If I hadn't said yes
To a friend
I wouldn’t be here today
Not in the mood, looking a mess
But, a birthday to attend
No, was not an option to play

So, into the city the girls and me
Ready to dance
Forget the broken heart misery
A few hours and I can begin to see
The old smile, a chance
To laugh and chat happily

Wasn’t looking for a romance
But your eyes
Spoke of the possibility
So, I smiled, opening the chance
With no hidden lies
Risking my heart, as it beat its plea

Talking above the throbbing music beat
Oblivious to the heat of the crowd
As they moved to tribal sway
Hours in the dark, a corner seat
I hear your voice, above the constant loud
Chatter, as your smile takes me away

So many years have since passed
But I can still hear the song
That accompanied that first touch of lips
I knew that it would not be the last
As we pushed our way through the throng
And outside, our arms became an eclipse

Was on the cards we joined our address
Then soon after, we joined in marriage blend
Looking back, I believe fate had a hand to play
Because, if you hadn’t said yes
That night, to a friend
You wouldn’t be here today

Silently and slowly the hands turn
Seconds rewind into the long ago
A sun rises in the West, a fiery glow
I can almost feel the heat of the burn
As the orbit stutters into opposite flow

I am counting the rotation roll
As spring falls into winter cold
Then autumn colours as leaves unfold
Going back, searching for a missing soul
It was lost long ago, a sad story to be told

Speeding through the lived out days
Counting back to where you can be
Then finally the day comes into view
And my heart slows the reversing ways
Of Earths flow, and I finally see you

I step into the day, and it’s clear
Like a picture, so perfectly matching memory
Tears blind me to your smile, so I don’t see
You crossing the room, then arms hold me near
Finally, I have reached where I want to be

As I take the keys, that hold all of my fears
The time glass is silent, it waits patiently
For time to repair the change in history
The fateful trip not made, so no widow tears
Seconds click forward, into a new possibility

Loving this life
Didn’t choose it, feels random
Picked a different path last week
Right or wrong?
Going to deal with trouble and strife
Trying to get the correct arithmetic sum
That will add up. Will it make me feel weak
Or Strong?
Choices can be a chance or planned
But always leads to a spider web of sticky roads
An adventure of possible endings
Good or bad?
Striding through life’s shifting sand
You can’t head straight as a flight of crows
The journey is the beginning of wonderful chosen things
Choices made?

I am going to miss
The smell of freshly cut summer green
When lawns are manicured
To an inch of pristine

I will always look
For the day shattering light
As the warming rays break through
The cold blanket of night

Eyes closed, breathing deep
My senses searching for the perfume
Of a remembered summer meadow
When buttercups opened in crowded bloom

Tips of Fingers
Caressing a soft cotton shirt that you wore
As my lips brush lightly over your smile
One kiss is never enough, I always want more

I will remember
Warm nights on soft white sands
Listening to the sighs of an ebbing tide
As we lay on a blanket with entangled hands

I see you
Replaying the film of this life, I was given the chance
To build memories in multi-colour stereo
And have experienced a life of sensual dance

Every silver lining is tied to a cloud
Dark and full of rain
There can be light
But you have to go through the pain

You smile but it’s only a frown
That’s been turned on its head
A mask of what you have to hide
Showing the joy, when you’re crying instead

Ambushed by friends’ good feelings
You can drown in their commiserations

Pity me. I am lost in the dark,
Dark day. Only the night shows a starry light
There I can let my mind float into the void
Hitch a ride on a searing comet flight

Grief is absent in the hours of the day
Hidden under a ‘I’m doing well’, look
But at night I can hug it close, like a blanket
Breathe in the sorrow like a well-read book

You see, sadness is a picture you can’t complete
When you are missing a piece of the puzzle

Here we are
       Ending
What is a new life
       Beginning
To breathe in our
       Birth
While we look for the
       Dying
Of the life lived
       Ending

I thought I saw an Angel
As I stood knee deep in the mire
She was sat on the edge of hell
That burned with a fiery funeral pyre

Smiling, she looked down on me
With sadness in her eyes
As I sat and cleaned my rifle
Readying for the morning dies

Fifty men were with me yesterday
But only twenty now remain
listening to the repeating booms
They huddle like children, against the explosive rain

