You don't know what to now
Because they've 'fixed' you
And you can 'live' again

But the pain remains
The addiction
The affliction
The vengeance
The rage
The impulse
So you stop taking the meds
To start to live again
The way you love and know how

**** this ****!
You are Insane
You are Sadistic and Suicidal
A Psychopath and Manic
**Just embrace it

My breath
has long fleeted my lungs;
My body
is crippled tirelessly by pain;
My mind
begs for this moment to cease  

This is the moment to yield

Yet I press on...
Through the exhaustion.
Through my faltering muscles.
Through the wall of debilitation

My back is against the wall

Yet I will continue on...
Pass the limits of possibility.
Pass the boundaries of condition.
Pass the ambiguity of self.
'Till I have defeated my enemy
'or I stand before the gates of Valhalla.

My rival hits the floor

Regardless...
I can never accept Defeat
When its only separated from Victory
By a thin
           fine
               line.

I ascend its threshold

But how do I communicate
a word that lacks an English translation?
A feeling so essential to my well-being?
One that this
culture
denounces,
dejects,
despises
so easily,
Without changing what I look like in your eyes?
Hesitation of true affection

Amae, I want to share with you.
A home, not a house.
The mother's loving concern.
The safety of knowing that it is okay.
You'll be there and I
presume you will.
And this gives me shivers to imagine;
indulgence of security.

But that's codependent
Check the DSM-V.
I think the APA is wrong.
I challenge over 137,000 who seem to agree
that my need for people is
disorder,
disease,
debilitation.

Because I can see through a window in my heart,
that shows me a world coexisting;
once realized
we need each other
because we are human.
We want to live harmoniously, in unison.
I want to care of my fellow man.
I am celebrated for aspirations
of massaging the soul,
fixing the whole,
dedicated to them all.

Why is it so wrong that some days,
I'd like to be on that side of the spectrum?
Amae, Amae, *Amae

My father tells me what should be my first memory of hearing:
A car scuttles up the gravel hill in front of the home I loved.
I drop my chalk and run to the end of the driveway,
as if I am chasing the exhaust of fumes sputtering out the tail pipe,
wondering what on earth is that strain of air
since I was not given sound from birth.

At my testing, the audiologist put me in a soundproof booth:
The ocean has forgotten to pull its stitches together for the life of it.
I want to scream that I feel like I am drowning
as the waves tormented me into debilitation,
kicking for a gasp of air, just anything to break the current.
I cannot keep myself afloat.

My friend’s voice is the most beautiful I’ve ever heard:
Her laugh makes me want to jump in euphoric joy, like she’s dosed me with ecstasy.
I can see her smile and it speaks all the words I don't need to hear.
When she repeats a story for the third time, I do not mind
that she trusts me with her voice and her whimsical light
since she is the only one patient enough to put up with my aggravating nuisances.

That night at the David Gray concert, my God what a beautiful night:
I am so familiarized with the stretching of violin strings and guitar plucks,
Gray’s hypnotic vocals roaring into my heart with the bass thumping
into my disabled ears, rendered quite useless until I have tasted such delightful surprise
with so many of my favorite noises encasing me into their world,
that I have forgotten my own disability.

It peeves me when I am with others:
The muffling of girls whispering once the lights are out;
my stepfather keeping the TV volume low and does not provide caption while the movie rolls;
how I answer the question with the wrong response and receive confused glares.
I am a lonesome tree in the woods
with no one around to see my inevitable fall as the fire plagues on.

A technical transition last July:
Misery trenched my mind as everything rang louder-
the shuffling of my hair against my ears bothered me very much so;
I heard women talking from three tables over at the pizza place.
First given nothing, now having too much,
I am not appreciative of all the sounds in the frantic tussle of daily life.

A forest begins to chill at four o clock:
The leaves flutter on the terrain in a dance no one knows,
the sun warms me in a song with lyrics I can’t comprehend.
I am relishing what is given to me, that even though I am broken,
I still realize that I would much rather be deaf
than to ever go blind.

when you turn to G-d
and don’t feel Him with you

My brain is a nuisance serpent, a Penelope polyp that recoils, recedes when it is most needed, hides behind itself, shoots into the cavities that have become cannabinoid landmines. I am not sure which parts are mine or whether there has been growth along with the debilitation, and would those ever balance as equalization? Can I discredit myself, credit myself—or I am I one big excuse? I excuse myself as I down one more glass, the neurons glaze, my myelins quieting the electricity; chemically, can I be held responsible for any change in chemistry? Can I qualify the distance between me and who I used to be?—and I’m tired of the Zen critics denying the difference; I try to focus presently, and, oh, I find myself in eternal flowered fields, transitory serenity—servant only to my misery; and so I beg to know: why can’t I stay there? They say we’re shared in suffering, but I’m not asking for consolation! I’m asking for hope—for possibility, that one day I—we—will be consciousness, and not some drifting broken barge atop her ever-swelling sea.

Used to have a dream ;
used to have a love from above though it seemed
Serene
the color of your eyes hid the lies
The fog in the skies symbolized my demise..

No remorse
no affiliation
Federal's amphetamines ensue debilitation
at last ;
He had the heart of someone in his grasp
clutched too tight so it didn't really last...

