You cause
a break inside my organs
Pointing out my flaws
our differences.
You are at peace.
I sit jittering, worrying
what everyone will think
of when I didn’t care
you made me laugh at
everything
Changes.  You’re not right for me
Nor I for you, but I can’t help
Thinking
What if?  Then I remember
you’re not what nor
Everything I want.

You are an intellectual snob you
have a depth about you
I would love to delve in,
a psychological study
that even the best critics would praise,
but I don’t want anyone else to have been there
or ever go there.
I cannot hold on to you
tear me away while
You’re haphazardly gluing us together
We’re a kindergarten art project
messy, trying to see
Beauty within the confusion,
unfinished    

You asked me
Where am I most at peace
4 years old.      
I could be anything
No fears
I hadn’t been ripped apart.
I was the girl that said everything,
until I felt the need to screen my thoughts,
like the filter you use to make your coffee
each morning.  I wish that’s where I was,
having you tell me
that you like your women like your coffee
Dark and bitter.

I can look past your chauvinistic ways,
not giving a **** about anyone.
You’re not really closed minded
You just act like it,
which annoys the hell out of me
Sometimes.  I wish life was simple.    
But then
I would never know your complexities nor
Feel the things you help me feel,
like hate for train whistles
or the burn of gin hitting my throat.
Music      
you introduce me to
offstage trumpets, bad movies.  Your politics,
your brown eyes      
and how you can hear frequencies
that most everyone else can’t.  I worry
that you hear
the fear in my voice and heartbreak
With every word I speak.

When were you going to tell me?
Or was that your plan all along?
To throw me out
like yesterday’s coffee grounds
or cut up scraps
Used and unwanted.
I wish I could tell you
to tell her you don’t want her
but me instead,
you don’t, I don’t want you to.
I want holding hands, laughter
comfort, personality, humor, intellect.
You want that plus things
I can’t give
But you always take.

You are your coffee
disgusting, caffeinated,
addicting
the only patch that helps is
comforting words you never spoke.
We had many conversations
of your desires, lusts, mistakes,
but I was burned,
by lies, distrust.
You left, like always,
a harsh, acidic aftertaste
on my tongue.

I remember they once told me that
music is the best time capsule

It's where people keep their secrets and feelings;
of their insecurities, their mistakes, their sadness, their first cut,
and even the wounds and bruises that invisible to the eye

It's where people let their wildest dreams alive;
of the one they can never reach, the one that will never come back, the one that got away without proper farewell

It's where people store their most sacred memories;
of their first kisses, their first love, their first dance, their first bucket of roses, their first heartbreak

So they were right after all,

Music is dangerous, yet addicting; it can either tear you apart or put the pieces back altogether, it depends on what kind of ghosts living inside the interlude

Thus, be careful who you listen the music with
some melody is louder than the others

**

Today I played the music box you gave me on my seventeenth birthday
How odd it is to realize that music sometimes can be a time machine, how every strings and clinks bring me back to you—towards you

It doesn't **** you...
But It makes you forgetful & dumb
It can be addicting even when you say it don't.

I can't even talk to you when you're all doped up. It makes me sad that you'd just turn to drugs.

Solitude is addicting
As my head grows restless
And my thoughts take over
Washing down like a waterfall
But at the bottom
There is no oasis
Just rapids

Madness is inviting
As my thoughts bounce around my head
Like a tennis ball at Wimbledon
Knocked back and forth, searching for a victor.
Like 100 tiny voices fighting to be heard in an endless echo
It's like fighting for calm
In the middle of an endless ocean,
Struggling in the midst and mist of a hurricane
I'm thrown from the sanctuary of my boat
And plunge into the murky waters of insecurity
Drowning in sorrow, mistrust and anxiety.
I sense a calm and open my eyes
Just to be hit with another wave and pulled back under
Deeper than before.

