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Aidan Jul 19
Always on my mind
Always lingering in the shadows
Always appearing in the quietest of moments
Always on my mind
You're always on my mind

I don't know when this has started
I don't know when this will end
I met you once after 5 years of separation
Full acknowledgement of it being one time thing
And yet
You're always on my mind

No contact in months
Yet always on my mind
Always to where I need to look at previous words or profile
Just to get you back into a dark confined corner

What had changed that one time we met?
What switch was flipped?
Afraid I cannot say
For I do not even know myself

I saw some lyrics in a video
"Always on my mind 24/7  365"
The relation to you seems uncanny at this point

Always on my mind
Always haunting me
Always planting seeds
The end?
Who knows...
Simply getting words off of my chest that have been weighing on me
Aidan Jul 18
Like most things there is a time to leave,
a time to leave the nest one was raised in.
But the question is if the flight out will be smooth.

Will you glide on ice or end up hitting rock bottom?
Either way this is learning of the survival.

Unlike previous species,
we are taken care of until a number deemed "adult."
Other than some exceptions that is when we take off
when the wings are spread out to engulf the air of what is new.

Sticks and stones break our bones,
but they will forever leave a scar of a lesson learned
good or bad.
It is these scars that show the growth longed for
problem is that the path for this growth seems to be an outline.
It has been a marked trail for most in their lives
so traveling off the beaten path holds a sense of uncertainty.
It is either embraced, ran from or lived on the cusp.

Learning is done by experiencing by doing or watching
but how can their be learning with only
one teacher
one voice
one person
speaking to you
giving the answers and guidance.
There needs to be an abundance of people involved.

One's skin thickness does not grow overnight
but over a period of independence
where you understand how to do something
who you are
who to let into life
who to cut out
and mix in some wishful thinking here and there.

We want to plant our roots
let them expand
let them tell their story
but that is just a wish masking the underlined work.
Knowing the time to leave is the start of this growth.
Unlike other species,
we have deemed a certain number to dictate when growth starts.
Along with the exceptions,
we grow
we get cut down.
It is all endured because of a base, a wish, a dream.
Just taking into account some of the stresses and thoughts I have had this past year.
Aidan Jul 2020
I wish for time to simply stop
for everything to take a pause
it feels as if we are going at lightning speed
do we ever stop to reflect?
do we ever stop to see who has stayed by our sides?

I wish for the ability to tell the future
that way I can know what to prepare for
what to be embarrassed of
who I can trust
who I should not even try with

I wish to understand others
what they feel
why they act
why they betray
why they fade away

I wish to ask questions and get answers
why is the way to success through education?
why does our future depend on education that puts us in debt?
why do we trust when there are many knives?
why do we love when we do not know who it should be for?
why do we feel the need to deceive?

I wish to ask these and more
I wish to have the life I want and not feel regret
I wish to act but not fear the consequences afterwards
I wish to express myself how I want to
I wish to not feel the need to conform
I wish to find that one person I can trust no matter what
I wish to find that person to be with be through it all
I wish to understand people's lies
I wish to see the truth even when blind

I wish I could understand
Late night thoughts that have run through my head for years now. Some wishes are mean to be said for the chance of maybe someone hearing its call.
Aidan Jul 2020
tick tock
your time is up
tick tock
you're almost done
tick tock
time to give up
tick tock
you've been caught
tick tock
time to confess
tick tock
any year now
tick tock
the clock has struck
tick tock
liars begone

you thought you could succeed
think again
the clock has struck
and now you're done
all will know
all will see
what you have done
justice comes to all
when and where
are the factors that wait
for the perfect time
the time when it will matter most

tick tock
i've let you in
tick tock
and now we will see
late night thoughts on breaking trust
Aidan Jul 2020
they flood your mind till you cannot think
cannot dream
cannot function
they flood your mind and completely take over.

there is a never a rest taken
one by one the words consume you
your drowning in the words
every letter
every syllable
the meaning of the words haunt you
to the point of no escape
they are the ghosts of your past
they will never leave.

keeping you up at night
keeping you awake till god knows when
rendering you unable to function
all those regrets
all those past mistakes
take form at night or in daydreams
they haunt you
hound you
bombard you.
they do not take a break
no matter how much you wish they would.

you have given them the power of you.
they are the everlasting ruler
never to be dethroned
never to be slayed.
all those wishes for them to disappear are rendered useless.
why try when the scales have already been tilted permanently?
why try when they have your mind on lockdown.

will there be a time where I can escape?
where you can escape?
escape from the words
the actions
the past thoughts
escape from what was once reality
but now just a terrible memory.

they have flooded our mind.
never came knocking
but came barging in
made themselves at home
nice a comfortable at our expense.
now what?
what to do.
if only I knew...
Aidan May 2020
It floods your veins
Filling your body with relief.
You can feel your muscles relaxing,
Your body can now take a break.
No more tensing,
contracting,
just calm,
peaceful.

You soak up the words to their core.
Slowly becoming one.
Internalizing what they have to say.
They have struck something deep within.

It is the kind of feeling
you would want everyday,
a high to stay on in forever,
free from the thoughts and stress.
The chains of reality are momentarily severed.
It is the feeling
that you would never want to lose.
One that envelops you with warmth and comfort.

The words speak to you,
they promise hope for the future,
they promise things will be better.
They entice us and make us believe in what could be.
The words are motivation to continue on
The words are an outlet.
They hold a multitude of emotions,
they hold trials
failures
dreams
experience.
The words are a reflection of what has happened.

Music invades the soul
capturing all that is found
and all that is lost.
Music allows a break from reality
it allows us the chance to be transported away
to be understood by others.
It is the binding agent for everyone,
whether it is acknowledged or not.

It's the shot of relief
to help us continue on.
Just a nice pouring of thoughts about how music affects me and maybe others. Who knows.
Aidan May 2020
To what do we owe lives
Or should I say to whom do we owe our lives.

There is a time and place that we should be reflecting on something like this and I feel that during this strange event,
we should take advantage of it.

To whom are we loyal to
Our families
Our friends
Our values
Our morals
To whom do we answer to when we need to be uplifted.

What is the answer that we so desperately seek in life.
Oh how I wish I knew
But I think that in this time and place,
Reflecting is the best that can be done.

We reflect on
the past events
the worries
the joys
the life events
the welcoming
and the parting.

We have so many events to be thankful for and to learn from
But what so we have to give to those who have gave to us?
What can we do for them
Especially at this point in life.
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