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Aaron LaLux Sep 18
I wanted to say something with some significance urgently,
but like usual, I just bit my tongue & swallowed my words,
washing my words down unwillingly with plural rounds,
of complimentary shots from the open bar,

she didn’t even notice, because, as usual she was,
stuck on her phone, serving it more than it served her,

I wanted to remind her urgently, that I was there,
that she was there as well, that we were there,
I wanted to remind her urgently, to remember the memories,
before they were permanently gone, & forgotten forever,

lost in the sands of time, stuffed in the depths of our minds,
gone like skeletons in closets, faded like colors in sunsets, washed away like sand castles by the sea,
she was only ever there during ***,

only then would our souls connect & our eyes meet,
only then would she be present, without interference,
& our *** was the best, no debate, carnal yet caring,
physical yet spiritual, gentle yet rough, selfless yet selfish,

still as good as the *** was, I wanted more,
I wanted more of her, I wanted more of her there with me,

for I felt that all too familiar feeling of impermanence,
that this too would pass, as everything does,
that we too wouldn’t last & that time was our nemesis,
this gave me anxiety & anguish, so bad I wanted to speak up,
but I just clammed up, I bit my tongue, swallowed my words,
& swept all these underlying emotions under the rug,

see we were doing good, good enough to not make a scene,
or at least it seemed, & I didn’t wish to mess things up for us,

didn’t wish to arouse her inner child,
for that child was fierce, that child was a terror,
that child could be sweet but also bitter,
that child was sometimes a dream, but mostly a nightmare,

life is, sometimes a dream, but, mostly a nightmare,
so I didn’t make current waves, I just rode surfer waves,
as we rode in Uber cars, driven by newer slaves,
wanted nothing more for us than a way to escape,

wanted nothing more from her, nothing except her time,
how silly am I, to want the only thing that money can’t buy,

I wanted to say something with some significance urgently,
but like usual, I just bit my tongue & swallowed my words,
washing my words down unwillingly with plural rounds,
of complimentary shots from the open bar,

after a decent amount of time, maybe a few months,
I finally spoke, words which to this day I still regret,
words that would set in motion our end,
even though I didn’t know it yet,

I said,

“You love that phone more than you love me, so I’m leaving!”,
this sentence, like all the most hurtful sentences are,
was made up of a combination of truth, anger, & passion,
was made out of a sense of desperation, hatred, & love,

& I don’t know if you can actually witness a heartbreak,
but if you can, if you can witness & actually recognize it,
then I saw her heart break in that moment,
& it signified the beginning of our end catalyzing,

her heart broke for all the reasons a heart breaks,
she felt betrayed, attacked, misunderstood, & neglected,
she felt she had given me her everything & that I rejected it,
that I’d disrespected it & worst of all felt I didn’t detect it,

there were no tears, there was no explanations,
no reaction, no pleading, no reasoning,
there were only misinterpreted intentions for no reason,
& an escalation of arguments used as excuses for our abuses,

the truth is, I loved her,
more than any girl before, or any girl after,

but you know what they say,
you never really miss what you have until it’s gone,
you never really miss who you have until they’re gone,
you never get a chance to say goodbye once they’re gone,

“c’est la vie” life goes on, even when account’s overdrawn,
morally bankrupt, we broke up, as most couples eventually do,
going our separate ways with severed ties & broken hearts,
each of us holding separate parts of each other’s lies & truth.

We went cold turkey, no calls, no emails, no text.

We didn’t speak for months, still I thought about her every day.

It’s strange how close someone can feel,
even when they are so far away,
it’s strange how far someone can feel,
even when they are right there with you,
sometimes I feel closer to someone, when they are not there,
if you love someone let them go,
the heart only grows fonder with time,
& if they return some day you know that they’re there to stay.