Rush of success
brutal trusting
Sensibility, briefly
Using it in a perplex and deceiving claim
Chaos, is her calmness
Designed, to harness energy
Absorbing, more than her worth
Power is implemented
A mighty resistance
Others would **** for royalty
She walks naked,
without an ounce of shame

the most frustrating thing
when it comes to a writer
is when everything
every word, every letter,
isn't enough to give justice to
the captivating picture of you
in the afternoon:

soaked in sweat,
grinning foolishly,
striking up a conversation
about coffee,
and how unhealthy it is
for me to drink
three cups straight,
to stay awake,

yet the bittersweet taste
stains my lips.

it spills down my throat,
covers my lungs,
and drowns them
with the addicting aroma
of coffee beans
and lazy dreams,
until i cannot seem
to breathe,

and the only thing
i can ever do
is to spill ink
for you.

A morning of escape via sheets and pillow
A day of escape via coffee and comeda
A night of escape via I.P.A.
And marijuana

And thus the passions return
As expected
At 12:13 A.M.

Such a longing of soul to an extent that I cannot rationalize or define

My very being expanding past my expectations of its spatial limit

Pressing so very ******* my solar plexus

A low frequency thud

To my heart

Beat


This will never leave
It makes me knees shake
And my foundations shudder

Fear enters my heart

But the excitement is addicting.

Your love is like a drug,
except I crave you so much more.
When your lips touch mine it makes me
feel like I'm floating on cloud nine,
unable to come down from
the sensational high.
When your laughter floods my ears, I can't get enough. I truly want more.
When I feel your fingertips softly graze my skin and your sweet scent dances
through my nose,
I'm suddenly wide awake craving you more than any other drug
on this planet.
It's amazing really, this thing you call love. It's more addicting than anything.
Maybe, that's why we can't help but turn to alcohol and drugs when we're heartbroken.

To lie or not to lie - that is the question:
Whether 'tis better to keep the truth
Shutting the light in the dark,
Or to bring upon pain or pleasure
Why, by bringing truth, gain unwanted reaction. To lie, deceit -
No more - and by secret to say what we want to say
The will of truth and lie
That flows from lips - 'tis an infection
One craved by all. To lie, deceit -
Deceit, perhaps too much. Ay, there's the problem.
For in that deceit of truth what pathologic lieing may come.
When we have gained such filthy pleasure from this lie,
Must force us thought. That's the reality
That makes chaos of such pleasure.
For who really wants to hear or speak an ugly truth,
The lover's love gone, the child's art trash,
The woman's ugly face, the man's unattractive body,
The co-worker's stench, and the embarrassing blemish
That gives opportunity for lie,
When they themselves would appreciate
Why give them heart ache? Who would give them truth,
To give them hurt,
But the chance they would enjoy the truth,
The unknown glee from fate's unlucky victims
For the victim's mind confuses the liar
And makes the liar want to speak truth
And to see that reaction instead.
Thus turning pathologic lieing into suthe saying,
And thus the addicting infection
Is cured with the disease of truth,
And infection seems less appealing
With this regard the lies soon stop
And lose what effect they once had.

I'm high as a ******* kite
I know this **** isn't right
Staying up all **** night
But I didn't put up a fight
Since the feeling is hella tight
..... Hella tight
.... Yeah hella tight

Another day
Feeling the same way
I know , I know what can I say
Come out, come out to play
This feeling isn't going away
.... Just go away
.... Go away

I feel like I can fly
Way up high
Through the clouds in the sky
It's a trip I can't deny
It's a feeling you need to try...
... You must try...
.... Just try

I'm slowing down quite a bit
Not long before the ground I hit
Stupidly there I just sit
I really need to just quit
But Id miss the feeling I get...
...**** the feeling I get...
....what a feeling I get

Lost in its distraction
Like a bug lights purple glowing hyponotic attraction
Causing a massive chain reaction
A sickening fascination
A feeling of amazing satisfaction..
..******* addicting satisfaction...
...craving the satisfaction..

A feeling quite rare
Do I dare
Or do I even really care
A feeling that tingles everywhere
..this feeling I should share
....should share...
...but can't share

What a crazy place
Limitless like outter space
Intense & in your face
A feeling you embrace
Like winning a race
A feeling you can never replace...
...never replace..
...unable to replace..