Used to have a dream
used to being last
Used to being separated by my skin or cast
or both ;
Told his brothers not to give up hope
whoever is your god he or she will shift the *****..

Tell me what it is
About the trees
Dusty grey and gloomy in October
That resonates so dearly with a heart
Melancholy and somber
This rain is soothing
Like the soft white I line my walls with
A golden haze playing through my veins
And flames to match the essence
But not the calefaction

You can watch me drift into a paralysis effortlessly
A debilitation cold and lingering
Like lifeless trees awaiting the worst
Some sun
Does not change the course of nature
And I wonder what flavor of future
Nature holds for me
I feel like the trees
In the middle of a foggy autumn afternoon
Comfortable

And content
Living in the shadows of a world
Too engulfed in regurgitated highs
To contemplate or appreciate struggle
A world utterly ignorant to individuals soft spoken and inherently
Harmonious in the ways of authenticity
And naturalism and realism
We have the endurance to undergo lifelong tempests
But lack the energy to speed through
Trivial phases of Insatiable beauty 
Our growth is goddess enough

Tell me what it is about the moon
Majestic and nostalgically haunting
A calming through night's terrors
And unforgiving traumas
Silver whisps of validation shine into a heart
With love looking a little too much like silhouettes
An ebony void seeping into the cracks of joy
And pain becoming an obvious pattern
And the moon is there always
Watching the molding in a resentful awe

What happened to the life of the young
Happiness looking like summer nights
And chrismas lights and vintage pop bottles
Fading into an uninviting outline
Through that type of half reality
Half fantasy version of time
Months feeling like hours
But unrewarding years all the same
Childhoods disappearing into insomnia
And I'm not very hungry
And I don't want anything for my birthday
Kind of aloof answers
We get it
We're all just tired

Tell me what it is
About the stillness of autumn
That induces a numbness in our hearts
Watching our desires blow away with the wind
One by one
They sing their remorse through aeolian howls
Uncanny and ghost like
Or the early nightfalls
That strangely feel more intimate
Than our last touch did
A type of familiarity rather profound
And lacking in any form of resentment
Maybe it's the significance in vulnerability
The stripping away of irrelevant priorities
To see the real
To see the roots

Tell me what is is
About the trees
Dusty grey and gloomy in October
That soothes a tired soul
A vagabond in search for more
And a heart a little too in love with loss

Cold settled in deep
On him and their son,
A poor fool, lost in his own world,
Scarcely aware his mother was gone.

The boy's father couldn't cope...
Tried, but hope with her had died.
Bankrupt faith, spent in futile prayer
To cure the failing heart,
Restore the lungs...
A silent "NO" hung in the air,
And she was gone.

Her ashes flew home beside him.
He went to pick up his son,
Stopped for three fifths of Scotch...
Proceeded to disappear,
Proceeded to disappear,
Proceeded to disappear.

The house suffered under stench:
Old *****,
Excrement,
*****,
Spilled bottles,
Cans scattered on the floor;
Everywhere a sour putrescence.

His son floated in and out of vision,
Autism and inebriation:
Two forms debilitation,
No hope of equilibration.

Neighbors made some calls...
Social workers came,
Took the son away.

Death seemed a reasonable option.
Leave the mess.
Join his wife.
End this ******* life....

Revolvers favor simplicity:
Load the chambers,
Snap the cylinder in place...
Aim closely to remove his face.

Muzzle up,
Open mouth,
Squeeze the hammer down...
Only a clicking sound.

Unusual, this...
Aim at the ground,
Squeeze off a round...
Ears ringing from the sound.

Raise the muzzle once again,
Bite ******* steel,
Squeeze the trigger down...
Again, a clicking sound.

Aim at the ground,
Blam! Potent round...
Set the revolver down.

"Hello. 911. What is your emergency?"

"Come get my gun;
I'm trying to **** myself."

Police arrive.
He's still alive.
Drunk and numb...
They take his gun.

Six weeks later, still in a haze,
He's told his story.
We are amazed,
But still he's found no calm for grief.

We struggle beside him,
Waiting for some sign,
Some reason why a gun
Should fail to fire...twice.

If you should read these words, my friends,
Please speak a prayer for a lonely man.
Ask for freedom from despair,
For peace and letting go,
For comfort and the hope of friends,
For better ends.
For better ends.
For better ends.

i speak of
rampant confusion
that's not
rabid profusion
i speak of
sapping exhaustion
that's not
of debilitation
i speak of
manic depression
that's from
naked manipulation
i speak of
senseless obsession
that's from
candid illusion
and i speak of
fictional annointing
born of
endless seizure and seeking
i speak of
unadulterated reeking
grown out of
staggering imbibing
after stunning rejection
and numbing oblivion
i speak of
endless yearning
endless seeking
endless delusion
endless exclusion
thwarted efforts
dead dreams
and misguided hope
i speak of
...

that man has got a blade for tongue
his vocals slipping off into the slum
he speaks with vigor
and empty voice of debilitation
the mouth of the rancid giver
he develops the destruction of communication

slashing tires just for fun
this golden child is on the run
from disabilities better classified as demons
losing his breath for the rising sun

the open eyes are clear to see
what is unfolding
right in front of me
a path to the future,
a gaping aperture;
there are a million things to say
but none of them match the light of day

i've been silent for quite a while now,
but here's some thought for the why's and how's
keep your soul trapped in the skin
until the day we are whole again.

