Most of it happens
under the hex of
the small hours
between these brittle walls
in the chaotic silence of
daybreak
while the neighbors rush off
to work

Not a sound
but the hum of
a ceiling fan
toiling the extent of
my thoughts
til it's actually time to
“wake up"

The gentle crunch of
Kitty's breakfast
rings with such soothing
abrasiveness
even the crickets can't compare
Nothing can match that
care-free lifestyle I so long for

Long for...
How long exactly?
Three hours past dawn ought to
do it
unless dreary rays of light
burn through my eyelids
and rekindle the cyclical
carnival
that cons the day's authority
over sleep

Star light star bright
first star I see tonight
I wish I may I wish I might
Find a place that has a  room

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my soul to keep
If I die before I wake
Remember me as I was

It's cold outside
Please let me in
I have no place to go
It may not be
A wind chill night
But, the clouds all look like snow

The day is done;
O God the Son,
Look down upon
Thy little one!
O Light of Light,
Keep me this night,
And help me greet the day

Jesus, tender Shepherd, hear me:
Bless Thy child to-night;
Through the darkness be Thou near me,
Keep me safe till morning light.
All this day Thy hand has led me,
And I thank Thee for Thy care;
Thou hast warmed me, clothed me, fed me;
Listen to my evening prayer


Star light star bright
first star I see tonight
I wish I may I wish I might
Find a place that has a room

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my soul to keep
If I die before I wake
Remember me as I was

Moments pass.
Fleeing into the darkness that is our concept of time.
Fleeting moments.
The passing of time.

I love you, she says.
She speaks with certainty.
A certainty laced with darkness and ice.
A chill against her ribs.
She's not enough.

I need reasons, he says.
He speaks with a need for understanding.
Needing to understand how she could be so cold.
He fears she'll change her mind.

She blinks back the tears.
The words freeze in her throat.
Thousands of hornets in her brain.

He stares at her face.
Wondering what she's thinking.
Something he just can't figure out.

She tries to articulate reasons.
Trying to describe her certainty.

He fights to stay calm.
Surrounded by her destruction.

She believes in logic.
Meanings.
Choices.

He believes in numbers.
Reason.
Fate.

She squeezes her thoughts into simple sentences that she cannot get past her teeth.
Choose your moments.
Choose your meanings.
Nothing is certain unless you choose for it to be certain.
This time she has the easiest choice.
She feels it in her gut.
Deep in her bones.
He is her future.
He is her greatest desire.

She's overthinking.
Searching for pretty words.
Floral sentences.

She will choose him.
Every time she will choose him.
A thousand times over.
Without the blink of an eye.
She will always choose him.

She knows this.
She's made her choice.
She is certain.

She sees her future with him.
Children with dark hair and honey eyes.
Soft grass beneath their bare feet as they dance around in endless summer.
She burns with the desire to take his name.

He didn't leave her.
He decided to stay.
He chose her.

She left a wake of destruction.
A minefield of betrayal.

He stayed out of his love.

She can't imagine someone loving her that much.
Enough to stay through her explosions.
To love her in the wreckage.

She never believed that someone could make her want to breathe.
That someone could make her want to wake up in the morning.

He is her reason for keeping the blood within the confines of her veins.

She knows that he is the one who will stand beside her for always.

She trusts him.
She doesn't show it.
But she's learning.
Trying.
She's fighting for it.

She will learn to let him in.
She will learn to let him truly love her.
She will learn how to be part of a whole.

With him by her side, she can conquer.
They will conquer.
Together.
As one.

He is still waiting.
Patiently.
Waiting for an answer to depart from her lungs.
She loves his patience.
She values his time.

She writes this in silence.
In hopes that he will soon understand her reasons.
Her choices.

She will keep trying.
Until there's nothing left to be said.
Until her vocabulary is exhausted.
She will continue to prove this love she has for him.

He is her home.
He is her future.
The father of her children.
The husband she waits for.

He is her heart

Thick wool eyes
Flutter uncertainly in the morning
Tumbling out of their spinning dreams
And into the darkness,
fingers fumbling in the cold
For the light switch,
Eyes sear and water with overflowing light,
Feet curling on the cold floor,
Hands blindly grabbing at clothes
Thick wool swimming lazy circles
And softening your mind
In the early morning

have I become
the the person life
could not compare
to anyone

or am I in
my solitude
the lonely ghost
of everything

I will not blame
the maps I see
for I have drawn
them all the same

there is no sense
to what I've done
and where I go
is but pretense

for what is truth
when facts exist
a bold design
that leads to you

I want to walk
the other way
but both my feet
have turned to chalk

and what I write
is right and wrong
the whitest black
the blackest white

cannot discern
which way is up
I'm out of here
a lesson learned

descending more
than I can take
to sleep it off
or stay awake

Free
Fall
Ing.

In
To
T
H
E
Depths
Of
He
LL.
Unlatch me
F.                     C . e. L. L .
R.              Y
On.       M


Anyone here
Is this site working
Is this page
Being
S
E
E
E
E
N!
Hello
Angel
Ina--
Wake
F
R
O m
Y.  O
R   U
Dream's.

Before you fade off into sleep,
remember to forget about thinking of me.
I'll be the one making that irritating sound;
the one that echoes throughout all your dreams.

When your slow-motion legs sink into quicksand
as you try your hardest to outrun the bogeyman,
I'll be there on the other side -
offering you my hand.

Don't you dare take it.
The chasing devil and saving angel might be one and the same.
Those who know it all and claim to know nothing are without a doubt the most insane.

Give me a break though.
This can't be Real Life.
It's all fake.

Somebody pinch me.