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May 2020 · 72
Silence
TK May 2020
Quiet
Alone but not physically
Quiet
Stuck with my thoughts
Quiet
My mind is loud, overbearing
Quiet
The rain has settled the wind has calmed
Quiet
The storm was my only company
Quiet
Suffering in silence
Quiet
Most people lay fast asleep
Quiet
I cant hear my breathing
Quiet
I can only hear the noise in my head
Quiet
Too quiet... is my heart beating?
May 2020 · 61
Cycles
TK May 2020
A torturous cycle
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat
My heart beats
Or does it
This journey never ending
It started young
Countless battles to escape since
To change my fate
Yet here is this torturous cycle
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat
Busy and quiet
Inside and out
Defective, functioning (barely)
Unique, Standard
Storms i love
But no
Definitely not this one
I went for a very different style with this one, trying to exlore different ways of poetry, leaving more for the reader to interpret and dissect the way they may do so. Whether they may relate in their own way or whether they may not. Whether they relate in a way that is different to my  thoughts and my personal meaning behind this i like to think other people can possibly relate in their own way even if it’s completely different to my own meaning behind it
May 2018 · 229
A Dark Journey
TK May 2018
A long and dark journey that feels never-ending.
A vicious cycle that lessens the pain.
But when you need to press the stop button, it quits working.
Negatives out-way the positives.
Yet you keep returning to your journey, to try and keep your mind at bay.
Temporary relief followed by enhanced and new problems.
So you stray back to the dark journey, one that feels like sunshine at the time.
So easy to give in, desperate for release.
Only to be left stranded in the dark alone, with the monster that lurks inside.
Writers block seems to be inescapable at the moment, but felt as though i needed to put some thoughts down on the page.
Feb 2018 · 253
Internal Distress
TK Feb 2018
Internal screaming blares inside my head,

Clawing at my own skin as if it will tear,

Because at this very minute I really couldn’t care,

Drowning in thoughts of pure despair,

I am

Suffocating, in the wild mess stuck up there,
Nov 2017 · 746
Milestone
TK Nov 2017
Today I poured out the devil’s lesser friend
For days I starred at the concoction that remained in my bag.

Finally over a period of withdrawal and being ill
I had been clutching onto a bottle of syrup tightly... Unsure if I would change my mind,

And I did, multiple times I went to reach for it
Yet I restrained, subconsciously waiting for a period of weakness-

Knowing in that moment I’d turn back to the bottle
Letting the purple syrup ease my pain, suffering and distress when I needed it most.

BUT Today...
Today, I followed through with my plan
I snatched the readily mixed solution and poured it out straight into the garden

A hard step for me to take,
A difficult move for me to make,
A choice that had to be made.
Nov 2017 · 184
Sea of Sorrow
TK Nov 2017
(A Terrible Poem - refer to notes)

I’m drowning in a sea of my own sorrow
Lost in my own personal anguish
Deeper and deeper I burrow
- searching desperately for an escape
But this fire burns wild,
now grown much too large to extinguish
Especially on my own...
My brains on a rollercoaster, I can't think... let alone write but I had to try release some of this distress in a more constructive way compared to what i have been.
TK Jul 2017
Smoke trickles from my lungs
Passing through my dried cracked lips
Polluting the air surrounding me
I sit in the cold breeze -
The only thing i can feel
The rest of me numb to the core
I ask myself whats left...
The answer: Everything

I watch wattle birds tend to their young
Baby birds snuggled deep in their nest
For a moment i experience envy  
I want to run home to arms of my mum and dad like the old days,

Mum would stroke my hair and hold me tight, as i sobbed into her chest
Ensuring that everything would be alright
But those days have past
And i have to hold my own, except
I dont know how
Im broken beyond repair
I can no longer run to the arms of my mum or dad and pour my soul out
Because i know the weight of the disappointment i will bring

Will only **** me further inside... At the sight of my parents suffering and struggle to understand once again where they went wrong
But it was never them,
It was me and me only who made the choices i made
Leaving myself stuck in a rut of hell
And its my job to pull myself out...

