trust:

to open yourself up to be wounded
to spread yourself out
like a target, my heart the bullseye
       easy to spot
       easy to target
       easy to exert your control over

why do I keep falling for it?
                     lies
                     disguised
                     as something real

trust:
something I will not be foolish enough to give away again

The electricity between us crackled with intensity. I felt like a scientist and an explorer, observing the phenomenon from both inside and outside my body. How could I be so turned on without even touching you?

It was your attention that opened me up in the most amazing way. Your curiosity, your gaze, your natural desire to explore this connection between us... I had never felt so out of control before. I was completely vulnerable, and yet I felt safe with you.

You had the courage to reveal your true self to me. You shared your darkest secrets and your brightest moments, and you invited me to join you in this journey.

At first, I was guarded. I wondered if we could really fit together so perfectly. Could I show you all of me? But over time, I dared to take the risk.

We took it slow, painfully slow at times. But I realized that the pace was exactly what we needed. I had to trust that this connection was real, that it wasn't just a figment of my imagination. It seemed too good to be true, but I kept leaning in. I stopped thinking and just felt.

And it turns out, what we have is as real as it gets. We've built something magical together over these many years, and I am beyond grateful for it.

You love me better than anyone ever has, even when you're not here. You challenge me, you inspire me, and you cherish me. I respect and trust your lead in ways I never thought I could trust and respect a man. You've shown me how it feels to truly love and be loved.

If you told me of your deepest sin
would you fear I’d despise you?
Will you trust me, let me in?

Do you think I don’t wish to know
everything about you?
Would the truth be such a blow?

Don’t you think I might suspect
the truth you think you’ve hidden?
You fear you’ll lose my respect,
that you’ll become the unforgiven.

From the deepest depths of hell
even you can crawl to earth.
I’m here to hear what you can tell
and to tell you of your worth.

There’s a way to wash the stain
out of your broken soul.
To seek redemption, heal the pain.
To make amends should be your goal.

Give me a chance to be the one
who can see that you have grown.
That you are more than your worst day
and you don’t have to be alone.

Some of us can see
when someone truly seeks redemption.
Who seeks it not for sympathy
but for truth and honesty.

if i could just
find the trick
to remembering
that i was right
               all along
for a change

I feel so alone
Like I got no home
I just want to roam
Check out the unknown
But I'm just a girl living in a semi-dangerous world
Try to keep my pack
Knives stuck in my back
Can't trust anyone
Can't love anyone
Nowhere I belong
Wish I could be strong
All I ever am is wrong

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you've had to endure. It's understandable that the fear and pain you felt at a young age would have a lasting impact on you. It takes a lot of strength to trust yourself and listen to your inner voice when those around you have caused you harm. And it's not easy to carry the weight of grief and brokenness within you.

But I'm glad to hear that you found solace in words and were able to use them as a tool for healing. It's amazing how writing can help us connect with ourselves and the world around us. It's inspiring to see that you were able to break down some of those protective walls and allow yourself to live in the present moment.

I want you to know that you're not alone and that it's okay to feel vulnerable and fragile sometimes. You are brave and resilient for continuing to listen to your heart and your inner voice, even when it's hard. And I hope that you continue to find ways to express yourself and connect with the world in meaningful ways.