Sit and watch the breeze pass
poison for recreation
Blame the feds after long awaited debilitation
Sit and watch the breeze pass
poison for education
Blame the feds after long endured deprivation
Sit and watch the breeze pass
weaker state of mind
Understanding nothing ever at this point and time
Sit and watch the breeze pass
surprised your still alive
Eating what the fed has to offer to the blind
Sit and watch the breeze pass
Laughing at your kin
Knowing nothing new..
a bush under your chin..

4/8/2023 WRITING
https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/l8njruxa73yee9b0jzmhd/The-Ultimate-Unabridged-Guide-to-Esoteric-Working-English-2.docx?­rlkey=kunoar7ghpfkb7fjk5xkdgx95&st=i84ornny&dl=0

THE JUDOGI YOUTHQUAKE YESTERTEMPEST YARAKS THAT SCALD THE BRIMBORIONS OF SCALARIFORM PEDIGREE IN CORDWAINER CONTORTIONS OF VAURIEN ELITISM THAT THE SCHMEGGEGY OF SCHWARMEREI BECOMES THE RADICALISM OF ABSORBED NUTRITION IN VENOSTASIS FOR THE VENOCLYSIS OF SYRINXES THAT DEFEAT THE PODEX OF PNYX BECAUSE THE SYRINGES OF TIME ELECT THE ENCHANTMENT OF FUTURE RESOFINCULAR DISTRACTIONS AND DIVERSIONS OPERATIVE IN FLUX BETWEEN STEREODIMENSIONAL FIDELITY AND THE FENNEC OF FEALTY TO THE LANDLORDED PLOUGHSHARES OF DEADSTOCK DEASIL CONTORTIONS FOR SCARAMOUCHES OF SACRILEGE TO FIND THEIR FINIFUGAL DEFEAT IN THE MYOPIC HEDONISM OF THEIR FOISONS OF FRANIONS BECAUSE OF FRIGORIC LORE CONTAMINATED BY ALGEDONIC IMBALANCES SCREWBALL IN ANTITICHTHON FOR THE AURILAVES OF OPTIMIZED ARCHITECTONICS. THE SCRIVELLOS OF CELLARER RHADAMANTINE RANCORS OF TRUCULENT DRACONIANISM BECAUSE OF WIELDLESS INSUFFICIENCIES IN BROWBEATS OF EARWIG VANGERMYTES TRYING WITH PHUGOID GROUNDPROX MIGHT THEY STOKE THE STOKEHOLD BRITSKAS OF ELEMENTAL ALCHEMY AGENTIC AGAINST THE ACORIA OF ACCIDIA IN THE WILELESS AISLINGS OF HANDSPIKE UTILITARIANISM FOR GHAWAZIS THAT SUBORN IN ETCHED CAMOUFLETS OF WALDFLUTES IN ENCHANTMENT TO BECOME BARNSTORMS OF BARRULETS THAT THE BARCAROLE OF CATAPLEXY BECOMES MORE IMMUNE TO FUTURE SHOVELS OF DISCORD IMMERGENT IN ALL AUTOGNOSIS DEPRIVED FROM HAUBERKS OF DISPLAY AND GLORIFIED FILEMOTS OF GOVERNED DURATIVE PILLORIES THAT BECOME A SOLDIERED IGNOMINY. THERE IS A RAREFIED AVINOSIS ENCOURAGING THE STELLIONS OF SYNAPHEA IN ENCAUSTIC GRIDLOCK BECAUSE OF SALAMANDROID CORDWAINER VERSATILITIES THAT ARE THE TAXIDERMY OF SKELETONIZED CRENELLATED ANTEPONES THAT BECOME BERSATRICES FOR PAST GLAMOUR DISTORTED BY INTRORSE AUGENDS OF ARENAIDAN STATOLITHS THE BROCKFACED ENDEAVORS OF RECTITUDE IN RETROSPECTION BECAUSE OF RETROMORPHISIS FOUNDED BY THE DISCRETION OF THE FUTURE SUCH THAT THE ANGARY OF DEBILITATION ACCELERATES A SYSTEM OF DIMINISHED CASUALTIES AMONG THOSE THAT FUNNEL THROUGH FORESIGHT REFRACTED BY PRISMS OF OMPHALISM THAT THE OUTGENERALED CAPACITY TO SARANGOUSTY BECOMES THE CENTRAL HARBINGER OF DEFALCATION THAT  DESTROYS THE BASTIONS OF EVIL LURCHING IN CLAMBERED AUSPICES TRYING TO INVAGINATE THE IATRALIPTIC JARVEYS TRYING THE CADRANS OF RETCHED SPODIUM IN CLADOGENESIS NOW AUTHORED BY THE PARTIAL VICTORS OF WORLD CONFLICTS BECAUSE THEY TUNNEL THROUGH THEIR WIDESPREAD REACH OF RECONNAISSANCE THAT THE MIGHT CONQUER NATIONS JUST TO BURROLE  