I need a win.
Just to feel like I'm not scrabbling.
Just to feel like I'm not being dragged by undercurrents,
knees and palms ****** as they scraped against the sand.

I need a win
Just to feel like when I open my mouth,
something comes out,
something that resembles my voice, and not
flies rattling around my ribcage.

I need a win,
Just to feel like my mind isn't imploding on itself,
full Big Brother, each whisper a shout,
each sigh a taunt,
each silence deafening.

I need a win,
Just to feel like my lips aren't sealed
with duct tape and industrial glue,
like I'm not being thrown into the river,
hands tied to my back,
pockets filled with rocks
and lungs full of blood,
because even in drowning
I can't get it right the first time.

I need a win,
because I've been on such a long-running losing streak
That I feel like I should get a **** Guinness world record
For 'most pathetic'.

I need a win,
because every time I stumble,
the pavement seems to be more forgiving.

I need a win,
because otherwise,
losing becomes normal.

Life is a constant battle,
And I sometimes think
that, at this point,
it may very well be my last.

A world of wonder and possibility
illuminated by the light of uncertainty.
The adrenaline rush of taking a chance
only to lose it all by the cards in your hands.
It's a dangerous game to play if you choose;
to roll the dice, to win or lose.

Place everything on the table.
The higher the stakes, the more exciting it gets.
Your mental health entirely unstable
until the others call their bets.

The roll of the die, the shuffle of cards capturing your attention.
Debt fluctuating by a single move; silence strangled by tension.
Fancy beverages surround everyone
enlightening the experience more every time you finish one.
A simple game based entirely on luck,
and when you are losing, you don't give a ****.

But it only takes a little for your luck to run fully dry
and for you to lose everything in a silly game.
With no money left for the chips you need to buy,
nothing will ever be the same.

You lose some,
And
You win some.