There’s a sign posted outside of the classroom door,
Printed in big, bolded, letters
Forming the words:
“No Phones.”

What?
No phones?
A student, a girl, to be more specific,
Has her phone out in class.
“No phones.”
“But I need to text my mom!”
Excuses, excuses.

What?
No phones?
A student, a boy, to be more specific,
Has his phone out in class.
“No phones.”
“But I need to text my dad!”
Excuses, excuses.

“No phones.”
“I need to text the girl who never replies.
I need to call the girl who never answers.”
The room falls silent.
A heavy, chest crushing,
Silence.

A few days before,
A girl was found hanging by a thread.
She was the girl who needed to text her mom in class.

“No phones.”
“I need to talk to the boy who never speaks,
I need to contact the boy who never goes out.”
Again,
The room falls silent.
A bone crunching, skull splitting,
Silence.

A few days after the girl,
A boy was found with a bullet in his head.
He was the boy who needed to text his dad in class.

Wait.
What was that?
No phones?

Dem phones, dem phones, dem iPhones,
Dem phones, dem phones, dem iPhones,
Dem phones, dem phones, dem iPhones,
Now praise the Lord for the Web.

The Apple phone’s connected to the Vodaphone,
And the Vodaphone’s connected to the Google Zone,
The Google Zone’s connected to the Web Zone,
Oh hear the Lord of the Word.

Well the phone’s connected to a browser
And it fits very neatly in your trouser.
The browser connects you to the Internet
Faster than the fastest speed-jet,
Just the place for a quick bet.
Oh hear the Lord of the Word.

It might get you onto Facebook
Or teach you how to be good cook
Find you some ladies for a good…
Time.

Now Praise the Lord of The Word.

Paul Butters