Sometimes I get tired of pretending to be stronger than I am.
So I stroll into a dark corner taking the heavy armor off
as I allow my demons to take over and control me for a while.
I please myself with some moments spent alone.

And when all the marks and wounds of war have washed away,
I dress up and take charge of myself, pretending to be strong again.

Nobody was born today
But you picked up a cake anyway
for five dollars fifty plus tax

Now you're watching
Criminal Minds on a couch made for three
and eating it with your hands

It vaguely occurs to you that
you should be sharing it with someone
or at least put on some **** candles

You're not even hungry
you don't even need to fill a void
you did good today

You hardly even miss her anymore.
You haven't thought about it in weeks.
If you just slept you'd be fine in the morning.

You consider it all
examining the red velvet
stuck under your thumbnail

Maybe you're looking for
a file or a prison shank
sunk beneath the frosting

Or maybe you just need
to make this a Night
The Night of the Cake

It'll blend in
with the others
in a matter of time

But for a few weeks
you'll look back
and remember

you are a member
of those romanticized ranks
those plastic or terracotta statues

Tomorrow you will feed the dog.
And after work you will pick up groceries.
And after groceries you will pay your bills.

But tonight is the Night of Cake.
Tonight
you become a stereotype

An unforgiving consumer
with chocolate-stained hands.

Why do it today, when I can do it tomorrow?
I’ll just let my responsibilities grow until they rival Kilimanjaro

I’m young and I’m free
Life looms before me
Vaster than any sea
I have all the time in the world to become the person I want to be

So with that attitude in mind
I put off the daily grind
The more I do this the more I’m confined
Eventually I’ll fall much too far behind

The trouble is, they say, you think you have time
So you let it fly by, and put off finding something sublime
While this goes on it seems all well and fine
Until at the end
You’re the victim of your own terrible crime

i can't do this..
    but i am doing it anyway

Again, I have failed.

I have failed myself,
I have failed my mother,
I have failed my teachers,
my future, the time.

I ignored what they asked
my responsibilities
I threw in the trash.

It keeps haunting me,
day and night,
the need to run away
from everything
Yet its still hovering above me
and it pains me
its scares me
it kills me

but this time
it won't let me let it go
and cry

Life is a lifelong
Balancing act
Time that's wasted
Never comes back
But hear my quandary
It's really quite queer
What happens when my job
Conflicts with my career?
What happens when my schooling
Disrupts my education?
When federal government policies
Keep me from graduation?
What happens when my GPA
Keeps me out of universities?
What happens when what I need to do
Conflicts with my responsibilities?

Spanish man! Spanish man!
Welcome to America!
I have you a place
­for your clothes and shoes
You start work tomorrow,
washing many ­dishes
If you wash enough
your dreams may come true!

Spanish man­! Spanish man!
Welcome to America!
How has life been
since last w­e spoke?
Are you working two jobs
and paying those dues?
Well, pl­ease, put this package
underneath your coat
 
Spanish man! Spanis­h man!
Welcome to America!
Here is some money
for what I asked yo­u to keep
Go shod your feet nicely,
eat well ‘til you’re full
Pay­ up your rent
and I’ll see you next week!

Spanish man! Spanish m­an!
Welcome to America!
Please open your door
for I need your hel­p!
I’m covered in blood
Can you spare me clothes?
Next time I see­ you
I’ll give you much wealth!

Spanish man! Spanish man!
Welcom­e to America!
You have a new job,
it’s in another town
These guys­ owe me money,
but won’t pay me a dime
I need you to meet them
an­d gun them down!

Spanish widow. Spanish widow.
Welcome to Americ­a.
I’m sorry for your husband
He was a good man
I see you have tw­o sons
Fine, strapping, young lads
If they ever need work
then see me when you can