I need to warn him
that he is in danger
I need to tell him to run
far away

I run as fast as I can to the place
                                                                   he is late
                                                                  
                                                                he has a calm face
                                                      something definitely happened
all I know is I need to help

               once again we argue
      no one winning
we yell out how we feel

                                                   but he just holds up his gun to me
                                        he says he will deal with his own conflicts

I can't do anything
but I have to

                                                 he holds the gun to his own head

I yell his name

                                                        ...

I stare at his body

                                                             ...

tears roll down
and all I do is just stare at him
I can't do anything anymore
my brother, he is gone

When you think of sleep
Are you still on your feet
Are you thinking of me?
When you close your eyes and begin to dream
Or am I just a memory
Or am I just a memory

Do you find it hard to remember me,
And my barefoot reveries?

You are the spoon in my coffee
I'll spin you around and the world couldn't stop me
Its they who have lost me
I'm often
Caught in a river if coffins
Your presence it buries them all and
The voices they stop
They finally stop

When the whispers have me to my knees
When the shivers penetrate the trees
You carry softness like the breeze
You carry blushes in your cheeks
You carry hearts upon your sleeve
And all is perfect when you speak

You make me weak

And together something else
And for forever on the shelf
We carry on our broken selves

And never ask me
If this feeling's everlasting
Because the beat sounds sad
But the sentiment is happy

All I really wanna do is run away
All I really wanna do is run away
All we really are are books with blank pages
Lets scribble in the lines and find the plot
We are the authors of our fate
And you're my date tonight
And for the ages

This mascato never sweeter did it taste
Then with your face in front of mine

And through the space and
Through the time
I'll hold your hand and
Stand in line

And ride this roller coaster ride
As long as you remain beside

And for the first time
In a long time
I am patient
And I am open
To interpretation
My lady

Winds whistle
Trees sway
Screams ripple
Run away

In my mind
I lose it
Don’t you dare try
To soothe this

I like to escape
I like to think
I can feel your hate
Swim, before you sink

My mind is a tornado
Breaking this countryside
Run like a torpedo
You should probably hide

I am not here, I am not there
You will not find me… Not anywhere

I have not run away, I have not disappeared
I am close. I am closer then I appear

Not sure how to type what I feel
When all of these feelings just make me feel so lost and ill

This is not a rebellion. This isn’t out of frustration
You are not the enemy; I have nothing against your radiation.

In the night I have gone like the wind
But I am alive and well, this is not out of sin.

I am not gone, just hidden away for a while
You know all my locations, all my places, you know my style.

I could be anywhere, but you know where I go
I am not gone; I’m just no longer home… I’m solo

My number code now a mystery, but you know my accounts
You know and have more then what you realize. You have the amount.
You know my people, you know my spots
Although I am physically cold, my heart is burning hot

Forgive me for the pretty little lies, and for my acts and stories
My wrong, my bad, I am sorry. I greatest my apologies.

I am not fooling around with strangers, or with the fools of this earth
I am safe, and I am close by. I am not shutting you out, I’m building my own turf

Watch the black now fade away, the spikes dim and become dull
For I am independently going on this journey on my own, it’s quite the hull

I’m sick of disappointing, I’m sick of the back and forth, I want to truly know
Jesus in the desert for days, Moses on the Mountain, and Elijah with the birds sought Him alone.

Days, and weeks of isolation, alone with Him.
I want to know!!! I Need to seek and find!!! I am so sick of guess’n!!!

As far as I can tell, this is God’s leading, and if it isn’t, He can work it all out
I won’t know until I take the first step into this unfamiliar world. I promise I am safe and sound

Trying to be discerning, and wise with every step I take, as far as I can tell
I can’t hear him when many are shouting. When too many feel the need to yell.

Not abandoning the problem. I’m not abandoning His Call
I am looking for peace and answers. I want to be his Princess. He won’t let me fall.