One day, I don’t remember the exact day, I called her,
craving to hear her soft tones in my ears once more,
to my surprise she answered, “Who’s this?”
“It’s me.”, I replied to remind her,
there was a long pause,
“Oh, my Love, it’s been months!” she exclaimed excitedly,
months in this city can feel like years,
“So good to hear from you Babe, can I text you later?”,
the sentence didn’t make sense,
I didn’t desire another text conversation,
I desired to hear her voice, to see her face,
still, it had been months,
& I didn’t want to scare her off with overt emotions,
it’s a strange time when people are scared of love letters,
I wanted to tell her,
that time is passing faster than any of us realize,
that life is too short,
to not spend every living moment with someone you love,
that we should be celebrated as miracles,
not neglected as mistakes to be ignored,
I wanted to say something so bad, but like usual,
I just bit my tongue & swallowed my words,
reminding me of all those nights we’d spent at the bar,
so in order not to startle her I only said “Ok.”,
she said, “Thanks!”, & we both hung up our phones,
thinking she wouldn’t text back, & I’d again be left alone,

to my surprise, she called me that same night,
& confessed she loved my madly,
& that us being together in this world of wrong,
seemed like the only thing that felt right anymore,

so we made a plan, to have dinner the next day,
& every moment in anticipation, felt like forever to wait,

we were to meet at this little bistro on Sunset,
I arrived a bit early just in case & shot her a text,
she texted me back instantly saying she was on her way,
felt as eager sitting there as a high school kid on his first date,

to my shock & surprise she stood me up, at first I was upset,
until I learned that in her defense it wasn’t her fault,
see she’d died in a car crash on Crescent Heights & Sunset,
cause of death a text she was sending me before she crashed,

in that last moment, she’d sent me a text that was never sent, & I later found out when I read it that this is what it said,

“Baby I love you, sorry I’m late, I’m on my way, see you soon.”.

& we’re still waiting,  
but now the tables have turned,
now she’s waiting for me to get off my phone,
& come back home.

So I send this message to her in Heaven in hopes it’s received,
“Baby I love you, sorry I’m late, I’m on my way, see you soon.”..

∆ LaLux ∆

Poem #55 from the best selling poetry book
THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available here: www.amazon.com/dp/B07XJRBSKD
Aaron LaLux Sep 16
... Give me one reason to stay here,
& I’ll turn right back around,
said I don’t want to leave you lonely,
you’ve got to make me change my mind now,
give me one reason to stay here, & I’ll turn right back around,
& no money won’t help not at all not in any amount,
I’m past possessions & almost past The Point of No Return,
so at this point I see no point in turning back now,

like Tracy Chapman, Bruce Wayne Batman, or Tracy Morgan, like the Joker, Heath Ledger, Edgar Poe, or Captain Morgan,

or a Spacey Captain,
or a **** Batman ready for action,
just not actually Kevin Spacey,
we all know what happened,

we can imagine, so there’s no need for a reenactment,

I know I’m handsome,
thanks for the compliment, I’m flattered,
but not interested, ‘cause I just don’t find guys that attractive,
so quit the harassment & passive aggressive temper tantrums,

& quit asking for a dance,
you already have your answer,
I only give straight facts fam,
don’t know those fake strangers,

don’t need the gold you try to coax me with, soul’s platinum,
not a flash in the pan scam, I scan more than you can imagine,
hindsight 20/20 vision, I read the whole thing backwards,
from the final ending, to lights camera action,

gone till November,
leaving on a jet plane to Denver,
more Tracy Chapman than Tracy Morgan,
more Jon Wayne than Jon Denver,
more Honcho than Jon Doe, more Pronto than Macho,
more Brando than Tonto, full throttle no turning back now,

won’t back down,
feel most alive in times when I almost die,
the real thing, we vroom vroom we do don’t try try,
no need to try to live this life when you really live that life,

why sail the high seas when you can reach Heaven & fly?

