I can recall now
That night we were cuddled up so near
And you asked me if I could remember
The night you first kissed me.

I sorrowfully replied I could only see haze
And that despite it all,
I still loved you;
My only reference
Was my old poetry,
Documenting much of my life for so long,
My sacred crutch,
The only description I could use
To pretend I still recollected.

I see through the splotchy memories
Much easier now than I used to,
But you had gone and soured every last one
As soon as I could finally remember.

What a dastardly fellow you are,
Stealing the memories I worked so hard to regain,
Soiling them with your presence;
I’m not sure being able to see them
Was ever worth it.

I was supposed to be happy
I left him because it was
Right
It was
Socially acceptable
But I was pulled so hard away from
You
I didn’t want to let go, and I don’t know why I’m crying
It’s over a year since you cared
I think you did
Or maybe you just wanted her,and I know she wanted you
But why does it still have to
hurt
when he moves on with her
I know I use her as a mirror
Because I don’t know how to judge anyone but the reflection
I want to smash it but
I can’t
I need it
I need to know why
And I want it to stop because it
Hurts, so bad
The first relationship shouldn’t feel like this
He was too long ago, too shallow, too blind to see you for you
So why does it
hurt
My face is still wet
And this isn’t helping

here I sit again
I remember my humble spring
remember those modest lights and
that humble red guitar
and friend and light and new mountains

I see again and
I remember my dreams and I like water
here I sit here and I sit like
I then said that it would come
this moment and hour will come

and even then by the light of those lanterns
and in the light of that coming sun and summer
with all these drawings graffiti and guitar
I was not so happy then not at all but now
I remember the words and everything will
pass and what will pass
it will be nice and beautiful

02.11.18

Remember when you were 6?
Spinning dizzy in the laughing sun?
I could play chasey till I doubled over,
Running, eating and laughing all at once!

Childhood gives way to "adult" realities.
Carefree running to silent, sober reflections.
That merry river.. now more often a motionless pond.

With a half-smile I wonder,
At the innocence which so freely played,
Thoughtless of harm.
Before such "adult" words like: fatal, divorce, disorder,
Ever applied to me.

Memories hold dear,
which were born of deep devotion.
The notion of time fading the ache?
A feint, a fake played by fools who dodge emotion.
Hold steadfast to the joyous spark, igniting recollection.
A rush of joy to fill the void, you’re buoyed from ever knowing this man’s faithful, true affection.

Do you ever think
of a poem
that's amazing

and you're sure you'll remember
to write it down

but you won't

I Remember

Wide-eyes in amber hues brimming with salty tears
Four years old in red ruffles and day of the week *******
Mama’s precious baby girl
Trembling, frozen with fear, cold and confused
Silenced, but I remember

Truth or dare on the trampoline
Triple dog five-second French kiss or eat worms
Mama’s little daredevil
and innocent boys following the footsteps of their forefathers
Busted, I remember

Open window and moonlit shadows dancing on the wall
Thirteen and rebellious; Mama’s little wild child
“Everyone else is doing it. Don’t you love me?”
Pressured, I remember

Head down, tears flowing, pushing past the picket line
Fifteen and pregnant, Mama’s ***** *****
Cold steel forced inside me, life ripped from my womb
“MURDERER!” I remember

Strobe lights and rap music, twerking teenage dreams
Sixteen with nothing to lose, Mama’s party girl
Beer run – two guys in a Chevy truck looking for some fun
“Drink up baby girl.”
Room spinning, losing consciousness. I remember

Bright lights, bloodshot eyes, and grunting,
hip bones pounding into supple flesh
Incoherent but coming to, Mama’s naive fool.
Struggling to scream and unable to move
Tossed curbside next to the trashcan, battered and used.
Damaged, I remember

Butterflies taking flight, head floating in the clouds
Young and reckless, making plans for the future
They said we’d never make it so we set out to prove them wrong
Independent and headstrong, Mama’s ******* the run.
Head over heels, I remember

Dimly lit room, cold gel smeared across my belly
fluttering of a tiny heartbeat, fear and joy intertwined
Mama’s gift from the heavens, I shall protect you with my life
I often dreamed of the day I would cradle you in my arms
My existence had a purpose, I remember

Blood dripping down trembling legs,
Blurry lights passing by in a frenzied pace
pain unimaginable as the room fades to black.
Floating between dimensions, struggling to find my way back.
Wings gifted, Mama’s little angel
Inconsolable, I remember

Silence shattered like broken glass
“Ms. Daigle, I’m afraid you may never bear children…”
A woman’s worth destroyed in thirteen syllables
Fertile soil now barren – hopeful heart destroyed and abandoned
Mama said it was for the best, I remember

Consumed by heartache, weighted by grief and despair
I sought love in the form of flying fists and rage
Black eyes and body bruises, Mama taught me well
I deserved it, I remember

Surgical steel piercing my vein
Injecting poison to numb my pain
Mama’s little ******
There was no escape, I remember.

The body has gone limp, heartbeat slowing
Discarded by a coward, left there overdosing
Silent screams as tears rolled down my cheeks
***** staining sweat-soaked sheets
I am fading and Mama can’t save me now
but I was born a warrior, I remembered

I begged God for mercy and fought my way back to the light
Never again will I be swallowed by the darkness of the night
I am immortal, and I remember everything.

Today I put a little flag
Down, beside a stone
Where grass and weeds were rampant
And the plot was overgrown

I knew not where he came from
I did not know his name
But, today I left a flag for him
As I'm sure he'd do the same

Today I put a little flag
Beside a soldiers lonely plot
Just to show we thank you
And that nobody forgot

A little flag beside a stone
For one who gave his all
A little flag beside a stone
For answering the call

Today I put a little flag
It waves there in the cold
For a soldier lies beneath the earth
Never ever growing old

A simple little gesture
For a soldier long since dead
I cleaned away the grass and growth
So his story could be read

Today I put a little flag
And I hope you'll do the same
Just to show that you were there
Though you do not know their name

Maybe leave a poppy there
It may blow to someone's door
With a thousand other poppies
From those who came before

Today I put a little flag
Beside a stone, so hard and white
For a soldier who gave all he had
Doing what he thought was right

Today I put a little flag
Beside a stone and then I cried
Remembering how young he was
We won't forget just why he died

Today...I put a little flag