rake-ness rails , prerogative presumptive judicature.  

Carousel ceaselessly ceremony chaos character charisma , clambering clamorous clangor .  
Catatonic phonics , concoct catenary concatenation , conjugationally conjunctive clairaudience clairvoyance .  
Ambrosia elixir libation inebriation , mirador bartizan panoramic tableau.
Citadel pinnacle pique piquant , altruism endemic intrinsic indigenous innate , existential allegorical .
Prosthesis pseudopodium prognostication , crude lewd , social stigmatism blind , ghastly gruesome grotesque meld .
Bizarre bazaar demonically deviant denizen , grimacing gremlin greaves gauntlets gamut catalyst abstracts .
Hideously horrible heinously horrendous awfully terrible , imagination's immaturity impromptu innuendo juncture , nuance ***** ,   incarnate encephalic enunciate .
Trajectory sordid transposition interlude rubato hi-jinks , nimbus nimiety nihilism .
Aura roan rainbow mare.  

Explicate zoomorphic zoolatry , exogamy of homogeny ontological ontogeny .
Astral projection prophylaxis protocol , telepathy teleportation .
Extraneous extemporaneous , embark embargo extradition , transcendental accession ascension , ecstatically euphoric meld .  
Deontological probity interstitial endemics , agnate aggregate amalgamated anathema android .
Translational interpretation , epistemology audacious pugnacity impunity.
Executant emulation simulation , evocative malfeasance mens rea  , geomancy effete.
Maieutic fallow feral .  apropos ipso facto ergo , carousing marauder syllogism .

Severed serpent cut and writhing
Both halves now dance alone.
In the blood was written
That all things turn to stone.
The cadaverous gaze is screaming
Without a sound expressed.
Obsidian eyes unclosing
Yet forever, now, at rest.

Neither did he regret falling in love,
nor did he regret losing his heart.
What he did regret was-
Losing himself in the midst of love's play.

After she left,
he simply disappeared,
For there was no love,
no heart,
And no " I ''.

The sky is blue, and water wet;
So the ocean must be too.
Once I sunk beneath the waves
To gain a better view:

Pink and spongy; black and scaly;
Yellow jelly, cold and clammy;
Beady eyestalks glaring
From an urchin crusted cave.
Clustered tubercles protruding,
Searching tentacles recoiling,
Pulsing mandibles awaiting;
Ever lurking in the shade.

The universe exploding with
One billion burning suns,
Is empty, void and meaningless
When all is said and done.  
So for those inclined to measure
What hue the ocean be:
Ignore her gaudy creatures
For the darkness in between.

The sky is blue, and water wet,
But the ocean – it is black
And I fear the vile abyss that is
Endless, dark, and black.

There is a bird on my window sill

So indecisive, sitting still

She could have been up on that tree

Instead, she came and talked to me

“Oh pretty girl you know things well

So tell me which one would be swell

To sing for a crowd that isn’t there

Or to die for a crowd that doesn’t care?”

I didn’t know quite what to say

And so the bird, she flew away

consciousness conceived as complex matrices
patterns contained within patterns.
magnetic anomaly brainwave synchronization
unrecognized vortex activity locations.
correlation amplification phenomena resonance.
measurable parameter brain wave activity
highly sensitive field fluctuations.
transducer low frequency geomagnetic pulsations
electromagnetic patterns: their associated chemical changes.
Weak intensity complex magnetic fields
generated earth hum technology affect
flux-gate sample collapsing fields
amplifier filter stages couples into analog digital converter.
experiments correlating local geophysical anomalies
earth's magnetic field changes consciousness.
single electromagnetic coupling mechanism
including spin-mediated neurons.
upsurge solar activity alters brain rhythms, hormonal levels
healing nature mystic experiences
anomalous cognition ******-physical phenomena.
internal model reality - subjective consciousness
addition computational capacity
existential status may need exotic physics
quantum entanglement and new forms of physical interaction
magnetic sensory cells induced meditative states
direct correlation shifts magnetic flux.
No active effort required.
Magnetic mineral aligned crystal chains
embedded biological membranes.
atomic sublattices of ferrimagnetic material
plausible theoretical mechanisms
mechanosensitive membrane ion gates
specific synergetic properties for transduction.
cuboctahedral morphology properties
jitterbugging vector equilibrium matrix basis tensegrity.
basic geometrical biological building blocks.
mystical red rock temples
Tracing disjunctive dislocations
Mother Earth speaks
Questions remain.

If I cannot even take care of myself
how can I take care of others

If I cannot even love myself
how can I love others

If I cannot really live
this life I’ve been given
how can I
justify
continuing
to exist

not
tucking in
your bedsheet
every morning.

intentionally.

Can someone please tell me
On which plane we now reside?
Valuing the cheap laughs that the
Freakish Trump provides?
Existential crisis doesn't seem
Far off to me, when war and strife
Escapes our eye, in our frivolity.

straight for a moment
winding again
aching for atonement
a silence of zen

can you understand me?

if you die in your dreams
you die in real life too

i never thought I'd be in the morgue
free of college loans
free of troubled relationships
free of daily struggle

you could at least take my clothes off
as i gorge my body in eternal slumber
let my life energy dissolve
and slip through the casket cracks

my sparkles of matter
seek a fresh host
most compatible
with my reincarnation

they flicker in nothingness
to suppress the inevitable
afraid to begin life renewed

my cells linger in shame
alone in the void of will
free of responsibility
free of choices
baptised in pure utopia

but they know their true purpose
unpermitted to resist
if a decision cannot be made
one will be made for them

do they accept the ease
allow the decision to be made
and alleviate anxieties

or do they determine the best host
for their misfortune

I can not touch you.
You grip my arm, my hand
Lies dormant across your bruised thighs
aware of the heat that threatens to engulf
all words with its existential
certainty.

I can not see you, my fingers
Trace the curves of your face and neck,
Eyes like chemicals, volatile as they meet,?
Lips chapped and retreating.

I can not feel you, as the tears
Flood onto my fingertips.

giving thanks
can be a very existential thing
as the legendary settlers in New England learned
when they arrived
   as illegal immigrants
and the natives
   though wary of their guns and swords
taught them to plant
   corn together with fish
and shared their harvest with them
   late in the year

giving thanks may be a very personal thing
whenever we travel far away
are given a friendly welcome
are fed and housed by the natives
and accepted into their families

giving thanks is a very human thing

it shows that we are aware
of the fragility of our life

that it always depends
on the kindness of strangers
who help us to survive
in their world

after all

we are aliens
in most parts of our globe

          * *