Six hours until dawn so the sergeant says
Then over the top we are to rush
To charge into a field of craters
And fight through a thorny steel bush

For honour and for glory
Come the dawns shouting rally
For our home and our family
So up we go into deaths valley

I think I see an Angel
Through the smoke and shrapnel stings
She is hovering above the stench
With outstretched golden wings

Come on lads, stay in line
Comes the sergeants battle cry
We are nearly there, just a few more steps
We can do it, we can try

I see the smoke is clearing
There's a figure, his rifle raised high
His uniforms a different colour
But I see the same look in his eye

Our rifles are aimed, our triggers primed
But neither are willing to take the shot
He looks just like my brother
He does, doesn't he? Maybe not.

Then his eyes, they fill with wonder
And his rifle falls to the ground
He points over my shoulder
And lets out a nervous sound

And I know he has seen the Angel
So I turn to take in the view
To find her standing in glory
Amongst the muddy, ****** goo

She smiles, as the tears fall
And reaches out her hand
I know, in that moment
Why she wanders the desolate land

I barely hear the noise behind me
As the gun is fired my way
Or feel the punch as something hits my chest
Making my body sway

Another soul for her collection
And as my body hits the ground
She reaches in and grabs hold
With love and sadness my soul is bound.

Too soon the guns are silent
There are no winners here today
A field of broken bodies
And the Angel goes on her way

Looking for the next battle
There is always one somewhere
Man fighting man, is as old as time
And the sorrow of this, the Angel will bear.

For all our souls.

I feel the living earth under my feet
Soft mulch between my toes
Luxuriant in leafy peat
Its presence vibrates like blows
And my heart picks up the beat
Life is thriving above and abiding below
This bustling ecosystem two-way street

Sitting in sweet repose
Contemplating the weighty woes
That sit heavy on the brain
Listening as rain traverses the window pane
How lonely the raindrops sound
As the wind whips them around

Cold filters through the glass skin
And a shiver forms within
Can’t see the stars tonight
And there is no sliver of moonlight
Storm clouds have blackened the night sky
Then lightning strikes, a flash of firefly

Heart beats with the thunder boom
And another flash lights the room
A laugh gives thanks to be alive
I feel the sense of me revive
As I step into the water deluged air
The static crackles across my hair

Dancing with abandoned joy
I become natures favourite toy
A puppet playing to natures strings
As the thunder drum booms and lightning sings
Feeling the power of life coursing within
Happiness fills this living human manikin

I long to break skin
To breathe, to take in
A breath of weathered sky
Watch the end of nights lullaby
As brittle with early dew
A rising sun is born anew

As I batter with fists against this cage
The walls crack with the rage
Too long in silence, my quiet room
This butterfly has broken from its tomb
Blinking against the growing pale
I spread out wings, fragile and frail

Wary, my steps slowly lead the way
From the darkest room, to a brightening day
I can smell the scent of tomorrow
And I can see the world, coloured rainbow
I’ve been too long hidden, out of sight
Now I fly, as my wings take to flight

When you reside in a world of perpetual sorrow
The heart is unable to decide
Whether to laugh or cry

But the sun will always rise on the morrow
Bringing warm light to another day
So maybe there is room for both

Happiness is a kiss not asked for
Happiness is your hand taking mine
Happiness is a smile not looked for
Happiness is your eyes looking into mine
Happiness is warm cuddles on cold nights
Happiness is this life with you
Thank you for bringing the happy :-)

Crystal splinters fall as tears
Creating ripples of light
Dazzling
I am blinded, filled with fears
Of this never-ending fright night
Wrenching
As the explosion hits my heart
And I feel the pain as it rips in two
Bewildering
Encompassing, this love was new, a start
Of me and U 4ever, I have your text, so it’s true.
You lied.

Fame is rich in compliments
That are cut paper thin
Covering cracks that lie within

Golden is the light that surrounds you
Blinding you to realities glow
Of the gold that doesn’t show

Pieces of you are taken by strangers
As they tag onto your tail
Borrowing light from your comet trail

Loneliness is your bubble
In a room full of people smiling
As they bow down and call you king

Did you envision this at the start
When life was simple and full
Before you felt the lure of fames pull

So as the light fades into dim
Can you find who you used to be?
Be happy without the celebrity?

