Trust =  faith, belief, hope, conviction, confidence, expectation, reliance

The sordid talk of “trust”…

A recent email communication has inspired me to research and clarify the word “TRUST”. What does trust mean to you? When you set your alarm at night, do you ‘trust’ that it will wake you up in the morning? What happens if one day, it doesn’t? Would you then ‘distrust’ your alarm clock? How many chances would the alarm clock have to fail you before you shopped for a new, more reliable one?

Do you ‘trust’ that someone received something you left for them, or do you follow up to ensure receipt?

The Doctor-Patient relationship is based on “TRUST”

I don't remember a time I 'trusted', truly trusted, anyone. That is until I began working with dear therapist. I was thinking about how it takes a lifetime to gain trust and only a moment to lose it....sadly.... And I was reviewing the times the word 'trust' has been written or spoken by DT in the past 5 years. I dare say he has written, or said, the "T" word more in the last five years than I've ever said in my entire life!

Examples: (as you can see, I'm all about the 'evidence' big grin)

DT said: it took you over a year to develop the  trust  to let me know some things directly from your words....
DT said: Give ME your hate - because I am not making the pain go away. I won't go anywhere if you do.  Trust  me.
DT said: I ask that you try to  trust  what I am saying here and continue to commit to this our work together.
DT said: I  trust  in you and the strength of our working relationship.
DT said: you can  trust  that I and others will be there to help and support.
DT said: You will continue to challenge my concern and trustworthiness because this is what you have needed to do to protect the fragile self that has over learned self-reliance.
DT said: I will not abandon you because you are only going to lean into "trust  and need" to the extent that you are not collapsing.
DT said: You are slowly growing in your capacity to tolerate these feelings in the presence of another  trusted  person - NOT AN EASY TASK!
DT said: I understand is a long process and  trust  /fear/shame is involved.
DT said: Building  trust  with others and within yourself takes a long time.....given your starting position.
DT said: I insist that we have the  trust  and honesty about how you are doing and what you need.
DT said: There is so much learning, relearning,  trusting,  questioning, testing that you are doing. I  trust  that you will give it your best and your best will be good enough
DT said: Rest your head and  trust  that you are safe in your space right now., no one is going to hurt you and you are wrapped in your blue blanket with my faith enclosed.
DT said: I accept your anger at me for this (not that I like it…) and I  trust  that we will continue to work through new challenges honestly.
DT said: As you learn to  trust  and open up with the shame and fears and we keep you fully in your body during these times
DT said: Fundamental  trust  in the therapy relationship can take years and you are getting there slowly and slowly is necessary…
DT said: make arrangements with 'best friend' or someone else you  trust  to take your meds and give you only enough for 2 days at a time.
DT said: I  trust  that you will bring your fears, needs and whatever else shows up.
DT said: you are in the middle of a giant, long term test of me and others on whom you might have some  trust.
DT said: If I gave that impression, then that was my own "stuff" getting in the way of  trusting  you in knowing what is best for you.
DT said: The nature of your  trust,  distrust, anger, perceived loss of me is a major "therapeutic" aspect of your healing and our work together.
DT said: you can  trust  that I and others will be there to help and support.

Wow! That's a WHOLE lotta "TRUST" to push and push and push....and then to shatter into a million pieces in only a moment....

Did DT teach me to "trust"? Yes, he did.

...but more importantly, he taught me that it isn't safe to trust anyone. Not even a therapist who extended a 'life-line' to you every single night for 2 years.

I "trust" that he isn't "here" tonight.

I trust that he discarded me and left me here alone to try to put back the shattered pieces of my life...by myself!!!

Just as he trusts I will make the best decision for myself. (that sounds to me like he has thrown the proverbial 'trust' ball back into my court)

Dear Therapist, I see your "trust" and I raise you a "discarded, shattered, afraid, little girl"...who, after 5 years and thousands of dollars working with you....is back to trusting no one. And more deeply wounded than ever. I trust that the knife in my back will hurt for years to come. And I trust that the bad taste in my mouth will remain after a few bottles of wine.