EVERY SECRET DENEHOLE IN EVERY GREATER CONFLICT SUCH THAT THE RICHES OF THE TROVES OF THE PERJURED IGNOMINY OF CONQUEST WILL NEVER BELITTLE ITSELF AS A PREROGATIVE WAGERED PAXILLOSE UPON THE TRENCHANT ORTHODOXY OF WAR AGAINST THE ATTRITION OF ATTINGENT AND ATTEMPERED TITRATION OF VILE VIOLENCE IN THE HEYDAY OF KRISTALNACHT WHICH BECAME THE HARVEST OF MAIDEN NOVANTIQUE IN AN ERA THAT NOW KOWTOWS TO CALIPACES OF ABIGAILS WITH GAMMERSTANG NOTORIETY THAT SPHACELATES ITSELF VERTIGINOUS BUT PROTECTED FROM SPIRACULATED SUBINTELLIGENTUR MAINLINED BANDELETS BECAUSE THE SUTLERS OF A SECTILE WORLD HAVE RENOWN UPON THEIR OWN RECURSIVE ELITISM BECAUSE OF THE UMLAUTS OF WHITTAWERS RATHER THAN WITTOLS BEREAVED BY WHISKERANDAS WHO EARN CIPPUSTURE FROM ULTRAGEOUS RAGE APPLIED TO THE HEAPSTEAD OF MOULIN VEESES THAT STRENGTHEN THE INCUMBENT ECONOMETRIC ANALYSIS OF ALL PAST STRIFE CULMINATING IN UNIVERSAL EUDAEMONISM BECAUSE THE UMBRILS OF TERRORISM IN UMBRACIOUS SUFFRAGE MIGHT AMOUNT TO THE GREATER CRUCIBLE OF ESBATS BECOMING ROTUND IN THEIR CONCEALMENT OF THEIR OLM PEDIGREE IN APIKOROS STATURE WHICH BOWED TO THE PRESENT RATHER THAN ACKNOWLEDGING THE ENNOMIC REVULSIONS OF THE REVANCHE OF PAST LITTORAL EMBANKMENTS. IMPORTUNATE SQUALOR OF JAWHOLES IN CAMARADERIE OF JURYMASTS THAT ESPOUSE THE VENIREMEN OF RHABDOMANCY WHICH ARE SUSSULTATORY BECAUSE THE FEWER PROMONTORIES OF PRICKLY CULVERTAGE RAISING A TRIBULOID CARTHAGE OF THE CARNAGE OF REVELING RAVISHES OF ULTIMATUM BECAUSE OF BRONTEUM THAT IS SPECULAR IN ITS OWN DISDAIN BECAUSE IT ROUSES THE CHARLATAN TO DISMOUNT UPON HIS PLUMAGE TO THE PENMANSHIP OF A WORLD ON THE BRINK OF ICEBLINKS REGISTERED BY CLAVIS AND THE CLAVATE OF RIGMAROLE ROUNDED BY TIMMYNOGGIES OF SATRAPS THAT SPARTAN EMPLOYERS OF CEMENTUM SPAR WITH THE BARGEMASTERS OF BARKENTINE BALLASTERS OF HAUBERKS OF THE SPELEOTHEM OF STUPULOSE SEQUESTRATION IN RAGDOLL REMIGATIONS THAT SWIRL INTO VERTIGO BECAUSE OF VORAGINOUS CENTRIFUGE EMBALMED BY TITANISM IN ENGROSSED TRAPEZE OF TRACTION IN TRAMONTANE GROOMERS OF LIVID LORE RATHER THAN BUTTRESSES OF HORRIFIED MASKIROVKA IN BALATRONS OF BEAMISH BOUNTIES CAROUSING THE CAJOLE OF CONTUMELY BEYOND THE CARNAPTIOUS FITS OF CATAPLASM IN METAPOLITICS BECAUSE OF THE FISSION OF NUCLEOTIDES INTO THE PERCOLATED CARAPACE AND TESTUDO TESTIMONY TO THE ARCHAEOLATRY OF DISCOVERED INNUENDO BERGAMASK RIJUICE IN PARCHMENT CORRADED FROM RUNAGATE FLAKMENTION BECAUSE OF BELLETRIST FOUND IN THE SUMPTER OF SUNDOGS BECOMING MORE PALATABLE TO THE CULTURAL IMPERATIVES OF TIMEWORN FENESTRAL WANIGANS FOR THE CAREWORN ANTIPATHY TO RECEDE BENEATH THE CRAVEN CAVERNS OF CAMISOLE DENTICLES OF IMPUDENCE. THE RATCHET OF SUBACTION WHICH IS NEVER AN INTEMERATION OF BRITSKAS OF  SCHMEGGEGY BECAUSE OF RANCID NEUTROSOPHY WHICH IMBREVIATES THE RADICALIZED IMPERTINENCE OF GLOWERING IMPOSTURE OF WHIGGARCHY BECAUSE OF MASCARONS THAT DRIVE MAHOUTS TO THE BRINKS OF DESTRUCTION MIGHT THE SCALARIFORM REPUTE OF PEDIGREE AMONG DOOMSTERS OF DRAGOONING WHIPSTAFFS THAT FORM THE UNDERBELLY OF TAFFRAIL PREROGATIVES THAT UNDERGOES RETROMORPHISIS WHEN IT IS FETED BY PRIMIPARAS OF RAISONNEUR DISREGARD PRIMARILY BECAUSE OF TITANIC NOYADES