It's mighty slick
Addicted you quick
Playing a nasty trick
Laying on the feeling thick
...it stuck fast like a glue stick...
...that's right a glue stick..
....a glue stick..

High as a kite
I told you it wasn't right
Up all night
...I gave into the fight
The feeling is just hella tight..
..so hella tight...
...yeah, hella tight...

only the moon knew her darkest secrets, the depth of her thought was the deepest, up all night, its something she does frequent, she's an angel from heaven, that fell for a demon, a beautiful image, turned into a broken spirit, constant arguments and disagreements,
her smile held pain, but she stuck to concealment, because her friends and the world were incoherent, I got to see her smile one day, ever since then, nothing has been the same,
she no longer puts that same smile on her face, she once felt grace, but it turned to disgrace, the beauty she holds is inexplainable, the purity in her soul is gold, yet unattainable, because she no longer holds trust,
what she thought was love, turned into lust,,an addicting drug, that having is a must, the magical feeling, turned into dust, she misses the memories, kisses, and hugs, now she confides in her own sorrow, asking god for a better tomorrow, he gives her a light to follow, but her own pride is hard to swallow, A beautiful intelligent female, who felt love through the most intimate detail,
at school she was the most diligent female, filled in amazing aspects, and assets, but she continues to feel the absence, and still doesnt comprehend the circumstances,
for his actions, of dissatisfaction,
still to this day hasnt changed her reaction, the biggest heart break shes ever dealt with, it was minor to him, but her heart really felt it, like a beautiful ice sculpture, she melted,
and there I was the person to who she vented, staring deep into her dark brown eyes, i saw what nobody else saw, deep deep inside, she was wise at mind, i searched more within, as the sun rised, a beautiful lonely girl, that told me under the stars and moonlight,
"hold me close and never let go."
i was there to carefully listen,
she opened up like a book.
after she looked up to me and said i was different, that i just might be what her heart was missin,
her eyes and smile once again glistened, i told her,
"look at the stars, look how they shine for you, until the stars in the sky shine no more, i'll always be there, until the end of time for you."

it's like,
like fire being shot up my veins;
I feel alive.
It's addicting,
it's living in the unknown,
but every time I open my eyes...
I can taste it.
The nostalgic bliss on my tongue.
It's real.

But do I want it without you?

I want that waking up at 6 am to make you breakfast kind of love,
that my friends think I'm absolutely crazy kind of love
the kind of love that is reckless and addicting
that I don't care what you look like I just want to stay up all hours to share secrets kind of love
that every time I see you my heart throbs kind of love
that I see you upset and you don't have to say anything and I already know what to do kind of love
that stand next to me because I love you kind of love
that "you can have the cup with more coffee" kind of love
that you get my heart and the world gets the worst of me kind of love.
that you are my everything kind of love.

People that don't self harm
Don't seem to understand it.
But I don't expect them to.

First, it hurts, A LOT.
It hurts when you first do it
And it hurts the next day.
It hurts when your long sleeves rub against it
And it hurts when you look at what you did.

Next, cuts bleed, A LOT.
At first they don't bleed,
You start cutting deeper,
Then they bleed, a lot.
It doesn't stop bleeding.

Please don't tell me to just stop.
I can't just stop.
It's so addicting.
Even though I want to stop,
I can't.

It starts out as you control it,
But then it ends up controlling you.
You want to wear short sleeves?
Think again, you can't.
You want to go swimming with friends?
Oh yeah, they'll probably think you're crazy.

Every time you do it one more time,
It becomes more and more addicting.
Just one more you think, but no.
This is the last time, but it's not.
You can't just stop.

I don't mean to hurt the people around me.
In that moment, all I can think about is
Hurting myself.
I'm sorry for hurting everyone else
While I'm hurting myself.

You find yourself so bored out of your mind,
that it becomes amusing to drive others out of theirs

Good girls will leave their heart at your doorstep
and days later, you'll have the pieces scattered around your bedroom

Your old drug of choice just doesn't seem to cut it any more,
but manipulation has never felt more addicting.

