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Yama Day Tinta Oct 2018
All my dreams are tortures,
showing me glimpses
of fragmented hopes come true:
a look, a touch, a smile -
all dashed upon waking.
Though they're the only ones
I can ever remember,
they're the only ones I wish I never had.
I used to dream of running from monsters,
or of flying,
or of breathing underwater.
These have been replaced
by hauntings of my fondest desires
and memories of too-short eternities
spent in her arms and in her eyes.
If there is a world
for every possible outcome
of every possible situation,
then there is a world where
she and I are each other's and happy.
My cowardice prevents me from trying to make this world that one.
Even so, it's all I really want.
Yama Day Tinta Oct 2018
It was a late afternoon
on Venice Beach this time.
There was a storm
preparing to batter the sand
and drive the sun-lovers home.

A Dickensian ghost,
I watched as you and I
attempted to talk over the winds.

The only thing I heard was that
you love me, a thing
you've never said to me
while I'm awake.

The breakers and the wind and the gulls
drowned out all the rest,
but my heart was finally content.
Yama Day Tinta Sep 2018
I dreamed again
and you were there,
the dark silk of your crown
tousled from sleep,
standing in the open doorway
of a house in the middle of
a beautiful and wasted land
and leaning against the frame,
waiting for me to come back
from wherever I had been.
You smiled at my approach
and pulled me in.
I placed my hands at
the small of your back
and woke up
and now I'm sad.
Yama Day Tinta Apr 2017
We rode into the morning
and challenged the sun,
all boiling blood and fevered skin
and silence.

We were afraid to be proud of us.
We were afraid to hurt our others.
We were so afraid to live
regretting our prudence.

It's different now, though;
we're different now
and I am not better.
I'm not so good these days.
I think of you often.

Our hands were magnets
and our bodies iron.
We were young.
We have grown, but
I think we'd still fit into that dream.
We'd fit rather well.

I haven't broken my promise,
But I don't believe
I'll be able to fulfill it.
You're a wonder when you aren't
being held back,
and I am a little proud that
I am not that hindrance.
Yama Day Tinta Feb 2017
On a street lined with trees
  I feel my brain's been impaled,
  and all of my dreams
are cold and dead as old nails.
But through all the pain,
  through the whispering loss,
  I'm alive, but I'm stained
like some man on a cross.
I just want to see -
  for a second or a year -
  if there's a chance I could be
  better than who is here,
  looking back through the glass,
  encouraging sadness,
  living in the past
  and drowning in the madness
  that comes with realizing
he's the mistake.
Yama Day Tinta Feb 2017
There was a light,
shining on the ground,
just up the road a piece,
but there was a tree
a little bit closer.
The tree moved
so that I thought
someone was walking to me
and I was thrilled
and irritated
and I smiled because
I wouldn't be alone.
I didn't want to be alone,
but a person would
want to talk.
I didn't want to be alone -
I wanted to be  left alone.
I needed another sobbing heart,
a different unnecessary mind,
to be there,
but only to be there.
There's a medicine in
just being with a person,
and I smiled.
Irritated, I smiled,
but there was no one;
no one was walking
toward me or away.
So I thumbed my nose
and spat at the breeze
for having let myself be fooled.
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