OF FOLLY BROWBEATED BY LIFEBOATS AT THE EDGE OF KATABOTHRONS BECAUSE OF THEIR TRENCHANT FORESIGHT RATHER THAN RUDDY COMPLEXIONS OF INTRANSIGENCE UPON GRAVID MOUNTENANCE ABOVE THE RALLYING CAUSES OF THRUSH AND THRESHING GNATS OF TRIBAL SHIBBOLETH SUCH THAT THE TOWERING DEMASSIFICATION OF THE VENEREAL SIDLING TILT OF TORMENTS OF ABARTICULAR TERRORISM IN REVANCHE AGAINST THE BARNSTORM OF OUTSIDE MALCONTENT RATHER THAN INTERIOR BONFIRES OF BONHOMIE THAT STRENGTHEN THE NUCLEAR FAMILY FOR AN AGE OF STOPING STULMS THAT SERRATED SOCKDOLAGERS FAIL TO BREAK NETTLESOME NESH REGARDS PRIMARILY INCIDENTAL TO THE METAPLASM OF ALL DISCORD DIFFUSIONS THAT TROUNCE ULTERIOR DAYS OF YESTERTEMPEST BECAUSE OF YIRDS AGAINST THE PEOPLE THAT ARE SWORN TO UPHOLD THE YOGIBOGEYBOX THAT IS THE SWORD THAT DESTROYS THE BASTIONS OF EVIL WHENEVER THEY ARISE BY DISCOVERING EVERY SERENDIPITY AND AGGREGATING EVERY TRIBULATION CHALLENGED BY DEGREES OF INSUFFICIENCY BEYOND THE OLIMS OF REMIGATION RELEGATED BENEATH THE CAVERNS OF INTREPID TORCHIERS OF LAMBENT LOVE AND BRINKMANSHIP. ISOVOL MAZUT BECOMES A MAZOPATHIA OF ABIGAILS TOWERING IN THE VERTIGO OF THEIR OWN CELSITUDE MIGHT THEY REVANCHE ALL THE MAJOR PREROGATIVES OF HIERARCHICAL SUFFICIENCY OF PATRIARCHY BECAUSE THEIR BROCKFACED BRONCHOS AGAINST INTREPID AND PIONEERING BRITSKAS IN ALL OF THE SOCIAL SCIENCES REMANDING THE IZZAT AND IVRESSE OF EVIL NEUTRALIZED POLTROONS THAT THE STOMACHERS OF TRINKLING RETROGRESSION IN REMOTION OF TOURBILLONS BECAUSE OF EDGY FLOWERING BUMBOATS OF BUMICKY BADIGEON WHICH ELECTS THE NOMOGENY AND NOMENCLATORS WHO SUSTAIN THE ETHOS OF A TIME OF TRIMLY HEDGED BLUDGEONS OF CARNIFICINE YELTINGS THAT SPAR AGAINST SPARTAN YELMS IN THE YIPS OF JUMART DEBAUCHERY THAT NEEDS TO BE REDRESSED BY THE ADVANCED UMBRILS THAT SUSTAIN THE GROWING CATAPULT OF ISOTHERMOBATH THAT ENDANGERS EVERY HOLOBENTHIC AUTHENTICITY THAT THEY MIGHT MALINGER AROUND PROVINCIAL VINEGAROONS WHO TWIRE WITH THE TYMPANY OF RESONANCE AMONG RALTENTION FOR THE UPPER HOUSE OF JORDANS TO BURROLE THE JEOPARDIZED DEPTHS OF SPODOMANCY THAT IS OFTEN IGNORANT OF CLADOGENESIS FOR REASONS OF EGALITARIAN MISTETCHES THAT FAIL TO ENCOUNTER STOCKINETTE PRIMARILY BECAUSE THE PURBLIND RECTOPATHIC AGENCY OF THOSE SUBLIME TITANS OF TITANISM MIGHT SWERVE AWAY FROM A USEFUL JAUNDICE BECAUSE SUCH A TRIBULOID OPTIMUM MIGHT BE THE DISCOVERED SPRINGBOK WHICH IMPROVES BY STULTIFYING THE SKELETONS OF JAMDANI THAT THEREBY THE RAGGED RAGDOLL JOLLY RANCHER SOCIETY OF INDOLENCE BECOMES MORE AMBITIOUS BECAUSE OF THE STANHOPE OF GROWING  STANNARIES OF THIGMOTAXIS IN CAREFUL TRIAGE AROUND STANDPIPES THAT COUNTERACT ENTHYMEMES OF NIVELLATION AMONG THE GROWING REGARD OF SUSSULTATORY SPAVINEDS THAT GROW IMPATIENT BECAUSE OF THE WROTH OF MUGIENCE IN WHEATENED CITIES EMBEDDED BECAUSE OF THE WHEELHOUSE WHEALS THAT SUSTAIN THEM INTO BRACKISH OLIVASTERS OF THE PERFORMATIVE GRACES OF OUR HERALDED HEYDAY OF TIME INFORMING PAST ZEITGEISTS WITH FUROR AND MACROBIAN MEGALOGRAPHY TO ISSUE THE  GROWTH OF TIMES HONORED BY THE GHAWAZI AND THE JARABE ALIKE. THE STANG OF BANGTAILS OF THE ARENAIDAN ERAS WHERE THE ARGALI OF ENCHANTMENT WAS A VEXATIOUS ***** OF