Trust....my new 'drinking' game...I will drink 1 glass of wine every time I hear, or read, the word 'trust'…I should be sufficiently drunk, or at least buzzed, the majority of the time!


**Trust....trust - no - one!

Trust me I am shadow. Trust me I am death.
Trust me I’m the vulture in the net.
Trust me I'm a master. Trust me I’m a legend.
Trust me I am what you call a monster.
Trust me I am reason. Trust me I am chaos.

Trust me I am not a human. Trust me I have never been a one.
Trust me I am not a seeker, for what I am is what I seek.
Trust me I’m the voice inside an empty mind, possessed by greed and anger.
Trust me I’m unreal, Trust me I’m insane.
Trust me I’m a predator, Trust me I am pain.

Trust me all my victims are aware. Trust me that my reign is there.
Trust me all of them should know, not to trust the guy that river flows .
Trust me all of you are so fragile, Trust me I am really bad as vail.

Trust me, you don’t wanna know, if you can trust the snake behind this row.

So Who Do You … “ TRUST “ … ?!?
  
Do You Trust YOU To Make SMART Moves ...  
And Pick WISELY In Who You Choose To Be WIFEY' ... ?!?  
  
Or Ladies Do You ……  
Trust That Your Baby Will Not Become CRAZY … !!!
When Their Father Is Lazy And Always Was … “Shady” … !!!
  
And I DON’T MEAN ... " SLIM " ...  
More Like ... THAT GIMP … !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
Yup ... Chained To SIN … !!!!
Were You Thinking These Things …
When You … Slept With Him  … ?!?
  
Do You TRUST Your Decisions … ?
Take A Minute And ... Position …  
An HONEST ... Disposition … !!!
  
Before You Give An Answer …  
That BOMBS Just Like … “ Obama “ … !!!
  
THAT’S RIGHT I Used His Name … !!!
Do You Trust The Things He Says … ?!?
  
I Could of Used … “ OSAMA “ …
But DO NOT Trust The Saga of Al-Qaeda DRAMA … !!!!
  
Do You TRUST Politicians ...
Who Only Seem To … “ Listen “ …  
To People Bent On Missions ...
of War Bloodshed And KILLING … !!?!!
  
I Trust BUT ... AM NOT Willing …  
To Recognise That Sinning …
Is How Cool Folks Be Living … ?!?  
  
Cos’ Sinners PROVE With QUICKNESS …  
That Trusting THEM Can Cause PROBLEMS … !!!!!
  
When Their Defence Trusts In NONSENSE … !!?!!
  
I Trust ONE DAY That They Will Pay …  
For Threats They Make And Lives They TAKE …
Because Their Way Is To TAKE THE WHOLE CAKE … !!!!!  
  
Do You Trust Yourself When Tempted By Things …
That Can DAMAGE Your Health Like BURNS And Stings … !!!
  
Or YES Like HOT WOMEN Or Drugs That Can Bring …  
The Types of HIGHS ...
That OPEN THE THIGHS of Coc’ Driven Minds …  
  
Do You Trust In Lines That FEED INTO Such Vibes … ?!?
  
I Don’t Think It’s Wise To Trust Your Mind …  
When It’s Been Supplied By What’s FALSIFIED …. !!!!!
  
HIGHS DESIGNED To … BLOW UP Like … !!!
Atomic Bombs And ... POPULAR Songs … !!!
  
My Head Is STRONG … !!!
But NOT Strong LIKE THAT … !!!!!
  
I Trust And Belong …
OUTSIDE of … “Traps” … !!!
Where Rap’s Now Gone … !!!!!
  
I Trust In Tracks That EXPOSE WRONGS … !!!
So Stick To The FACTS In My Versions of Songs … !!!
  
I TRUST Y’all KNOW ...  
That Poetry Flows When Drum Beats ROLL ...  
And Words Are Thrown Through Microphones … !!!
  
Into Those Zones Where STRONG Headz’ ROAM …
And SHOUT For MORE ... Wordplay That ROARS … !!!!!
Through Human Lions Looking For …. “ Zion “ …………….
  
