just like I promised I would.

I found it yesterday, in the
beginning pages

of this journal you gave me. There was
a scrawled note under the only line,

with a careless rectangle drawn around it.
I must've written the note quickly,

a few days after you dropped
me off for the last time.

"I'm sorry I never finished it,"
I wrote. And I am. 

I'm sorry I never finished it for you
to see. I hope this one will do.

Yesterday, everything was for free,
And you made everything glimmer and glow,
Brought sunshine and flowers and bows,
Without asking one thing of me at all.
Today, you stand there waiting on my $,
Watching me as though I am a criminal,
One who invaded into your sacred world
For themselves and with no rules to follow.

Now everywhere one looks it's a "buy now" sign,
Displeased that I won't give you your "moneys worth,"
Joy in the pleasure of the things that are free and fine,
So you took everything free and made it much worse,
But will impart the same old good times to those who
Are willing to part with yet more pennies and dimes.

Do you ever want the best for me?
Ever realize, that I struggle with emotions,
With being out in reality, with interactions of strangers and foe
I put my cards in one basket, twice.
They bluffed.

Would you?
Call mine?

The record subtly spinning,
Music has always accompanied my psychosis
Makes me feel tall.
Just the interior monologue of my youth and the days I was never around

I’m all full
Filled up with yesterdays
And regrets

Where is my hero?
To save me from tears and blankets
To hold my hand when I sleep,
And make sure I believe in Ever After

Yesterday he gave me that look.
He furrowed his brow with deep concern
To tell me how proud he was
Of me.

Yesterday he drunkenly hugged me
And when I pulled away
He grabbed me again
And whispered,

"I'm not done with you yet."

Yesterday I wished he would be
Done with me yet.
But only just
Yesterday.

A part of you goes away ,
Everyday,
To never come back again.
And what is left in you,
Are the scars of yesterday.
The promises, the kisses,
The love you once felt,
The nights, the stars,
The life you once wanted,
The touches, the smells,
The laughs, the tears,
It all goes away,
Everyday.
And what is left in you,
Are the scars of yesterday.