Yesterday you told me that you were feeling empty.
And I told you everything I had done in order to fill that empty void.
Because I too, had felt it.
And dont get me wrong...
Its not all the time or as much as it use to be.
Some days I miss the whole feeling of someone seeing the world in me,
And I wonder if I'll ever find it again,
Or if my he was the only person who will ever see me that way?
Being out here on my own has been both amazing and utterly lonely at the same time.
A lot of times at night,
The guys trickle off to their girls.
And the girls have their other girl friends they go to see.
And then theres me...
alone in my room staring at the ceiling.
Nights like tonight.
It's like I'm feeling so much inside that I cant feel anything at all.
Just this emptiness and an empty bed and an empty house.
Loneliness might be the worst part.
It might be one of the hardest emotions to fathom.
Sadness, and anger, they fade over time.
But the loneliness,
the knowing that life might be this way forever,
It doesnt feel temporary when it hits. It feels like it's something that was there all along but hiding in the shadows of daylight.
The light helps your mind play tricks on you during they day, to help you get through.
But at night the darkness, the empty room...
theres no hiding
and theres no escape.
Except the ceiling,
and the music
to drown out the voices
that you've done it to yourself
and you deserve it.
And it's not poetic or inspiring.
It's a debilitating feeling
that you're not worthy or good enough to deserve the love and affection everyone else seems to find.
To be lonely,
you must first believe
you deserve to be alone.
I guess that is my problem,
Not only do I believe it,
I can't blame anyone else for no it.
For even I,
Would avoid myself if given the choice.
It's no wonder,
They all did too.