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Parker Poole May 10
Silk lies, smooth lies
Manipulation in disguise
Little lies, big lies
They’re all the same inside
Let’s just keep saying
That honesty ain’t your best quality
Your little puppet
Dancing on a string
Whenever you begin
I’ll beg and I’ll sing
Defending you to the core
Has left me bruised and sore
You have a beautiful way
Of making me feel alone
A beautiful way
Of letting me beg you to stay
Words so articulate
That you use to manipulate
You think you’re better than me?
I’ve played this game my entire life
Been tossed around by my own father
Who had no love for his own daughter
When push comes to shove
I don’t think my love will be enough
Mind games you want to play
Well I’ll go along with your way
But don’t forget I’m better than you at this
You won’t even know til I’ve taken your kid
Parker Poole May 1
I have never felt less alone while with somebody before
You let the lies slip out of your mouth and I watch as they accumulate
The pile keeps growing between us as you lose my trust even more
How could you do this to me when I said I’d walk out the door,
Take your daughter from you and it still wasn’t enough
I don’t know if I could even be any more blunt
But you knew I wouldn’t leave, that’s why you called my bluff
Or maybe you were willing to lose your family, we just don’t mean much
But I’m left at a crossroad now
I have no idea where to move or how
I know I should leave but I can’t bare the thought of never hearing the sound of your voice again
I watch our daughter smile, watch her learn how to pick up her head
All I can see is you in her... and I’m gonna pretend that you weren’t the one who begged for a child
When I never wanted to be a mother but I was willing to do it for you
Went through hell and back, cried and bled
I made flesh out of my flesh and you don’t even seem impressed
I’m not even asking you to be your best
All I’m asking for a little respect
Parker Poole Apr 12
She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen
And I might yell and scream at times but
She is worth every pain I went through
And if I knew that this kind of love existed
Maybe I wouldn’t have broken my own heart so many times
I kept aiming for a target but missed it
But on this round I hit the bullseye
She looks up at me with her eyes open wide
It makes me feel as if I am her entire world
This little bundle...my little girl...
Has entirely changed my life
Finally I might be able to enjoy something
Flowers bloom in the cracks that once engraved my heart
There is not a single part of me I wouldn’t give for her
Through this, a realization is spurred:
Finally I might be able to love myself
Because she is just an extension of me on the outside
Like an ocean tide we will ebb and flow
When I feel low I can stare at her face
And understand that I belong in this place
Astrid Annmarie was born March 20, 2019 at 4:43pm, 6lbs 9oz and 19 & a half inches long.
Parker Poole Mar 5
this is the type of lost where you feel like killing yourself
it’s a lonesome feeling and you can’t even bother asking for help
who would you ask anyways
the depression just perseveres for days
you aren’t any part of who you used to be
you keep telling yourself you should leave
maybe running away will bring you to an understanding
you just don’t get why your emotions are so demanding
this is the type of lost that makes it hard to breathe
it’s a lonesome feeling that drowns you in your grief
you just want it to stop
please make it stop...
Parker Poole Feb 20
I kept punishing myself for not being whole after four years
But I didn’t realize that if I never spoke about it
I was never going to get any where in my recovery
So I finally began the process to victory
It is one of the hardest things I have ever put myself through
I am grateful for each tear I am shedding
Because I know they get me one step closer to being new
For every panic attack and punishment I have done to myself
I apologize for not beginning my path to recovery sooner
I am a work in progress and I am getting better
Parker Poole Feb 20
I have a life growing inside of me
She tosses and turns each night to remind me
My little Astrid
She will sleep in her rocker next to me at night
And wake me several times before the break of daylight
And I’m okay with that
If you had asked me last year,
I would have told you that this was my biggest fear
But now with only five weeks to her due date
I am going to be a mother and I can’t wait
She was sent here to give me my purpose
And you can be **** sure I’ll prove to her I’m worth it
Parker Poole Feb 7
sometimes i think about killing myself
i have these roots and stems planted within me
but i only let the roses blossom on my skin
this is what is acceptable
you can’t start a conversation with “hey, i might hurt myself today”
i don’t know exactly where things got away from me
i can’t pinpoint the location where i fell apart again
all i know is it seems like it’s getting too hard to pretend that everything is okay
i started therapy again yesterday
there is a part of me that thinks there is a way to get better
there is a part of me that knows there isn’t
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