I loved your skin more than my own and for that I failed myself
do you still think of me?
teach me how to love in fragments instead of with the whole of me
teach me about ill-timed affection and confessions given right when I begin to let go
I’ll teach you what it’s like to feel you; in my skin- in my head
I want to be unbothered by you, but my heart and mind have never reached a compromise
do you still think of me?

one
breathe
you may not realise it
but you’ve stepped into new lands
and life is different here
you are different here

you’d thought the sun
had kissed you before
but it did not love you
like it did this place
the people here had
felt its arms wrapped
around their bodies
for generations,
its light imprinted in
their skin like melanin,
the same light
you’d seen shine
from your mother’s hands

you’d thought the sun
had kissed you once before
but you were different,
your light was dimmer,
harder to recognise
and even the sun wasn’t
sure you were its kin,
had to look twice
before it realised
your blood but you
remained a stranger
all the same

two
the way you talk is wrong
your words too delicate
your voice too soft
your speech without music

you’d thought your tongue
was universal, had been
both understood and mis before,
but you were the cub of a lioness
and didn’t know how to roar,
no pride would take
you in when you
mewled like a kitten
and no sunlight shone
from your skin

you’d thought your tongue
was no different to
your mother’s, but hers
never worked the same
when you spoke it,
never quite connected
to its audience, so
you stopped trying,
turned to the moon instead
and gave it your confession
the only way you knew how,
it told you you spoke just fine

three
you think somewhere else
things will be different
you don’t remember
it has always been this way

your family never once
pointed out the intricacies
of your branches to you,
why you matched neither
your father’s roots nor your
mother’s veins, but had blossomed
something different, something new,
and why that would ever matter,
your family never thought
about these things, never
talked about such things,
they just wanted you
to speak plain

your family never once
explained how home would
be new to you, how home
wouldn’t really be like home
after all, because home didn’t
welcome you like it should have,
didn’t greet you right, hold you
tight in its arms and make you feel
like you belonged, because you
were different, and it didn’t
recognise you for a moment
or two

one
breathe
you may not realise it
but you’ve stepped into new lands
and life is different here
and you are different here

Owning a cat relies on give and take.
I give the beans a tiny squeeze and
she takes a chunk of my skin.

I am covered in skin
Much like you are
Cells keeping all my veins and parts inside
The thin yet strong barrier between me and the world
And yet with all this skin
Not an inch of it belongs to me
Some is his
And his
And his
Some is for the media
And a little is for her
I feel their hands on me
Ripping me apart
Taking their shares
Until there is noting left
Nothing to hold the veins nor parts
And I come undone

people see what they want to see
and maybe it’s a weakness you’ve grown out of
maybe it’s a past you’ve shed like second skin
people will hold on to things you’ve let go of
so you’ve got to love yourself
enough to make up for the ones who spite you
enough to tell yourself you’ve done a good job
when your head hits the pillow at night
people will say things intended to cut you and leave you with open wounds
you are not the mistakes you’ve made-
do not let them convince you otherwise

those tiny circles
you pretend to draw on my skin
always make me smile

i think it burns
like ice on my bare flesh
bare bodies
covered in floral mesh
skin to skin
i want to let you in
god this euphoria is filling me up
only you can melt this frost over my eyes
only you can keep me warm at night
a taste of you
i've never wanted anything more
obsession has never been so decadent
just soft feelings are filling my head
warm like your mouth
sweet like you too

Oh
You call
I cry
You breathe while I lie
with another.
You see while I eye
their skin.
who do you gaze
upon
lovingly?

you must notice
The way that I lean
to you.
The way that I try
to speak;
it’s but a conversation.
does it pain you so
To inhale
      my air?
its tree of smoke.
lively nights swallowed
like lemons.

you disregard my hellos.
how to say goodbye?