But i have no idea how
ANOTHER ROUGH COPY WITHOUT PROPER EDITING SO PLEASE EXCUSE ANY SPELLING ERRORS OR POOR FORM
Jul 2017 · 294
Yellow Tinged Rain Drops
TK Jul 2017
Its evening, yet its bright with a yellow tinge
Its raining heavily, but the rain drops softly...
Soundlessly sprinkling, soaking the atmosphere
My tears dry as the world around me dampens
The yellow tinge in the sky isnt like anything ive witnessed before.
The rain comes to a sudden halt still silent as ever
The trees dont sway with the wind instead they remain grounded and stiff like an animation.
The clouds reposition and the dulled light dims back in sync with the evening.
But the beauty of nature i happened to witness in past 10 minutes... so different to anything ever before,
A memory i hope to remain planted in my brain for eternity.
As though it was the universe speaking to me and me only, saving me from myself...
Saving my life
Really rough copy, unedited just purely off the top of my head in a moment of pure distress... this yellow skyed evening somehow managed to calm my soul, a lot... despite how lame it sounds.
May 2017 · 956
4am
TK May 2017
4am
4am,
Hand in hand.

They travel at a steepening 120km/h

With deep minds,
Wearing warped thoughts.

Day after day,
The battle takes its toll.

The once sparkling blue in her eyes,
Now a dulled grey.

The contagious smiles that once beamed
From cheek-to-cheek, now forced and exhausted

Soul mates.
Their love stronger than any word could describe.
  
Windows rolled down
Her dark hair blows violently in the wind.

They both wear a pair of shades
Despite the lack of sunshine

In true purpose,
Of hiding their shared pain.

A moment before they descend
Sunglasses are lifted off,

Tears roll down their cheeks
Whilst they simply smile,

He lifts his hands off the wheel  
Caressing one another,

Lips on lips
          
The car takes flight,

For a moment lasting forever in their eyes.

The car flips off the bridge,

And in seconds both of them die
Together,
In peace forever is where they lie.
Feb 2017 · 225
Angel In Hell
TK Feb 2017
Thick white cloth presents itself in the form of a sundress
Now worn thin, ripped and dirtied dull, dusty and stained
Shiny blonde locks dangle in gentle waves
Now dyed black dead-ends split further day-by-day
Waves now lifeless brittle strands hang in knots against skin
Once so soft and well nourished with a glow so bright, you wouldn’t recognize the,
Now so dull and completely colourless if not for the bruises
Spread head to toe across the limited surface only skin and bones
Soft velvet wings so delicate and intricate, intriguing and eye capturing
Now torn with a rough surface of scars and old scabs thick with dried blood
Dainty feet once glided through luscious green grass
Now limps across broken glass and stakes leaving vicious wounds
Wounds so great they will never fully heal
This has more then one meaning
Nov 2016 · 289
Anxious Energy
TK Nov 2016
I have an excessive build up of stored anxious energy,
That begs desperately for release,
But motivation won’t have it, and that is what holds the lock and the key.
Nov 2016 · 747
Free-For-All
TK Nov 2016
Secondary thoughts leak from an opened portal
Demanding to have their own way
An inner war battles round after round
No one around has a clue about the hidden chaos
Of this never-ending brawl
This is no dual, more like a free-for-all
Despite being psychological, the impact is physical
But the worst part is not knowing, if this ongoing cycle
Is ever going to go away
Nov 2016 · 460
Portal of Insomnia
TK Nov 2016
Mind blurs, eyes now weighted and heavy-lidded
Slowly they fall shut, but the portal to sleep closes
Locked on the opposite side of sweet slumber, trapped in an inescapable wake
Attempt to try again, again and again
Desperately searching, for even the slightest opening
But all apertures are sealed tightly, all doors slammed shut
Heavily guarded by brain activity, and a severe inability to relax
From techniques to tablets, to exercise to none at all
Still found is no peace
Only corruption and inner war
TK Nov 2016
Finally on a good path, one heading in the right direction

But my grip is becoming exhausted, I’m slipping

Back into old habits, back into a depression

Everyday becoming a re born struggle

Departing is simple enjoyment

Returning are cravings

Growing is the urge to satisfy

Climbing to tremendous heights is

My brain as it fails to dimmer before sleep

Even the tablets aren’t helping to keep my mind at ease

I’m scared of bad decisions I might make, ones that are quite probably


Going to become a reality
Nov 2016 · 998
What's Wrong With Me?
TK Nov 2016
Why the **** can’t I stop playing this same track
Over and over,
Repeating a demonised past of thoughts
That inject my stomach with butterflies,
That scratch at my arms and legs like metal on a chalkboard,
That whoosh hot through my readily pumping blood
That results in nausea and tensed muscles.
A track that brings with it memory of a time
So thick with pain and too, confusion
That brings back memories of you,
Memories of then,
Memories of hurt,
Memories of destruction...