Living The Life of Lives, living The Dream of Dreams,
one dream at a time, lucidly asking,  “What do you mean?”,

I mean, for real, for really real, how do you really feel? ...

continued in poem #74 in
THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3 available here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XJRBSKD
Aaron LaLux Sep 16
...so strong she was,
for being so delicate,
I asked her how her molestations had happened,
so she could express herself & maybe make some sense of it,

she said she didn’t exactly know,
I asked her if she’d ever gone to the police,
she said definitely no, I asked her why not,
& what she said next seriously surprised me,
she said she never wanted to get the men in trouble,
because she felt sorry for the guys,
as much as they’d abused her,
she had pity for them & always tried to empathize,

this hit me like the heaviest of epiphanies, tears hit my eyes,

she said she’d talked to each one,
after they’d done what they’d done,
she talked to her father,
& also to her grandfather,
she told them she understood it wasn’t their fault,
they had a perverse disease that became a problem,
or more specifically a distorted sickness,
& that this cycle had to stop no there was no other option.

THIS CYCLE HAS TO BE STOPPED.

I shouldn’t have to be the voice for these girls,
& be the one that talks about ****,
she shouldn’t have to share these secrets with me secretly,
because these things shouldn’t happen in the first place,

but this is not a world of should’ves’ & could’ves’,
this is a world of exacts,
this is a world of loud brags & silent abuses,
& I’m sick of this sickness what’s wrong with us?...

excerpt from poem #32 of THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3
available worldwide 9/9/19 here: www.amazon.com/dp/1950780023

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆
Aaron LaLux Sep 13
The first 10 people that Message me or Comment on this post will get sent a code to download my new book THHT3: The Hollywood Hills Trilogy 3 for FREE from Amazon RIGHT NOW.

Let's go!

Also here's the direct link if you want to check THHT3 out on Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/B07XJRBSKD
Aaron LaLux Sep 7
...on a tangent,
writing lines on my laptop as my emotions run rampant,
in a parking lot outside a Sprouts on Santa Monica Blvd.,
typing vows like they might make some kind of difference,
woke up, restless, on the wrong side of the bed today,
welcomed back, to this Waking Life with tightness in my chest,
& this relentless feeling of eternal loneliness I can’t shake,
which has got me thinking, maybe some souls can’t be saved,
& maybe that’s why I’m now sitting in my car,
with tears in my eyes & nowhere to drive,
because there’s nowhere I want to go,
other than back to the one place where my love was denied,

the only place I want to go,
is back into the arms of the one that let me go,
but she’s so far gone memories seem like only dreams now,
even though I’m not dreaming, I’m wide awake, woke,

I feel so far away from her, for real, it’s almost unbearable, tears start to flow, I think about taking my own life, but don’t,
instead I shake it off, write it down, get these words out of me, to show we all hurt & it’s okay to lose control,

& yeah I know I’ve got nothing really to complain about,
because I’ve got a great life & all that,
but knowing my life is better than most of those in this world,
doesn’t really make me feel better or enhanced,
in fact, it actually makes me more depressed,
it makes me wonder what hope we have left,
as the forests burn, the wars rage,
& the polar bears frantically panic on ever melting ice caps,
& I’m constantly aware of all of these obvious facts,
& maybe that’s why I’m in my car with tears in my lap,
lost with no motivation running out of time & patience,
can’t see a future, feel the present, or remember the past,
This Unruly Mess We’ve Made looks great, shout out to Mac,
but it wasn’t built to last so how much more can it withstand?...

excerpt from poem #63 of THHT3:
The Hollywood Hearts Trilogy Vol 3
available worldwide 9/9/19
Aaron LaLux Sep 4
Remember Your Self [3]

I don’t write because I want to, it’s not exactly pleasurable,
I write because I have to, it’s an addiction, it’s compulsory,
I write because someone’s got to document the events of us,
& our experiences in the collective epoch in this living history,

this whirlwind life that’s such a rush of blurs it’s obscured,
especially in a place as stimulating as Hollywood,
where it’s all too easy to get lost in the intoxicating limelights,
especially when ego strokes are handed out free-of-charge,
expensive tastes are paid, constant cheap thrills are supplied,
there’s an open bar complete with complimentary bottles,
models that’re gorgeous, fortunes that’s enormous sized,
inside are pop chart artists, lots of toxins for thirsty nostrils,
plus encore nights, because you always get the hottest invites,
to the most exclusive events to party with American idols,

but in the sauce of all that awesomeness,
try not to forget yourself & get lost in it,
see Hollywood can certainly be good for your ego,
but can also be bad for your health & often is,

Hollywood,
where people don’t care who you are, only what you are,

Hollywood,
where people only care about you as long as it feeds their ego,
even though one must starve the ego to feed the soul,
they should know, you must starve the ego to feed the soul.

