i set my ringtone to a heartbeat
because i don't feel mine
enough to comfort me anymore,
but i get enough texts
to make it feel real.
i feel your words
trying to breathe me back to life,
but they aren't powerful enough
to do any good.
tell me to my face,
make the words more than words,
let me hear your voice crack
as you speak the truth that hurts you to be real,
write them out with your mother's lipstick
on your bathroom mirror at 3am again
just to bring them to life,
to make sure you're alive
and i'm alive
and i'm not living in a completely made-up universe.
your words are drumming against my ribs,
which are cracking and caving under the pressure and strain,
and the dread can't seem to find any of the exits.
my anxiety is here, trying to comfort me,
trying to lull me into her arms,
and she's holding my hand,
but it feels like it's 100 degrees when she's around
even though it's snowing outside
and so cold in my room that i can see my breath,
the only proof i'm a living human and not fiction or made up.
and she won't let go
because she's scared if she leaves me alone, i'll be alone forever.
i think my anxiety fears being alone more than i do.
my bones tremble when i'm alone
and they never seem to fully stop.
goosebumps cover me like blankets,
but nothing warms me anymore.

So when you rang me up,
Just to scream abuse down the telephone line,
Before throwing yours against a wall,
I thought:
You should have been kinder,
If not for the sake of my bleeding ears;
Perhaps for the sake of the mobiles,
That held no fault,
Yet were forced to relay
each punch dipped in hatred,
thrown across the hurt we made.

Last time you called
Just to call me names,
I thought to say:
Don't shoot your messenger,
As you point the blame,
Think about our phones,
Before you take your aim.
But at least you called,
Could you call again?

You sit there by the phone
Waiting
Waiting for it to ring because you know the minute you leave it alone

Buzz
                                          Buzz
           ­                                                                 ­       Buzz

But you can’t hear it

Until you get back to see a missed call
But it is a missed call from someone you didn’t want to talk to
You are waiting for that special person to call you
To tell you about their day
You miss their voice
Their voice has given you comfort in the past but now they need you
They need you to be strong for them
But for you to do that
You have to hear their voice
Hear how broken they could be
But you missed their call
You try calling them back

Ring
                                        Ring
                                                                ­                  Ring
Nothing

So you just sit there
Waiting
Waiting for them to call you back now

We smile through eyes of sadness
Contradicting the choices we make,
Within hearts once full of gladness,
We smile just for old times sake.

In a land of decaying democracy,
Breaking down every wall once built,
Controlled by their vials of hypocrisy,
Injecting us with industrial filth.

Determined by the touch of a button,
Technology is the hope of all loss,
Like lamb dressed down as mutton,
Covering up the truth at all cost.

In a world full of corruption,
Stale from the greed of power,
We feebly await the eruption,
Whilst bravely sitting back too cower.

Then when all has become too little,
When we have sat back and waited to late,
When we are all too weak and brittle,
Have we succumbed to our chosen fate?

Lets not wait for fate to choose us,
Lets reach out for tomorrows dream,
No more watching the corrosion of rust,
Lets put a stop to yesterdays scream.

These things I like to call
A disease
Everyone has them
In their hands
Pockets
Backpacks
In front of your face
All the time
Never
Left at home
Turned off

You stole
My friends
My time
My joy
Fresh air
Family time
Face to face conversations
And you keep me on the couch

You use me for everything
Alarm clocks
Notes
Photos
Videos
Movies
And even as a computer

You started off the size of a brick
And as time passed
You got smaller
Then bigger
And flatter
Like a pocket sized tv

You have become such a disease
That not many of us
Can live without you
But you have become a sad necessity
That should never have been
You are a want not a need
So stop and let me have
My life back
The creativity your blocking
The great times of playing games together
Board or card or games outdoors
But not on you

You
You dull our brains
You mess with our memories
Because all the numbers you keep
You mess with our sleep patterns
You cause us depression
And anxiety
Because we apparently need you in our lives
When in the past you were not here
And we can do it again
Even with you here