a sea of green
and we are swimming in it
some drowning, others floating
this park
full of bright, full and illustrious green
and we are scattered,
finding our way
searching for that one tree that calls us forward
the bench that will cradle us as we cover it in tears
the penumbra in the open space
this park holds us
a hub of nature in a metal box
the centre
surrounded by equal bursts of laughter, a chirp, a ball hitting a mitt, a hush of wind through trees, the rumble of a streetcar
once I believed and wished I could bring someone to this park
like this couple, intertwined on a yellow towel,
hands and feet so tangled it is as if they sit in a cocoon,
I used to wish that I could take someone through the green,
swimming until we find a shore,
a space for us,
instead I watch dark haired men kick a ball
back and forth,
back and forth
under the backdrop of that tower
and I watch five girls in grey and black be immortalized in a camera,
leaning on trees,
and smiling vividly,
and I see a white dog be consumed by the thought of catching this tiny ball,
it is his world
and as I watch these people.
I wonder if they watch me
if they watched me that day I fell
that day I stumbled to that bench by the diamond
two people sit on it now, surrounded by bikes
but they don’t know that I melted there
I dissolved into a pool of salt
I still can’t remember my trajectory through this park, but maybe they do
maybe I should ask that broad shouldered man what my breath sounded like
or that woman with the toddler how I walked
or that purple haired girl what I was doing with my hands
I don’t remember
but I continue to return
this sea of green
is where I drowned
but where, amongst the brush,
I pushed my way through
I dived through those leaves and pushed back those branches and let the thorns scrape my skin
and I emerged
near the marble arch, on the cobbled streets
I rose to the surface of that arch and I floated
and I must remind myself
every time I come through that entry
not to sink
to swim,
to float
in this green
to look up and see the surface, dotted with clouds
painted with blue
and see the yellow smile that brushes its way onto my face
and feel safe
I am found in this sea.
I am me in this sea.

You took me to the park
And we sat on the swings
We talked for hours
And I didn't even realize the lapse in time.
You're proud of me, I think.
Proud to be with me, I think, while you take pictures of me to show.
I laugh and smile, and self conscientiously act, the usual first date second date I don't know what even.
My interests, my problems. Your advice, your plans.
In sync.
I don't know where to go from here,
I just hope it keeps on going.

there is something beautiful about a memory
that reaches from the pit of your stomach
latches onto your heart
and pulls it under your lungs
placing you in a moment
that once saturated the marrow of your bones

when you close your eyes you can
feel, see, and be just as it was
with carrots, a park bench, the night sky,
a bottle of spanish wine
and his arms cradling you against
the chilling wind

it takes you so deeply into
the inscription he carelessly carved
across the back of your eyes that
when you open them again and exhale
you find it fogging the midsummer air
releasing the very breaths you took
by his side

Once, I read about a theme park
The roller coasters reached the bottoms of the clouds and
the speeds broke the sound barrier
Children went there daily
They laughed and they screamed and they smiled from dawn until dusk
They won prizes
and they were very much alive

I went to look up that theme park last month
The rides had all shut down
And they were completely still
Nobody had touched it in years
The streets of this city that were once full of life
Were dull and motionless
The windows were broken
The prizes were gone
The bright lights of all colors
were now empty shattered bulbs

The only emotion was empty
All of the happiness and joy
And the laughter and life
Was completely gone
I think of this often
How one place can hold such life one day
and the next be as good as dead?

I saw myself in this corpse
My body, decaying
The joy I would feel and the dancing and laughter has
now all turned to a blank slate of gray
My mind had shut it all away and I am nothing
I once held better days
But now I am a broken roller coaster
Abandoned and corroded
Because I once got so high
And I once moved so fast

But now I am frozen in my place, hidden away

Forgotten like an erased word off a paper

Once, I read about a theme park

And all I learned was I am empty too