I Trust ONE DAY ... Babylon DECAYS …  
And Allows New Ways To ELEVATE BRAINS …. !!!!!
  
I Trust …. “ REAL RASTAMEN “ … !!!
  
There Aren’t Many of Them Who i’d Now Call Friend …  
I See MANY With Locks But Now Trust Them NOT … !!!!
  
Because Their Rasta’ ... Is More Like Rappers …  
PRETENDING They HAMMER Like REAL Gun Clappers …    
When IN FACT They’re Just Slappers With ***** That Tamper …  
With SLAGS Whose Manner Is DESERVING of … BANNERS … !!!
  
BANNERS That Say …. !!!
  
" TRUST A **’ Today
And You’ll GET LAID In VARIOUS WAYS ! "
  
But Here's The DISCLAIMER … !!!
You Might Get PLAYED …… !!!?!!!
  
I’m NOT A Proclaimer … !!!
But Trust In NO BABE … !!!
Whose ***** Shakes …
  
... ALL OVER THE PLACE … !!!!!!!!!!
  
Cos’ It’ll Shake The Heads of RAVENOUS MEN ….. !!!!!  
  
Who Trust Their ***** …
Before They Enlist Using THEIR BRAINS …. ?!?
  
Do You Get What I’m Saying … ?!?
  
I Believe That TRUST …  
Is A … BEAUTIFUL THING … !!!!!
  
But Trusting In LUST Is NOT FOR KINGS … !!!
And NOT FOR Queens ... Know What I Mean …. !?!?!
  
I Trust That ONE DAY PEOPLE … “ Will Change “ … !!!!
And RE-Arrange …. IGNORANCE And HATE … !!!!!!
  
And TRUST IN EACH OTHER … !!!
YES Sisters And Brothers of EVERY Last Colour … !!!!!
  
And Will TRUST In ... “ TRUTH “ … !!!!!
NOT Being … “ UNCOUTH “ … !!!!!!
  
Because TRUTHFUL WORDS DIRTIED Their Shirts …  
And Left Them ****** … Chickens And Sirs … !!!!!
  
Whose Current Worth …  
Isn’t Even As Precious As THIS HERE Verse … !!!!!
  
That Needs NO Consensus To Affirm Big Virge …  
As A CONNOISSEUR of The Written Word …. !!!
  
I Trust You’ve Read These Words I’ve Penned …  
And Will Take From Them Some Things I’ve Said …  
  
Finally I’ll Express One Last Sentiment … !!!
Whether Partner Or Spouse … ?
Or Business That You … “ Tout “ …  
  
Or Simply When It Comes …
To ... How Your Life Functions …
  
It REALLY Is A …. MUST ….  
To Be CAREFUL Who YOU ….
  
…. “ Trust “ …. !!!!!!!

We trust ourselves to know right from wrong.

We trust in the age old sayings of people whose names we can’t remember.

We trust our dogs not to **** in our favourite pair of shoes whilst we’re asleep.

We trust that everyone means well and just wants to get by.

We trust the teachers who taught us the earth is round, and that Pi is 3.14159 and how Pluto is the 9th planet in our solar system...

We trust that not everyone is right all the time.

We trust bus drivers to not get lost.

We trust in the fact that our keys are probably in plain sight even though we’ve been looking for half an hour.

We trust our parents to know what to do no matter the situation.

We trust the world to keep spinning away in the dark void of space with no company but the moon.

We trust that everything will be alright.

We trust that one more pint won’t hurt.

We trust that hangovers are only temporary.

We trust our partners when they say I love you.

We trust in traffic lights and zebra crossings.

We trust that this is our last chance to get a brand new sofa in the DFS sale with O% APR for 4 years.

We trust that size doesn’t matter.

We trust Alexa won’t tell us to *******, and that Siri will always help us no matter how many times we say we hate it.

We trust that despite our self-doubt and insecurities that we’ll probably still get through another day.

We trust in peanut butter.