Make them say your name, make them tell you they love you
Keep that memory alive when you stop returning their calls
and when your words have cut deep enough, don't flinch when you see your mother cry for the first time
and don't think twice when you know that you're the reason why

Where did your feelings go?
You see how red your anger can be,
but do you remember what shade remorse is?
You prey on the people that love you most and run them dry
You feed off of their hope that maybe you'll change.
But you don't entertain the thought of love anymore
and you'll never see that people are not just another notch in your belt.

The call to slumber was never so alluring,
Until nights you were near,
From warmth emitting your body,
To the scent of your hair,
The silhouette of your frame,
Shifting to meet the shapeliness of mine,
Like fingers meeting fingers our bodies lay intertwined.

Peacefully we lie.
Arms draped securely around you,
Your head snug aloft my breast,
Forehead resting lightly against my chin,
Delicate glances upward,
Affectionate are the kisses given.
Ear to chest—sound of the finest heartbeat,
Floating further toward slumber with each pounding melody...

your taste is something that i had no name for
and it was the unknown part of you that i find so addicting
i kissed you until i could taste it in my mouth

I Jammed the pain inside, to wait for the defects to reside. Today strays and wanders away until it's stuffed down inside the void of discomfort. Let's roll our imagination onto light able paper, light it, and watch it burn..

See because that's what addiction does. It overrides your body latching on your inner artistry for its fuel. Pretty soon you become a machine, something mindless. Fasten your seatbelt because your on auto-pilot.

Now the transactions of your body really start to inaugurate. Your internals no longer has what it takes to fight, to resist, so now come the alterations.The tips of your fingers go hand in hand with the tip of your tongue. How your saliva's lust for substance dismantles the chemical compounds. Your taste buds loving that all too familiar feeling. Your greed full blood consuming every inch of it. As the destruction slowly trickles down your throat your anxious. Then the finale comes, the moment you've been waiting patiently for  the manipulation and overhaul of your brain and your reality remodeled, your home.

In those seconds pain is never an option, never a thought. Your lost out at sea. But that's all it really is, seconds, minutes, sometimes hours, just a little more time to stick the dysphoria on the back burner. When in truth you've just deepened the scar and exposed it to infections. When it's gone your left with broken thoughts that feel unrepairable.

Addiction doesn't just come from pre-packaged materials, they come from every entity you wish that blocks the truth out. They come from unfulfillment , pain, and soak themselves until you are left with no control. You have to fight, fight for your life. Face the music

They say drugs are bad
They're addicting
That's why they make them illegal
But honey love is the most powerful drug
It's the most addicting
Causes the most pain
Yet legalised
Cause
You're my high
You're my drug
Somehow I keep coming back
Cause its so **** addicting
That good feeling in my soul
Even if it only last a little while

When im sittin in my bed, nothin else is said, without you,
When im cryin alone, someone pick up the phone, without you,
Without you,

Yeah, i sit in bed voices in my head, fill me with dread, man get out my head, fill me with lead, pump me full, of a mean order, man dont dis no daughter, or else ill have to floor ya, kinda **** to prepare ya, cuz life aint fair yo, fill my head with air yo, aint nothin compare yo, your livin on my land yo, id happily lend a hand though, cuz nothin can prepare yo, for what your 'bout to hear yo.

When im sittin in my bed, nothin else is said, without you,
When im cryin alone, someone pick up the phone, without you,
Without you,

Went from man of my house, to a drug addict.
Use to hate dope, use to hate drugs, use to love my mates, now they find me cheap, i use to live my life, now I've ******, anti-right all I've left is to fight, for what is right, no more drugs, no more ****, these voices have exceeded me, get out my head, leave my life, you’re as addicting as my knife, but i gave that up, so i can leave you too, my heads a zoo, so leave me alone to flow.

