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Gemini Nov 2019
One where I’m happy –
Where I can laugh with sincere glee.
I can appreciate all the things given to me.
I can look in the mirror,
and like what I see.
It’s a world so perfect –
a world where I want to be.

But then, there’s another –
a world full of misery.
Where every time I meet my own eyes,
I wonder why I even try.
I don’t like my smile, my laugh, or my thighs.
Sometimes I wish, even with temporary bliss,
that I was blind.

I doubt all I am and all I ever will be.
I don’t trust myself or anyone around me.
I try to be strong and to keep my head high,
But it’s exhausting – going back and forth.

Up, then down.

Ecstatic, then depressed.

Something, then nothing.

Two worlds, I live in…

Yet neither belong to me.
three worlds, really, but two important ones
Gemini Jun 2019

There’s something I have to say.

I know it might not seem true, but lately, I feel really…

It gets really bad when the sun goes down,
and I wonder what life’s all about.

It doesn’t really seem like there’s much to it,
No reason to be – no reason to get through it.

I can’t fall asleep and I can’t run from it.
How many nights until I give in to it?

But then the sun comes up,
chasing away the dark clouds hiding its rays.

And suddenly my questions seem silly,
and I can make it through the day,
like anyone else.

But when I’m all alone, alone once again,
I’m left wondering why I try.

Why I smile.

I don’t feel like I mean much to anyone.
I don’t feel like I mean much to myself.

I don’t like who I am and I don’t know if I can.
I don’t think that I have much going for me.

Will I be happy? Will I succeed?

Is there a happy ending for me?

Is there a happy ending for anyone?
Most of my poetry was written years ago and no matter how angsty it may be, I still find myself wanting to publish it.
Gemini Feb 2019
I’ve made a few mistakes down the road
Some keep me up late at night
I didn’t think then they would make me lose control
And it hurts how much they impact my life

Back then I never thought how or why or when
this or that could come back to haunt me again
I was foolish and desperate and blind, I know now
And because of that, I have ****** up my life

Guilt, more guilt, it eats me alive
It doesn’t matter how young I was,
Not in a predator’s eyes
A mistake is a mistake and it will nail me to my grave

No coming back from that now
What will they say, what will they do,
is there a kind of escape I can hope for - am I doomed?  

Just let me live in peace, just let me scrape by
I’m terrified the life I haven’t lived is over,
I’m terrified I won’t find my light

I’ll say it once, I’ll say it twice
I’ll say it as many times as I need
I’m sorry, I apologize, I’ll get down on my knees
But please, oh please –

Don’t hold my adolescent sins against me
Gemini Sep 2018
Do you know what path you seek?
I know not what I want, not what I dream.
But still all I see is an open road –  
taking me back, taking me home.

Trees are green and skies are blue,
I have a feeling I’m searching for you.
In this life or the next and the last,
all I can think of is your whispered laugh.

So deep in the forest where the birds all sing,
let’s make a house of branches and leaves.
Away from the city, away from the noise,
comforted only by each other’s voice.

What more could I ask?
What more could I need?
Love is far more important to me.
Leave all your worries, leave all your doubts.

Together right here, together right now.
I used to sing the second to last verse to my sister when she was upset and would go hide behind a tree in the backyard. She's a cutie.
  Sep 2018 Gemini

I truly wish I could have a caged
heart at times
I've gone through so many years, listening...
To it yelling
To it screaming
To it shrieking
To it roaring
To it cursing
To it crying
To it dying
But most of all, to it lying.
All so I don't suffer the bitter
and harsh truth

And what better way to cope
than with a heart that whispers
and weaves a grand tapestry of lies

But those threads spun are, in
fact, gossamer

There's always a heaviness with
lovely lies, lies that I have trained
my mind to believe
my nails dug deep out of nothing
but desperation

Hearts are wild by nature, by design
How that's just a mere understatement

There is nor will there ever be
a tame heart
As cliche as it sounds, it wants what it wants,
and would do all it can to get it
It will slip through the ribs,
be out of its cage only to come
back with a twisted knife sheathed into it

and I
must bear the pain
There's only so much I can listen to...
To put a end to the poisonous whispers
that were so seductive, that made me feel secure...

And now I struck a deal
Shaking hands with the power of my mind
and ***** my heart with the Sleeping

So I can work for my own happiness,
for my dream of stability

When I have that in hand,
with the help of the mind,
I will wake up my heart

and truly set it free...

Listening to your heart is hard at times.
Your mind tells you one thing, the heart says another
and ends up doing something so **** impulsive.

Anyway, thank you so so much for 223 followers!
I'm truly grateful! ^^
Lyn ***
  Sep 2018 Gemini
Jeff Stier
In this life
we are sculpted down
to bone
burned to cinders
and our ash
tossed without regret
into the four winds

I wish I could live.
Be a man.
Find comfort in the sun.

But every cell in my body
revolts against time
cries out against the sun
speaks in tongues
for the sole purpose
of creating an outrage
against God.

Oh Lord!
How did you make us thus?
And why?
Above all

We are made metal
and in the end
alloy with the sun.

Our breath is drawn
to fuel that fire
bring life to a boil
if luck prevails
to wake each morning
in comfort
and with a smile.

Perhaps the last sweet smile.
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