The captain held the wheel against the sea
His sails were gashed, but maintained their integrity

And so the vessel found its weary peace
in swaying waves where the birds feel less wind than breeze

The splintered wood would hold its bobbing form
until the husk could be retooled in the home port

And though the repairs will handle new storms,
battle scars of yesterday shall remain stalwart

Lest the ocean deep claim one more casket
of sailor’s lives, goals, and dreams before the maggots

I pick up the greatest achievements of human life,
I indulge my self in the richness of the poor and wounded by misfortune,
their aspirations become my motivation,
brick on brick,
victory after victory,
my aura gets invincible in time,
growing wise to realise the truth of life is in my dreams,
generation after generation,
the temple of dismissed potential,
my vengeance was not in the lack of love,
it was the peak of inner fame,
it was my chameleon personality,
define me but it doesn’t mean you understood what you defined.

if
          she let go oooooooo

the grand canyon
                                   would overflow


so she painstakingly
         bloodredbrickbybloodredbrick
                                            
        
built

        an impenetrable fortress
        to guard what once was
                        
                                           an open
                                           freely loving heart

parapets and towers abounded
        
        higher ground
        first sight
                              
                                          smoke billowed
                                          in warning

                                          gates barred
                                          archers flaming lethal weapons
                                          poised and ready

                                          catapults silently loaded
                                          and aimed


intuition hyper vigilant

                                         as she isolates herself

                                         prepared to ward off

any

                                        perceived enemies
                                        whose intent
                                        evidenced by ropes and picks

is to

                                       stealth fully cross the moat
                                       scale the tower

                                       and unloose the chaos she so vigilantly protects










[wonder


victorious
       or
   victim?]

Allow me this moment to laugh
To scoff
My victory is keen
You lost in the dark
Wet
Cold
Obscene
I want to hurt you
Because I love you
I want to **** you
Because I love you
It was so easy
You were such weakling
I came right in
And shot you out
Dead
Frigid
Stolen
I want to hurt you
Because I love you
I want to **** you
Because I love you
And when you're dead
I will be back
Reborn
Alive
Together, I'll thrive

I kept punishing myself for not being whole after four years
But I didn’t realize that if I never spoke about it
I was never going to get any where in my recovery
So I finally began the process to victory
It is one of the hardest things I have ever put myself through
I am grateful for each tear I am shedding
Because I know they get me one step closer to being new
For every panic attack and punishment I have done to myself
I apologize for not beginning my path to recovery sooner
I am a work in progress and I am getting better