I never feel more pretty than
When I stand, slightly swaying
With ***** in my veins
Diffusing
Swollen lips
And beaded with sweat
Waiting for the train.

I wanted you to like me so ******* badly
So I dressed up all pretty and I did my makeup way too dramatically
I just wanted you to just notice me
I wanted to make sure you s a w me

And then you did

Only sort of
You saw me as pretty, you saw me as attractive, as ******

But you never noticed me losing control
You never noticed me getting high and pretending everything was ok
You didn't see how I would take 6 shots of ***** back to back just to get through the night
You didn't notice as I would black out and pretend everything was alright
I was not happy
I was numb

But hey, at least you thought I was pretty.

Our lips met
in a cosmic collision,
like the sun and the moon
in an eclipse;
we sensually nibbled,
and ******,
and licked,
and tongued,
and got a taste
of each other's sadness.
I could almost swear
kissing you felt like
drowning and yet,
never wanting
to come up for air.
Our hands were frantic,
like ballerinas
made to dance
under the tune
of insane rock music;
we fumbled
on each other's
zips and buttons,
'til they were
ripped
along with our clothes
and the masks
we wore.
Our skins grazed
in sweat and despair,
like the earth
good-morning-kissed
by the sun
after an entire night
of raining;
we caressed
and clawed on backs;
I was pretty sure
I had glimpse
of your soul,
and you probably
saw a void
where mine should be,
but we let our demons
dance 'til two,
like figure skaters
gliding gracefully
over thin ice
during a winter night.

And I thought it was love.
God, I almost called it love,
I even wished it was.

But darling, it was the bottles on the floor. Probably *****.