We trust that no matter how many times things go wrong, mistakes are made and promises are forgotten, we will learn to trust again...
We trust.

Don't trust anyone.
That's what they say.
Don't trust anyone.
I don't think that way.
Trust. The most valuable thing.
On par with loyalty.
You should always trust someone.
I trust me.
You should trust you.
Trust that you'll make the right choice,
That you'll step up when needed,
Morality needs a voice.
Trust that you'll be there for them.
When their tears need a shoulder,
When his troubles needs comfort,
When her heart needs a holder.
Trust in yourself.
Then trust will come to you.
They'll trust your decisions,
They'll trust everything you do.
But be aware,
Trust is fragile.
Be careful who you trust.
Trust yourself, to keep your trust agile.
And when trust in someone is returned,
And when it is equally reflected,
Love will grow,
And your hearts forever connected.
Trust.
Trust her.
Trust him.
Trust me.
But most of all, trust yourself. And you'll love yourself. And life will be better.

Fear, Is a battle.
Fear is a Disease.
My disease.

Fear, puts me in places,
That I know I shouldn't be in.
Like I woke up in a dark attic, not knowing how I got there, or why.

See, it's not...things...I'm afraid of.
It's not people, or pain, or injury, or death.

Fear puts thoughts in you, that are totally and completely out of character, until they begin changing how you define yourself.

I am,
The fearful.
I am,
The untrusting.

Trust and fear come hand in hand, but purvey the opposite effects of one another.
Trust, puts fear to sleep. A silent, peaceful slumber. A place fear would rather be anyway. Trust allows you to see what is hopefully the truth in others.

Ah...you see. "Hopefully." There is that little seed of doubt.

Fear is the abusive sibling of the relationship. Always hanging over trust's shoulder, whispering worst-case scenarios in his ear.
In mine, it takes trust's confidence and gently, throws it into the nearest garbage can.

Trust is powerful.
But fear cuts deep.

When trust, faith, in someone is broken...
Well...we've all been there at some point.
When trust is broken, he half-heartedly stumbles to his bed, and stays there. Not asleep. Just, broken.

At this point fear doesn't have to do a thing.
Anytime you look inside yourself, since trust is gone, the only thing left is fear, just...sitting there.

Normally trust...gets up and brushes himself off to try again, especially with the help of friends.

But, in a few of us...


In a few of us, trust falls asleep, and disappears.
Hope, the half-sibling tries and tries to wake him up, to no avail.
Trust is gone.
Fear just sits there. Doing nothing, but doing everything.

Hope is a stubborn one, and pushes, and pushes, and pushes.
Sometimes it works.
Sometimes, it doesn't.

Fear. Trust.
They walk, hand in hand.
Toe, to toe.

I am,
The fearful.
I am,
The untrusting.

Hope, through valiant effort, keeps on trying.
Her energy is not limitless.

At times like these...
Hope, is not enough.

Trust has died.
The only way, to restore the balance,
Is for another's heart to come forth, and share their trust.

It's not fair, asking your trust to keep my fear in check, as well as yours, It just isn't.
At times like these,

I need the trust of someone,
Who is willing to share,
With one, who trusts no one.

In Quarantine We Trust
There will be annihilation
In Quarantine We Trust
It will end in jubilation

In Quarantine We Trust
An awakening of the soul
In Quarantine We Trust
Dirt for this empty hole

In Quarantine We Trust
Compassion for the spiteful
In Quarantine We Trust
Humility for the prideful

In Quarantine We Trust
That there will be healing
In Quarantine We Trust
For the tears of families kneeling

In Quarantine We Trust
First Procedural Sense
In Quarantine We Trust
Next Misplaced Reverence

In Quarantine We Trust
Dominion of material
In Quarantine We Trust
Elimination of ethereal

In Quarantine We Trust
There will not be new beginning
In Quarantine We Trust
The world will keep on sinning

In Quarantine We Trust
Unattainable height
In Quarantine We Trust
Fingertips missing Light

In Quarantine We Trust
The Essence will be rust
In Quarantine We Trust
Until we change our Trust

Trust
can I trust you?