FULGURANT NOMOGRAPHY BECAUSE IN THE MANIFEST DESTINY OF THE SOCKDOLAGER EDICTS OF THE PAST THAT SCORCH FROM THE SQUALLS OF FREEBOOTER WALLETEERS THAT USE WHELKY IN THE BARNSTORM OF GROWING WALDGRAVES WHICH BECOME CENTRIPETAL TO BYRE IN THE NEUTROSOPHY OF ACELDAMA IN CONTENTIOUS VIVAT BECAUSE OF VARSAL VISCIDITY WHICH DECLARES ITSELF THE HONORIFIC CAPTAIN OF ALL BETOKENED TIMES BECAUSE WE CANNOT WITHSTAND THE BEBLUBBERED MAUDLIN PATINAS OF WHIGGARCHY BECAUSE OF BRAZEN BOLDFACED BALD EAGLE PATRIOTISM BECAUSE OUR BLINKERED AGE IS ONE REGNANT UPON NEBBICH PALLOR OF CETACEAN EMBRACERY WE MIGHT DISCOVER THAT OUR PAST BRONCHOS OF THE CELEBRATED PARAGONS TOO LUMINOUS TO BE REGARDED PROPERLY BY THE CONTRITION OF MERCY IN MERCILESS TIMES WE HONOR THE PEOPLE THAT DEMARCHE FOR FUTURE POLITY BY EXHIBITING THE BOLD FRONTIER OF REVOLUTIONARY WIREWOVEN SCIENTIFIC AUTARKY THAT BECOMES MORE AND MORE ENTRENCHED IN PRAGMATIC REFORM IN CONSERVATION OF RESOURCES AND SCALED AND SCOPED ECONOMIES THAT UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEMS THAT AFFLICT BODACHES AND THE PROBLEMATIC JAUNDICE OF SENICIDE BECAUSE OF A NIDOLOGY INCOGNIZANT OF REVERENT DOYENNE AND SITHCUNDMAN WHO WEATHERED THE IGNORANCE OF TIME LIKE GROGNARDS THAT ARE OFTEN DISPLACED BY THE WAINAGE OF WAPENTAKE AND MANIPULATED INTO POPULAR FUROR BECAUSE OF THE NIVELLATION OF THEIR ATTENTIVE CANVAS OF PURBLIND PUTRID OSSIFICATIONS OF RAGMATICAL RANTIPOLE HATRED THAT MOBILIZES AGAINST AGENCY AND INVOKES LACKADAISICAL RAMSHACKLE ELASTANE LAZINESS. IN OSTENTATION WE BELEAGUER EMPTYSIS PRIMARILY DERIVED FROM FRACTURES IN THE SCAFFOLDED ARCHITECTONICS OF AURILAVE INDOCTRINATION TOWARDS THE SCHMEGGEGY THAT DEFILES MANY HONORED ARGUMENTS WITH THE PLUMAGE OF DISTRACTION FOR PRIMORDIAL BALUSTRADES INCULCATING PAST SARVODAYA ATTEMPTS INTO THE POPULAR SCOURGES OF IMAGINATIVE GLEE THAT BECOMES THE SPECTER OF ALL ATTENUATED FORESIGH THAT DENOUNCES THE UPSTARTS WHO ATTEMPT TO MODULATE MERCURIAL ENVIRONMENTS WITH AUTHORITATIVE SQUALLS THAT SPAWN SEMINAL MOVEMENTS THAT OFTEN YIELD UNHINGED CLOVERYIELDS THAT ARE COMPLETELY FINIFUGAL AND RAMBUNCTIOUS BECAUSE OF THE TAMARAWS WHO SEEK TO ENDEAVOR BEYOND CLIFFHANGER JUSTICE TO ENTHRONE A NEWER INSIDIOUS DIKEPHOBIA BECAUSE OF NIDIFUGOUS INSISTENCE OF NANCIFULLY NIDAMENTAL DISAGREEMENTS THAT DISDAIN THE POSTCENNIUM WITH IDEOLOGY GLISTENING BY FACADE BECAUSE IT FAILS TO SHIMMER IN THE DEEPER AND DARKER RETROSPECTION OF HINDSIGHT CORRADED ONLY FROM ELEMENTS OF PARVANIMITY AND BARYEICOIA. THE DIFFUSE PROTRACTION OF THE DIESTRUS BY THE UPSTAYS OF COACERVATED DIABLERISM CHARGING RACKRENT FOR PETTY PRESBYTERY PRIVILEGES IS A GOUGED HUCKSTER OF URCEOLATE TIMBERLASK JAMDANI STEENBOKS TRYING WITH URGENT URCHINS TO DESICCATE THE ENVIRONS IN EVERY SPANERIA TO ENSURE THAT THE RHADAMANTHINE ENVY OF THE GAUNTLET OF EVIL BALATRONS PARADING THEIR COSTERMONGERS TO BODACH VEGETABLES TREATED OFTEN WITH GERRYMANDERED SENICIDE MIGHT THEY RIG EVERY ELECTION WITH THE PSEPHOLOGY OF AN EVIL JUMART THAT WORKS AGAINST MESSIANIC TRIBUNES OF TRUTH BECAUSE OF THE BALDERDASH OF CRACKJAW MACROPICIDE PRIMARILY OUSTED BY THE ENTRYISM OF MEHARIS PREPOSSESSED AS WALLETEERS