How soft the wind sighs
Over perfumed purple bush
And songs of the bees
Breaks the lonely quiet shush

I am alone, adrift, marooned
In an endless sea of untamed heath
Shadowed by ancient crags
As they rise up high like broken teeth

Life abounds in the gorse and heather
And a curlew cries out its haunting cry
My heart aches in wonder as I watch
As it soars under a clear open sky

But I am not wanted, nor needed
In this place, this frozen time
But my presence will be suffered
By a land that will never be mine

If choices were wishes
I would wish
For you
If you were in an ocean full of fishes
Then my hook would be baited
For you
I would kiss a thousand frogs, looking for romance
But hey, I’m not looking for prince charming
Just You
I would fight a dragon with pointed lance
Brave the fire, risk life and limb
For you
I am not a princess looking for rescue
I am not sleeping, or cleaning cinders
I’m here
Ditch the white steed, there are no villains to pursue
Give me our happy ever after, love me.
And that will do

Life is living in bright colour
Prisms of gold and green
Kaleidoscopes of wings, twist and whirr
Above a carpet of reflective sheen

As golden eyes, with silken fur
Look with greed on the human gene
As it reaches up a hand to a clear azure
Ignoring the wonders that breathe unseen

Hide the moon, I plead thee
Forever cover its neon glow
Pull out the stars, I beg
Let them shine eternity, no more

Let the Darkness reign
Let the world stop rotating
He is gone

Be still the birds joyful song
Quiet the bees hum, the cats purr
Let the clocks lose their happy chime
And children’s laughter fade to quiet

Let the silence fall
Let the night take away the sun
He is gone

He was the moon that filled my soul
His laughter, gave the world it’s sound
His eyes, outshone the stars in the sky
His heart, showed a love, it was forever.

All I hear now is silence
All I see is falling rain
He is gone
Breathing is all that remains

I can recall my toddler ways
Playing with the family cat
Running under warm summer rays
On legs with ever ending battery life
Slumbering nights and forever days

Snuggling in front of the telly
With family watching the show
Eating crisps and sweets made from Jelly
Teenage moods, smothered with laugher
As we tickle the family dogs’ belly

Arguments fly with blunted point
Want to be me, but have to follow the line
I am not perfect, I am the opposite viewpoint
Of who they want me to be
I am the one who will surely disappoint

Family gatherings at cousins being wed
Here come the questions, how they flow
When will you love? Marry? Bred?
Seriously, just want to be me
How my head hurts, I need my bed

Being grown, I’m finding my path
Not a bed of roses, I admit
But I seem to have avoided the bloodbath
I think I am happy. I think I can be me
The round peg that doesn’t fit the math

Long ago, in a time that seems so far away
Doesn’t that sound so much like a cliché?
A time before grown up became a word
When a day lasted forever, isn’t that absurd?
Wishes you made on a shooting star came true
Really? What other lies were told to you?
A four-leaf clover brings good luck,
There is gold at rainbows end. But, all you find is muck.

A time so far away was my childhood
I wish I had known, wish I had understood
That a day is not forever, they pass in a blink
Each day creating another memory in the chain link.
I am grown now and I have seen the shooting star.
I haven’t made a wish on this fiery rock from afar
It wouldn’t hear me as it travels the sky
Heading to earth on its final death cry.

It has filled the news these last few weeks
Nothing to be done, no deterrents to seek.
The world leaders have head for cover
Hoping they will be able survive once it’s over.
People look to each of their religions
Hoping for some divine interventions.
But some have decided the best way to cope
Is to steal a new television, a stereo, some dope.
They scream and rage against what is to be
Fighting in the streets in their fearful agony.

Two days to go and I have a spot picked.
I have a list, all boxes ticked.
Music, wine and a blanket to rest
For my faithful doggy companion on this quest
In the forest of my childhood play
I will find the mossy grave where I will finally lay.
To smell the earth and hear the birds last song.
Knowing all to soon it will be forever gone.

In a time so far away.

