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Amaris Dec 2019
My mother calls out,
Carry me; I need you to take me home.
I'm only three years old
I can barely walk on my own
I shoulder her hands, bigger than my face
I slip and slide on the ice, afraid to fall
I can handle bruises and scrapes
But not if mommy falls too
Gritted baby teeth, frozen tears on cheeks
I rip off the fluffy pink coat, it's too hot
Is she helping at all?
The front door seems too far away
Just a little further, I'll be home soon
Then I can let go, maybe grow, and get up the courage to say
I don't need you, like you needed me
I've walked a steep path and now I'm stronger
I will not carry you any longer
Amaris Dec 2019
Christmas used to be
So much planning, for me
Piles of presents under the tree
Singing carols by the piano with glee
Excitement months too early
Now, as I come home for the day
Too tired to even consider to play
Happy just listening for the bells of the sleigh
We’ll light the fire, and beside it we’ll lay
Together tonight, despite hearts far away
“Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?”
Amaris Dec 2019
The game is unbalanced
Everyone has a definition of “fair play”
We all try to fight for our own causes
Causing chaos and disarray
Who’s right? Who’s wrong?
Apparently it’s whoever out of all of us
Is the strong one
And the rest cry victim, feel outdone
No one likes to be ostracized, left outside
So let’s all write a disclaimer: we tried
Wear it across our foreheads as a banner
So no one asks and causes us to stammer
It’s you against the world, isn’t it?
Go ahead, scream like you mean it
You hope someone will hear and save you
But if you aren’t willing to make it happen
You’ll never fix this point of view
You’ll never be able to win
Amaris Nov 2019
I don't know if anyone is out there
A greater being responsible for individual fates
I've wandered around the base of the cross
Bothered philosophers with debates
Read ancient words that gave hope to the past
But if anything exists, I'm not embarrassed
To say, "Thank you"
That I didn't wake up crying this morning
That instead I got up and decided to sing
That I have a skill in organizing lists
That I have a little brother I actually miss
That I have a kitten as cute as can be
That my boyfriend really loves me
That I have parents whom I believe mean well
Even though sometimes it's hard to tell
That we've all grown, so our relationships have too
It's been better than I myself could have construed
So I take a moment, before the sun awakes
To forget all the headaches and the heartbreaks
And be happy and grateful, instead
Excited to look onto the future ahead
Amaris Nov 2019
I count one, two, three and I can't believe
We've made it this far; still such a dream
Somehow, you treat me like a queen
Look, my love, at what we've achieved:
Moments together we can treasure
Conversations I'll always remember
All of the love and all of the laughter
The closest I've been to "happily ever after"
Amaris Oct 2019
I want to take my car at two a.m.
Drive to the lake 2.6 miles away
If I’m not alone, the shadows will hide them.
Under the frosted glass lamp of the moon
I rip my heart out at the seams and scream
Towards a horizon I cannot reach.
I traipse with unconscious purpose
On broken pebbles shifting underfoot
Collect the biggest, the prettiest, the best
And throw them
One by one, after the other
Relish the splash
Feel the weight of each rock leave my hand
Messy arcs into impartial waves
There goes the GPA I still want to recover
Years lost to overthinking when younger
I drain every tear I had wanted to show.
I can wander wherever the night takes me
If only I could learn to let go
Amaris Oct 2019
They dance through my dreams
Golden rounds, silvery circles
Endlessly turning
Infinity untwisted
A memory, a potential
Promises unfinished
Ours did not match;
The first sign.
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