It's all very overwhelming.


It's like an acid trip.


There are a lot of colors. There are a lot of sounds.


There's a certain serenity in that trip state.


There's too much happening.


Focus on the colors. Focus on the sounds.


What about my rationale?


Let the waves roll over you.


This is too much.

Give in.

No. I have to keep going.

Focus on the vibration of your essence.

I can't handle this.
I have to shut down.
I have to preserve.

Go numb.
Prioritize Preservation.

Your hate
I need that
Your emasculation
Fulfils me
Your unaccountabilty
Don't worry I'm responsible
That ***
I'm going to kiss that
That knife in my back
It's all good I can heal
Your pain and struggles
Blame it all on me

Why, is the superfluous one.
What, is unnecessary, too.
How & When & Where, then,
are inescapable.
     If you act on instinct,
how far will you go to self preserve?
When will you break?
Where will you turn?

Is it your self you'd extinguish,
or is it the other flames?
There can be only one,
but the prize is: death comes
down the path of least resistance
to take a multitude of shapes.

     As for my body,
nothing much to lose,
nothing left to save.

As for my body,
nothing much to lose,
nothing left to save.

To walk away from the person you love
because the relationship is unhealthy
takes so much courage
So to the women
and the men
who have chosen
to save themselves
I am so
proud
of you.

.

My everything swelled

Until my fear grew legs

So to carry me from you

And your everything too

.

i do not want to crack myself open for you any more.
i wish i could take back all of the love that i gave you and keep it for someone more deserving, keep it for myself.
i did not care enough for myself in the past. i want to change that.

i recognize that i deserve better. i deserve love, goodness, and health. i deserve happiness. pure joy. i deserve to feel good things, no matter how i felt in the past. even when i am at my lowest, even when i feel that i hate myself, i will continue to respect myself enough to not strip the love i need and want away from myself.

What if beauty was preserved?

Will it still carry the same significance?
Will preservatives slur her growth?
Will she still become who she was destined to be?
Will her natural beauty be enough to deny any need of preservation?

Towering above realities,
A facade of sorts,
     of protection
     of security
     of isolation
     of preservation
Attempts to bring down, break through..
                    chisel away piece by piece.
                    claw, scratch, dig.
Only the true get in..
Only the real get in..
Only the true persevere... Only the real persevere.