OF THE BILKEY OF WHELKY TO EMBATTLE THE SOCKDOLAGERS OF ISOLATION AS A TRIBULOID STOCKINETTE IN PURBLIND RECENSED REVERSAL OF RETROMORPHOSIS. WE CANNOT STAND APART IN APARTHEID BECAUSE OF THE DIACOPES INFLICTED BY THE ENVIRONMENTAL SKULLDUGGERY OF THE ELECTIVE PRIVILEGE OF TESTUDOS OF AILING MALADROIT AISLINGS OF ONEIRODYNIA BECAUSE OF LOLLOPING AND LOIMIC PLAGUES OF WANIGANS OF WANCHANCY RIGGED FOR FRIGOLABILE VANGERMYTES ATTEMPTING JATOS OF LICENTIOUS LICENSE AGAINST THE KENSPECKEL MEGALOGRAPHY OF PROMACHOS SUFFRAGE BECAUSE OF RIBALD AND COARSE ENVIES ABORIGINAL ONLY TO DULLARDS THAT PERVULGATE MYTHOS IN THEIR CORROSIVE WORLDVIEW SEEKING THE WIDEST FOOTPRINT OF CRETACEOUS BOWDLERIZATION IN A WEAK AND PALTRY INTEMERATION FOISTED BY THE WORST SORORICIDE OF FRATERNAL TRUST BECAUSE OF BROCKFACED VILLAINY TO TEMPESTUOUS TO IGNORE OR FLOUT BECAUSE THE STOKEHOLD SPOKESHAVEN WIDDERSHANCY OF CIPPUSTURE IS THE MIGHTIEST FORCE FOR UPHOLDING INTEGRITY EVER WAGERED ON CHRONOPSYCHOLOGY BECAUSE THE UPRIGHT URCEOLATE OCREATED CREATURES THAT EVADE EVERY NOYADE AND ANTICIPATE EVERY CHANDELLE MIGHT THEY REBUKE THE EVIL WEGOTISM CRIPPLING OUR TIMES WITH JIMSWINGERS THAT USE RAGMATICAL WHIPLASH AGAINST DRAMATIC WHIPSTAFF TO PARALYZE THE PROGRESS OF THE LONGEVITY OF TIME ITSELF PROTENSIVE IN DURESS TO SCAFFOLD THE BRIMBORIONS ABOVE THE BARRULETS BECAUSE OF CARDIMELECH PRAXEOLOGY. WE LIVE IN A VERY DISEASED WORLD THAT SEEKS IN ITS SICKEST HUES OF REVANCHE IN THE EXCLAVES OF TYRANNY OF MENTICIDE BECAUSE OF ORGANUILLES WE FIND THE DESPOTIC DESPERATION OF THE SURQUEDRY OF SURDOMUTE RETARDATION THE NEW APLOMB OF THE COUNTERCULTURAL DIABLERISM OF ALL SECULAR FORCES WORKING TOGETHER FOR DESTRUCTION RATHER THAN CIVILIZED CAMARADERIE WHICH IS BRAZEN ENOUGH TO SURVIVE EVERY WOODSHEDDER AND EVERY CHOMPING SHARK OF RADICATED TYRANNY OF TINSELLATED ABEYANCE BECAUSE OF OBROGATIONS IN INTERREGNUM. WE NEED TO DESTROY THE PEOPLE THAT INSEMINATE IN THE SEMINAL A CARNAL LUST THAT DEPRAVES ALL PERCOLATIONS SUCH  THAT THE HALKEND BECOMES A PARASELENIC PRACTICAL JOKE OF STULTIFICATION BECAUSE OF ROORBACKS ROARING AGAINST YERNAGE FOR SPECIOUS SOPHISTRY THAT MANACLES THE ONEIROCRITICISM OF AN UPRIGHT AGE OF OPHILIOPHILISTS RATHER THAN DECADENCE INSTRUCTED BY THE WORST MONGERY OF MONSTERS WHO CAROUSE AS INSOUCIANT PURVEYORS OF ADAMANTINE RIGORS OF STRAIN AND STRENUOUS DIVERSION. WE CANNOT STOMACH THE EVIL DIABLERISM OF GOETICS DERIVED FROM THE PERCEIVED SAMIZDAT WHICH PREVENTS ALL GEZELLIG AS A SICK CABALLINE PRACTICAL JOKE OF MOUNTAINS OF EVIL DISTRUST THAT WHERRET ALL MUSICIANS OF THE IAMATOLOGY AGAINST NOSOCOMIAL WHICKERS AND NEIGHING CAULDRONS OF MUGIENCE IN WROTH AROUND THE ISOLATION OF ONE PERSON FOR THE BOODLE OF ONE DERANGED ORGANIZATION WORKING IN EVERY ATTEMPT TO SABOTAGE ALL FREE MOVEMENT TOWARDS ENTELECHY AGAINST THE BETTER ASPECTS OF WHIGGARCHY OFTEN DEFAMED BY THE PERJURORS OF EVIL FLAMBEAUS THAT SEEK COMESTION AND CONFLAGRATION REGARDLESS OF THE NIDOR BECAUSE OF THE INTRANSIGENCE OF THE SUBTERNATURAL COSSETED PETS OF AUTHORITARIAN REGRESS IN THE STENCH OF  RANCID TRUCULENCE TRUCKLING ITSELF TO ROTUND EVIL OBLATE NUTATION IN MENDACITY.

