tears dry
and vanish
while the pain
and feelings
stay

Tomorrow we have all
the good reasons to wake.
The earth’s column
down the sky will stay high!
  
The same old first light will break out,
unveiling once more the face of earth.
Log on now it’s present,
don’t let it vanish away!

Many a time rallies of clouds
shroud the blue sky.
There is no need for anyone
then just to turn away.

The stars too illume
the sky with dim lights.
Maybe the chaste moon
then comes out swimming low
in the orb of the night.
So the sun, too, for a while
goes off into the hide.
Only to show up soon and align
above the earth’s column.

Atop a blooming new dawn
with the rose facing the sun
aligning to it’s shining polished line
passes through the present time.
So don’t just let it slip away!

Time and again the sun
been through the black box
and comes out of the dark night
absolutely smelling of roses.

Ah, the dreaming firstlight!
Stunned roses lost for words
every bird wakes up singing a song
but the breakthrough sun won't stop!

The grey twilight is a sigh
the sun vanishes away.

Saves every drop of colour
as if it hasn't got a clue
its far from the shades of the blue.

Deep into the dark black night
the light of the day goes unseen.
There is a sea within!
Wish, if only it can colour in.

If I am gone  
vanish like pieces
into the atom.

It ain’t complain
lets drawback
spur in rhythm.

the constant feeling of wanting to disappear
that they don't get.
but it never leaves me.
the thing is:
I don't belong here
I don't recognize my ideas in these people
and no matter what I do
I'll always feel wrong,
incapable of fitting in.
my drunk and drugged
generation
without purpose or values
doesn't represent me,
and actually,
it disgusts me.
these songs and voices
sound so distant
and meaningless to me.
and I know you're gonna call me selfish
for wanting to leave
and abandon everyone here,
but I'm not willing
to give up my soul
and all my wishes.
I'm sorry.
Doing that never made you happy
and it won't make me either.
I'm gonna find somewhere new.
'cause, deep down,
I don't wanna disappear,
I wanna find myself.
and I will travel the whole world
in order to do so.

I no longer write about her along my binder
Or search around the halls trying to find her,
I don’t want to hurt you.
Although I already am
Would it hurt less to move along?..
Or keep her wondering whats going on
Im sorry I do this.
You aren’t the first one
Its not anything you said
Or something you done
I always said commitment wasn’t my thing
;

The waters lap around you
As if a centrepoint
Pulling all to surround you
When you are but merely
Just there.

You pull in tides and waves
Caressing and slamming into your
So called silhouette
That isn't even there.

You dally in that one spot
And when it pleases you
You vanish
As if you were only air.

And maybe you were...
And the water was just attempting
To fill in a spot
Of the moon's desirous rare;
Tumultuous silence

And once you make it known
That you are no longer there
The waters crush the air
Slam the grounds
And loses its tidal direction.
But it never comes close to
Your spot.
Not by an inch or a hair.

Just in case
You come back
Or could still
Be there.

If this is a safe space, then let me speak honestly for a moment

Because I’ve been wanting to disappear, and I’m trying to decide if I should vanish all at once or if I could let myself slowly start to fade away.
Taking my time with the goodbyes, as I’m hugging family members I’m watching my finger tips regress to their first knuckle joints behind their backs.

Going to shake an old friends hand and realizing I’m only able to offer them a short section of my forearm.  They try not to be rude about it, exchanging nice to see you’s and hope you’ve been wells.

Once I couldn’t see my arms anymore and my legs began to fade I finally felt fearful and maybe even regret..
I wanted to come see you before it happened for good, before there was nothing left to see. I can feel you looking for the parts of me that should be there, no hands to hold, no arms to hug you, my torso was starting to slim and slip away like grains of sand through an hour glass.

I felt my breath tighten, you don’t expect to feel your last pieces fading but this was hurting much more than I ever thought it would and I couldn’t let you see me like that so I ran, and I ran far.

Just as I feel like I’m drifting off I hear you call for me and I realize this was a mistake and that I never was meant to disappear or fade away, I was never meant to say good byes, at least not so soon, maybe not now and maybe not ever.

Turns out vanishing all at once always was an acquired taste and I had no pallet for it, there are no second thoughts. At least I’ve began to be okay with the process, the gradual fading has brought me comfort, but I could never leave here.. At least not without saying, goodbye.