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Joe Workman Sep 13
I try to play the game; I aim high,
shoot for the stars, target joy, and then look -
all my shots, they end up going wide
or they just end up in my foot.
My system is broken; my roots are dead and they are rotten.
I should just kick dust in my worn out boots,
and please, god, let me be forgotten.
I am the clouds, and I'm the rain.
I'm a wasted hollow heart covered in snow.
I sow and I reap nothing but pain.
I'm toxic. I'm toxic, I know.
I don't like me!
How could you like me?
I hate me!
How in the hell could you ever love me?
I'm so much confetti fresh from the shredder,
made only to be thrown away.
Ignored by those celebrating something better,
something that makes them smile as long as they're not looking my way.
"Just take a deep breath," they said,
"just hold up your head. You're not dead yet, and that's something to be thankful for."
I disagree. The only thing I can think is that when I'm dead, at least I won't hurt anymore.
I won't hurt. I won't break hearts. I won't lie. I won't hurt.
My parents, my peers, my kids, and my self
will all be free from my lack of worth.
It's easier to believe someone was likeable when they're stuffed inside an urn.
I want to die, but I can't take my own life.
So I want to be happy. They tell me to get there or die trying.
But if I can't get to happy, then I think I'll try dying.
Joe Workman Sep 7
Unbroken silence
the only answer I need -
goodbye, my old friend.
Joe Workman Sep 6
When you first walked away,
I was so sure I would die.
But I made it through the days,
and then, all alone, through the nights.
And now, as time goes on,
I find I smile more and more.
Yes, you are long gone.
But I'm never locking my door.

Oh, I know that I can go on
without you,
and I know that I can breathe in peace,
and I see that I can think
not about you.
It's just more fun with you here with me.
My days are no longer gray
like I was used to.
The clouds have all left; the sky is blue.
Oh, I know that I can go on
without you,
but it's just not what I want to do.

I still hear your laughter.
I still see your face everywhere.
And so, what comes after,
now that I'm just half of a pair?
I guess I will soldier on,
horizons before and behind.
And then when sets the sun,
I'll hold onto hope because I find

Oh, I know I can go on
without you,
and I know that I can breathe in peace,
and I see that I can think
not about you.
It's just more fun with you here with me.
My days are no longer gray
like I was used to.
The clouds have all left; the sky is blue.
Oh, I know I can go on
without you,
but it's just not what I want to do.

You left a mark
on my lonely heart,
a deep notch that no scotch could fill.
I know that in time
I will be fine.
From dawn to dawn, I'll go on, I will.

I know I can go on
without you,
but it's just not what I want to do.
Joe Workman Sep 3
I love wrong.
I do a lot of things wrong,
but love should not be one.
I want to be worthy of you,
and I know I won't be until

I
fix
me.

All this time,
I've accepted you
and wanted you to be
just the way you are.

And now I apologize because
I have not offered you the space to be
just the way you are.

You are not me.
I am not entitled to your time.
You do not owe me attention,
but I have pressed.

You do not love the way I love,
and that is good.
You love in your way.

I have been selfish and insecure
and needy and demanding and impatient and I'm sorry.

I want you to love me, yes.
But more, I want to love me.
If I do not love me,
I cannot love right.

I do a lot of things wrong,
but love will not be one.
Joe Workman Sep 3
I am halved
in matters concerning you.
     Part of me
     knows the odds.
          This part knows
          I am a weak man,
          full of cowardice,
          and I will never
          actually try for you.
          My words are only words.
     Part of me
     refuses to accept this.
          This part clings foolishly
          to hope,
          to the unrealistic idea
          that I will ever hold your hand
          while watching the sunset
          from the patio of our own home.
It seems the right brain part has finally
outmaneuvered its other
by letting it run free.

I never wanted to burden you
with my baggage.
I never wanted to add to the tumult
of your life.
I only ever wanted to offer positivity,
light and love.

What came out was
clinginess, a whining neediness,
oppressive attention.

I am sorry
and
I am sorry.
Joe Workman Sep 2
And now what?
(now nothing)
Self-saboteur,
unhappy with being only unhappy,
will you not stop
until you are completely miserable?
(i do not deserve happiness)
Will you continue until
nothing is good and
your company is avoided?
(i do not deserve goodness or friends)
Why do you so strangely insist
on thwarting contentment?
(i do not deserve to be unbroken)
Why will you not love you?
(i am unlovable)
But we care, we do care.
(then you are wrong)
We want to see you smile.
(only poison comes from my mouth)
We want to see you happy.
(you are not listening)
Joe Workman Aug 31
I do not like it here

It is too quiet and I think
It is too quiet and I think

I do not like it here

It is too gray without your smile
It is too dreary without your eyes

I am not happy here

This is too far from you
This is too far from your fingers

I am not happy here

This is too far to drive in an open hour
This is too far to tunnel to you in secret

I do not love you

Because you are silver light in an orchard
Because you are whiskey to a drunk

I do not love you

Because you are stillness in a storm
Because you are whispered reassurance

I love you

Because my heart tells me to love you
Because my heart tells me to love you

I love you

Because loving you is right
Because loving you is all I can do
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