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Gemini Nov 2019
One where I’m happy –
Where I can laugh with sincere glee.
I can appreciate all the things given to me.
I can look in the mirror,
and like what I see.
It’s a world so perfect –
a world where I want to be.

But then, there’s another –
a world full of misery.
Where every time I meet my own eyes,
I wonder why I even try.
I don’t like my smile, my laugh, or my thighs.
Sometimes I wish, even with temporary bliss,
that I was blind.

I doubt all I am and all I ever will be.
I don’t trust myself or anyone around me.
I try to be strong and to keep my head high,
But it’s exhausting – going back and forth.

Up, then down.

Ecstatic, then depressed.

Something, then nothing.

Two worlds, I live in…

Yet neither belong to me.
three worlds, really, but two important ones
LaFayette Oct 2019
In my defense, I swear
It wasn’t my idea
She said she was lonely
Needed a friendly ear

I thought we were friends
Turns out more than that
She asked to undress
I’m on the phone, who cares

I kept my pants on, mostly
And didn’t talk much
I really didn’t need to
She had her own fun

Then you and I dated
I never expected it
She gives me weird looks
I think she remembers it
Each time I shave my face,
I scrutinize with my eyes,
To look for my mistakes,
But my eyes, they fraternize,
With the enemy on my chin,
And so, too late,
When on a date,
I feel them with my fingers
Lydeen Aug 2019

I fu




Now I'm under

                 and key

wEll ****.
hannah Aug 2019
I am a panoply
Of all things inane
My mind is half gone
And my dreams
Are a mess of the dead
I'm probably concussed
And I can't feel my legs
So let's go steal Greenland
To wash away the pain
This is really bad. I was listening to stuff about Trump in the news, and then I slammed my head into a wall, so... yeah. Now this exists, and it's bad, and I probably shouldn't post it.
Isla Winters Jun 2019
I talked to them yesterday,
I told them my feelings, giving my brightest smile,
They gave me one too, but one of pity,
I'm not the one they want.

I was happy yesterday,
They said yes to my feelings,
smiling at the possibilities,
It only lasted two hours before regret,
The 'almost' coming to an end.

I was messaged last evening,
A paragraph on my social media,
I thought it was to talk about the day,
But it wasn't in the way I expected.

They went back on their words,
Told me sorry they don't have the time,
I said I was relieved and that "I'll be fine!"
But all I wanted to do was scream for the 'almost'.

I almost had it,
The feeling of being enough to someone,
I wanted to feel that about myself,
But I wanted help doing so,
I cannot blame them for not feeling for me,
It's their feelings not mine,
But I wish they never thought me fragile,
As it exposes what I've hidden in time.

I will forget them inevitably,
After all I always do,
Suppressing feelings and memories,
But I can't help but think of almost,
And the 'almost' that was almost there.

And here I am in my bed,
Still waiting for that almost to be had.
Lot Mar 2019
Red and white vivid
The colours swirl together
Down the kitchen drain
Eleanor Sinclair Jan 2019
I have a dilemma in heart and mind
My brain to me is so unkind
Do I suppress my evil thoughts
With a measly prescription, store bought?
I’m staying strong for him
But some days depression wins
And my anger bubbles up
So instead I wash it down with a cup
Of water and a little nauseating pill
It’s blue and powerful, it often makes me ill
I worry to start again
Because I could barely stop back then
It’s not worth the toll
So I flush them down the toilet bowl
Mar Dec 2018
I have a lot of problems
That seem to get pushed aside
Because I’m “smart enough”
Or I’m “able to go through this”
I’m tired of being told I can do it
I’m tired of being told
Because quite frankly,
I don’t think that it’ll be okay
My feelings are raging,
And one expects to quell them using
That mean absolutely nothing to me
I just want someone to resonate with me.
I just want someone that resonates with me.
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