Nerves fade under burnt caffeine
Slowly I sip the scalding, aromatic bean
And as my eyes close, I am lost behind the steam
Invisible in reality, I fall into daydreams
Where a life known, is not as it seems
I can pretend the lie hadn’t become mainstream
Everyone knows, everyone. Reactions so extreme
I can still feel the cold, as it filtered into my bloodstream
Sorry’s and apologies became a recurring theme
But they have as much substance as a moonbeam
Bouncing of your hurt like bubbling stream
Your words dumb, but your eyes, they scream
Why, why? And I can only hide in my fading self esteem
I saw our life, laid out, it was a pipe-dream
I lost love, but then I found him, a passion extreme.
Took my breath, heart away. I began to sparkle, to gleam
I was all I could be and more. Caught up in a rapture supreme
Leaving you, it was a tearing rent, not a rehearsed scheme
But for you and me, I had to ***** the bubble of the static dream
Let you find another love, who will want to be part of your team

So alone in a room, I sip scalding caffeine.
Thinking of you, and the lover who evaporated like steam

I am on the other side
Of the door
You are solid
As I am pale

Days, they no longer abide
Sleep, is no more
You sink in the flood
As I quietly sail

Farewell is a whisper
Seeping through the cracks
Bricks in the wall
I can’t climb

Memory is what we were
A spark in the flashbacks
A fading footfall
It’s my time

Looking across the purple plain
Swallowing scents of violets
They fill my soul, lift my brain

My grandfather’s smile takes my hand
Leading me into an unknown land

Fear drips away like poison from a vein
I can breathe in the future possibilities
He is showing me. I can live again

Mistakes are like a pointed stick
You can’t escape as they **** and *****

You tell yourself that school is out
Hard to relearn a new life skill
Fighting against the smothering doubt

But my grandfather is my steadfast critic
My moral compass, my super heroic

His calming tone speaks quiet and clear
Don’t dwell on the past, its gone and done
The future awaits, so be brave, don’t fear

He died on a Tuesday, the sky was a heavy grey
My tears never dried, so it rains each day

But I can still smell the purple of the violets,
His garden was filled with the delicate blooms
Times spent talking, watching golden dusted sunsets

And if I could choose the scent of heaven and floral plume
Then it will be clouds of purple and a violet perfume

Inside of me
Itching, scratching
It rubs so raw
It bubbles with heat
Like a pulsing sore

I can’t let go
This rock, this stone
This secret is so dire
If released into the world
I would burn in hell's fire

Don’t ask me, I beg
Don’t make me tell
For if the truth was known
You would offer no mercy
And seeds of hate would be sown

My name, you ask?
Your curiosity is sparked
Yes, I believe that is something, I can part
Though it will not relieve the heaviness
Of this betraying heart

My name is very simple
Many share it, of that I am sure
A common sound it holds no fame
I will give it once then forget me
For Judas is my name.

I remember the pain
As the needle
Pierced the vein
And then darkness fell
Taking me into slumber
Of this dreamless spell

Years and years passed, a blink
My hair stayed brown
My cheeks and lips glowed pink
Youthful in form I slept
And as a world decayed
Around my room, weeds crept

A blanket of thorns
Grew around my home
And with a herald of horns
Princes tried and failed
To break through the wall
Every plan was derailed

Until the hundredth day
Of the hundredth night
True love will make way
Through the thorny plight
And loves first kiss
Will bring loves first sight

Until that day, I will be
Sleeping, floating in the void
Of a black soundless sea
Longing for the feel of warm breath
As lips, press onto mine
Releasing me from this living death

Hello

You look, but don’t hear
Each day the same
You speak my name

I am here

You look tired, and face worn
Eyes crusted from nights not rested
And days lived where strengths are tested

Listen

I need to say, so much, or very little
So many minutes we had, lost in silence
Would trade my soul for one more sentence

My heart beats

Silently from the depths of my cold bed
But love, yes the love, that I forever gave
Beats a tune of the loudest drum from my grave

For you

I have lingered, but I can feel the pull
Gently leading me away, I can’t fight, though I try
It’s time. I leave you with love, but not goodbye

I will be waiting.