Though it seems these days we’ve got it all backwards,
we feed the ego while starving the soul,
see these superficial feelings are only emotional actors,
our selves are the stage & they’re just playing their roles,

kinda like when you think it’s me that you’re holding,
but in reality it’s just my body it’s not my soul you hold,

oh I’m first to admit I see all of this, but I’m not an Apologist,
so I don’t apologize, see I’m an Emotional Anthropologist,
so I write words with no apologies to try & describe all of this,
for all of us in the form of Poetic Literary Ambiance Lists,

I write these soulful love letters, to our future past selves,
so hopefully we can remember to remember the memories,
& in turn remember remember our selves,
& that’s why I write these literary anthropologies,

I don’t write because I want to, it’s not exactly pleasurable,
I write because I have to, it’s an addiction, it’s compulsory,
I write because someone’s got to document the events of us,
& our experiences in the collective epoch in this living history..

∆ LaLux ∆

from THHT3: The Hollywood Hearts Trilogy vol. 3
available worldwide 9/9/19
Aaron LaLux Sep 3
All those years worn,
you never did make it outta The Valley,
all those feature film premieres, never did land a starring roll,
or get any recognition, let alone an Oscar from The Academy,

all those foggy eyed groggy times,  you were probably high,
all those checks you cashed, for your non refundable time,

waking up one day, wondering where it all went,
driving a car with a lease more expensive your apartment’s,

still stuck in that same apartment, off Ventura Blvd.,
still a B-List actor ******* that A-List ****,
still getting haircuts from stylist, still racking up milage,
got more clothes in your closet than dollars in the bank,

& in the end after it’s all said & done & all the time is spent,
& you’re finally spent, what’ll you have left to show for it all?

All those years worn,
spent suspended in mid air, baking in The Valley,
all those times you attended, those feature film premieres,
still no recognition, let alone an Oscar from The Academy..

∆ LaLux ∆

from The Hollywood Hearts Trilogy Vol. 3:
Dark Lights | Bright Shadows
9/9/19

I'm letting it all go, telling it like it is in Hollywood. This book is the one. Get it, or if you can't afford the $3, let me know and I'll buy it for you.
Aaron LaLux Aug 30
Tea With Yoda [50]

Having a Tea Ceremony,
with Yoda in a pagoda,
they say life’s a ladder,
He says it’s more like a totem,

trying to make ends meet for ends meat,
by exceeding expectations & meeting quotas,

trying to make my six senses see as clear as my mentor’s,
a Sensi with stressless sensibilities yet infinite responsibilities,
He’s a mature mixture of past scriptures & vast futures,
the perfect fusion to provide ideal solutions effectively,
to dispel all of the confusing illusions that currently occur,
so that my six senses can make sense of it & see clearly,  
& that’s exactly why I’m grateful He’s my mentor,
I clear my mind when I enter his temple & listen attentively,

He’s Mr. Miyagi,  Professor X, Stephen Miles, Morpheus,  
Gandalf, Splinter, & Obi Wan, all rolled into one,
His composition is awesome so when taking lessons,
I make sure to be free of all distractions going on,

attempting to not take meetings yet people keep calling,
but phone’s off so I don’t see nor take note of the notifications,
I just go off like a boat on the edge of Niagara with no motor,
got expense taste life’s great though no time to be wasting,

gotta find a way to keep speed without delay & without haste,
because patience is key but time won’t wait,