**So why does it feel so good to remember?
And why the **** do I kind of miss it?
Oct 2016 · 481
Untitled
TK Oct 2016
Resurfacing,
Is the urge to run back
To a world of misery
To a world of destruction
To give up
To give in
To indulge in old bad habits
To hand over control
It would be so easy
Sep 2016 · 2.5k
Negative Energy
TK Sep 2016
Bed bound, beneath the sheets
Unable to stand, knees much too weak

Ready to buckle, if I dare attempt to walk
Ready to pile, in a messy heap on the floor...
Sep 2016 · 998
Toxic
TK Sep 2016
It takes strength to walk away from a toxic relationship, weakness to stay.

Wishful thinking will have you believing old problems or tyrant personalities have or will dissipate.

By constantly relenting, nothing will change.

Having said that, there is still time for you to gather your strength.

Take a stand, don’t stay victim to someone unworthy of your love.

Instead just walk away.
I've been in some unpleasant relationships, one in particular broke me down. Broken down and shattered some more... Eventually i pulled myself back up. Very thankful for the loving support of my family and a particular friend. Anyone who may be struggling or scared to leave an abusive/toxic relationship, in most situations clarity only comes after chance after chance, each one being thrown out the window... Stay strong, you aren't alone.
Sep 2016 · 260
Thoughts.
TK Sep 2016
Thoughts.

A tangled knot

A knot -
Barbwire intertwines
Restricting airflow
Airflow receding
Suffocating.

Reaction encourages,
Words tumble rapidly
Thoughts intruding
Unwelcome memories flooding
Arising are bad ideas.

Skin boils
Invisible steam rising from its surface
Underneath,
Muscles constricting
Seizing unnoticeably.

Grey -
Dark grey
Light grey
Sketchy grey
Unblended greys

Blurring all vision.
Different style... A bit vague but thought I would give it a go...
Aug 2016 · 361
Dark Journey
TK Aug 2016
Time flies on this high
Before you know it
Hours have gone by
Since you last ate or slept
Your frail body undernourished
And weak
From the borrowed energy
You inhaled
Ready to collapse from exhaustion
With skin so dull and pale
A horrible sight to see
Witnessing a lost soul
On such a dark journey
Aug 2016 · 185
LIFE
TK Aug 2016
Is life really as miserable as we all make it out to be?
Or are we just that spoilt that we can’t even see,
All the blessings we are surrounded with?
We take everything good for granted,
We are so blinded by life’s imperfections and worries
We can’t see past the thick layer of obstacles.
That saddest part about life is that,
No matter how much we each may have,
It doesn’t seem to be enough to make us happy as a society.
Us as humans create and roll in and spread negativity,
Like wild fire
Without even realise we are doing it.
Jun 2016 · 4.9k
Trapped
TK Jun 2016
Trapped.
Every time I give in, I wrap my strength in a layer of confinement.
Starting to feel restrained again.
Trapped.
Trying to free myself with poison.
Trying to escape but no.
Trapped.
Not only imprisoned.
But stuck, lost and out of options.
Trapped.
I sip to escape.
I do for a while until the next morning and again.
Trapped.
I used to smoke crack.
And not long after, my escape reformed.
Trapped.
Exercise, another escape.
Yet my negative mind captured me back in its grasp.
Trapped.
Writing, one of my strengths.
Yet all I can write about is being...
Trapped.
Jun 2016 · 479
Losing a Hold
TK Jun 2016
I feel like I'm going insane
My mind is derranged,
Im lost and on-edge
Cant relax, no not even in bed,
Im miserable and depressed
I get so emotional i could be mistaken as possessed,      
By the devil
A kamikaze-driven rebel,
Im uptight and reserved
My mind is the opposite of perserved,
Overrun and overdriven        
Exhausted and be-riddled,
Im ruining relationships
Self ******* sabotaging ****,
Close to losing it all
Hit rock bottom... but still, i have room to fall,
Further down the rabbit hole
Into the abyss
Of complete nothingness.

— The End —