I don’t hate you, there is no anger or disappointment in this heart
I swear I leave in peace and love, for I am hurting with this part

Dad, I know everything you said and did was only out of love
I know you didn’t mean to hurt and scar me, so I hid my scars with gloves
I know I disappoint, but I contain no anger. I need a moment and time
To ask and then receive, and to seek what I am trying to find
Answers

Mom, you are wonderful and beloved, I’m sorry if I made you feel so worried
I promise you; I am fine and safe and treasured and in good care. Please have no fury
I loved working alongside you and doing what I could to help
You did so much for me, and prayed like a warrior, breaking every spell
Blessing, that is what you are ♥

Rachel, it’s time for me to be trained on how to be a woman of service
I am on my knees like I’ve seen you done so many times. I’m encouraged
I’m sorry… But He has shown me his leading… So, I am just walking forward
I may not know where it takes me… But I swear it is HIM I am walking towards
Boldly

Dennae, I am praying for you and the things you struggle and ache with. I know the look
I’m going to miss your *******-up phrases and your unintentional jokes
But I need to go on a journey with my Savior for a while to know Thy way
He will change your heart, and your desires, you keep seeking His face.
Everything will change when you pray

Amy, I am sorry, but I tried to do what I could to be there for you
I tried to be the big sister I needed to be. I did what I could so you could see Him through
I love you little one. He has an amazing job planned for you ahead.
He has not forgotten nor abandoned you. Because for you, he bled.
Remember His Love

You can come, and see, and visit! You know where you can stop by
I am not dead; I can assure you, that I am very much alive.

Take care of my baby fluff, and the fish down below
Trying to follow His leading, and not drench myself so low…

Time to grow up, time to discover and learn.
He is the greatest teacher; He will protect me from the fires that burn

Gone indeed… But to really seek and discover what is in store
Alone and Solo, I depend on Him to really speak and show. My body on the floor

Don’t be worried, scared, or frightened, for I am in good hands
I love you; I miss you. You are not locked away from my stands

From the darkness, I escape, but only to seek the light
Forgive me, my beloved family… but I need to take this step… I’ll be alright

I may have crossed the line
But I know as long as I seek Him… and Surrender to Him, He’ll make everything fine…

Till I can see you again, Beloved Family

Another dark day I half-heartedly chase
I run and run but I’m stuck in place
I am starting to wonder if it’s all a waste
I am just a body taking up space
What is my purpose? What am am I doing here?
Would the world be bettered if I disappeared?
Time is racing but I do not care
I am squandering every single breath of air
I ask myself the same pressing question
“Why’s it so hard to change?” Again and again
I guess I am lacking the strength I need
To rise, and despite adversity, succeed
Countless times I have tried to switch my ways
I somehow always find myself back in the maze
Forever getting the best of me
Too late when I finally see
And at that point I am within it so deep
The harvest planted in haste I now have to reap
Although it is a bountiful crop
The yield is spoiled with posion and rot
Stalks grow taller, trapping me inside,
Sprouted from seeds of all I failed to hide
Foliage so thick I cannot see the sun
Blocking not only light, but everything and everyone,
Almost ready to give up and say I am done
Call it quits even though my life has barely begun
Yet on I continue, although reason there is none,
I doubt I’ll ever reach the exit, but still, I run...

words conveyed with a mutual clarity parity for communication
will end only when the world ends first
and the communitas is no more,and words, exist purposelessly  
for there is no left with whom to communicate, precisely

but now, of this moment,
write words, sentences multiplied but circumscribed,
verses with mystical aura,
whose utility so suspect and multiple meanings hidden within,
taken by you for the specific utility you uncover and create

ah, to write of things clearly visible to all,
but possessed differently, by each reader, this is the greatest commonsensical commonwealth useful
for and of humans indexed by unique word tendons tenderly

when this passes, when literature no longer
can be messengered to 127 Persian provinces,
each the message same,
yet given up in 127 different languages^

when you understand my poems perfectly then,
their utility is inutile,
the usefulness is in the nth reinterpretation,
a million and still counting,
as long as you must guess at its labyrinth wired inner construct,
being pleasured by the roiled and rolled curves upon your tongue,
a lives paired wine tasting, together believing
in the greatness of joyous frustration

some say, I do, the world is better for the
utility of thine own struggled understanding,
the truest combination of two way communication,
surpassed only by our armed embrace at last



p.s. Pradip, be careful what you wish for....a poet false...


9:15am  April 3, 2019