so I stay totally outta touch with the clubs & the whole scene,
so focused I don’t even notice those overblown cokeheads,
light so bright that I’m always getting it in even when I go out,
light always burns but never burns out even at it’s lowest,
heard them mention a question but didn’t return the gesture,
was unsure of their motives plus the question sounded loaded,
goin' all in outta control only thing I limit is my exposure,
on balance with my talents in a pair of New Balances,
meanwhile they’re still trying to gain their composure,
I swear to God I’m not a rock nor in a hard place,
but I do rock Ohms on mountain tops complete with boulders,
shout out to Colorado though I boast low key so no bravado,
soul sans ego, modest & honest like a Buffalo Soldier,
no need to buy game it’s already in the bag sewed close,
& I’m relaxed shoes off spine upright aligned in the Lotus,
having a Tea Ceremony, with Yoda in a pagoda,

having a Tea Ceremony, with Yoda in a pagoda,
they say life’s a ladder, He says it’s more like a totem,
trying to make ends meet for ends meat,
by exceeding expectations & meeting quotas…

∆ LaLux ∆
@aaronlalux
from THHT3: Dark Lights & Bright Shadows 9/9/19
Aaron LaLux Aug 12
from THHT3: Dark Shadows & Bright Lights
99 Poems
available worldwide 9/9/19

That That Is (Mike Posner Vibes)

That feeling in your gut, that tingle in your spine,
those goosebumps on skin, that voice that speaks from inside,
that energy in the crowd, that aura in the air,
that vibe, that sense that there’s so much more out there,
though maybe nothing really matters,
& maybe that’s why no one seems to care,
is that fact depressing or liberating,
does it fill you with hope or despair,
probably both.
Collective Existence is a Totalitarian Democracy,
there’s an all seeing Supreme Being but still you can vote,
the Coronary Donor is a Poetic Loner,
that honors the Moment by walking across the globe,
as he contemplates growing a beard like Mike Posner,
he writes composures as he goes forward down Life’s Road,
hoping for healing so he can have closure,
but can’t escape that feeling in his gut, that tingle in his spine,
those goosebumps on skin, that voice that speaks from inside,
that energy in the crowd, that aura in the air,
that vibe, that sense that there’s so much more out there…

∆ LaLux ∆

from THHT3: Dark Shadows & Bright Lights
99 Poems
available worldwide: 9/9/19

#mikeposner #poppoetry #poppoem #emopoetry #emopoem
Aaron LaLux Apr 1
Another prophet who got his top knocked off,
this system’s toxic thought we’d found hope but lost it,
Nipsey Hussle shot down outside his clothing store Marathon,
live and die in LA grow up only to get shot down on Slauson in Compton,

and the irony is that he was taken out,
in the same neighborhood he had invested in,
from Proud2Pay to AfroTech Nip was a Community Activist,
in a system of force fed poisons he was medicine,

and maybe that’s why he was martyred,
just like MLK Tupac and Marley,
this is all real life in living color,
life’s not a Game but this is The Documentary,

every word true,

I mean do you,
think it’s just a coincidence,
that Nip was murdered when,
it was announced he was about to come out with a film,

about Dr. Sebi,
the herbalist,
who was also possibly murdered when,
he went public with claims of curing AIDS and other illnesses,

nothing random about this act of violence,
it makes so much sense when you think about it,
nothing senseless in the message,
I mean seriously think about it,

MLK shot on 4/4 at 39,
NIP shot on 3/31 at age 33,
why do the most violent things happen,
to the brothers that preach the most peace,

it all makes sense everything adds up,
but most will probably dismiss this just as another conspiracy,
I mean I guess it doesn’t matter ‘cause nothing will bring Cuz back,
RIP NIP Rest in Peace Nipsey another brother gone to young at 33,

and it’s all so eery it’s creepy,
all the above evidence plus,
“Having enemies is a blessing.”,
was his last tweet,

as the words of his last sound sit in my ears as they ring,

“**** I wish my n!gga Fats was here,
how’d you die at 30 somethin’ after bangin’ all them years,
Grammy nominated in the sauna shedding tears,
all this money power fame and I can’t make you reappear.”…

RIP NIP

∆ LaLux ∆

LA 2019
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