Sometimes you just have to deal
With things as they happen,
No matter how terrifying.
Despite the constant fear.
Facing the horror and resisting the fate.
Nightmares come even when awake.
Sleep is reality and reality is fake.
So put up a finger and say "F" it all.
Laugh at all those who look appalled
Brush your shoulders off.
Rub dirt into the wound.
Nothing can hurt you unless you allow it to.
Face your demon and kick its ***.
Send it back from which it came.
Shout to the world that you will never be tame.
Deal with what happens with a strong will.
Bow to no one and bend for naught.
Because when the end comes at least you can say you fought.

As Dawn approaches
with certainty and confidence,
the worries that
inhabited my mind
through the night
disappear with the
lingering smoke
left circling above
an ashen wick.
A yellow beam
dares to peek
through the
Royal tapestried sky,
sending a joyous jolt
into the fibers of
my soul.
I am awake, I am alive.
The darkness is gone
and a glimpse of hope
seeps inside,
lathered in faith
and the promise
of renewal.
I am a
Survivor of the Night.

Hey gorgeous,
Whats going down?
Seems like you've fallen down,
Since the last I've been around
You speak not a sound
I can only feel your pain
when you push me down

Hey gorgeous,
Don't let them steal your thunder,
you're more than just a number
With them goddess eyes,
You give me butterflies
Others are quick to polarize your heart,
And tear your beautiful mind apart

Hey gorgeous,
I can only think back to when I felt your forehead
Cold to the touch,
I clutch on to you right hand
Holding it;
I felt hypnotized within a  depressed state.
No one was inside
You were just an empty case

Hey gorgeous,
You would think I have forgotten
The list we use to make
The reasons why we should live
And forgive ourselves for our mistakes

1. You can't control what others do
2. The world needs more beautiful people like you
3 you are in battle,
and a soldier may never surrender
4. The people you think don't care; 85% of them would **** for you
5.
Remember when we made those promises
on that cold winter day
I held your hand,
As the wind blew in your face
The sky was a cold dark gray
I said
"hey gorgeous!
Let's Make a Deal,
If I Stay Alive will you do the same?"

Is it appropriate to mourn for something you only came close to losing? Because lately I've been stumbling through graveyards wondering why it's the only place I feel at home.
This isn't me saying that I want to attempt suicide again, but rather a way of me saying that I didn't survive the first time around.
I am merely a phantom of who I used to be.

I am a mother, a wife
A friend, a teacher
I seek happiness
I love deep
Only souls not faces
Always loyal
I don't judge  
I love to help
I see good in everyone
Which makes me naive at times
I am open to all
Hoping for a world
Where everyone fits
Labels don't exist

I latch to rules
Anxiety demands
I suffer from OCD
Always chasing order
Shackled by disinfection  
I am comfortable in control
Leading the way
I seek to inspire
I believe in others
I am honest with my feelings
I value experience
And learn from them
I reflect on my day
Always trying to improve
I search for meaning in conversations
Enjoy learning new things daily

I play sports
Love music  
Enjoy Art
Express myself in writes
Fascinated by abstracts
Reading words to gain insight
The grace in movement  
The beauty in visual artistry

I love to re-discover nature
The acoustics of birds
Waterfalls and rain
Kissing falling snow
Connecting with our majestic sky
I love the stillness
Each morning brings
The dew sleeping in the emerald
The lacquered canvas
Of quiet lakes
Motionless  
In something so vast

Yoga is my philosophy
A healthy
Body
Mind
And spirit
My destination is
The pursuit of enlightenment  
In my life's pain
I am coming out of the spiral
Enjoying my journey
Seeing straight
Swimming the unalome
I feed my soul
Hoping IT can lead me
Leaving my ego in my wake

I remain unfinished
I continue to wear masks
Sometimes to hide
As I fear rejection
Still..
As happy as I seem
As lovely as I am
My soul has a shadow
Hidden inside
My essence traced
By shaded light
I am a survivor
Broken in places
Finally accepting my true self


Jl 2016

Excepting when it POURS
When God opens a window
He always shuts the door
I will praise Him with my voice
Til I can sing no more
And when I can no longer sing
I will dance the floor...

When I cannot dance the floor
Because I've lost my legs
I will clap my hands out loud!
I won't cry or beg!

And when I cannot clap my hands
Because I'm close to death
I will praise my dear Lord Jesus
With my final breath.


♡ Catherine

If I had died when I planned to,
Would you still have kissed her?
Would you still have moved on
As my memory began to wither?
Just two days after I chose not to,
She was wrapped in your arms tight
And I wonder if you’d still smile
Like that had I taken my own life.
Then there’s always you,
The one that warms my heart,
Would you have even noticed
If I never came back around?
We only speak in shy conversation,
I’m sure had you heard the news
You would’ve just been surprised,
Not hurt, just a little bit confused.
The girl I sit next to in class
Would have thought I simply dropped
And the boy who asked to see my notes
Would easily forget we ever talked.
My favorite regular customer would
Probably assume I quit without goodbye
And no one would ever believe that
Each smile I shared was a bold-faced lie.
I wonder if the boy who likes to flirt
And call me pretty would still think so
When he’d hear the news and think
Of my lifeless body, or perhaps my ghost.
I’m sure my parents would miss me and
It pains me to think they’d feel blame,
For I give them all the credit that
I’ve hung around this long anyway.
I am already just a dying spirit, imprisoned
In bones, wrapped tight in skin and tissue,
I suppose I’ll stick around, because in my absence,
You wouldn’t notice, but I’d still miss you.