The world doesn't hate me
But
It's too indifferent, you see...

Gusts of hot winds of change
But
They still remain hot and torrid...

It's like I walk alone in a desert
But
Your love is my oasis...

In my hand I hold a ****** pen
repeatedly staked
into my hole ridden heart.
-As I write walls around my mind,
I am locked so far away
from the scolding stares
of ignorant eyes.
I mark the trail of my escape by
Silently bleeding ink across the canvas,
that is my written world.

In my shaking hand I hold a pen,
A sword secretly unsheathed each night
To resist  the unrelenting
demons that dance in the depths of my mind.
Afraid to succumb to sleep
for the fight to seize a soul so shattered
that it longer swings, slashes and stabs
at the black hands holding down
the broken body
desperate for demented thoughts to dissipate.

In my hands I no longer hold a pen,
as out the throat that screams
of a self fulfilling prophesy of pain
protrudes a pen,
and as only silence survives
an empty shell stares back,
haunted by what I've done
longingly gazing at the light far above
as I crawl out the  black pit
I willingly plunged into
for the last time.

Trigger warning: Self harm, cutting


Lately, restraint has been my enemy
Too controlled
Too obsessive
Too withdrawn

But tonight
It saved me

In my head for dayyyssss
Endless barrage of temptation

...the scar has nearly faded...                          ...what if you just.....

...what would it look like...              

do you remember the feeling?

do you remember the rush?

don't you deserve that?

relief?

I was looking forward to it
But I knew I shouldn't
I reached out
Sought help
Exercised
Restraint

And you know what?
It felt pretty good.

I am in pain,
You are my relief.
You are amiable.
You are really sweet.
You are the reason of my Smile.
And the reason why my heart beat.
You are my life.
And YOU MAKE ME COMPLETE!!

~your smiling queen :)

I've been waiting for Death to come knocking-
On my front door, oh I've seen him stalking,
The lock is dusty, the screen door is creaking,
I think I hear him speaking,

And he says-

I've been patient; I'm Death, walking-
Down every side street, I hear people talking,
God, money, drugs while their life blood is leaking,
Nothing on Earth can stop me from seeking.

I hear Death, he's outside talking-
I walk out, the porch swing is rocking,
The chains are rusty and his voice is thinning,
I'm weak, he's at the beginning,

And we say-

I've been waiting for Death to come knocking-
On my front door, oh I've seen him stalking,
The lock is dusty, the screen door is creaking,
I think I hear him speaking.