Autumn falls across the land
And trees prepare for winter sleep
Casting off their summer clothes
In blaze of gold and reds so deep
They fall to the dew soaked ground
Finally at rest, a decaying heap

As a morning sun breaks above the hills
It shines across white cotton bathed vales
Which swirl and spin against the burn
Tries to hold its misty form, but fails
Revealing a land of green and blue
And fields of sheep and straw packed bales

In the light of the growing day
Wonders now for the world to see
Resting amongst the nooks and cracks
Dew crusted strings of mystery
And at its centre at rest, work done
Sits the artist, eight legs stretched out so daintily

Weighted heavy with sour green
The tree bows
And the branches graze the ground

There, hidden at its crown
A luscious prize
Softly it falls into my hand
So, I bite deep into the ripe red
But the saccharine juice
Is poison to me

Its flesh rotten, hidden, unseen
Under a covering of rosy glow
Its beauty, only skin thin

Looking for the lifeboat
That is hidden amongst this life’s wreckage sway

Broken pieces of the heart, that fell from you, from me
Did we always have this hate, hidden away?
Now cracked open for all to see

Because loving you, changed into loving me
Want to be on a different path, live a different way
I want to find who I used to be, breakaway from us, from we

My love, there is no lifeboat
The poison is hidden too deep, accrued from our yesterday

A goodbye is our only release now, it’s meant to be
Don’t say another word, It’s our final day
Let’s leave with our shared true love memory

Come carry me on velvet wings
High above a crown of ancient trees
Want to reach a place where the angel sings
In a voice so sweet and pure, it brings me to my knees
Come sit me down on a feather cloud
As white tail doves and nightingales dance
To a musical harmony of golden trumpets, loud
See how I sway and twirl in a joyful trance
Come see how high I will fly
Stars twinkle in a celestial welcome
And I can feel the whole of the galaxy glorify
In this cosmos, what an amazing, heavenly kingdom

Counting steps, watching you fly
I can’t catch your wind
It’s gone in a deep billowing sigh
Seeing your wide smile, but I am thick skinned
So, your scattering insults will bounce away
Into the dark halo around you
Did I really want you to stay?
Go, leave these happy days, so very few
I won’t be sad, no tears will wet my cheek
I can breathe deep again, I can take a breath
I can become the strong, leave the meek
Rise up from this suffocating death
So, fly away, find another path, Leave
Without a glance behind, I won’t be there
Waving in sorrow, I will not grieve
For now, suddenly my dancing has flare
And I can laugh out loud, sing off key
Find friends that you pushed away
For they saw, what I now can see
Me. Without you. This is my first day

I want to be rich
Want the wealth abundance
Of all that can be collected
But not paper, or gold, in heavy weight
No cost is paid for what is learned
As a human, living a humane life

Hands are not for high fives
When meeting up with friends
hands are not for taking selfies
Of parties with strangers at weekends
Hands are washing for 20 seconds
while singing a special song
Hands are for clapping
For our NHS, thank you all, be strong.

Faces can show a thousand signs
Of emotions we hold inside
Faces can show life's lines
As we smile, and laugh and grow
Faces can be all of these
But in this we must beware
Faces can also cough and sneeze
So cover up, wear a mask, don't share

Space is not the outer space
Where men travel to the moon
Space is not the parking bay
Where I park, and be back soon
Space is not the inner space
Where time's taken to reflect and grow
Space is the distance between humans
2m to stop the passing of Covid flow

You carry me softly on a sweet melody
So clear, it cries with the wonder
Of innocence, born into a blue fringed day
I feel the vibration of my heart-strings and see
Loves poetry begin to stir
And your eyes hold me, they say
Everything

I was living a dream of existence, it was true
Happy on my independent rock
Treading through the dating tide
Seeing so many, wanting to be you
You, who brought this life change shock
Lost my wits, as the walls were stripped aside
Baffling

Softly, as a sigh that swung like a hammer blow
You spoke and I was suddenly deaf to the world
Only your voice filled this earthly plane
I was the gravity for your living blinding glow
In its growing warmth, my closed heart unfurled
Like petals welcoming the sun, putting on a show
Startling

I could lose my way in your forest brown gaze
As they look deep, into the soul of me
No-where to hide, my secrets all laid bare
I can foresee the future of my days
Can you read my mind, can you see
A love entwined, so pure and rare
Everlasting

All we have in this world
Is time
To find our hopes and dreams
A blink and it goes
Like a comet
Your life, a scorching trail
Burning the days that you leave behind

On this planet of your birth
You lived
A life of wondrous adventure
You loved, were loved
A family tree planted
Nurtured and cherished
Look how the branches spread