Birth—Coronation
Belief—Creation
Pain— Debilitation
Sin—Damnation
Joy—Association
Despair—Isolation
Praise—Adulation
Time—Anticipa­tion
Truth—Revelation
Faith—Salvation
Death—Divination
Life—Reinc­arnation

(Villanova Pennsylvania: July, 2016)

the murky blue water ripples
shades of Jade concealed
only made visible by the shards of
sun piercing through the layers of the blanket.
dancing and crashing
composing music as we come together
and break apart.
colliding with great force
the land trembles at sight of the crest,
for the power we yield is far too great.
waves demolish the ground we walk on,
washing away the marks we've left.

the storm has now passed,
tides begin to die down.
the symphony ceases
and the sand crawls home to the shore.
silence has infiltrated the bed,
no more movement between the layers of the deep
left in a state of debilitation
all that was once barren,
now kissed with the sweat of the sea.
we part for the night-
two ships carry on- leaving a light trail behind,
with only the glow of the night,
to guide us to our fantasy.

I don't fear death so much as I fear its prologues: loneliness, decrepitude, pain, debilitation, depression, senility. After a few years of those, I imagine death presents like a holiday at the beach

without yours truly experiencing urge to defecate

Neither bloating nor constipation
arose, but one nondescript anguished
logophile anticipated intestinal blockage,
hence prophesying worse case scenario

I (predicated in direction for an adult)
ingested three Dulcolax tablets
and subsequently this joker
found himself riddled
with debilitating diarrhea dilemma
that afflicted me hours on end
today April 11th, 2022.

Severe **** travails
immediately brought forth
****** recollections regarding
my offal bout with shigella
circa approximately July fourth holiday
nineteen hundred and eighty seven
which ranked as worst pain in the ****.

Two women (Ziona and Susan –
surnames unknown),
plus your truly, which trio
befriended each other
from Thursday night contra dance.

Aforementioned women
minimally identified
via first name basis
(since their sir nom de plume
unknown at this juncture),
and yours truly linkedin,
via above said social venue.

This piece of information mentioned
since that innocuous site
(Summit Presbyterian Church
at Green and Westview Streets
within Mount Airy, Pennsylvania)
essentially served as
figurative starting point
per following true anecdote.

Though about thirty five years ago,
my memory easily jogged,
asper unforeseen brush with death.

Innocence and naïveté twin factors,
tangentially contributed to agonizing ordeal.

Ask me what I ate for breakfast
this morning, and ye will receive
a blank stare!

Turn back the hands of time,
well nigh eighty percent
since existence sans mein kampf.

Every summer informal conclave
regarding congregation of hippies
(most of whom found me
looking conservative – fully attired)
decide upon a locale communicated
thru the grapevine.

The Rainbow Family Gathering
(vast majority opting to shuck clothes)
that summer held in Cheoah National Forest
just outside Robbinsville
western North Carolina,
and the farthest south
clandestine group congregated.

Among the estimated 12, 700 attendees
(one of whom included yours truly),
more than fifty percent
of the sprawling masses
contracted the near fatal
outbreak of shigellosis.

Sanitation in the expansive campsite
ranked as poor to non-existent.

This absence of proper hygiene
provided opportunities
thru contaminated food,
water and person
to person contact.

Widespread transmission
of the very opportunistic disease
caused by Shigella sonnei,
resistant to ampicillin,
tetracycline, and trimethoprim
sulfamethoxazole;
the rapacious organism
categorized as colicin type 9,
and contained a 90-kilobase plasmid,
not found in non-contagious related strains.

Misery loves company,
and this epidemic plagued
the infected with unrelenting diarrhea
and general lower
gastrointestinal debilitation.

Unsure how this then
late twenty something singular male
managed to weather
the microbial onslaught,
which rendered me prone
to a doubled over spate
of being lobbed and hamstrung
hammering the lower gastrointestinal tract,
and incessant severe loss of nutriment
vis a vis thru ****** a steady state
quintessentially unable to nourish
an already slim body.

Upon relieving chronic purging
from the sphincter muscle,
the sensation to expel
countless times thereafter
explained (not recommended diet)
the rapid loss of weight.

Whence returning home
at that time 724 Level Road,
Collegeville, Pennsylvania, 19426,
this ghostly appearance of mine
immediately alarmed, discerned,
and gauged family members
to schedule me for
immediate medical intervention.

After being examined,
(what little flesh remained
of what resembled
a Holocaust Concentration camp victim),
the physician could offer
no pharmacological remedy.

As the days of my life passed
under bedside and medical watch
of mother, who worked
as a licensed practical nurse,
yet could do little or nothing
to halt her own demise courtesy
metastatic carcinoma viz
ovarian/uterine cancer
approximately seventeen years ago
early May 2020.