When im sittin in my bed, nothin else is said, without you,
When im cryin alone, someone pick up the phone, without you,
Without you.

nothing like going back
to the golden days
when getting up 20 minutes earlier
was a fun thing
to put on a bit of mascara
and lipgloss;
the blush was natural.
now 20 minutes of sleep
seems like a treasure,
worth everything
and never to be given up.
back when laughter was sunflower yellow,
music was neon blue,
and friends were a sweet purple,
their smiles like lavender
addicting and easy to find.
nothing like going back
to the golden days
when choosing the font for a paper
was an hour long experience;
the funnest part of writing anything.
now no writing matters
to anyone
unless it's 12pt font,
Times New Roman,
double spaced,
and with a heading in the top left corner.
back when school was light,
homework was a breeze,
and the only thunderstorms
were those that involved
coffee shops, window seats,
and copious amounts of hot chocolate.
nothing like going back
to the golden days
filled with warmth
and honey
and a whole lot of butterflies.

Kiss me goodnight
with your
soft, addicting
lips.
Caress my hand
with your thumb
while the rest
of our fingers
are intertwined
and holding
tightly
like our hands
are sewed together
and we’ll never be able to
let go.
Forget the blankets,
and let’s enjoy
the warmth from
our bodies
pressing up against
each other’s
smooth skin.
Let’s lay in the dark
at 1am,
and tell each other
all the skeletons we have
in the closet.
Or why
your parents
aren’t together anymore,
what
your biggest fear is,
or about a night
you drank yourself into
oblivion.
Tell me all the
crazy stories
about you
and
your childhood best friend
causing chaos.
Hold me tighter
in your arms
as our talking ends,
and
I’ll fall asleep
to you
gently playing
with my hair.
Kiss me goodmorning
with your
soft, addicting
lips.
Tell me how beautiful
my eyes look
in the sunlight
beaming through
the window.
Lay with me,
for a few
more moments
so I don’t have to
leave
your arms
that never stopped
holding me
through the night.
Laugh with me,
so I can get
addicted
to a sound
I’ll never get
sick of hearing.
Let the words
“I love you”
pour out of your
mouth,
like the waterfall
that pours
out of me
when you
make me
reach my ******.
Have me
get attached
to every part of you.
Love me,
and
never step away.

A.R

I've never been to a concert before
But I imagine it feels like this
Chaotic, high energy and loud

Despite the distance, it's fun
The energy around you
Makes it so enjoyable

The drum of the music
The vibrations in the air
The addicting sounds
Makes you feel on top of the world

The type of feeling that says,
"I can die happy"
The clarity and serenity in this moment
Makes me feel calm watching you

I wish I could feel this way
After this is over
Maybe I can see you in person
Without this disconnect

I saw you walk away from me, your eyes like burnt pastries
Tasteless was your gaze and tainted was your smirk.
I saw the last of your silk locks, saving themselves from my satin ruffles.
Useless was the lingerie I'd run my fingers through when you'd lean closer.
You told me my smile was the sun, yet you left in your spacecraft
Flirting with the stars, you left my glowing figure in a mist veil of polluted smoke.
You said I would drown in each lingering kisses, deep in a sea promised to never dry up.
You held me down with your addicting anchor; tempting was your touch and hopeful was your blush.

I saw you walk away,
Tasteless;
Tainted;
Useless;
Refugee;
Polluted;
Suffocating;
Add­icting;
Hopeful.

I love you.

Smoking is dangerous for your health,
it can't even help you with your wealth,
it burns your organs,
they said it's refreshing but as I can see it it's upsetting.

Smoking,drinking or even taking drugs,
several causes of death,
a day undone just because they can't manage taking them in,
addicted to the things that's bad for them.

Slowly killing,
pain evicting,
that's what they bring,
you'll be attached because it's addicting.

So before trying them,
try to avoid everything about them,
you'll never know the bad consequences,
so avoid and do not try.

No words can describe my feelings for you.
You know how to make me happy.
Put a smile on my face.
I don't know what it is.
Something about you is just so
addicting.
Is it your smile that melts me.
Your nose that fits perfectly next to mine,
as you plant a kiss upon my lips.
The wonderful kisses you give me,
randomly, passionately, but delightful.
Your perfect eyes that just look into mine.
The way they look when I catch you
staring at me.
You say so many word
in silents.
Could it be my heart
pounding rapidly
every time I see you.
Or is it your cute bear hugs
I just cant get over.
Squeezing you tightly is just amazing.
Having you by my side,
feels like heaven on earth.
Your personality is on the dot.
No word can describe my feeling for you.
You know how to make me happy.
Put a smile on my face.
I don't know what it is.
Something about you is just so
addicting.

