we all want to be lost.
..and yet, want to be found.
I could say, night commute is one of my happy places. The tiring yet calm feeling after the whole day rush, knowing you had accomplished another day again.
I'm getting the sense I need to write my own eulogy
because at this point it seems I'll be the last one standing.
Cancer, depression, corruption,
taking on the world's population one by one,
and yet I am miraculously sheltered.
To think I'd make it longer than everyone else,
it's almost laughable.
I can't even picture myself five years from now
and yet I get the sense I'll be the last one to go.
The world is ending my friends,
I think we can all agree.
It's all our fault, too,
this endless misery.
Release me from the confines of my empathy.
How I wish the hurt of others from times long past
did not cause me pain as surely as any ****** wound.
when a poet falls in love with you
you can never die
they will notice the way
you rub your palms and look down
when someone is angry at you
and the way you smirk
as you pull away from a kiss
they will notice how you can't sleep
without your body touching someone else's
how you never crease any pages of books
and how you close your eyes when you dance in your kitchen
with your record player on
they will find all of the words
that they see you as
and turn them into something beautiful
people say you die twice
once when you stop breathing
and when someone says your name
for the last time
if you fall in love with a poet
they will never stop
mentioning your name
you will be alive
I dealt death today.
I know it’s a part of the job.
I know I’ve seen it too many times to count.
I felt it.
I left the room long after their family did.
There was no where I could go
To escape their
They were long gone.
And I was left with their precious baby.
I curled his arms and legs up
Closed his eyes
Wrapped him up gently.
With love and respect
Here he’ll sleep forever.
They are so thankful,
That it was me
That I understood
That I was so careful
That I spent the time with them.
And you’re not supposed to take it with you.
You’re supposed to leave it
When they walk out the door
With one less goodbye.
But I took it with me today.
The way they felt before
The way they felt after
The long quiet goodbyes
The man in a suit on his knees weeping
The mother and son making a cocoon
Sheltering their dying baby.
The solemn face of the woman who plays god.
The green death.
The last breath.
The heaving of the living as he gave his last.
‘He’s gone now’.
I watched the clock
The same way I had
An hour before
Waiting for death.
Soon as I could
I fled out the door
Ran into the street
Tried to outrun it
Instead I ran to you
I dialled your number
With shaking hands
I know I’m not supposed to
But all I wanted was you
I wept alone.
Today I dealt death
And I found I am not strong enough
To sustain this
Or for long.
I found I still consider you my haven
But that you are not my haven anymore
Or should be.
I listened to the silence
After the call rang out
What will I do when I hit the last straw? What becomes of me and my useless brain? This was too much today. I wish I didn’t want you. I’ve made an obsession out of you.
I just hurt everyone
I fabricate false truths like art
I weave them together like threads in a tapestry
A kind of poisonous performance art
I steal others ideas and use them as mine
Upon an alter I sacrifice friends to the abyss
And for what?
Who knows why
Long ago has my fire burned out
Its last sparks disappearing as I write
Too young am I
To cloud over with the sorrows of my past
My possible futures I’ve given up
Just to cry
Stuck like a record player
I repeat the same mistakes
I repeat the same mistaks
I repeat the same misaks
I repeat the same mstks
I repeat the same mstk
I repeat the same mtk
I repeat the same mk
I repeat the same m
until there are no more to repeat
and those that loved me
I fall in spiral
Endlessly into an infinite hole
Unable to stop
Yet it is me
I am killing myself
I can’t live like this anymore
But I know I will
No matter what anyone says
The last sparks of hope,
That used to blaze
An inferno in my eyes and soul
Mind and body,