Again,
can I trust you ?

Can I trust you will treat me with respect?
Can I trust you?  

But really can I trust myself ?
...if I cannot trust you to treat me with respect ?

Trust, great leaps of courage on the road to trust
                                 ...
I see no other way to live deeply then to take great leaps of trust

Can you trust me ?
Can we trust each other ?

on this path that bends in so many directions great leaps of trust await

open hands with the intent to trust remain
gentle and willing to try

you sit before me at the bench
and you throw your head back
hair loose, and neck exposed
as you drink water from the bottle
O, it makes me want to kiss your neck
lick it wet,
and drink from your mouth
and kiss your ears
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


I don’t trust you
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


you wave at a friend passing by
and I say I love that wrist exposed
and I want to kiss your naked wrists
and I want to kiss your neck
it makes me feel like these vampires
these kids today rave about
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there

O look sweetheart
you may not trust yourself
and you may not trust me
but I trust myself
so let me kiss your neck and ears
and let me nibble at your wrists
and let me drink from your mouth
cos I really trust myself


and still you laugh
and you won’t let me
and you say:
*I don’t trust you
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there

you sit before me at the bench
and you throw your head back
hair loose, and neck exposed
as you drink water from the bottle
O, it makes me want to kiss your neck
lick it wet,
and drink from your mouth
and kiss your ears
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


you wave at a friend passing by
and I say I love that wrist exposed
and I want to kiss your wrists
and I want to kiss your neck
it makes me feel like these vampires
these kids today rave about
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there

O look sweetheart
you may not trust yourself
and you may not trust me
but I trust myself
so let me kiss your neck and ears
and let me nibble at your wrists
and neck
cos I really trust myself


and still you laugh
and you won’t let me
and you say:
*I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there

the sky over i-95 is violet, the color of the deepest bruise
like the one you actually remember getting, that eclipsed
all the little gray-green ones from
tripping over belgian blocks, and mismeasuring the distance
to the doorframe.
the sky over i-95 cannot hold water very long
and soon it doesn’t.

you look out the new-car window
silent windshield wipers and you remember
the other times it’s rained on your occasion
(with stinging peroxide sometimes, and
sometimes gasoline, when you had a match
in the glovebox,
but mostly water).

you never stopped liking the way the big trees swayed
in the not-quite-hurricane
or the deafening of the drops on the car’s aluminum backbone.
you used to trust they’d never fall, they’d never flood
the crashes you passed rubbernecking were never fatal
traffic would always clear
you’d never be late.

as you watch the oversized leaves support the waterweight today
you think how every bit of that is gone from you now
siphoned slowly and quietly but
unmistakably gone from you now
you think in matter-of-fact sentences because you are a grown-up:
“I do not trust the trees. I do not trust the raindrops.”

quieter you think
“I do not trust the future. I do not trust an empty building.
I do not trust the movie theater. I do not trust the ocean,
or the river. I do not trust water
when I can’t see the bottom.”

you get a little philosophical as you get hungry and the exit numbers get high
“I do not trust the highway. I do not trust me. I do not trust the curtains
to keep me safe when I sleep, and I do not trust waking to bring me morning.”

you think in matter-of-fact sentences because you are a grown-up,
but also because that’s how the thoughts come.
there’s something that you do trust
that’s enough to warm you as this unseasonable may
comes to a close.
you never stopped liking the way the big trees swayed
and you think how they might fall
but they haven’t yet.
you think how it’s kind of okay not to trust them:
you trust something else.

                                                   (pain is lucrative.
                                                   so is smiling.)

                 a female cardinal perches outside the window of
                 the room, just as you arrive to leave again
                 and you think how she's just as pretty as the
                 candy-apple-red male, though she's dark against the tree trunk

and when you’re back to celebrate the years since leaving
you might even trust that tree trunk
and the girlcardinal you have to squint to see

                                                   you might also trust morning, then,
                                                   and night.

meantime, the sky lightens:
sundrops while the rain comes loudly still.