Blinding bright lights and,screeching sirens. Loud yelling voices,the feel of tightening handcuffs. Back seat of a cop car,I'm thinking this is where my time is going to end.

        Thinking about my baby girl, and her soft blue eyes. What does she think,what's
        On her little mind? A little angel who is so warm hearted and innocent,I hope to
            God I never have to hear her cries..knowing I'm the cause of the pain she's
                                                              Feeling inside.

How could I do this to her...to me....to us!? Causing feelings of broken trust, choosing to deface a
Love, feeling trapped..choosing to be on the devils side.

          How Can I break loose from this,one of a kind,truly,****** up,love twisted homicide!?
          Im not. It's not. It's never giving me up,no matter how hard I sincerely try. It feels
          Impossible,while It literally feels of being squeezed,in the grips of an addicting,
                                Controlling,unforgiving,relentless nightmare.
                                                       With the monster.

It hurts to say,that even the strongest feel of genuine love,isn't even enough to save me.
I'm addicted to this love thing,and even I know,it will never fade nor leave my memory
                                      For good,and stay away once and for all.

Trying to be free is not an option. It's like they say,and everyone has heard it before...once
You try it,that's the end of what once was normal. This lifestyle is now normal. For me it
                                                       Was love at first taste.
                        Now I'm willingly a prisoner,drowning in a forever life of sorrow.

Unforgettable,and unable to forgive. I'm forever stuck with overwhelming hunger pains,
Hopefully one day I will no longer fiend for our dangerous,killing love, but for now the soul
Of a once beautiful,pure human being...has been possessed,and the soul has become dark,and
                  Cold..keeping faith that one day,I'll be strong enough to walk away.

  I will never feel the same as i did before. the damage has been done, theres no changing that.
  I hope someday I can feel relief,and feel love again. Not happening as long as the monster has
                                                                   A hold of me.
                                                        TILL **** DO US PART.

I pride myself on differences,
but know at heart we're all one
I tried to do the dishes,
but only two knives made the cut.
Now I wonder if I can
accomplish more than thought possible
judging dull wounds in grunting cans;
feeling pistol grooves and wrist slitters,
I am at home again.

Lying, mining, dying figure heads
make their way to the foot of my bed,
and ask if they may lull me to sleep
with dreams of pneumonia and epilepsy.
I ask them to politely leave,
but they perch on boasting names of society,
reciting to me, too condescendingly,
"surely, we know better than you."
Now all of their heads fit askew.


Save the money and excuse for material attachment.
Keep running through your doll houses.

I pull on my hair to make it grow.
You pull on heart strings to teach a lesson, I suppose
we're in the same sinking boat.
But you are my vital poison.
My body collapses- a muted a noise and-
each time I awake perfectly poised
at your feet and frozen mouth.
How will I ever make you love me now?

Life's a Hawaii postcard
pleading, "go experience the vibrant colors."
There's more to see beyond the rainbow trees,
but they'll still satisfy most cravings.

Every threaded fiber of my being
keeps me pondering
if cells are just too shy to speak,
or if they've always spoken through me,
whispering, "scratch to win the lottery."

I want to write children's books,
and release doves from hidden cages;
watch awe wipe over next generation;
use my candies as their safe haven.
Away this world that have caused them pain-
I Am its new name.

Affection is a mistress of mine.
I still crave her like sunlight.
stare into her eye until I am blind
She's addicting even after she harms you.

I'll keep my heals neck deep
in anxiously wading water.
til I sing it into deep sleep,
its current pulls me under.
and I am at home again.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
They say it's addicting now I know that it's true  
But the roses are wilting the flowers are dead  
My hands are shaking and my hips are lined red