I could sob.

I could scream.

But instead I’m crying,

Silently crying.

Alone in my room, crying.

I can’t let anyone in.

Silent tears.

Holds the most pain.

Truly the death of the communication age,
Leading me to follow,
Current textbooks fluent in rejection
To the students they serve.

Brainwashing in thick salt water,
Drowning in a taste that makes faces,
Gloating achievements and attention,
Filing for societal filters to get
Through obligations created by
Degenerate scholars.
Glaring into darkness and
Twinkling laughter silent after
Punishments now turned to powder.

Gallantly quiet in a world of opinions
Stretching from borders that fire
At each other through 140 characters.
Given all that's left are blind readings
Of sarcastic articles titled with bait
On a hook like worm covered worms.

I'm truly left in confusion reading
The forward to the epilogue of a
Torn apart villainous wreckage
Scattered into the brains of a
Clueless populous in hope for
Worlds to meet in collision
And turbulence.

This is my fire range
The place I put my thoughts when they are rearanged.
Yes this is my firing range.
The only thing keeping me partially sane.
When I need to let go I hold on
This page gives me a new dawn
So yes this is my firing range
Where I fire the most hateful words
With a wirl in my brain.
Welcome to my firing range.

Listening to loud music all the time

Nightmares every time you close your eyes

Talking even though no one is listening

Screaming without making a sound

Fake a smile, pretend to laugh

Slowly dying inside

Reaching a hand out for help

A hand full of scars, visible or not

Pushing your friends and family away

And befriend your inner demons instead

I hear the screaming and this time it's not from within.
But that does not exclude the demon's trying to break me in.
There are tears in here, but they're not mine at least not for now.
I need to go outside, nothing's alright. I need to shut you out.
I see the pain so clearly cause it's all I used to feel.
I see you kick, I see you shout, but I'll no longer kneel.
Now I think I'm used to it, this has happened too much before.
I will be fine, I'll be alright. This I will now ignore.
This was their advice for so long, I'm just now following it through.
Just don't forget years from now that the cause of this partly all of you.
I feel like I've walked alone since there's no one with me here now,
and I've done this before with another approach, not one that bleeds me out.
This started as I was born and I'm afraid this will never end.
I guess that's fate, my destiny, otherwise I cannot pretend.
Reach my mind, hear my thoughts, then try not to scream aloud.
I'll tell you my memories of all my life, but please don't tear me down.

Black dreams as my soul begins to leak
Dark thoughts as I reach a sudden peak

Creek, bury the sacrament.
The woods hold many secrets.
Truths that burden us with psychological pain...

Gain.

The demons have rained

Curses our soul and steals it away from us.
Soulless is my empty feeling...
Dead.
I need thoust no healing.

In the darkness I seek the light

Height.
I look down as my stomach begins to turn.
Twisting knots of intestines and guts begin to pour.

A hole has formed.

Staring...
Down to the pits of hell.
****** hands and discreet bodies as crying screams echo below.
My ears ache.

A mind so real
The depth is at stake

i really do wish you no harm.

i hope you don't get pocket lint on your dum-dum,
because that would be tragic.

i hope the next girl you date doesn't bite.
even though, you deserve a gnarly girl
who can get low down and gritty.

i pray you don't fall going up the stairs
and slide all the freaking way down.
i wouldn't want a concussed friend
now would i?

i cross my fingers and shut my eyes,
wishing you a pretty girl with perfect teeth
and pale skin
and an american accent cuter than mine.
in bar. or no- in a basement.

i would never wish you the worst hangover that
you've ever had
with a headache so bad
you feel like you tried to go out with a bang (literally)
like kurt d. cobain, and survived.
if you aren't an uneducated swine and know who that is.

i hope you never feel heartache like this.
feeling your chest tighten with anvil heavy memories
and sun-kissed, barebacked truth because
you had to let go what you love
and love what you let go.
crying when you see "message me i get bored x"
in their bio on a tuesday night, for the first time in six months.

When the nerd in the back dies with complexity
of not sharing simplicity
of not getting acknowledgment
of not receiving enjoyment
What is there to live for
with the dark days ahead
and the ruined ones behind
what is there to live for
other than the lonely scorch ?

I ask myself on single days
why do wait,
why do sing
to a lonesome soul
or a high pitched scream?
lonesome thoughts
swarm through my brain
wishing the better
of every single day
wanting with heart
craving with soul
what is there to live for
other than that 6 foot hole ?


The nature dies along without a cause
The fire burns singing screaming songs
when the old crow hackles
when the little mouse rants
I'm going to be hanging
from a little unknown branch
praying to my soul
praying for life
When that old crow hackles
Ill be sitting on a  mantle
with thee only thing left but
the ashes of my neck
What is there to live for
when I am only a spec ?

Questions like those,
come and go,
yet one always stays
which one I will never know
Along with the dreams
of a broken pain that lasts
Along with wishes
of a sad whimsy past...

It's like I missed the alarm,
So I'm trapped here dreamin',
Whole time screamin',
Trying hard to stop believin',

Clenched a fist in my hand,
So hard that I thought I'd grow wings,
Lot of pressure in my veins,
But I can't feel a thing.

Took my body on the edge,
Took myself up in a pledge,
When the time that I'd go down,
I'd bring all that brought me down.


-HIY