I recently bought an amazing fad
A car that thinks. Wow, how amazing is that?
So I get it home and open up the instruction pad
Flick through pages covering every language format
Finally, I found the paragraph for me. Number one.
What a fantastic light show, as I turn on the key
Three sweaty hours later and I am done.
I soon realised to read the rest you need a degree
So I gave up on instructions after ten
I know best, and soon destinations are programmed in.
So here we go, first visit, to pick up Ben
Then off to the bar for a few tonics and gin
Six hours later and things are little blurred
My singing is great, I sound like a star
Can’t say same for Ben, man, his voice is slurred
So time for home, we head for the car.
State your destination, a woman’s voice purrs
I clearly state Sandsend Drive, or so it sounds in my head
And off we go to Ben’s as the landscape blurs
While we sit in the back, like bugs in a bed
I awaken to daylight and the sound of the sea
My tongue is stuck to my mouth like something alien
And Ben’s head is snuggled on my Knee.
What the..? I blink against a rising sun
As waves lap around the window frame
And gulls swoop on the floating craft
I utter a screech so high, a soprano could claim
And Ben's head catapults up to the roof of this drifting raft
His cry’s join mine in perfect harmony
And I look around to survey the coastal scene
A small crowd of dog walkers are looking in glee
Laughing at sight never before seen
Then a coastguard boat assails the waves to reach
Us, and throws us a line. I should be brave
Open a window. But I could drown so far from the beach
While Lifeguards choose to risk life and limb to save
So I huddle against Ben, like kids doing wrong
Then a Lifeguard makes a Spiderman leap
Across to the car, rips open a door, man he’s strong
He throws two life jackets to us with a sweep
Come with me if you want to live, he yells
Yep, I kid you not! He didn’t need to ask anymore
Soon we are on the lifeboat battling the swells
Watching as my car sank to the seabed floor
A cup of tea at Landsend Lifeboat station did the trick
As we told them the funniest story they’ve ever been told
Lesson learnt I’m avoiding modern cyber Technic
For one, bloomin things don’t understand the spoken word.