To recollect my memory of you, Father
will be the greatest triumph I will gather.

Your comforting gaze will always be the one I long for
I had my share of quarrel with you, and yet you would always welcome me in your arms with this grace that you had.

These waves I ride today without you will always be remembered with great sorrow.

This life I have now Father, gives me the purpose to create things with these hands that you gave.
You will always be my greatest treasure, in this world full of maps to an unhidden treasure.

No caverns, caves, nor dark places will make me fear this life.
For Father you are with me.

Father, do not fear my existence.
I will give my life willingly to grace.
For this world carved me to be damaged.
But I remember you telling me to walk hard.
Thus, I will gladly jump into the fray with you by my side and spirit.

As I remember you on this 21st.
Know that you Father are my Prayer.
My soul.
My sanity.
My everything.
Let me be your reckoning.

I miss you father. With all the pieces of my heart.

I wish I could kiss the memory of you,
and travel back just once
to when I was naive enough
to hold you close
and feel my anxiety burn and frazzle out
in your arms;
when I was meek enough to nuzzle in
to your soft neck, your lying throat,
and whisper that I loved you
with warm breath I wasted
for two years,
or to finally remember
how unfit our bodies were
pressed together in the dark,
despite our cheery smiles
hidden in hot sheets,
because I want to kiss
something too good to be true
and pretend I don't know it.

past in a glaze,
   a veil of haze,
   cannot reminisce,
   lost time with
   you.

i miss the days when i was happy.
i miss the days when people cared about my well-being.
i miss the days when i could confidently say
“i love myself”
in the mirror each day.
but now there’s only nothing.
the numbness has rooted itself into my mind,
slowly leeching away a small part of me each day.
the friends i had have given up
on trying to cheer me up
after trying and failing
day
after
day.
i walk to class with my headphones in,
some radio station playing,
but no sound is able to penetrate past
the walls i have built
to keep myself safe
because you left.

-l.s.

"I never learned how to un-love people"
I told you on a lazy afternoon.
A yellow curtain changing the shades of the room that was blue
From lilac to green to the colors of the drops of dew.

"i cannot love you if you still love him"
You told me with a change in your tone

"but love can come in so many shapes! I could leave but still care although!"

Now the room Is still blue
And lilac
  And green
   But empty.

    I am six months into something new
      But i still never learned
        How to ever un-love
         Every heart that i one day knew.

I dipped my toe in the Atlantic
and wondered how long it would take to get to England on a rowboat
or to swim there outright
as if I would be so inclined in either fashion

I've seen **** and Jane through many trials
all the running, jumping, and frolicking
never really seemed book worthy
but I read on dutifully hoping they would surprise me

Eventually, I stopped reading the adventureless series
and grew into darker theories of life
that have lead me to ponder the distance
across the ocean to Neverland in ways that I couldn't actually attempt

Safe in my unathletic prestenses, yet vulnerable in my dreams
I remember the snowbirds that chased me
through childhood summers
I remember the accents and crystal blue eyes

I will remember your face... always
but I no longer remember your name

if you can be anything
be kind.

we are all just humans.
we laugh at cute cat videos,
hum little songs,
eat raw cookie dough and laugh when it makes one giant cookie mass.

life is made of these moments.
people deserve so much love.
how often do we remind our families we love them?
is it often enough?
how many days do we think only of ourselves.
human nature is beautiful and terrible and stunning.

somehow hate seeps through the cracks of time and makes us bitter and angry.

and it's fine to be angry.
just don't let it consume you.
remember sometimes that there
are old folks out there who still tease each other,
there are babies who giggle when you play peekaboo,
there are dogs with slobbery tongues who need head scratches,
there are children spinning and laughing when they fall.
humams are important.
we are special.

even people we say we hate.
i thought i hated my mom
but i know she cares
and i have seen her run when she thought i was in danger.
i have seen her break into tears at getting a DUI and trying to explain to a child that she might lose her job.

being human is tough.
our hearts harden trying to protect ourselves but
we end up locking people out.

in trying to avoid being hurt
we hurt the ones we love.

please never forget that each person you meet has more than just facet.
people are stunningly complex.
don't judge someome til you've walked two moons in their moccasins.

humans are worth so much.
i don't know what i am saying
but i mean it with all of me.
i love you.
you deserve so much.