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Amaris 2d
I love her more than anything, I think
Although right now I can’t really tell
I’ve been with her for what feels like forever
Down here in this never ending ****
I face a coin toss every day with her
Call heads or tails, happy or sad
Wait with bated breath as the coin soars
Curse as it lands “tails”, now she’s mad
I can’t live with fifty-fifty chances
Every second of every day of my life
But if I push her any further
I’m terrified she’ll seek comfort with a knife
It’s so frustrating to love someone
Who thinks the world is always against her
Who can’t seem to love herself
And no matter what I say, she’s insecure

Is this love? What am I doing here?
I can’t keep fighting her endless fear
Amaris May 16
I can fake a smile to the unconcerned
But feel myself break down when asked
I’m so angry I’m driving myself insane
I try to distract myself with lists of tasks
I watch life progress without me
Can’t seem to match the pace
No matter how my speed increases
There’s no way I’m winning this race
I’m treading water, head barely afloat
While I watch everyone else coast by
Why does nothing I do seem to matter
I’m losing my motivation to even try
Amaris May 13
Walk a tightrope as thin as a wire
Practice until your feet are on fire
Perform amazing feats, hear the applause
Smile and feel proud your life has a cause
Everyday I reach for the same thrill
Without it I just can’t feel fulfilled
If I’m not making people around me happy
Then what’s the point? My heart is empty
Amaris May 12
I’m not sure how to say this after 20+ years
But thank you for trying to remove all my fears
For arguing with me when you think I’m wrong
For supporting me through every silly song
We’ve often clashed but I wouldn’t have it any other way
And I mean it when I write “Happy Mother’s Day”
Amaris May 10
I forget that the sun shines every day
In a part of the world somewhere
I’ve lived in the gray for so ******* long
The nothingness is more than I can bear
It’s rained so much I wonder if I’m drowning
I can’t seem to climb out and save myself
Every breath takes more effort than I have
All I’m good for is gathering dust on a shelf
But when the skies clear and the day glows
I can blossom and flourish like a flower
I will be bright and beautiful
I can be my own power
In favor of the sunny days of incoming summer
Amaris May 3
It’s a fact that I love him to pieces
And I’ve fallen apart many times before
Every day I fear I’m going to lose him
It’s a terror that strikes me to the core
I feel like there’s no time to be upset
If something’s wrong I actively ignore it
For if I were to lose him tomorrow
God, well, honestly, I’d feel like ****
But all this anger has nowhere to go
And any irritation further fans the flames
I hate this, I never wanted to feel this way
All these thoughts make me feel ashamed
Amaris May 1
A slow burning fuse
Watch the spark move up the rope
I could interrupt any time I wish
Or maybe I'm just flattering myself in hopes
That I won't lose control
That in this I have a choice
So many thoughts and emotions
But I can't seem to find my voice
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