Girl you broke my heart last time  
Can I trust you again from the flip of a coin  
I sure do still have pain  
From jagged little tears of my heart  
And the memory of that moment in life  
When your luck ran out exiting the door of the boy next door    
   
And now you want me to once again trust  
How long before I catch you with another lust  
If I do indeed take you back into my arms  
Will I need to shield my love from more harm  
For if I’ve only got thin skin for protection  
Girl I could end up as a lonely recluse  
A lonely recluse, girl, ****  
   
Girl and those loose lips of yours  
Your heart needs to be locked from opening doors  
You’re such a cutie, you’re much nicer than before, the girl I will always adore, a real needle in a haystack  
You think you know what it takes to be mine  
But you know you have some flaws  

  
I shouldn’t have to pray or pay to investigate    
Girl you got such a pretty face  
Would take me a whole lifetime to find again  
But I’d rather start searching, the entire human race  
Than put up with the lying and dishonesty by you  
   
And if I don’t find my journeys soulmate  
Or pass some by, that throw me some bait  
I’ll live my life alone and at least in peace  
Girl I would rather a lonely reclusive life, than hell.

Tell me your secrets
unofficially
surreptitiously
on the quiet

whisper the unknown
off the record
behind closed doors
on the sly

between you and me
in camera
sub rosa
entre nous

let me be your one and only

Before every pistanthrophobic,
There is an unbearable betrayed.
Maybe just a gift,
For which i will be always thankful for...
The scars you gave me,
Made way for my tears to seep.
Right through my heart,
In the underwater treasures of an hidden darkside.

Maybe trust is the most fragile thing,
Handle it with close attentions.
You never know who is the one,
Whom to trust,
Whom to void,
Though this is the game of life.

People change,
Love hurts,
Friends leave,
Things go wrong,
But life goes on.

Maybe you will never know,
Cause i will never show...

There's always a tipping point,
a space where you reside
when the balance is nearly equal,
but not quite.
You're on the edge of the blade,
and all it would take
was a whisper of a breeze
to tip the scale to one side.

There are so many things
that are constantly slipping
from my fingers.
As much as I reach
and lunge
and grab for them,
they always manage to escape me.

Even when I think things
are going well,
the slightest change
movement
of anything
can shake me to my core.

An earthquake
is ripping through my world
and I'm not sure if I can
hang on long enough
to make it.

There's an emptiness inside me
that hasn't ever been filled
and I have always ignored it
pushed it back
starved that wanting in me.

There are things that
I can't think about
truths about me and my life
that would utterly break me
if I looked too close.
I have to keep them sealed
keep those things
away.
They keep surfacing
keep bubbling up
trying to be seen.
Flinching will mean
acknowledging them
but their noise is nearly unbearable.

I needed you
to have more faith in me
to believe in me
more than I did.
I never thought I was good enough
never thought I was worthy
but I always tried.
I always tried my hardest
to be what I should
to do what you wanted.

It was never enough.
Nothing was enough.
Your disappointment
is cracking me apart
your judgement
and criticism
is breaking me.
I know the truth, and I can't help but wish
I had never learned it.
I always thought that honesty
was everything
but I almost would have rather
you lied.

I can't stand this.
Being around you
having to pretend that
I don't know.
That I'm fine.
I can't talk to you
I can't trust you
I can't do anything.

If I acknowledge this pain
will it take away my last shred of resolve?
Will it shatter me into a million pieces
incapable of being picked up
and put back together?
Will I learn and grow from the truth?

I'm not sure I'm willing to find out.

How could I trust you
When all you said was not true?

How could I believe in you
When your actions speak otherwise?

How could I love you
When you don’t treasure what you ever said?

How could I?

here i am,
once again,
knocking at the door
of adventure,
curious to know
what kind of love
awaits for me,
just to have it
collapse and
shatter all over
my heart, my mind,
my thoughts,
so my words
overspill
and my trust in
myself becomes extinct.

Just because your words
are comforting, doesn't mean
they bring peace of mind

9:47 AM
29/2/20